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  1. #1
    Featured Member Amy Lee's Avatar
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    Default Delete.

    I must have bumped my head to think I could speak about something other than the trivial....some post such bitchy comments for no reason.

    I'm done, continue commenting if it gets you off. I have better things to do.
    Last edited by Amy Lee; 06-26-2011 at 06:39 AM.

  2. #2
    Member ExoticMoments2You's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it wrong to treat someone like this???

    If she is not paying rent then yes doing some work around the place to help out but it shouldn't be a full time job of keep the house clean, laundry, pick up kids, shopping etc. I mean the other person still needs time to find work/etc.
    What she needs to do is just work hard and move out quick and not get stuck there. Even though they are family, family sometimes tends to take to much for you at times when you need to be spending your time on yourself to better your future.

    No one is going to do it for you... you have to do it yourself. I wish her luck, tell her to keep her head up... life will get better, you have to work on making it. Living with family is hard... I know this. Be there done that

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it wrong to treat someone like this???

    I'm sure she understands the need to pitch in around the house, so her family just scheduling everything for her to do seems ridiculous in my opinion. I feel like if I opened my doors to someone, I would expect them to keep their space clean, help pay for food, and offer to help with things if someone else absolutely can't do it. But I wouldn't demand that they do a whole list of things and become a personal slave. Doors should be opened out of kindness, with a reasonable expectation that at the very least, the person will not add a burden to the household - not because you want a maid/nanny. I think they're taking advantage of her being down on her luck.

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it wrong to treat someone like this???

    If I were staying with a family member FREE I would be perfectly happy to do all that and more to repay their kindness while I got back on my feet.

    I would feel guilty for not contributing all I could since I wouldn't be paying rent, however I'd save up as quickly as I could so I could get out on my own again because I enjoy my independence.

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    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it wrong to treat someone like this???

    I would be GLAD to do those things in exchange for a rent-free living situation, if I found myself without a job.

  6. #6
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it wrong to treat someone like this???

    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lee View Post
    Again, I never said it was for free.
    Especially if she is not staying for free... ok, I can see people thinking it's ok if she's living and eating for free.... but if she's paying something? Then no, treating someone like a personal assistant is wrong. You are not hiring them - you're letting them live with you. Big difference.

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    Veteran Member DottieMay's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it wrong to treat someone like this???

    Yea the situation seems kind of bitchy in my opinion. I hope she can find someone else who she can live with and these family members are not her last resort. I'm sure that anyone who had their home opened up for them would help around the house and all that, but this seems like a list of demands, than asking for favors. I don't know how she is going to find another job when she is running around doing all this stuff for them. Sounds to me like they were waiting for an opportunity like this to come along or are the kind of people who look down on people in unfortunate situations. Karma is a bitch.
    Whats 6 inches long, 2 inches wide, and drives women wild?...... Money

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  9. #8
    God/dess 4everresolutions's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it wrong to treat someone like this???

    Is she paying rent?


    If she's not paying rent, then yeah she should be doing some spring cleaning, picking up groceries, helping look after the children in the household. I don't think it's "treating someone like they're a maid" it's just a matter of common sense; you're home, all day, you can take 3-4 hours to help clean/organize and shop for the household. You still have lots of time in a day to apply for jobs and look for work. '

    If I was even paying to rent out a bedroom from a family member while down on my luck, I'd still do what I could each day to pick up around the house, wipe down the kitchen/bathrooms etc. It's just what you do when you live with other people and you're the one who's home during the day.

    Doesn't sound like bad deal for your friend, as long as it's not taking away from her searching for a job. What's the complaint again?



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    Default Re: Is it wrong to treat someone like this???

    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lee View Post
    Again, I never said it was for free.

    Also dont see where you said she was paying anything? All she needs to do is help when and where she can. If she needs to look for a job...then go look. Taking someone to lessons or appt or going shopping does not take all day. Cleaning and shopping can be done during evening hours when not job hunting. If bar type job she is looking for..then do errands during the day. I can't imagine the family would stand in the way of her job search or job interviews.

    Bottome line is...if she does not like the conditions or the situation then she should find someone else to live with where things would be more to her liking.

  11. #10
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it wrong to treat someone like this???

    Quote Originally Posted by Raider View Post
    Also dont see where you said she was paying anything? All she needs to do is help when and where she can. If she needs to look for a job...then go look. Taking someone to lessons or appt or going shopping does not take all day. Cleaning and shopping can be done during evening hours when not job hunting. If bar type job she is looking for..then do errands during the day. I can't imagine the family would stand in the way of her job search or job interviews.

    Bottome line is...if she does not like the conditions or the situation then she should find someone else to live with where things would be more to her liking.
    These people had spring cleaning and lessons to go to regardless of someone else moving in. This is their house and their life. What would they do if they didn't have her to order around? They would have to do it their damn selves. Clearly they can handle all this crap. If you want to invite someone to live with you, then sure, you should expect them to contribute. But to hand them your entire to-do list? That's lazy and taking advantage of someone being down on their luck. If you don't want someone in your house who isn't a freakin' maid, then don't have them there.

  12. #11
    God/dess Mr Hyde's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it wrong to treat someone like this???

    Quote Originally Posted by Amy Lee View Post
    Again, I never said it was for free.
    Well, what is she paying for? You also didn't say it WASN'T for free.

    If she's paying reasonable rent, then maybe they're taking advantage of her. OTOH, what's the big deal with pitching in and helping out?

  13. #12
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is it wrong to treat someone like this???

    Quote Originally Posted by Mr Hyde View Post
    Well, what is she paying for? You also didn't say it WASN'T for free.

    If she's paying reasonable rent, then maybe they're taking advantage of her. OTOH, what's the big deal with pitching in and helping out?
    I think the big deal is that she did not say she was exchanging a place to live with free live-in maid/nanny services. Generally, when people are kind enough to let someone stay with them, they expect a certain level of contribution, but it is just that - kindness. You expect the other person to not be a burden on the household but you don't expect them to take over everyone's chores.

    A couple years ago, when I was visiting from college, my grandma was also in town and every time my mom would say that something needed to be done around the house, my grandma would say "well, Aurora can do it!" Of course I would not have minded helping my mom out, but to assume that I should take over every single chore was just rude. I was not there to become the 24/7 personal assistant. If I was asked nicely, I would have gladly done everything that was asked, but this was just demanded of me when I was technically a guest because I no longer actually lived there. Asking is one thing - assuming that someone should do all your chores because you are being generous is just ridiculous.

  14. #13
    God/dess 4everresolutions's Avatar
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    Default Re: It is wrong to treat someone like this. Period.

    ^It doesn't seem like a crazy amount of chores. Certainly not 24/7. They're asking she:

    -Help with the children who live in the house (Drive them to 2-3 appointments/classes/week)
    -Help with a bi-yearly deep cleaning (which with most homes is just 1-2 days comittment)
    -Do some grocery shopping and general tidying (which can't be more than 2-3 hous/day)

    So in general they're asking her to help with a one time big, deep clean (which I think - again - is a 'fair' request, it's a twice-yearly thing and only takes a few days), drive the kids to a couple appointments and other than that donate 15 hours/week to helping keep up the house, which I think is what most people do for their own apartments anyway...so that's not too crazy.

    If she timed it right she can drop that kid off at her horse riding lesson, do the grocery shopping, and pick the kid up on the way home. That's two of the chores on the list in 2 hours.

    I really think the friend is being ungrateful. It sounds like she's a houseguest or at least a boarder. This kinda stuff is expected when you move in with family. You help keep up the place you share and live in, even if you're paying rent.



  15. #14
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: It is wrong to treat someone like this. Period.

    I think my biggest issue with this is that these are their children and their mess. If I was going to let someone crash with me, I wouldn't expect them to take my children to appointments that I scheduled and expect them to clean a house that I and my family made a mess of before they showed up. Clean up their own mess and help with the tidying once they get there, of course. But it sounds like these people were just like "Yes! We have someone to pawn these chores off on now!" The person moving in should at least have a choice and be asked, "Could you do X because we just don't have the time?" Not be ordered to do it. Personally, I don't feel like anything involving someone else's kids should be someone else's responsibility no matter how long they live there. THEY are not the ones who chose to give birth and sign the kids up for lessons.

    If the people with the house don't like her saying no to every request, they can kick her out. But why try to act generous if you're really requiring that the person who moves in take over your daily to-do list? That's not generosity - that's an exchange and should have been spelled out before she moved.

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    Default Re: It is wrong to treat someone like this. Period.

    I think it's the expectation that is kind of messed up. I was always taught to pitch in and do what I can when I am a house guest, but I was also taught to never demand chores out of my house guests. If I let a friend of family member stay with me because they were down on their luck I would probably expect them to clean up after themselves and help out with some stuff, but I wouldn't give them a to-do-list along with daily chores. Live-in-maids and nannies are paid in addition to living rent free, expecting a down-on-their-luck family member to take on the job for free does seem to be taking advantage.

    I suppose the issue could also be with how time consuming these chores may be. For instance, taking a kid to an appointment can easily be 4 hours when factoring in commuting times, and waiting with the child for the appointment to begin (because it is not unusual to wait 2 hours at the doctors office here) if the child is young and needs supervision.

    "Spring cleaning" can last a lot longer than 2 days, depending on the duties that are on the list, the size and condition of the home, etc. Having to do it all alone while the rest of the family relaxes seems to be taking advantage.

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    Default Re: It is wrong to treat someone like this. Period.

    Well not knowing the girl or the family, they could be taking advantage of her situation, on the other hand they may know her as a lazy bitch and making sure she knows she can't sit on her bum and take advantage of them.
    Either way she doesn't have to accept the offer if she doesn't want to.

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    God/dess 4everresolutions's Avatar
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    Default Re: It is wrong to treat someone like this. Period.

    Quote Originally Posted by RaRa View Post
    Well not knowing the girl or the family, they could be taking advantage of her situation, on the other hand they may know her as a lazy bitch and making sure she knows she can't sit on her bum and take advantage of them.
    Either way she doesn't have to accept the offer if she doesn't want to.
    Yeah, that's pretty well what I was thinking. Maybe she's known to be lazy and use people for their generosity.



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    Default Re: It is wrong to treat someone like this. Period.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    If the people with the house don't like her saying no to every request, they can kick her out. ................... should have been spelled out before she moved.

    You have someone who has no place to live...how easy would it be to kick them out once they are in the house?

    Looking at the original post the OP states ''who is moving in'' and''family members she is GOING to stay with" so it appears to me that things WERE spelled out BEFORE the actual move. Maybe they have previous history with the person and know she wouldn't take the initiative to do things on her own? Maybe the family presented things to her in a poor way and should have said ''I dont know if this would work. We have alot of errands to run for our children and appointments. Lots of spring cleaning and chores that need to be done and it would be difficult to take on the added responsibility with all we have to do."

    Regardless of how it is presented...the friend has the option of not accepting the offer because of the ''conditions'' Maybe a friend who is concerned about her being 'abused and used' can find a way to help her out so she doesn't have to live under such terrible conditions?

  22. #19
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: It is wrong to treat someone like this. Period.

    Quote Originally Posted by Raider View Post

    Looking at the original post the OP states ''who is moving in'' and''family members she is GOING to stay with" so it appears to me that things WERE spelled out BEFORE the actual move. Maybe they have previous history with the person and know she wouldn't take the initiative to do things on her own? Maybe the family presented things to her in a poor way and should have said ''I dont know if this would work. We have alot of errands to run for our children and appointments. Lots of spring cleaning and chores that need to be done and it would be difficult to take on the added responsibility with all we have to do."
    But considering the taken-aback response, it seems that things weren't spelled out. That was my point. It sounded more like they said "sure you can live with us" and then all of a sudden busted out the list of chores after she accepted the offer. I think trying to make up stories of how "maybe possibly" this person is lazy and that's why these people demand things of her is stretching the imagination a little far with the limited info we were given.

    Yes, that they presented it in a poor way was my entire point.

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    Default Re: It is wrong to treat someone like this. Period.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    If the people with the house don't like her saying no to every request, they can kick her out. But why try to act generous if you're really requiring that the person who moves in take over your daily to-do list? That's not generosity - that's an exchange and should have been spelled out before she moved.
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