First of all I am posting this in camming connection because this is where I post most frequently and I trust you all to give me good advice. I didn't want to post this from my account so I made a new name because it's super personal and kind of embarrassing.
I have been in a relationship with my bf for about 4 years now. I have been camming most of it. During the first year of our relationship we moved in together and I started camming shortly after. During most of the first year I was the only one working but I didn't really have a problem with it because it was fun to be home together all day. Maybe 6 or 7 months into camming that fun wore off and I had a talk with him about getting a job. He has agoraphobia which means its really stressful for him to leave the house and he tries to avoid it as much as possible. So he said it would be too stressful for him to have to leave home everyday and that the best job he could get would only pay 50 dollars a day and it's stupid for him to work when I can make that money much easier. I was okay with that for awhile longer but it really made me frustrated when he would wake me up and tell me to go to work while he went back to sleep. This really put a strain on our relationship. I had a few talks with him about if he didn't get a job soon I was leaving and those talks turned really dramatic and he would throw stuff and punch the wall.
So one day we had some argument I don't remember what it was and I decided that was it, I was leaving. I threw some clothes in a bag and then headed for the door. He started screaming at me and ended up saying go ahead and try and walk out the door you won't make it out. He told me he would knock all my teeth out and make my face a bloody mess so I would never forget the mistake I made. I was so scared at that point that I just sat on the floor shaking and crying. I have never been so scared of someone in my life. So fast forward like 30 minutes he comes apologizing and says he just really loves me a lot and doesn't want to lose me and he didn't mean anything he said and I could leave if I wanted to. I was so confused and scared that I didn't end up leaving.
Over the next half a year he was really sweet and we had a lot of fun together there was really no drama and I never brought up the job thing because I just was so afraid to cause any kind of problems. Everything was fine till a year later. One day I was sleeping and he woke me up and told me to go to work. I told him I didn't want to work I was too tired. He started chocking me while I was half asleep. As soon as he let me go I said ok I'm sorry I will go get ready for work. I went in the bathroom and was sitting on the toilet crying when he came in yelling at me for messing up his day and he punched me in the chest 5 or 6 times. I had huge bruises from that. After that I went and called my friend and told her what happend. He overheard me telling her and when I was off the phone he broke my phone and slapped me in the face. Then punched me knocked me to the floor and gave me a bloody nose. Then while I was on the ground he was kicking me and yelling at me for telling other people his business. After that day he never let me have contact with anyone since he said I betrayed him and can't be trusted.
The 3rd and 4th year of our relationship was pretty calm, there were a few times when he slapped me or hit me but nothing too major. Even though I knew what he was doing wasn't right I guess I kind of got used to it. He would blame me for making him mad and it was always my fault when I got hit. He is very manipulative and I can tell he has done a lot of emotional damage to me. I don't even want to leave anymore but I know in the back of my mind that a relationship shouldn't be like this.
What made me write this is what happened this morning. I woke up and said I wasn't gonna work today and he started calling me a lazy bitch and worthless and that I'm being selfish because if he could cam we would be rich. I told him he can stop being a lazy bitch and get a job. Well he started choking me and saying you know I can't work I have agoraphobia, you're such a stupid bitch, I should punch you in the face right now for saying dumb shit like that, you don't think before you talk. You're gonna make me fuck you up. Then he was standing in front of me telling me to say something else so he can fuck me up. I just started crying and he said stop crying or I will fucking destroy you in here. I couldn't stop because I was so scared I just said ok I'm sorry just let me go to work. Then I went in my work room and tried to work but I am too upset. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't really even know what I am asking with this post...I just need to vent I guess I have no one to talk to and I am just a big mess right now.



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