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Thread: please help

  1. #1
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    Sad please help

    First of all I am posting this in camming connection because this is where I post most frequently and I trust you all to give me good advice. I didn't want to post this from my account so I made a new name because it's super personal and kind of embarrassing.

    I have been in a relationship with my bf for about 4 years now. I have been camming most of it. During the first year of our relationship we moved in together and I started camming shortly after. During most of the first year I was the only one working but I didn't really have a problem with it because it was fun to be home together all day. Maybe 6 or 7 months into camming that fun wore off and I had a talk with him about getting a job. He has agoraphobia which means its really stressful for him to leave the house and he tries to avoid it as much as possible. So he said it would be too stressful for him to have to leave home everyday and that the best job he could get would only pay 50 dollars a day and it's stupid for him to work when I can make that money much easier. I was okay with that for awhile longer but it really made me frustrated when he would wake me up and tell me to go to work while he went back to sleep. This really put a strain on our relationship. I had a few talks with him about if he didn't get a job soon I was leaving and those talks turned really dramatic and he would throw stuff and punch the wall.

    So one day we had some argument I don't remember what it was and I decided that was it, I was leaving. I threw some clothes in a bag and then headed for the door. He started screaming at me and ended up saying go ahead and try and walk out the door you won't make it out. He told me he would knock all my teeth out and make my face a bloody mess so I would never forget the mistake I made. I was so scared at that point that I just sat on the floor shaking and crying. I have never been so scared of someone in my life. So fast forward like 30 minutes he comes apologizing and says he just really loves me a lot and doesn't want to lose me and he didn't mean anything he said and I could leave if I wanted to. I was so confused and scared that I didn't end up leaving.

    Over the next half a year he was really sweet and we had a lot of fun together there was really no drama and I never brought up the job thing because I just was so afraid to cause any kind of problems. Everything was fine till a year later. One day I was sleeping and he woke me up and told me to go to work. I told him I didn't want to work I was too tired. He started chocking me while I was half asleep. As soon as he let me go I said ok I'm sorry I will go get ready for work. I went in the bathroom and was sitting on the toilet crying when he came in yelling at me for messing up his day and he punched me in the chest 5 or 6 times. I had huge bruises from that. After that I went and called my friend and told her what happend. He overheard me telling her and when I was off the phone he broke my phone and slapped me in the face. Then punched me knocked me to the floor and gave me a bloody nose. Then while I was on the ground he was kicking me and yelling at me for telling other people his business. After that day he never let me have contact with anyone since he said I betrayed him and can't be trusted.

    The 3rd and 4th year of our relationship was pretty calm, there were a few times when he slapped me or hit me but nothing too major. Even though I knew what he was doing wasn't right I guess I kind of got used to it. He would blame me for making him mad and it was always my fault when I got hit. He is very manipulative and I can tell he has done a lot of emotional damage to me. I don't even want to leave anymore but I know in the back of my mind that a relationship shouldn't be like this.

    What made me write this is what happened this morning. I woke up and said I wasn't gonna work today and he started calling me a lazy bitch and worthless and that I'm being selfish because if he could cam we would be rich. I told him he can stop being a lazy bitch and get a job. Well he started choking me and saying you know I can't work I have agoraphobia, you're such a stupid bitch, I should punch you in the face right now for saying dumb shit like that, you don't think before you talk. You're gonna make me fuck you up. Then he was standing in front of me telling me to say something else so he can fuck me up. I just started crying and he said stop crying or I will fucking destroy you in here. I couldn't stop because I was so scared I just said ok I'm sorry just let me go to work. Then I went in my work room and tried to work but I am too upset. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't really even know what I am asking with this post...I just need to vent I guess I have no one to talk to and I am just a big mess right now.
    Last edited by xoxDoll; 07-20-2011 at 03:11 PM.

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  3. #2
    Senior Member BadNews's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Oh honey! You don't deserve this at all!

    If you can not call someone you could PM one of us here and we could call the police to get you an escort out of there?

    I know that is not what you want to hear, but I am afraid for your life right now! If you need to PM me go ahead.

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  5. #3
    Senior Member VelvetRose's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help

    First off, THANK YOU for trusting us and sharing what is happening to you with us.

    Second of all, you are beyond needing to vent. You are crying for help! - YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP NOW!

    You are in an abusive relationship of every type - emotional, mental, and obviously physical. Your boyfriend fits the psychological profile of a domestic violence perpetrator 100% exactly.

    If you do not leave, he will end up not only scarring you (more than he already has mentally, but also physically. He will end up maiming you. He will most likely end up killing you.

    Don't run and tell him you're leaving. You need to come up with a plan first.

    It's great that you turned to this community. There are may girls here who will be able to give you advice because they have been through similar situations.

    There is a way out!

    I'm calling out to everyone on SW who has something to contribute in helping her to devise a plan to be free of your abusive boyfriend's bondage.

    Good luck and stay strong!

    xoxo
    Velvet Rose
    I always wanted a life less ordinary... and I got it!



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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    It's obvious how to get away, so I'll try to help tell you how to stay away. This is probably gonna sound ass backwards, but this helped me when I was younger and in a less violent abusive relationship. Leave him of course for the abuse, but to stay away, think of other reasons why he sucks, ex: he's messy, he picks his nose, he has bad b.o., he looks funny, etc. The reason why I say this is because when you leave and only think of the the abuse, it leaves yourself open to forgive it easily. Since you're already used to it, you're more prone to forgive easy. So as silly as it sounds, when you do get away from him, stay away for other reasons, and I'm pretty sure there is a list of reasons. I'm sorry to see you going through this, and really want for you to get away from this pos.

  8. #5
    God/dess DesuvsDeath's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Telling him you're leaving/planning to leave will just give him another excuse to hit you.
    Contact someone with your computer and have them get you out of there. Idk your family situation... does your family ever come see you? Does he/would he let them in? Or just contact the police. (File a report either way... since there's no telling what this guy may do in the furture.)

    There's a history of violence which just seems to be getting worse. He doesn't love you. He never will. There's no reason for you to stay and continue to get used/get hit. Leave before he beats the shit out of you or worse.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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  10. #6
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Plan?! wtf just move out or move him out.
    Moving yourself out is the best bet.
    I personally have issues believing this post.
    Domestic Voilence laws are so strict if a neighbor even thought you are being abused they would arrest him. If you have no neighbors. then what about the family ? 4 years my ass .......
    I Cry TROLL!!!!

    Disregard if you are real......but this simply doesn't even sound like 2011 more like 1998.
    Just call the fucking Police.
    I feel like im in the French Revolution!!!!!! "Sooooo Many heads sooooo little time!!"


  11. #7
    Veteran Member Glasses's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Holy Shit! I really hope he won't check the pages you visit.

    You have to find a way out of there.. Is he always at home? Isn't it possible to just get out of there while he is gone for a while? Then you probably have somewhere to go. Especially if they find out about why did you "disappear" for such a long time, like no more phone calls.

    I hope someone can come up with a better plan.

  12. #8
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    MzStar obviously has never been in an abusive relationship.

    Please leave - it will not get better. PM someone like the first poster suggested if he want let you have a phone. Does your local police station have an email address listed on their webpage? Email them your address.

    I've been there hon, it DOES NOT GET BETTER, only more tollerable, as it becames more "normal".

    And make sure you delete your history folder so he doesnt see this post.

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  14. #9
    Veteran Member tropicalust's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    If you dont leave him now, he might kill you someday. Call the police, dont be afraid they will help you, show them your scars and bruises. If he can leave the house then he should be fine in jail. You deserve so much better!!
    "A real woman has to be a chef in the kitchen, a lady in the living room, and a whore in the bedroom..T-Lust"



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  16. #10
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    LEAVE
    LEAVE all the clothes, computers, everything
    Nothing material is worth your life.
    He doesn't have agorphobia, he is allergic to work. Because there are all kinds of jobs you can do on the computer from home these days.

    He is using you.
    He will kill you

    Go to the grocery store and never come back.

    He lies to you, He gets you to believe those lies to keep you working for him.
    He is plan and simple a PIMP!
    He does NOT have your best interest at heart.

    Using you so that he doesn't have to work or get a job at all.

    Go home to your family. The would NEVER want you to stay in an abusive relationship.
    Call the police. There is no good times, violence only gets worse.

    Get the counciling you need to leave such an abusive relationship. Get councilling so that you dont go back or enter another one in the future.

    Have your checks mailed to your parents house or a dear friends. Then lie to him and say the check is late and the companies now pay out once a month. Work like crazy then walk out the door and never go back.

    If he truly has agorphobia then he won't be able to leave the house to chase after you.

    Since you are paying all the bills, dont pay his phone bill, get his mobile acct turned off. Change your mobile number the minute you walk out the door.

    Move far away, at least 100 miles or more so that your not so easy to find. Go rent a room or sublet an apartment not in your name. Do not live in the same town or area for a year or more. He will want to abuse you more for leaving his control.

    Would you want your child, Mother? sister? to live as a sex slave? Because at this point, that is what you are, a sex slave whether you want to admit it or not. So treat yourself and consider yourself worth while enough NOT to be a sex slave to a pimp.

    Close out and change all email addresses. He will beg and plead LIE to get you back. Then once back he will beat the hell out of you for leaving his control.

    Good Luck
    BE safe

    Hope we all hear that you have left him soon and living a happy free life.

    Sam


  17. #11
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Quote Originally Posted by SanAntonioDancer View Post
    MzStar obviously has never been in an abusive relationship.

    Please leave - it will not get better. PM someone like the first poster suggested if he want let you have a phone. Does your local police station have an email address listed on their webpage? Email them your address.

    I've been there hon, it DOES NOT GET BETTER, only more tollerable, as it becames more "normal".

    And make sure you delete your history folder so he doesnt see this post.
    Nope I have ......and you know what I read ?......translation: I want to talk about this like its normal....So lets talk about it So I can procrastinate ,
    I'll never leave him

    Fuck the Dumb Shit Call the Fucking Police !!!!
    I feel like im in the French Revolution!!!!!! "Sooooo Many heads sooooo little time!!"


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  19. #12
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    You don't love yourself enough. Your boyfriend knows this. He sounds like a psychopath- not saying this for dramatic reasons, but he actually sounds like a clinical psychopath. I suggest you check it out and see if he matches up to the diagnostic material. Not that it matters, after 4 years...- what are you still doing there? You realise that you're the one victimising yourself? It's hard to have any sympathy for that.

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  21. #13
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    ^I agree. If it helps you remain firm in your resolve - agoraphobia is treatable with cognitive-behavioral therapy and exposure therapy. Its not an illness that has zero options. He could look into therapy from home / over the phone / over skype (it exists) and slowly work his way up to seeing a therapist outside of the home.

    I am not saying this so YOU say this to him and hope for better (AT ALL), I say this because he is using it as his sympathy card and is exploiting a treatable condition to keep him dependent on you. Its bullshit. All anxiety disorders are treatable. Only he is accountable for his own selfcare, no one else is responsible. so dont dwell on this because its false and always has been

    If there is anyway he we can personally help you or help you come to terms with this or help convince you to move on or whatever you may need - please please let us know. Even if it is to remind you of the reasons to leave, so you have someone to chat with online or over the phone (as long as you have a real-life loval contact to help you in case you need to leave ASAP).

    Do you have somewhere to go? Are your friends or family still in your life? Abusive people do a great job of isolating the victim/survivor from their loved ones... but if you have any local familiar resources thats a great start. Do you share bank accounts or no? If yes you can load YOUR money to payoneer so you have money to work towards leaving. I worry that if you leave all at once he will fatally harm you - I wonder if there is a slow (but very efficient and safe way) for you to leave.... Does he ever leave the house so youd have an opportunity to slip out? Maybe in the middle of the night if you coordinate with a close friend? If he genuinely has agoraphobia and is terrified of leaving the home that may work to your advantage

    I am sorry you're going through this - but I am relieved you're venting and not keeping it in... that's where your strength is, so please don't stop telling people due to shame or embarassment, he created this environment and extreme manipulation and now you're figuring out how to extricate yourself from it... which is definitely a reason to be proud of yourself.

    Also if you're comfortable with it - it may be useful to take pictures of any damage he has done to your home and to you in case you have him arrested. If you have the money and external contacts, he may have no means of bailing himself out (and by then you could be long gone).





    Quote Originally Posted by Procrasturbator View Post
    So how many stumps can you fit in your pussy?

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    Angry Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Please, GET OUT of there!!!
    The thing about rhese abusers, they get progressively WORSE
    You do not need this crap, & the mental abuse is there too, breaking you down. Get as far away from him as fast as humanly possible, & stay away, get some counseling.
    In the meantime, please contact someone that can help. In my case, I filed a police report, they referred me to some women counselors, (I think they also worked thru YWCA) which helped me deal w/this. I have seen pamplets/info also in my local library, & none of it cost me anything either.
    Good luck, please get help, you can also pm me, take care of yourself, ok?


    MANY MEN WANTED TO LAY ME DOWN, BUT FEW WANTED TO LIFT ME UP

    -Eartha Kitt

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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    This is info on how to clear your browsing history (that was a great suggestion upthread by the way)

    http://www.dvrcalexander.org/erase.htm
    http://jcsafefamily.org/?page_id=279
    http://www.hruth.org/safety-online.asp





    Quote Originally Posted by Procrasturbator View Post
    So how many stumps can you fit in your pussy?

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  27. #16
    Featured Member sierra.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Please please please get away from this guy.
    I have been in an abusive relationship in the past and I know how hard it is to leave, but he is never going to get better. It is only going to get worse.
    Leave and don't go back. I know it is hard and I know it hurts, and he will probably say anything to keep you but don't believe his lies.

    When I left the guy who abused me I was heartbroken, but it was only temporary. I got over my feelings for him and I saw him for who he truly was. I became a strong independent person, and now I am in a loving relationships with someone who truly loves, respects, and cares for me.

    A better life is out there for you, you just have to get away from this scum bag to find it.

    I am not a cam girl and do post in this section, so we probably don't really know each other, but if you need any help/advice/support you can PM me.

    hot flirting tips 2k13: tell him, “I’m not like other girls,” then pull down the secret zipper at the back of your neck to reveal your true reptilian form


  28. #17
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Please listen to what Ms. BadNews, Ms. VelvetRose, and Ms. Sierra have written.

    Please contact a friend, a relative, or someone near you on SW, if necessary, so that someone can give you a safe escort away from your boyfriend.

    Please do so as soon as possible--(and I really mean NOW!)--since the longer you wait, the worse your situation will get.

    If you value your own life, you must leave this man. If you really love this man, you must leave; the situation will not get any better for him or for you as long as you stay with him.

    Please do not tell your boyfriend your plans (as Ms. VelvetRose has already written). You don't need his permission to save your life. And his life will get no better as long as you allow this situation to continue. If you love him, if you value your life, you must leave him.

    Please consider posting your situation in the Life Support or The Lounge section, since they seem to be very active.

    Ideally, of course, contact a friend or relative; if that's not possible, please PM someone you know from SW to contact the police or provide a safe escort.

    Please--you must leave this man.
    Last edited by Grac; 07-20-2011 at 02:08 PM. Reason: spelling correction

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  30. #18
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    If you stay with him you will die. Period. It's him or it's your life. Do whatever you have to do to leave.

  31. #19
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Abusive relationships can be hard to leave. And most woman just go into another, because normal doesn't feel right.

    I once woke up with my boyfriend at the time hands around my throat. A week later he woke up with a knife to his, I don't do abuse. I moved out soon after.

    Learned along time ago, CRAZY only understands CRAZY! You can not have a normal conversation with this person. When you discuss leaving him, you do this as a threat to control him.

    Fact is neither of you should be fighting for control. Leave him
    You should never discuss or even mention leaving him. You have to be serious about preserving your right to live in a life without abuse. Not to battle it out for control with the threats on either person's agenda.

    He resents being dependent on you. Men don't do well without a job. It is a matter of pride, you are just preventing him from moving on in life. You are enabling him to stay sick. This is very common in abusive relationships. As long as you are paying all the bills, you are keeping him from true help.

    Leave him for your best interest of safety and his to get the help he needs. Sounds like being together makes you both sick people. Is that really the life you want to live? Is it the kind of life you want to bring children into?

    Sam

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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    I have threatened I was gonna call the cops before. He told me okay go ahead but I will beat your ass so bad when I see them at the door that you wish you didn't.
    He never leaves the house but obviously he does sleep. If I left in the middle of the night I am scared to think what would happen. I can't just see him letting me go. I think he would come looking for me. I don't even know where the hell I could go to. And would they put him in jail? I don't have any proof now..and if I did get him in jail I feel like he would send someone looking for me. I'm just so afraid.

    It's like the only place I feel safe is here even though I know it's not right. I mean things are normal until he snaps. I even forget sometimes about the bad stuff until I see him get mad over anything. Like when he can't find something and starts cussing I get that scared feeling because I remember all the bad times.

    And by the way I am using firefox private browsing I know I would be in so much trouble if he found this.

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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    dont tell him empty threats, just act without checking in

    search local domestic violence shelters

    their addresses are anonymous, many have security cameras on the premises and connections with local law enforcement, they will feed and shelter you and help you with your case and future employment options (Im going to guess he knows your cam IDs?). just know that if you tell him where you are you will be thrown out.

    Contact them sooner rather than later as many have wait lists for beds to open up. Best to get on the wait list now. call ALL of them to check availability. Many of them allow you to stay longer term (not just overnight, some up to 6months or so, depending on where you live).

    to keep him in jail you need to ensure he does not have access to your money and that you have any kind of evidence... but most importantly you have to follow through with charges. Too many DV cases get thrown out because the accuser loses her resolve and hopes for the best.

    We cant help you if you're not ready to do these things - you always have options. So many women have been in this situation, got out, and lived to talk about it... too many have died or been critically injured. No one wants you to end up another statistic: it is that dire.

    look into domestic violence forums if you need people to relate to and see evidence of successful escape - i assure you they will all say the same thing





    Quote Originally Posted by Procrasturbator View Post
    So how many stumps can you fit in your pussy?

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  36. #22
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    You have to leave and the good thing is you're the one in control. He's afraid to leave the house so he can't really chase you. And he doesn't have any money so you could cripple him once you leave.

    Why are you there? He doesn't help you. He makes you pay all the bills. He abuses you (which affects the money you can make). Stop thinking about how good he is when he is not abusing you. Think of how bad you feel when he hits you or screams at you. Run and don't look back. Go to the store, take your laptop with you (so you can still work), and get a hotel room so you can still work and leave his ass alone. Change your number so you won't even be tempted to take him back when he calls you and begs you to forgive him (he will call you). And start over. You don't even need your family and friends to save you. You're the Breadwinner. You own this situation. I know it's easier said than done but you're crying for help for a reason. We can only give advice but you have to make the first move. Leave him honey.

    Even if we don't know who you are, every girl on this board wants you to be safe.

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  38. #23
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Now you seem like a con artist. Would they put him in jail? REALLY! Guess you have never watched a lifetime movie in your life with that statement.

    He has agorphobia yet your afraid he will chase you down. If he truly had it then you wouldn't be worried at all about him walking out the door at all.

    I assume you do go to the bank? Grocery store? run errands? pay bills? or do you both live as total shut ins?

    You threaten to leave or call the cops as control. Dail once and see if they don't show up or call back? Because they will.

    Before posting here, I would have assumed you did research on abuse to see what options you had.

    Here are some cold hard facts:

    A man who kills his partner during an abusive relationship will spend less than 10 years in jail. Judges, prosecutors and juries believed she could have left at any time and deserved the punishment for being so stupid in staying with his ass. No matter what the threats of danger there were.

    If a woman kills her abuser then she will get 20 years or more, even if it was proven to be extremely violent relationship.

    I have had several friends in abusive relationships. I have picked them up in the middle of the night, alone to have them go back the very next day. I remained friends with them, but they could not complain about the abuse. If they are willing to tolerate being a victim then why should my ears be victim to the stories of abuse they thought wasn't bad enough to leave over.

    If you truly wanted out, then you would find a way. You would walk out the door and keep going without looking back.

    I do NOT trust those who are just looking for sympathy, you chose to stay.

    Sam

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  40. #24
    God/dess DesuvsDeath's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    So you're scared he MIGHT beat you up for trying to leave... so you plan to stay and get beaten up for certain?

    No offense... but really? Shouldn't you be more afraid of DEFINITELY getting the shit kicked out of you than "maybe" having it happen?


    Just... leave. Call the cops... leave while he's asleep... do whatever you need to do.
    Or stay and get beaten up whenever he feels like it.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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  42. #25
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Been there, done that. Listen to these women. They have experience, as do I. I made the mistake in fighting back and the bastard called the police and took ME to jail. I reccommend taking pictures of the walls where he hit. Take pictures of where he hit you. File a restraining order (first and foremost) and if you feel comfortable, and when you are in a safe place, print out your thread. It might be embarassing to say you are a cam girl but reading it, just reinforced how sick and twisted this guy is and if a judge see's that, believe me, the law WILL be on your side. Either you do leave today, NOW or you make a plan for later. I always have a plan even though my bf isn't abusive but history has taught me there's only one person I can trust and that's me.. so, what you do is call a good FEMALE friend, tell her what's been going on. Then, pack some of your stuff and take it to a safe place. Toiletries, clothes.. a little bit so he doesn't notice. Get another bank account and put some money in there if you can. Everyone's situation is different and so you're the only one who knows what's going to work best for you. Everyone IS right, it will only get worse and isn't 4 years wasted enough for you? Believe me, it does and WILL get better. There are so many resources out there girl and thank GOD you have FINALLY choosen to tell your story. This is just the beginning. Play nicey, nicey then leave his fucking ass once and for all. YOU DESERVE BETTER. BELIEVE IT. He's not loving you. Love doesn't hit walls or punch his woman. Think about it. He's not your child or father, he is supposed to be your partner. Fuck him and go live the life you are meant to live! When you leave, the world will open up for you, I promise...it will be ok. I PROMISE.

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