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Thread: What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

  1. #1
    Member LondonJones's Avatar
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    Default What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

    This is a bit of a drama thread so please excuse.

    I have been dating my SO for a while now. We have actually know each other for years but been in and out of contact. We ended up together six months ago and things have recently become quite serious and I finally decided to be a good girl and settle down. No more dating lots of guys blah blah blah.

    My SO has pressured me somewhat into breaking off all contact with the exes who still want a piece of me which is fair enough. I can understand him not wanting my drinking buddies to be the boys who would like to take me home for a bit of screwing once we finish our screwdrivers. I respectfully told them I would be unable to spend time alone with them anymore and it would have to be purely platonic or nothing and that I understood if platonic was not realistic, but the flirting would have to be massively turned down, which some of them admitted they wouldnt be able to do. I lost a few friends but really it was no big deal. I'm a straightforward person and I dont like to mess around. If I am committing to my boyfriend then I am going to do it right.

    My boyfriend is shy and socially anxious and kind of the opposite to me but it just works. We get along just great. However he is a musical genius and currently in a band gigging all over the place and there is this one girl who has a huge thing for him and she is just causing so many problems right now.

    She is friends with the band and dated the guitarist years ago and is sort of like an unofficial band member. Shes not pretty at all in all honesty and in that respect I was not at all threatened, however she is incredibly manipulative and its getting to me a lot now.

    My partner introduced me to her at the first gig I went to and she took an instant dislike to me even though at the time he and i were just friends. We arent into pdas and truthfully I felt kind of sorry for her so I tried really hard to be friends and be nice. Not even being fake, like sincerely I wanted us to be friends because she was the only other person there on some days! Anyway she started blanking me and just being really flippant whenever i spoke and I started to think "Wow she really seems like she hates me"

    The drummer then had to tell me one day that she was really down and struggling with me and my boy being together and so it would be best if i didnt come to the after gig meals for a while because it upset her too much.

    It was then i realised that it wasnt just my boy she wanted, its the whole band. They all used to like me, we were all college friends, but slowly she turned the drummer and guitarist on me saying how i was always flaunting myself all over the place and its sad that the boy would be with such a "girly girl" (I am so ungirly its ridiculous). That was the second time the pennt dropped. She was one of those "Girls just dont like me because im just one of the boys!" girls. And they are all stupid enough to go along with it.

    It's all coming to a head now because this stupid woman has been putting snarky crap all over my partners facebook relating to anything i say. She still wont acknowledge my existence anywhere outside of facebook, shes's still bitching about me to the rest of the band and she actually went so far as to come up to my boyfriends sister, who had her arm around me at the time as we were swaying along to the music and deliberately spoke to just his sister and wouldnt respond when i directly spoke to her myself. It's just really pissing me off and I'm now debating whether or not to give him an ultimatum.

    It's such childish drama and i dont want any part of it. I have deleted her and blocked her from things but i have to see her all the time and my boyfriend has never once said anything to her because hes completely non confrontational. However if roles were reversed you can bet i would be sticking up for him so im kind of getting tired of that bullshit. What would you do? Am I being stupid? Is she a bitch or am i being over sensitive? I have never had a problem like this before blessedly, and I just want some perspective from other women aside from my insane mother.

    Thanks

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    Default Re: What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

    Hi.
    I might state the obvious, but your SO can not control what other people do( including this female). that being said if he does not pay extra attention to her, then you should not feel attacked/bothered much. Its in our genes to feel threathened by other females JUST because their are around... but if you have enough confidence in your relationship with your guy and enough confidence in him not sneaking on you, then it should all be fine.
    Sounds like you wanted to be friendly with her, and she totally refused it. So be it. You cant force a friendship. Now this deff. makes her look insecure... She is the one whos "scared" of your presence and if you act like its bothering you, she will think you are the insecure one.. Funny right..
    Better yet, have you tried to talk to her face to face, just your 2 alone?
    I know of numerous cases when 2 ladies did not get along, and later on, they became the best friends ever. When you dont get along with another female is most likely because you are pursuing the same things, and the competition becomes visible. That means you want/like the same things so you both have lots of things in common.
    It does sound like she is being a total bitch... so either totally ignore her, just like she does, or find an appropriate moment to talk to her alone and ask her why is she being so insecure.

  3. #3
    lilykane
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    Default Re: What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

    I wouldn't start with an ultimatum, but I would definitely talk to your BF about her and how she's turning the band against you. Ask him to stick up for you; remind him that you gave up several friends because he asked you to. Don't be accusing or raise your tone when you're discussing her, just lay out the facts and tell him her behavior is upsetting you.

    If he still doesn't do anything or she gets even worse, then I think it's time for your own ultimatum.

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    Default Re: What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

    IMHO your boyfriend needs to grow a set and take care of this. It should be a cold day in Hell before a band member's SO has to take shit from the band tramp.

    I'm really starting to wonder if he's being so sensitive about it because his little rabbit has already visited her briar patch.

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    Default Re: What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

    She is being a bitch. She seems massively insecure - one of those girls who has to have every guy thinking she's the shit, and consequently cannot handle female competition. I've met a few girls like her as friends of my roommates. Same exact thing - I attempted to genuinely be nice to them but, because they're so insecure/up their own ass, they just gave me dirty looks when they thought I wasn't looking and made backhanded comments to me all the time. When I tried to bring it up to my roommates, they thought I was being the bitch by daring to diss their friends and told me I was just making shit up because "I wanted" to hate them...

    The bandmates might be a lost cause as long as the girl sticks around. Guys are insanely protective of their friends - even ones that, if it was any other girl, they would realize are total bitches. Trying to tell them that she's really the bitch here will only make them think worse of you. Which is why, even though I don't think boyfriends normally should be required to step into personal issues between two people, in this case, he has to. He has to talk to his bandmates because they won't listen to you, and they really shouldn't be listening to her. You're right - if the situation was reversed, you would feel responsible for making sure that he wasn't shunned every time he came around your friends.

    If you had to lose friends because your bf wasn't comfortable with you talking to guys just because you used to sleep with them, he sure as fuck has a responsibility to confront a girl who's clearly just as set on your guy as any of your guy friends were on you. These exes of yours weren't even making his life difficult in any way - this girl is destroying a lot of your social life. You sacrificed a lot to be with him, and say that you wanted "to do it right." So he needs to start doing the bf thing "right" and stand up for you.

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    Default Re: What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

    She's a groupie. Well, she's the CHOICE groupie but a groupie, none the less. You should just call her out on it and leave it alone. Like, "Hey, Groupie, I know you've got your heart set on fucking the whole band but your 'honorary member' status means nothing to me". Seriously, from now on, try only referring to her as "Groupie", to her face and see how she responds. I used to laugh at chicks like that.
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    Default Re: What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

    Thanks for the advice so far ladies. Feel free to keep it coming. The plan so far is to say to the boy that he needs to be fair and man up a bit in this situation. It's uncomfortable for me and while I have no problem with his friendship with her, he needs to stick up for me a bit more so I'm not shunned by the band because if it continues i wont be able to go to the gigs realistically because I'm not gonna hang around with a group of people that are rude to me. If they respect him at all as a friend and band member they can all certainly be at least civil to me when I go out of my way to be friendly. He has chosen to be with me and she needs to get over it and if shes really a friend then she will do that. I will also point out that if he doesnt stick up for me I may have to reconsider the friendships I had with men I dropped because they did nothing to him like his groupie does to me and I feel it is an unfair double standard.

    Should that fail I may give him an ultimatum and be kind of like "Is she really that special to you that you want to screw everything up with us? Because I havent actually done anything wrong so lets get some freaking perspective! Theres plenty of men out there who wont let another woman trash talk me and treat me like shit on their watch."

    I am considering talking to her directly but I'm doubtful it will achieve anything. I think the boy needs to intervene because if hes not even on my side by the end of this conversation then there is no way the other band members will be. She really is manipulative. It's insane how she can play the victim in a scenario when nothing has even happened to her except a guy she liked didnt like her back and then several months later started dating some one else!

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    Default Re: What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

    This girl is a bitch. She prolly has nothing better to do with her life than to be obsessed with a band so she can feel she belongs to something in some socially acceptable way. Its prolly how she gets her self worth. Its sad actually. If u feel up to confronting her and speaking ur mind then go for it. Otherwise ur bf non confrontational or whatever may be needs to talk to the girl. If the band doesnt tell her to cut the shit out she will prolly continue to try to throw her weight around. ANd if the band cant see whats really happening maybe the band and ur boyfriend really rnt on ur side. ANd in that case fuck them.

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    Default Re: What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

    Quote Originally Posted by LondonJones View Post


    I am considering talking to her directly but I'm doubtful it will achieve anything. I think the boy needs to intervene because if hes not even on my side by the end of this conversation then there is no way the other band members will be. She really is manipulative. It's insane how she can play the victim in a scenario when nothing has even happened to her except a guy she liked didnt like her back and then several months later started dating some one else!

    I understand how u could think that talking to her directly may not achieve anything. When a girl is threatened by someone her usually defense is to turn it around on t he person who is trying to hash things out. So no matter how nice u may be she will make u the bad guy. This stupid c$%! at one of my clubs tried the same thing. She actually made a scene in front of several girls I told her i didnt feel like fighting w her and all she did was turn it around on me and say --well thats good bc Id win then I replied w how ridiculous she was being and it went backand forth until some girl stepped in and said we needed to stop. The girl was trash and I knew it. I laughed at her the rest of the night. ANd since then she hasnt started shit with me. ANd even if she did again Id prolly find some way to laugh at her.

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    Default Re: What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

    Yea if the bf won't stand up to this Insecure bitch, after u disassociated with guy friends who u knew wanted u, then its a double standard so it's time for an ultimatum.

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    Default Re: What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

    Yeah talk to your guy. Explain the situation. I have found that a lot of guys are clueless to girls who play games. They don't really understand how it works and all that meanwhile us girls can see it so clearly. Explain it to him though.

    I had a situation with my ex this one time. My "best friend" actually introduced me to my ex and the whole crowd. It was great until I started dating that guy and my "best friend" hated that. I don't think she wanted to date my ex as she isn't with him now but I think she was jealous that I was dating someone and she wasn't. I tried to tell my ex but he never listened. She would make rude comments about me, insult me constantly, exclude me, etc. [email protected]$ Anyway yeah, he would never listen to me, he didn't get what she was doing ... I don't know how! Ugh, frustrating. Eventually he "kind of" figured it out. Not completely but "kind of". I guess it was better than nothing. We broke up eventually so it wasn't a big deal.

    Stillll ... :s

    It might take him a while to understand it. Just explain that the band members hate you ... or dislike you ... and it is because of her.
    InnesX

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    Default Re: What would you do? - SO/Bitch issues!

    Hey my man is in a band too and I've had to deal with fickle idiot groupies over the years.
    a.You should go to band practice, bring your friends. Look hot. bring a stripper pole and some booze. that will make her look boring o
    b. go to a gig.. walk right up to her, slam a shot of whiskey, and say, while spitting in her face, Have you ever seen the film misery?? if you ever touch my man I will put a block of wood between your ankles just like the movie. j/k... that is a very bad idea.
    Invite his friends to the club.. have him pick you up from work or just hang out,, then they will realise how fun and hot you are- and she a jealous hanger-on

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