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Thread: please help

  1. #51
    Featured Member tinydancer23's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help

    maybe it is a troll. i have too much experience w/rape and dv to not err on the side of believing it's real. me trying to help or share experience & tools for survival and resistance will not hurt anything...if it is a troll, oh well. i'd rather be made a fool out of than have it be real and have not done or said anything i could to help.

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  3. #52
    Veteran Member blkschoolgirl's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help

    I'm sorry you're going through this hun. Being alone is not scary, and I can testify to that. I was never abused by a partner, but I was by my family and others. I was afraid to be alone, but somehow I realized that my life was on the line so I left. There are so many other people out there who can appreciate you so much more than your current pos boyfriend. You should start by appreciating and loving yourself first and knowing you are worth so much more.

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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Quote Originally Posted by tinydancer23 View Post
    a dv or victim's advocate could help you come up with a plan to do that and support you to make it real. can your family help at all?
    I don't even know how I would do that. I wouldn't have a way to talk to them. And the only family I have is more of a mess than me.
    I think I will be okay to get out on my own. I would just need to call a cab, make it to the airport and get on a plane. I just wish I had someone to help me with stupid stuff...like how can I find a place to rent without being able to talk on the phone. Will I even be able to find a place since I will be disappearing from this place in the middle of my lease so obviously I won't have a reference. My bf is on the lease and there is a 5,000 security deposit I guess he will get that because I don't know how I will be able to without making it known that I am leaving. Then I want to keep camming, I just don't know how I can do it without him finding me I guess I can block neighboring states and states where he knows anyone.
    I guess if I can't find a place to rent I can stay in a hotel..do most hotels rent to 22 year olds? I went to one once and they wanted you to be 25 or older. Also I don't have a car and I know to rent a car you need a credit card and I don't have one and won't be approved for once since my credit is fucked..so I guess I will need to move to a city where you don't need a car. So much stuff to figure out.

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    God/dess roast's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help

    Sorry to bump this but this is what this forum is all about - everyone flooding the OP with advice,personal stories, support, rage (but in a good way, I am positive some people have been triggered by this post and want to ensure you and anyone else in this situation are OK OP), etc... Im sure the prospect of dealing with this as a sex worker is even more daunting - but I agree with tinydancer's recommendation: victim advocates have seen and heard it all (and many were in a similar situation)

    Thanks ladies, I knew I appreciated these forums for a reason - and this pile on definitely reminded me of that. I just wanted to say that.

    OP, seriously, PM anyone in this thread if you just need another person to add onto gchat or yahoo or skype or whatever - I bet most of us don't have the best sleep hygiene so the more you have to talk to the better. Isolation is the worst when youre in this situation





    Quote Originally Posted by Procrasturbator View Post
    So how many stumps can you fit in your pussy?

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    Default Re: please help

    If anyone has yahoo my id there is xoxodoll89
    Thank you guys so much for your help.

  8. #56
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help

    People with bad credit rent places all the time
    Hotels will take your money.
    You will have to write off the $5000 deposit as a lessoned learned.
    Try craigslist there are rooms for rent, just be careful. There are many people out there who need a roomate due to the bad economy.

    Attempting to walk out the door with possions is impossible and all can be replaced. Don't let things be the reason you stay and get beaten over.

    Sam

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  10. #57
    Featured Member tinydancer23's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help

    what about contacting a dv/victim's advocate via email since you have internet access?

    if you have the financial resources to walk out, buy a plane ticket, get away and rent an apartment somewhere else that sounds like a very good plan - i just know for me and most people i know we wouldn't have those kind of resources and would be at risk for ending back up in the same situation because of money. i don't want that to happen to you. but if you do have the money to do that it may be a good plan.

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  12. #58
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    Default Re: please help

    The OP is having a hard time i think because long before the physical abuse started... There was the mental/emotional abuse! This type is said to be the worst and it kind of is! She is having a hard time because this punk mf is in her head! Also when you are living on edge all the time.... You become mentally and emotionally drained. This makes it even harder to make choices and see your way out. Anyways, having been in your shoes (to an extent) I say just get up and leave NOW!!!! The longer you stay the more he tears you down and the harder it will be!! What exactly are you waiting for???? you dont need a plan. Go to your kitchen and get a knife or fill an old sock with change or whatever and go to the door and WALK OUT NOW!!! If he tries to stop you fuck HIM up! You dont need a plan go to the nearest E.R. and tell the the TRUTH. They will pair you with an advocate and you can go from there. Please... when i read your post I felt a hot flash and my anxieties went through the roof. Leaving is both the hardest and easiest thing to do. Stop reading/planning/thinking.... grab something to defend yourself and walk!!

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    Default Re: please help

    Quote Originally Posted by tinydancer23 View Post
    what about contacting a dv/victim's advocate via email since you have internet access?

    if you have the financial resources to walk out, buy a plane ticket, get away and rent an apartment somewhere else that sounds like a very good plan - i just know for me and most people i know we wouldn't have those kind of resources and would be at risk for ending back up in the same situation because of money. i don't want that to happen to you. but if you do have the money to do that it may be a good plan.
    How do I do that I tried googling and can't find anything...

    Also..I will have to save for a month or 2 before I would have enough to move

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    Featured Member tinydancer23's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help

    i'd have to know your city & state to find out but you can pm me if you want me to look for you. i can also contact folks in my networks depending on where you are. i understand if you don't feel comfy sharing the info but i'm here if you want me to do that.

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    Default Re: please help

    Sorry but Im emotional... U do NOT need to talk to any1 or have any money screw your belongings etc just go like now.... What is any stupid thing sets him off and he hits you tonite. What if that blow kills you or worst?! Your life is in danger the longer you stay!! He is not rational nor completely sane or he wouldnt treat you this way. Just get up and go PLEASE.

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    Default Re: please help

    Problem with hiding money, is that he will beat the crap out of you. Knowing that you are saving up to leave.

    There is no planning, just leaving. At the most you will have to wait a week or two for a cam check to come through. This really isn't that long to wait or crash on a friends couch.

    Sam

  18. #63
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    Default Re: please help

    huny theres absolutely nothin normal bout a man usin u as his punchin bag he has no ryt to lay his hands on u.hes a coward n shud go pick on sum1 his own age n size. my heart goes out to u.we all wana help u but until u decide u want to do sumthin bout this then all we can do is offer u advice n be there 4 u but its up to u to take tht advice.postin here was the 1st step n i hope u find the courage to get out of tht relationship b4 its too late.tht man doesnt love u he wnts sum1 to take care of him n thts wat u doin.its so sad tht man these days r so comfortable n dnt mind lettin a woman take care of them.real men know where to draw the line. wat is this guy doin 4 u?how is he helpin u?i can't believe tht he has the nerve to beat u cuz u say u too tired to work.its so easy 4 him to call u a lazy bitch well he there sittin on his ass instead of lookin 4 a job so hes a fine one to talk.sweety u can do witout this guy.i understand y its so difficult 4 u to get out u bn wit him 4 years n u cant imagine yo life witout him but in this case i really think u shud start imaginin yo life witout him.this relationship is toxic.he swears at u today beats u up tomorrow threatens to kill u,do u wana know wat hes guna do next? HES GUNA KILL U.this guy is usin u.girl if u search deep witin u u'l find the answer. if u in a relationship n start feelin intimidated by yo bf walk away its not easy but u shud never let a man get away wit hurtin u like tht.love is not bng bng afraid of yo partener once u feel tht then sumthin is wrong.hes isolated u, hes broken u down, u have no self esteem, u feel useless, hopeless, worthless u even make excuses 4 him,"hes ryt to hit me i provoked him,"thts the staff tht u've come to blv,m i gettin warm yet?i really think i am.this is exactly how he wants u to feel,like u cant live witout him.u takin care of him beautiful, hes the one who cant live witout u.yo life is worth mo than this.hes makin u miserable please dnt make excuses 4 him.once a guy hits u he'll always hit u.abusive guys r so gud at pullin the sympathy card.he'll apologise he'll get on his knees ,he'll cry,u'l feel guilty feel like well maybe u did deserve him hittin u like tht.then u 4give him till the next tym he feels u've pissed him off then u start all over again.the girls r ryt this is never i repeat never guna stop.u have to get outa there.wen u do decide to leave please make sure u leavin him 4 gud.abused women tend to go bak to their abusive partners.i've said this b4 in one of my posts jus stand infront of the mirror.look at tht girl thts starin back at u.does she deserve wat u puttin her thru.i say u cuz u seem to be makin excuses 4 this guy.it seems u tryna c the gud in him but if u lookin 4 the guy u fell in love wit hes long gone n its not yo job to bring him bak.he has to get help n so do u.sumtyms we go thru things in life n think we can sort them out on our own or we think gettin councellin is outa the question but after wat u bn thru thts the best thing u can do 4 yoself. u r beautiful n dnt lose tht special girl in u tht once had all the confidence to take on the world.yes CONFIDENCE we r camgirls n every1 of us has tht we myt not feel tht way sumtyms but it takes a lot to do wat we do.tht girl u was is still there sumwhere jus find her

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  20. #64
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    Default Re: please help

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Problem with hiding money, is that he will beat the crap out of you. Knowing that you are saving up to leave.

    There is no planning, just leaving. At the most you will have to wait a week or two for a cam check to come through. This really isn't that long to wait or crash on a friends couch.

    Sam
    If he does find it, which I doubt... he will he won't know it was money to leave. I can tell him I was saving up to surprise him with something.

    And..I don't have a friends couch to crash on. I don't leave near anyone I know. All I have is far away old friends I haven't talked to in years.

  21. #65
    Featured Member Ms.Lacey's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help

    As women in abusive relationships, be it verbal, mental, and/or physical we hold on because that is all we know. You become more afraid to be/make it on your own so you stay and deal because at some point you learned to blame yourself.

    I stayed and dealt with cheating, I mean that man even spit in my face. Tried to hit me with our son in my arms. I told myself enough and ever time I believed I missed him or felt myself falling back into old habits, I would said "I deserve more"

    Move on and make it that simple because in all reality it is.

    Troll or not this is a general message to anyone that needs some motivation
    Last edited by Ms.Lacey; 07-20-2011 at 04:45 PM.

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  23. #66
    Featured Member MzStar's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Sam38g View Post
    Now you seem like a con artist. Would they put him in jail? REALLY! Guess you have never watched a lifetime movie in your life with that statement.

    He has agorphobia yet your afraid he will chase you down. If he truly had it then you wouldn't be worried at all about him walking out the door at all.

    I assume you do go to the bank? Grocery store? run errands? pay bills? or do you both live as total shut ins?

    You threaten to leave or call the cops as control. Dail once and see if they don't show up or call back? Because they will.

    Before posting here, I would have assumed you did research on abuse to see what options you had.

    Here are some cold hard facts:

    A man who kills his partner during an abusive relationship will spend less than 10 years in jail. Judges, prosecutors and juries believed she could have left at any time and deserved the punishment for being so stupid in staying with his ass. No matter what the threats of danger there were.

    If a woman kills her abuser then she will get 20 years or more, even if it was proven to be extremely violent relationship.

    I have had several friends in abusive relationships. I have picked them up in the middle of the night, alone to have them go back the very next day. I remained friends with them, but they could not complain about the abuse. If they are willing to tolerate being a victim then why should my ears be victim to the stories of abuse they thought wasn't bad enough to leave over.

    If you truly wanted out, then you would find a way. You would walk out the door and keep going without looking back.

    I do NOT trust those who are just looking for sympathy, you chose to stay.

    Sam

    Like I said ..... TROLL!!!!! looking for attention.
    I feel like im in the French Revolution!!!!!! "Sooooo Many heads sooooo little time!!"


  24. #67
    Featured Member tinydancer23's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help

    just talked to a shelter local to you, pming you with the info they gave me. my power just went out in my house so i may not be able to send it all to you tonight (hopefully the power company will get this fixed asap).

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  26. #68
    Featured Member MzStar's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Quote Originally Posted by tinydancer23 View Post
    wow.

    okay. apparently some people live in a fantasy world where the police are always there to help you and your family will save you from everything. the fact is, a lot of the time, the police will not do shit - it depends a lot on where you live and who the police are and what color your skin is and how much money you have and how lucky you are. i have had several family members die from domestic violence, even when the perpetrators were violating their parole months beforehand. the police did absolutely fucking nothing about it, despite numerous house calls, reports, requests for help, and attempts to get protection orders (there are no domestic violence shelters where i am from, the closest ones are a few hours car trip away). also, not everyone has family (i have almost none), especially family that has the resources to help in a situation like this.

    please research victim's advocates and domestic violence groups in your area. if you don't know where to start looking, let someone know your location and research for you (i would be happy to do this). they can help you work with the police and get out of there and are usually a better long term solution than the police. they can help with housing, shelter, anonymity and safe space in ways the police sometimes cannot and will not. they can also help you navigate the legal system, which is NOT cut and dried and does not always err on the side of the victim in cases of domestic violence.

    i'm not saying don't contact the police. take pictures of the beatings. DO contact the police. please take his ass to court and have him sent to jail. but i also want to be realistic...calling 911 first may not be your best bet - in my experience that leads to the police coming to the house and telling him politely not to do it again and leaving. you might get lucky - they might believe you and do something about it - but you might not, and then you will end up in a worse situation. having an advocate who knows the legal system and can fight for your rights can make a huge difference, and they can hook you up with resources so you can find another living situation.


    Well I live in big cities where your neighbors call 911 on you for yelling at the kids......and the police will come arrest someone !
    Nothing more needed.
    I feel like im in the French Revolution!!!!!! "Sooooo Many heads sooooo little time!!"


  27. #69
    Featured Member tinydancer23's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Quote Originally Posted by MzStar View Post
    Well I live in big cities where your neighbors call 911 on you for yelling at the kids......and the police will come arrest someone !
    Nothing more needed.
    must be nice. not all of us have that privilege.

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  29. #70
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    Default Re: please help, abusive boyfriend :/

    Quote Originally Posted by tinydancer23 View Post
    must be nice. not all of us have that privilege.
    wasn't really meant like that lol

    I hate that shit .....you argue with the neighbors ...so they get mad and file false reports.....fucks up your whole life to get those fines job loss and jail time.
    I feel like im in the French Revolution!!!!!! "Sooooo Many heads sooooo little time!!"


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  31. #71
    Featured Member tinydancer23's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help

    sorry, slightly misunderstood, lol. yeah, we have some of that where i'm from too...only when somebody is actually beating the shit out of you, or shooting you, the police do not care. but they'll harass you all day for playing your music too loud, smoking weed, or pissing off the neighbors.

    yay, power's back on!

    the shelter i found is 24 hr, can do immediate or long term care and can help w/the injunction process or filing charges and with relocation. also with navigating the process to get federal grants to help relocate. and it's within cab distance of the op's house. so god willing that will be a good resource since/if the op can't get out immediately because of lack of funds saved up or lack of immediate support from friends/family.

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  33. #72
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    Default Re: please help

    Who pays $5000 for a deposit but is somehow isolated from everyone and everything? Where could this person possibly live? How did you even cover that? On a $5K deposit, you'd have to be living in a resort, paying $2500+/month or more (let's just say that's $5K, first and last). How much money do you make camming, that you can afford the entire living expenses? Do you have cam regulars? Do you do side-shows (via paypal, etc)? Why would you not just make a cam custy pay your way out of there? If camming is literally ALL you do, you must have some sort of following, by now. Four years is a long time to be online, making money.

    I, too, call troll. Just sayin'.

    If its not a troll and also for women who may what this info for future reference, just open a paypal account and start hiding money in there. Make custies funnel money in, every chance you get. Airlines like Delta or Southwest DO take paypal, to buy tickets online. You can also get on Craigslist and many places that are cheap to rent will accept paypal, especially if you are coming to them, long-distance. I travel using these means, often. There are many scenarios where literally walking out the door and on to an expecting plane, going to an anonymous destination are more than feasible. I've done it many times, myself.

    Where there is a will, there is a way. But personally, I'm not buying this story. The details are ridiculous. Stranger things have happened, I guess.
    "SS=stripper shit, in the same spectrum as CS=customer shit, which is within the spectrum of SaS=sales shit, which is all contained in the universe of BS=bullshit." -- Jay Zeno (mod)

    "Show me a hot chick and I'll show you someone who's tired of fucking her."






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  35. #73
    Featured Member tinydancer23's Avatar
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    Default Re: please help

    also if anyone else is in a similar situation and does not know where to turn or is afraid to post about it, please do not hesitate to pm me. i have a safe google voice number and gmail account you can reach me at and i can find resources for you if you don't know where to look or go (in the u.s., canada, and the u.k.). please do not think you have to do this by yourself or that there is nowhere you can turn.
    Last edited by tinydancer23; 07-20-2011 at 05:21 PM.

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  37. #74
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    Default Re: please help

    Here's a website and a phone number that I found on a google for "victims of domestic violence shelters":

    http://www.thehotline.org

    1-800-799-7233

    There were many other listings on the page. Please contact someone.

    Sometimes it takes a lot of courage to break free after enduring years of emotional and physical abuse--being told time after time that "you're just not worth it" has devastating effects.

    But please, do a google search for your area, if necessary; call and contact someone.

    There is a better life waiting for you.

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    Default Re: please help

    Forgive me, I just kinda scammed through the posts but one thing that Doll was worried about was finding a place to live.

    All you have to do is find an apartment and say "listen, I have crappy credit, but I really need a place to stay because I have just left my abusive boyfriend"

    I've done it, it works. Believe it or not, MOST people are sympathetic. Plus, I haven't ran into many people saying "Ohhh I was abused" and didn't mean it. Just putting my two cents in.

    I have a toddler runnin rampid around the house but needed to check in and read how everything was progressing.

    Don't sweat the small stuff. Things come together. Oh and another thing that I read while I was getting out of jail for hitting the MAN that hit me first and then called 911... still bitter over that shit but anyway.. as I was sitting in the probation office scared outta my brain, one sign caught my eye and it sticks with me...

    "Relax, God is in control"

    So, whoever God is to you, relax she/he's got your back.

    Now, go get a place to live!

    Now, go NOW.. but grab your laptop!!!

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