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Thread: (HELP!) Dealing with NEGATIVE FRIENDS

  1. #1
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    Thumbs down (HELP!) Dealing with NEGATIVE FRIENDS

    My friend Tina was an ex dancer and stopped dancing since she was pregnant, married and had a baby. Her husband didn't give her permission to go back dancing anymore. She's now 100lbs overweight and bitter.

    Anyways we still keep in touch and discuss about my dancing, custies & my current sugar daddy.
    Lately I've been getting negative vibes from her I'm thinking that perhaps I should just stop sharing the stories, because she didn't give positive feedbacks anymore. It seems she's happy when I am not doing well.

    We used to share hustle tips and she used to reminisce her "golden days" when her custies & sugar daddies would take her shopping and buy her things. Nowadays she reacts in a bitter manner when I told her about my current hustles, while I am not boasting just asking for feedback to get my hustle better.

    Anyways she just put her baby into hospital and both her and husband spend lots of money to pay for their kid's medical needs.
    She can't relate to my stories anymore.
    I recently got an offer to do modeling and the agent told me to tighten up. I am planning to lose weight for the modeling project because I want to look perfect.

    I'm dieting again to lose 10 lbs for the modeling gig and Tina got bitter on me again.
    She been asking me 'Kristal how you doing?'
    I said 'I feel weak because of my diet' and she (Tina) told me that I am now in bad health "How come are you getting sick all the time?"
    She's been trying to put me off diet by telling me that I'm already skinny and no need to be such a perfectionist putting my health on stake, etc and that she is more happier now in her life although 100 lbs overweight she is enjoying food.

    Aaarggghhh
    I just need to vent and share here now..I'm so sleepy..will go to bed soon and will continue the ranting again tomorrow.
    I just need to get this out of my chest for now.

  2. #2
    Veteran Member Citychick's Avatar
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    Default Re: (HELP!) Dealing with NEGATIVE FRIENDS

    Sounds like you are just growing apart.

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    Default Re: (HELP!) Dealing with NEGATIVE FRIENDS

    Quote Originally Posted by Citychick View Post
    Sounds like you are just growing apart.
    I know..I think so
    Lately I've been toning down lots of my stories and not share too much.
    But sometimes she still ring me and told me she's bored with her daily life talking about her sick baby & strict husband also marriage issues with nosey in laws etc.

    So, she would say "Come on girl share me some hustle stories, I'm bored with my life!"
    or "How's your sugar daddy? Where did you guys go last weekend?" etc
    But then when I told her some..then she would go bitter on me *sigh* and told me that "It's getting old,you should settle down" or 'Money can't buy you love'

    But sometimes she's also supportive and telling me "Go get that money..girl!!" when I told her some hustle stories.
    It's getting weird. Sometimes she's supportive, sometimes she's bitter.

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    Default Re: (HELP!) Dealing with NEGATIVE FRIENDS

    I hate to say it, but I have been a "Tina".

    I was so conflicted. I wanted to be a good friend, I still valued the friendship and wanted to support my friend, but I was also jealous and envious of the life she led. Don't get me wrong, I loved my life too, but missed the life I used to lead and wanted certain aspects of it back while at the same time thinking that I had moved on, but not really.

    Ambivalence about what you're feeling is a bitch.

    I did eventually learn to keep my green-eyed monster at bay. It really is a monster and eats you alive if you let it. I think you're friend needs to learn to control it better, or you should let the friendship die out. It would probably be better for both of you to let it go, so she no longer has to deal with her negative, conflicted emotions and you don't have to deal with her negativity all the time.

    edit: I do kinda agree with her about the dieting thing. Please don't hurt your health over thinness. Be smart about the weight loss, and good luck with the modeling!
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: (HELP!) Dealing with NEGATIVE FRIENDS

    She's probably just jealous that she doesn't have that life anymore. Even if she's happy with her family and not worrying about her weight, I'm sure a part of her still thinks back on the "young, wild, free" life when she was skinny and making money off men. I had a friend like this that I've talked about in other posts. We were really good friends when we were both going through bullshit together and she swore she would never judge me. Then a year later, she met "the man of her dreams," moved across the country to be with him and has not stopped being a judgmental bitch about everything I do now. If I have FWB's, she has to lecture me on sleeping with guys I'm not dating (even though she used to do it all the time), I get piercings and she lectures me on how dumb and unprofessional they look or even how they'll hurt my health (when she used to want piercings too and doesn't even know what she's talking about in regards to the health problems), and she talks shit about me for partying sometimes and trying drugs - I didn't even dare to tell her when I started stripping.

    People who move on from the lifestyle of their younger days, especially if they weren't ready to do so, tend to feel a little envious of the people who are still living that way, and try to make themselves feel better by talking down to them like they think that they've "grown up and moved on to bigger and better things." I'm sure while Tina is sitting there 100lbs overweight, with a husband who "forbids" her to dance, and she's dealing with her child's health issues, the last thing she really wants to hear about is you losing weight, having glamorous jobs, and getting sugardaddies to buy you stuff. Some people might be ok with continuing to talk to someone with a drastically different life than theirs, but Tina clearly is not. She sounds like she wants to be a good friend, but that doesn't stop the jealousy or her making snippy comments. So I would just stop talking to her as much. When you do, keep it simple.

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    God/dess PleasureVictim's Avatar
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    Default Re: (HELP!) Dealing with NEGATIVE FRIENDS

    Sounds like you will need to stop talking to her about things that make her jealous if you want to remain friends with her. I couldn't continue a friendship with someone who is so obviously agitated with my life, but maybe she is really important to you, and her current situation is contributing to her crankiness.
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    Veteran Member MysteriousMisty's Avatar
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    Default Re: (HELP!) Dealing with NEGATIVE FRIENDS

    She does sound bitter and jealous. I find it better to avoid people like that because they only want to bring you down. Misery enjoys company which is also why won't give you positive feedback when you tell her about your good nights and sugar daddy. Don't let her fool you, she's not really happy about being 100 lbs overweight. No woman is. We've all heard or read stories about celebrities claiming to be happier with their huge weight gain but if that was true, they wouldn't publicize their weight loss. Do you remember when Tyra Banks got an attitude and claimed to be happier with her weight gain and being able to enjoy food? Then look at how quickly she turned around and shed the weight.

    The next time she tries to say that you're always getting sick from dieting, why not tell her that you don't want to jeopardize your health by being overweight like her?

    Ask yourself if you really want to keep her as a friend. From what it sounds like, even if you don't talk to her about your nights, she'll find some way or another to find something negative to say especially since you're losing weight to perfect your body.

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    Featured Member miss1dancypants's Avatar
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    Default Re: (HELP!) Dealing with NEGATIVE FRIENDS

    With my friends who are like this, I just don't talk about dancing with them anymore. It's a big part of their life, but if I were them, I wouldn't want to hear about my friend making hundreds of dollars a night for partying and being hot while they're busting their ass in a retail store getting yelled at by rude customers and incompetent bosses and getting paid minimum wage. Not everyone has the same luxuries as us, which is hard to see sometimes when we are surrounded by other dancers that live the same lifestyle and men that throw money at us supporting it...

    I leave my work life at work, and just enjoy my friend's company. It's been a lot easier that way.

    A big part of friendship is having things in common and feeling the same way about some things... it's fine if you don't have dancing in common and she doesn't feel the same way about it any more, you just don't have to talk about it. Focus on other parts of your friendship. If there aren't any, then it's time to move on.

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    Default Re: (HELP!) Dealing with NEGATIVE FRIENDS

    The two of you live in different worlds now.

    To me it sounds like she is the unhappy one.




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