Results 1 to 16 of 16

Thread: What in the hell is happening to my life...

  1. #1
    God/dess seashell's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Lucid Dreaming
    Posts
    3,524
    Thanks
    6,585
    Thanked 8,120 Times in 2,627 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default What in the hell is happening to my life...

    My life has been insanely chaotic lately and I don't know what to do. I got dumped a couple months ago by my ex, and started dating this new guy that just ripped my heart open even more. I posted about him a few times and I *know* you all gave me good advice and told me to get the hell away... but I was so lonely I just couldn't let him go. A few weeks in, I found out he'd been chasing other girls, and he started treating me like crap, trying to walk all over me and make me do things for him... he would switch back and forth from being an ass to being the sweetest guy ever. I've never really dealt with a guy that manipulative, and it really fucked with my head. When I finally got sick of it and dumped him, he started insulting me and my job on his freaking Twitter account. I'm really upset by this. I just feel like no matter what I do or what kind of a person I am, guys will never want to be with me because of my job. It hurts so much.

    And to make things even worse, I went out with some work friends last night (which I never do) and we got completely wasted... and I agreed to let this girl and her two kids move in with me, because she gave me the saddest story about how she has nowhere else to go but the homeless shelter, because her ex-boyfriend's family is kicking her out of their house. So a few hours after I agreed to this, she shows up at my door with her kids and her stuff, and I'm living with them now. As of this morning.

    I'm SO freaking stressed out all this shit that's going on. This is all very recent stuff, as in, I just dumped that guy a few days ago, and the chick moved in THIS MORNING. Arrrgh. Plus I'm broke as a joke and I have so much anxiety that I don't even want to *think* about work. And now I basically have no personal space in my own home. Gah......

    I'm thinking about asking my parents for help with money, because I'm at the point where I want to just lie in bed and cry all day. But they already gave me $350 a few days ago to help with my rent... I don't want to feel bad about asking for more.

    I just really hate everything about my life right now. My living situation, work, dating... it's all gone to hell.

    I mean honestly, the girl that moved in is a pretty good friend, but I have a really hard time adjusting to change, and it's just stressing me out. I'll probably get over it soon and be relieved that she's helping with rent, but for now... it's just a LOT to deal with.

    Words of support? Hugs? I'll take anything. <3

  2. #2
    Newbie Pin_up's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    13
    Thanks
    11
    Thanked 7 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    Oh honey!

    Sounds like your having a nightmare at the moment. I really dont know what to say without getting all hippy on your ass and recommending 'the secret law of attraction' or something similar. The book and film really helped me and I manifest money and stress free situations, but I guess its a little odd.

    As its only recent your friend might move out, something might
    work out for her

    Lots of Love and a massive virtual hug

    xxx

  3. #3
    Senior Member NikoWhite's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2010
    Location
    Illinois
    Posts
    82
    Thanks
    30
    Thanked 15 Times in 12 Posts

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    I am a verrry strong beleiver in kharma. Some say its bullshit - i sure as hell do not. You helping your friend with kids involved in such a severe situation is touching.

    I beleive doing something SO strong out of empathy, will be returned in your favor... In time.

    And kids and a friend in your house- you will have no time to be lonely lol.

    I think it's awesome how youve gone through hard time recently, but realized others have it harder in situations and you helped.

    I think this drinking spontaneous idea.. Could definately work in more than just tje favor of helping someone in desperate need.

    Everyone women has dated an ass or two.. Or many more. I was with a world class ass.

    I noticed I gave off certain vibes. Much different from now. I genuinely love myself now and people see that. Guys read it as well- and the ones who pry on the insecure gis to treat them like a doormat have no interest.

    Sounds silly... But maybe you should date yourself? Realize you do deserve better. And the vibes and actions you give the world may be a part of the chaos created?

    .... Things are always worse before the get to that good point. Hang on girlie- things just may be looking up for you very soon.. Keep that gorgeous head high! Settle for nothing but the best and what you deserve .

    > because clearly you are a warmhearted wonderful womanto let these people you know live in your home

  4. #4
    God/dess Kylea2's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Denver & San Fran
    Posts
    6,907
    Thanks
    181
    Thanked 2,002 Times in 1,285 Posts

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    First, I've had a lot of people live with me, including homeless people. The biggest thing with that is that you MUST create a deadline for them & get some sort of agreement IN WRITING. In many states even if a person is living with you for free, you can't simply kick them out with things go wrong, they generally require written 3 day notice. Get in writing up-front that she will be expected to move out on a certain date, & what you expect in terms of if she needs to be working, helping pay for food, electric, water, etc. It needs to be in her mind from the start that she can't just live there totally free without having to do anything. If she needs to apply for financial assistance so she doesn't eat you out of house & home, make sure she does that NOW. Also be sure to let her know up-front that you can't be toting her everywhere, she needs to be responsible for her own transportation. If you rent, you also better make sure that its okay with your landlord for this woman & her kids to be there.

    As far as these guys, there are millions of fish in the sea. It sounds like you are going to need some time outside of the house & are probably working on limited funds. I'd suggest setting up some SD dates or dates with men that are more traditional. You deserve some time to relax, & having a few dates with men that will be good enough to pay the dinner tab certainly couldn't hurt you any... just don't sleep with them until you are emotionally ready/over the ex-beaus.

    Another thing, work more & party with your co-workers a bit less. It sounds like you need the money, plus it will still keep you out of the house.

    Finally, you may want to start reading books about being aggressive. You really shouldn't be giving out what you don't have. You can't be robbing Peter (your parents) to pay Paul (your new roommate). Sometimes its best just to direct people to where they can get help. Let the people who can help them do it, since you really aren't in a position to.
    Last edited by Kylea2; 07-02-2011 at 11:36 PM.
    Don't you ever sleep?
    Not at night...that's when the stars have rather better things to do. They're coming out, shining, that sort of thing.
    - Blog -
    My PM box fills up quick. If you have a question please with your username.
    Congrats to Pryce on doing some much needed tending in his garden!
    - -


  5. The Following User Says Thank You to Kylea2 For This Useful Post:


  6. #5
    Veteran Member lfr's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2011
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    211
    Thanks
    64
    Thanked 40 Times in 31 Posts

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    Quote Originally Posted by seashell View Post
    My life has been insanely chaotic lately and I don't know what to do.
    ....
    but for now... it's just a LOT to deal with.

    Words of support? Hugs? I'll take anything. <3
    damn, that is a LOT to deal with. I'm sorry, ss. *hugs*

    yeah, I don't know you or anything, or could help irl, but don't worry about the guy thing. sounded like he was being a jerk anyways. as for the promise. whoa. that's a biggie. I mean, as long as she is paying her share (for now) but remember, you don't wanna be living with that situation forever.

    I mean, it was very nice of you, no matter how drunk you were, but kids are not something that just go away. she has to handle her s&(*t like you have to handle yours. but don't be taken advantage of.

    it may be bad, but can you move back in with the 'rents? if you have that option, for at least a little while, maybe you could save some, take some stress off, till you are back on your feet again? I say prayer for ya, good luck! *best wishes*
    I wish I knew what I was doing...

  7. #6
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    6,430
    Thanks
    19,846
    Thanked 18,507 Times in 4,919 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    I'm sorry, sweetie. That is a lot of change to deal with in a short amount of time.

    Fuck the guy. No sense being upset about a loser. If he was a good guy, I would understand being sad, but since he was a complete and total ass, what are you missing out on by not being with him anymore? Nothing but being treated like shit. My very first bf was a very manipulative and controlling guy that made me feel like crap about myself. I didn't even realize until a year after we broke up that all his actions were super manipulative and emotionally abusive. But you realize it now so be grateful that he broke up with you. You're no longer in a shitty situation, and you know you deserve better. I know the loneliness sucks but you'll never find a good guy to help with the loneliness if you're too busy staying with losers.

    I used to think no guy would ever want to be with me because of my job either. But then I saw all the girls on here who had awesome husbands and boyfriends who understood that it was just a job so I realized it was possible. Shortly after, I found a guy just like that. They're out there but hard to find. Any guy who doesn't understand that a job does not define your character isn't worth being with anyway - even if you weren't a dancer. I didn't want to be with anyone judgmental. This guy was clearly an ass to begin with so don't let his shitty twitter comments bother you. He's just being his normal douchey self, and if you weren't a dancer, he'd just find something else to slam you about.

    As far as your friend and kid moving in - ouch. I would be freaking out and regretting that. But it's really nice of you to do. I agree that you need it make it clear that she has to be out by a certain date. Tell her you can't afford to keep her there long. Take long showers/baths, put in your headphones, go for walks to get some time for yourself. And start forcing yourself to go into work more. It'll keep you occupied and solve your money woes at the same time. The more time you have to sit and stew about everything that's going wrong, the more depressed you'll get about it. I know how it feels to think that nothing will ever be right again. But with every high comes a low - but it's never permanent if you work hard. You'll get out of this low again.

    Hugs!

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Aurora_Sunset For This Useful Post:


  9. #7
    Banned Fridays's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    2,440
    Thanks
    5,169
    Thanked 4,889 Times in 1,426 Posts
    My Mood
    Daring

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    to the OP..
    -just like the other ladies said, we all have been with a looser or two and the sooner you get rid of him ( or he gets rid of you ), the BETTER! See when we;re young ( not that Im old..) we dont know any better.. cause we dont have enough life experience...so dont blame yourself for failing , ever, but make sure you learn from it quick and as much as possible.
    -It might sound over rated, but you gotta love yourself first and put yourself first in everything you do in life.(except when you got kids, thats a different story).. its not because u are selfish, its because thats what you have to do.period.
    and dont let the little things stress you out, brush them off like they dont even matter...
    -its very nice of you that you 've let your friend and her kids move in with you, but maybe you could be proactive in helping her find another housing/living option quick...
    -tell yourself always "Im Strong, I can do this!"( whatever it is)
    -tackle your problems one by one . the most important first, then 2nd most important and so on.
    -try to make time for everything... working, friends, family, your own entertainment...( kids being there with u might be a good thing.. it might take your mind away from all the stress and make you see that some things are really important in life... like helping a friend..(helping kids)"People first, then money, then things."Suze Orman

    I know you are strong and capable of dealing with everything..
    How do I know?
    Asking for help when you need it is the first sign of someone who can /wants to do better.
    Good luck

  10. #8
    God/dess seashell's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Lucid Dreaming
    Posts
    3,524
    Thanks
    6,585
    Thanked 8,120 Times in 2,627 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    Thanks you guys! You're so helpful. : ) I felt a lot better just reading your posts... I don't know why but just having someone acknowledge that you're going through a hard time is a real relief.

    Quote Originally Posted by NikoWhite
    And kids and a friend in your house- you will have no time to be lonely lol.
    Yeah, it's funny but I had to spend a lot of time with her and her kids yesterday, and it was nice. Although I know that feeling might not last for long. I always feel like helping people and being nice equals friendship and love, but really, this is how people wind up taking advantage of me. I don't want that to happen... sick and tired of it.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2
    Finally, you may want to start reading books about being aggressive. You really shouldn't be giving out what you don't have. You can't be robbing Peter (your parents) to pay Paul (your new roommate). Sometimes its best just to direct people to where they can get help. Let the people who can help them do it, since you really aren't in a position to.
    It's funny that you said that, because after I realized that douche was walking all over me, I started reading Why Men Love Bitches... and it taught me SO much. But sadly I only applied it to the guy, and not to this girl and her kids. Arrrrgh. I'm too nice to everyone, although I'm learning to treat men differently. In the last few weeks of hanging out with that guy, I was definitely more of a bitch than a doormat. It helped a lot, and I could tell he immediately respected me more (but not enough to change his entire asshole personality for me )... I think this was why, when I finally told him we were done, he was hurt enough to post shit on Twitter. Although he'd never admit to that.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kylea2
    As far as these guys, there are millions of fish in the sea. It sounds like you are going to need some time outside of the house & are probably working on limited funds. I'd suggest setting up some SD dates or dates with men that are more traditional. You deserve some time to relax, & having a few dates with men that will be good enough to pay the dinner tab certainly couldn't hurt you any... just don't sleep with them until you are emotionally ready/over the ex-beaus.
    Oh man I wish I could find a sugar daddy. I don't think I could handle that, though... stripping is a mindfuck enough for me these days. But I have been going on dates with other guys, ever since this dude started being an asshole. I started talking with a lot of really nice guys online (I would go on their dating site profiles and make sure they sounded like a decent person, were looking for the right things, etc), and I met two guys in person, both of whom were awesome. One of them I'm still hanging out with, and going on a date this Tuesday. I'm playing the "bitch" card more with him from the get-go and trying to take things really slow. Traditional men are exactly what I need, and they're the kind of guys I always date. That mother effer had me convinced he was a traditional guy at first and that's why I stuck around with him in the beginning.

    Quote Originally Posted by Fridays
    I know you are strong and capable of dealing with everything..
    How do I know?
    Asking for help when you need it is the first sign of someone who can /wants to do better.
    Aww, that's a really awesome thing to say. I tend to ask for help when I need it... maybe because I have a background in psychology and I've been to all kinds of therapy in the past. I can't just deal with situations and hope they get better... I'd rather change them myself. I've gone through rough stuff in the past, and I've come out of it just fine or better off... so I have hope that things will get better. They always seem to, eventually, although at times it's hard to believe.

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset
    I used to think no guy would ever want to be with me because of my job either. But then I saw all the girls on here who had awesome husbands and boyfriends who understood that it was just a job so I realized it was possible. Shortly after, I found a guy just like that. They're out there but hard to find. Any guy who doesn't understand that a job does not define your character isn't worth being with anyway - even if you weren't a dancer. I didn't want to be with anyone judgmental. This guy was clearly an ass to begin with so don't let his shitty twitter comments bother you. He's just being his normal douchey self, and if you weren't a dancer, he'd just find something else to slam you about.
    Seriously, I think the same thing when I hear about girls' awesome husbands and boyfriends on this board. I don't want to be with someone judgmental who can't accept me as a dancer... it's not like I'm going to be stripping for ever, and it's not like it's a freaking hobby that I enjoy. Also, I like your point about the guy slamming me for something else. That's very true. He's also slammed me for other things, like the fact that I'm an atheist, and a vegetarian. I have my own views and I can't (and refuse to) just change myself because not everyone likes it. Judgmental guys are pieces of shit in general. If you can't accept people who are different from you, you're probably not a good person.

  11. #9
    Member
    Joined
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    29
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 3 Times in 3 Posts

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    It might actually help you that your friend will pay some rent and you will have company. Theres nothin worse then being by yourself when you're going through a bad break-up.
    I let a friend stay with me for 8 months, and when I needed a place to stay recently she really helped me out.

  12. #10
    God/dess seashell's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Lucid Dreaming
    Posts
    3,524
    Thanks
    6,585
    Thanked 8,120 Times in 2,627 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    Update... the girl paid me the first week's rent (we're going week by week), and she found a house that she wants to rent which will be available at the end of the month. She made a bunch of phone calls on her 2nd or 3rd day with me to get this arranged, and we went to look at the house... so I'm really relieved that she's being proactive in getting out of here. I didn't know how reliable she was going to be, but things are looking up. Her kids have also been really well behaved.

    Also, I went on a date for the 4th of July with that new guy I've been hanging out with (mentioned him two posts above ^), and it was awesome. I actually had food poisoning earlier in the day and I started feeling really sick and almost fainted while I was with him, which was *so* embarrassing, but he wasn't bothered by it and helped to take care of me. We also talked about me being a stripper, and he said he was alright with it, because he'd known a stripper in the past who was a really cool girl. Our whole date was kind of an epic disaster with a lot of driving around searching for fireworks and then me getting sick, but we both had a good time and laughed about it, and he invited me out again for a hiking trip this weekend.

    I'm lying in bed with food poisoning right now, been throwing up all night, but I'm actually starting to feel pretty positive about this situation. LOL. We'll see what happens...

    Thanks again for your help ladies. I love you all. <3 <3 <3

  13. #11
    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    1,338
    Thanks
    247
    Thanked 1,580 Times in 667 Posts

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    Quote Originally Posted by seashell View Post
    My life has been insanely chaotic lately and I don't know what to do. I got dumped a couple months ago by my ex, and started dating this new guy that just ripped my heart open even more.
    1st sentence and i see a pretty major problem. In a short period of time, you left one serious relationship....and got so serious in another relationship that he 'ripped your heart open.'

    Dont you think it would be a good idea to actually get over the previous relationship before jumping into another serious relationship? And secondly, you should probably date for a while before you allow yourself to get serious with someone.....


    And i see that even though this last guy ripped your heart open and you dumped him just a few days ago.....you are already gushing about this new guy you are seeing...

    So in the column of obvious advice that will almost surely NOT be taken....

    ....try to take it slow....

  14. #12
    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    1,338
    Thanks
    247
    Thanked 1,580 Times in 667 Posts

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    Quote Originally Posted by seashell View Post


    I was definitely more of a bitch than a doormat. It helped a lot, and I could tell he immediately respected me more (but not enough to change his entire asshole personality for me .


    It will probably go a little easier for you if, instead of dating assholes and trying to change them......maybe try not to date assholes.

  15. #13
    God/dess seashell's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2010
    Location
    Lucid Dreaming
    Posts
    3,524
    Thanks
    6,585
    Thanked 8,120 Times in 2,627 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post
    1st sentence and i see a pretty major problem. In a short period of time, you left one serious relationship....and got so serious in another relationship that he 'ripped your heart open.'

    Dont you think it would be a good idea to actually get over the previous relationship before jumping into another serious relationship? And secondly, you should probably date for a while before you allow yourself to get serious with someone.....


    And i see that even though this last guy ripped your heart open and you dumped him just a few days ago.....you are already gushing about this new guy you are seeing...

    So in the column of obvious advice that will almost surely NOT be taken....

    ....try to take it slow....
    I know I look like a complete retard, but keep in mind that you don't know the whole story. The first guy invited me to hang out a week after my ex dumped me, and I wanted to take it slow and *just* hang out with him or hook up with him, which I told him repeatedly for the first few weeks. I *wanted* to be single. He kept telling me how much he cared about me, calling me "baby" and "sweetie," asked me to be his girlfriend a couple times when he was drunk (bad sign right?), and I just slowly became convinced that he wanted something more with me, and I accepted it and wanted to be in a relationship with him. Then I found out that he was flirting heavily with another girl online, and I was extremely disappointed. After that, I treated him with a lot more skepticism and went back and forth from trying to shake him off and let him go, to trying to see if there *was* anything there. There wasn't, and he eventually told me that he didn't want anything serious, so I stopped all contact with him.

    So yeah, maybe I shouldn't have started hanging out with him so soon, and maybe I shouldn't have believed the things he said, but I *wasn't* fishing for a relationship right off the bat. And I'm *still* not. I just want to find a nice guy who will treat me right, and take me seriously. If it turns into something, great. Part of the reason I've been dating is because I also lost contact with my best friends because they're friends of my ex and I've been extremely lonely.

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post
    It will probably go a little easier for you if, instead of dating assholes and trying to change them......maybe try not to date assholes.
    This is a low blow. Most of us girls don't date assholes on purpose, and I've always dated nice guys in the past. This guy put on a facade that he was a gentleman when we first started hanging out, and slowly his real personality came out over time. I'm completely turned off by "bad boys" and I don't want anything more to do with them after being with that jerk.

  16. #14
    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
    Joined
    Jun 2007
    Posts
    1,338
    Thanks
    247
    Thanked 1,580 Times in 667 Posts

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    Quote Originally Posted by seashell View Post

    This is a low blow. Most of us girls don't date assholes on purpose, and I've always dated nice guys in the past. This guy put on a facade that he was a gentleman when we first started hanging out, and slowly his real personality came out over time. I'm completely turned off by "bad boys" and I don't want anything more to do with them after being with that jerk.
    I really wasnt trying to take a shot...just that you said that once you found out he was an asshole, you started to change your behavior toward him.......kind of as an experiment to see if he would change....instead of just dumping him. Life is far to short to date assholes......

    hopefully you are getting better and better at not falling for the bullshit and spotting them earlier.

    good luck

  17. #15
    Banned
    Joined
    May 2004
    Location
    VA
    Posts
    1,725
    Thanks
    92
    Thanked 395 Times in 244 Posts
    My Mood
    Angry

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    I understand about the guy treating u great one second and then treating u like crap the other second. I also understand about the loneliness thing. If a guy doesnt want me then my thoughts r why bother being nice..Just b a selfish prick and let me go stop back and forth bs just to keep me around. I feel the same strain about the job. Its hard to find someone who respects someone who dances. Those types r hard to find. Hate the reality that we all have to put up w so much bs its no wonder so many of us become numbed out. Its the only way survival is possible sometimes.

  18. #16
    Banned Chevalier's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    73
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts

    Default Re: What in the hell is happening to my life...

    Hi Seashell - You might want to refer the "homeless" friend of yours to my thread: "NYC Help for People in Crisis Situations"... If you'd like to bounce ideas off me, just shoot them my way. Cheers...

    NYC Help for Addicted, Homeless, in Crisis Situation

    Hello – We're offering help to people experiencing almost any type of serious personal crisis in Manhattan.

    Find yourself addicted to drugs or alcohol? Is it destroying your life? Need access to a free drug rehabilitation program?
    Have you lost your apartment and face imminent homelessness? Are you terrified? Need a temporary, free, safe place to stay?
    Do you have a major legal problem and need free legal advice?
    Do you have a medical or dental problem and need free treatment or advice?
    Do you just need a highly educated person to talk to confidentially about problem resolution, spiritual issues, or anything?
    Unexpected pregnancy, but your gentle heart is crushed by the thought of abortion?
    Are you just hungry, and need free well-balanced meals for awhile?

    It is entirely possible to live free, with zero money, comfortably and happily in Manhattan, without compromising values or risking illegal activity. Let us show you how.

    Ivy league master's degree educated counsellor available to help for free via email.

Similar Threads

  1. TORONTO - what's happening
    By katerina29 in forum Club Chat
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 09-07-2010, 10:08 PM
  2. this chick is making my (stripping) life hell!
    By libidiny in forum Stripping (was Stripping General)
    Replies: 21
    Last Post: 11-07-2006, 02:24 PM
  3. Life in Hell
    By Binky in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 03-13-2005, 01:37 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •