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Thread: Wanting More out of Life

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    Member MarinaTurner89's Avatar
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    Default Wanting More out of Life

    So I'm a single mother, blah blah blah. Anyway I know parents are supposed to sacrifice for their children, but my question is when is it right for the parents to actually do what they want? I've sacrificed for my daughter since day one. But now I feel as though I'm missing out on life because I've put myself on the back burner. IDK what to do....

    For instance I want to move back to DC, where I'm originally from and most of my family is up there, but I would be leaving my parents behind and my daughter loves them so much, and they love her so much! Maybe I'll have to keep myself on the back burner until she's grown.

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    Member kcash2126's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    That is what having children is all about you no longer come first. Some people don't think about this before they get pregnant! Get used to putting your life on the backburner.

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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    I agree that when you get pregnant and choose to have the baby, you should be prepared to put yourself second most of the time - that's what happens when you become a parent. But parents move their children all the time. If you think you would be able to provide a better life for the both of you in DC, I see nothing wrong with moving there. Kids live apart from their grandparents all the time. It should be a matter of where will you both have an overall better life - not whether or not it will make your parents sad to not be as near to her anymore. I wouldn't put the idea of moving out of your mind, but make sure that it's a better solution for both you and your daughter.

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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    Quote Originally Posted by MarinaTurner89 View Post
    but my question is when is it right for the parents to actually do what they want?
    You can have the occasional night when your parents watch your children and you go out with your friends or go out on a date.

    That's it,... everything else,... they come first.
    Women are meant to be loved, not to be understood.
    - Oscar Wilde

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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    You have a child, so from now on the baby always comes first. That's not to say that you can't do nice things for yourself, but to be a 'good mom' they shouldn't negatively impact your child's life.

    Would moving to DC create a better life for yourself and your daughter? Would you be more financially stable there, and able to improve your quality of life? Are there better schools? More family support? If that's the case, and moving to DC is best for both of you, then I say go for it.

    I don't know, if I was a single mother I would be hesitant to move away from the area my parents are in, especially if they were helpful in raising the child. There would have to be some BIG reasons to move from a supportive environment with a child.



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    Member MarinaTurner89's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    Quote Originally Posted by 4everresolutions View Post
    You have a child, so from now on the baby always comes first. That's not to say that you can't do nice things for yourself, but to be a 'good mom' they shouldn't negatively impact your child's life.

    Would moving to DC create a better life for yourself and your daughter? Would you be more financially stable there, and able to improve your quality of life? Are there better schools? More family support? If that's the case, and moving to DC is best for both of you, then I say go for it.

    I don't know, if I was a single mother I would be hesitant to move away from the area my parents are in, especially if they were helpful in raising the child. There would have to be some BIG reasons to move from a supportive environment with a child.
    Exactly, It's so many pro's and con's. Even though they live in a nice area, the schools are horrible up there. I wold have to put her in private school and I can't afford that. Also, even though her dad does not see her, I wouldn't want her to be that far away from him. Also since my parents play a HUGE part in her life I wouldn't want to take her away form them either. Oh well I guess I'm stuck in Atlanta until she gets old enough to make her own decisions or goes off to college (so i guess when she's 18 or 21). And then haha who knows I may have changed my mind about moving. I think the only reason I dislike Atlanta so much is because I know even though there's a lot to do, I don't know of anything going on. Just the simple things like the aquarium, children's museum, and parks by my house.

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    God/dess 4everresolutions's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    Ah, well see - that's your problem. As important as your little girl is, you need to do a few things for yourself to make you happy too. Happy Momma = Happy Baby girl.

    Sounds like you need to get more involved in things going on in your community. Do you have date nights once a week? Or an occasional girls night out? It's summer time, so I'm sure there's lots of great stuff going on. Look online, There's probably a community website for your area, and find some ways to meet people and new things to experience as an adult, and with your daughter.

    Hopefully if you become more familiar and involved in the area you're living in then you'll be happier at the idea of staying.

    Are all the schools terrible, or just the ones in your area? That would defiantly be a big concern of mine.



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    Featured Member pussyinboots's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    Quote Originally Posted by MarinaTurner89 View Post
    Exactly, It's so many pro's and con's. Even though they live in a nice area, the schools are horrible up there. I wold have to put her in private school and I can't afford that. Also, even though her dad does not see her, I wouldn't want her to be that far away from him. Also since my parents play a HUGE part in her life I wouldn't want to take her away form them either. Oh well I guess I'm stuck in Atlanta until she gets old enough to make her own decisions or goes off to college (so i guess when she's 18 or 21). And then haha who knows I may have changed my mind about moving. I think the only reason I dislike Atlanta so much is because I know even though there's a lot to do,
    I don't know of anything going on. Just the simple things like the aquarium, children's museum, and parks by my house.
    Everyone else has already made the important point - but with regards to knowing what's going on......use the Internet for what it's really there for - information.

    Get onto Google and look up Atlanta's recreational facilities and children's attractions. Also, take a trip out to the Public Library and the Information Bureau. They should have all the information you need.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    "Good Girls keep diaries....Bad Girls don't have the time..!!"

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    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    Quote Originally Posted by MarinaTurner89 View Post

    For instance I want to move back to DC, where I'm originally from and most of my family is up there, but I would be leaving my parents behind and my daughter loves them so much, and they love her so much! Maybe I'll have to keep myself on the back burner until she's grown.
    sounds like a big part of your family is where you live now.

    If your daughter loves them so much.....i imagine its because they see her regularly and are a big part of her life. DO NOT underestimate this. Are you going to have this if you move to DC? probably not. You might end up having even less YOU time. Sure, your friends and other family may SAY they will watch her, but they have their own lives, and it will be NOTHING like gramma.

    You dont say how old she is, but once she hits school, you will have more free time. Plus you will meet other moms in the area, there will be tons of school functions, you will form relationships with them, your social life will develop as your daughters does.

    Anyone can sqeeze out a baby........Its hard to be a good PARENT, but there probably isnt a more important or more rewarding job.

    stay put.

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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    While I'm not a parent the thread title did connect with how I feel. I don't know if it'll work for you, but for me, I've found that doing little things for myself regulary helps. It can help more than the occasional big thing. So while you can't up and take a two-week cruise by yourself, you can find bits of time every week to pamper yourself, have a nice meal, etc.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    I live over an hour from any family that I have and it is absolutely miserable at times. The only thing I am close to is the club I work at, and needless to say that is not something I want to be close to. I can't wait until my lease is up next year! I renewed it so I'll have been here for a total of 27 months by the time I leave, but I only renewed it because I get a good rate and the apartment itself is so nice and it's 'my home'. I wanted to wait until I was ready to get a house before I moved because I didn't want to bounce my son from apartment, to apartment, to apartment.

    Case in point, if you are by your family now and they help you regularly (even if only for 30 minutes to run to the store, or an hour for a doctors appt) then you are going to really have a hard time adjusting to life without them so close by. This is exactly what happened to me...and if I want to see my family now I have to make it an all day event with how much driving it is. Not to mention my son hates the car and it's like 150 miles every time I go and see them that I have to put on my car. So take these things into consideration. I know the whole "I can do this on my own" mentality, I still have it to this day, but if I could change one thing it would be signing on my lease last year...I would've picked an apartment much closer to where I am originally from!
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Featured Member FiendishGyrator's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    Quote Originally Posted by MarinaTurner89 View Post
    Exactly, It's so many pro's and con's. Even though they live in a nice area, the schools are horrible up there. I wold have to put her in private school and I can't afford that. Also, even though her dad does not see her, I wouldn't want her to be that far away from him. Also since my parents play a HUGE part in her life I wouldn't want to take her away form them either. Oh well I guess I'm stuck in Atlanta until she gets old enough to make her own decisions or goes off to college (so i guess when she's 18 or 21). And then haha who knows I may have changed my mind about moving. I think the only reason I dislike Atlanta so much is because I know even though there's a lot to do, I don't know of anything going on. Just the simple things like the aquarium, children's museum, and parks by my house.
    So basically you need to come up with an adult social group.
    What are your interests? There's so many things, especially in Atlanta!

    Now me personally, I would look for a culinary circle because I love me some food. I know yelp.com has get togethers from time to time, and I'm sure there's also dining or cooking clubs.

    What are YOUR traits and interests you're looking for in an adult social circle? Figure out your goals, and come up with a plan for finding people, and then challenge yourself to do it. Branch out!


    http://www.yelp.com/search?find_desc...loc=atlanta+ga

    And some events:

    Arts and Blues Festival (today 10am-6pm)
    http://www.yelp.com/events/atlanta-1...s-in-the-alley

    Barbeque and Beer (tomorrow):
    http://www.yelp.com/events/atlanta-w...er-celebration

    Cosmopolitan Drinks (tomorrow):
    http://www.yelp.com/events/atlanta-p...-exclusive-aja

    All events:
    http://www.yelp.com/events/atlanta

    Look at the group of people on the side who've reserved for these events. Sign up for an account (free) and if nervous, email a couple of the women and say you're wanting to go to try to branch out and meet people as a single mom, but you want to just kind of "know" someone so you can sit by someone for the first half hour and get comfortable.

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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    My mom gave up everything for me and my siblings. I often wish she didnt. I sometimes find it hard to relate to her because all she has in life is us. Its important to have things in your life that are for you and maintain your self. Imagine how it will feel after 20+ yrs sacrificing everything and your daughter moves away from you. You dont need to be selfish but mothers need to maintain their own identity without feeling guilty about it. As for moving, it sounds like you are better off in Atlanta anyway.

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    Your kid would also love being fed nothing but candy and staying up as long as she wants. What makes her happy is not always what is best.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    I'll offer a few thoughts that I haven't noticed anyone else making. It's possible to live a life that is both, A) completely and unselfishly given to others (sick relatives, your children, people in need) with your own personal needs given a distant second place, and B) be profoundly happy at the same time. Yes. Completely against the inborn human nature of almost all of us, but very possible. You can have your cake and eat it too.

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    Default Re: Wanting More out of Life

    I have family members in that situation Jesse mentioned. Mom and child grow together, and then child feels guilty about leaving mom alone and never really leaves the house. I could never put my child in a situation like that, not saying that you will Marina, just making a point. It has nothing to do with them being lazy, but there is hella guilt there and everyone else can see it. Despite society's smugness about motherhood, you still need to have your own life outside of PTA and baking, unless of course that is your passion.

    I'm not that type of mom, and I don't sweat it one bit. Universe willing, my child will be just fine even if I don't raise her on a pedestal. (She's on one to me, but she won't know it!)

    Quote Originally Posted by Jessie_tinydancer View Post
    My mom gave up everything for me and my siblings. I often wish she didnt. I sometimes find it hard to relate to her because all she has in life is us. Its important to have things in your life that are for you and maintain your self. Imagine how it will feel after 20+ yrs sacrificing everything and your daughter moves away from you. You dont need to be selfish but mothers need to maintain their own identity without feeling guilty about it. As for moving, it sounds like you are better off in Atlanta anyway.
    I agree with this completely. You are a mother and you love your child, but you are not a robot. You still need to satisfy yourself while taking great care of your child.

    Weigh the pros and cons, and do lots of research. Sometimes you just have to take a chance.

    I recently moved away with my daughter from all family to a new city where I only know one person. No one thought I was going to do it, but I did even though it hurt me to leave my family, it was time for me to live life on my own terms.

    I'm still in the process of moving, but eventually I will be all settled in, and I look forward to having a home with just the two of us with no one else's life, drama or headache around.

    You don't necessarily have to wait until she is all grown up, maybe a few years from now? Before she goes to a new school? (Elementary, middle, high school) I don't hesitate to move if I feel the opportunities will be better.
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