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Thread: so: how to move on?

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    Senior Member Lillionaire's Avatar
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    Default so: how to move on?

    follow-up to my last post in this forum.

    which is here: (http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=157581)

    First of all, I want to disclaim that am a low-drama person. I do not make friends with drama queens, I do not gossip, and I largely live a quiet, peaceful, and often solitary life, and I am usually fairly happy with the way things go.
    I'm seeking input from you guys because I don't deal with drama often.. and I feel like I can't exactly discuss with the friends and family who are in my life at the moment, and I really appreciate it every time I read everyone's feedback. So thanks a lot in advance.

    -

    I decided not to talk to that ex-best-friend anymore. Had a short phone conversation with her where we explained ourselves, and I admitted I was mistaken to say or think it was okay for her to fuck my boyfriend, but concluded with the fact that I didn't want to be friends with her for larger (and related) reasons, including:
    1. she claims to always have been jealous of me, and
    2. she deals with her problems by taking drugs or harassing other people.

    I decided to at least try to see if things would work out with boyfriend, considering he had thought we were pretty broken up since we hadn't talked in a while. I really felt responsible for the distance between us, and he always treated me really well in the past.
    Also, I already made plans a while ago, to visit him for August.

    So... I see him in a week and a half. Feeling really crazy about it all. I keep swinging between extremes- "want to make things work" versus "want to break up!"

    When we talked on the phone today, he said that my ex-friend texted him to say sorry, and that she was in a psych ward for six days.

    She checked into a mental institution!

    Okay, WHAT THE FUCK!

    How fair is it for me to be angry and shut a person (that I used to really care about) out of my life if they were seriously in need of help? Part of me still feels angry and justified, and part of me feels guilty and sad that I wasn't "there for her," though I'm not even sure what that means.

    The part of me that is floating ABOVE all this is telling me that I'm supposed to dump both of these people who breed negativity in my life, but I don't know how I get there, or if that's really the best thing to do. I kind of... miss them, or at least, the Good Old Times. They were both really, really close to me, before all this.

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    Featured Member FiendishGyrator's Avatar
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    Default Re: so: how to move on?

    Only you can answer this-- but if she checked herself into a mental institution, plus all the jealousy stuff from before-- she sounds like a total time/energy vortex. It's not your place to "be there" for someone who's been a shit to you, so long as the shit times far outweigh the positive times-- which it sounds like with her.

    And, don't stay with a guy because he's treated you really well in the past.

    You either want to be with him, or you don't-- and once you start feeling like you want to dump him, even if it's only part of the time, it's really just a matter of days/weeks/months-- so how much more time do you want to invest in this relationship?

    Stay in a relationship or a friendship has nothing to do with being fair or giving them extra chances-- it has to do with how you feel towards them and if you're going to be able to move beyond the negative stuff that happened before.

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    Thumbs down Re: so: how to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lillionaire View Post
    follow-up to my last post in this forum.

    which is here: (http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=157581)

    First of all, I want to disclaim that am a low-drama person. I do not make friends with drama queens, I do not gossip, and I largely live a quiet, peaceful, and often solitary life, and I am usually fairly happy with the way things go.
    I'm seeking input from you guys because I don't deal with drama often.. and I feel like I can't exactly discuss with the friends and family who are in my life at the moment, and I really appreciate it every time I read everyone's feedback. So thanks a lot in advance.


    Lillion ............ I stick with yesterdays answer ( Sorry ) , you are being far too Soft . Its like someone who walk the street with a gun and says " BUT Im booking in to rehab ... plus I need help ..come to me in my hour of need " etc etc ..Complete bullshit .

    Theres possibly a " long bow " argument for the " Boyfriend " ..( although in my book , he was not a real boyfriend ..you need to talk to them ..all the time ) ..but you are wasting your time with him .

    All these negative inputs just bring you down , distort your life , ruin your business , you dont need either of them . Please Dont fall for the two card trick ...PISS THEM BOTH RIGHT OUTTA your life !

    Good Luck .

    -

    I decided not to talk to that ex-best-friend anymore. Had a short phone conversation with her where we explained ourselves, and I admitted I was mistaken to say or think it was okay for her to fuck my boyfriend, but concluded with the fact that I didn't want to be friends with her for larger (and related) reasons, including:
    1. she claims to always have been jealous of me, and
    2. she deals with her problems by taking drugs or harassing other people.

    I decided to at least try to see if things would work out with boyfriend, considering he had thought we were pretty broken up since we hadn't talked in a while. I really felt responsible for the distance between us, and he always treated me really well in the past.
    Also, I already made plans a while ago, to visit him for August.

    So... I see him in a week and a half. Feeling really crazy about it all. I keep swinging between extremes- "want to make things work" versus "want to break up!"

    When we talked on the phone today, he said that my ex-friend texted him to say sorry, and that she was in a psych ward for six days.

    She checked into a mental institution!

    Okay, WHAT THE FUCK!

    How fair is it for me to be angry and shut a person (that I used to really care about) out of my life if they were seriously in need of help? Part of me still feels angry and justified, and part of me feels guilty and sad that I wasn't "there for her," though I'm not even sure what that means.

    The part of me that is floating ABOVE all this is telling me that I'm supposed to dump both of these people who breed negativity in my life, but I don't know how I get there, or if that's really the best thing to do. I kind of... miss them, or at least, the Good Old Times. They were both really, really close to me, before all this.








    Lillion ............ I stick with yesterdays answer ( Sorry ) , you are being far too Soft . Its like someone who walk the street with a gun and says " BUT Im booking in to rehab ... plus I need help ..come to me in my hour of need " etc etc ..Complete bullshit .

    Theres possibly a " long bow " argument for the " Boyfriend " ..( although in my book , he was not a real boyfriend ..you need to talk to them ..all the time ) ..but you are wasting your time with him .

    All these negative inputs just bring you down , distort your life , ruin your business , you dont need either of them . Please Dont fall for the two card trick ...PISS THEM BOTH RIGHT OUTTA your life !

    Good Luck .

    -
    Enjoy ... and Progress , Its all in the name of personal enjoyment

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    Featured Member Spinnerette's Avatar
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    Default Re: so: how to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by FiendishGyrator View Post

    Stay in a relationship or a friendship has nothing to do with being fair or giving them extra chances-- it has to do with how you feel towards them and if you're going to be able to move beyond the negative stuff that happened before.
    +1

    I see a lot of people stick around in things like this despite wanting to leave because they don't want to be seen as bad, flaky people. But what exactly is your loyalty to either of them? Relationships shouldn't be based on tit for tat, but a mutual desire for each others well-being. It's not an obligation and the second you feel as if you owe someone a connection is when you should cut it.

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    Default Re: so: how to move on?

    I agree that you should move on and dump both of them. It's great that you're a caring person, and that you feel bad for your friend, but if these people can put you through that much hell, they really don't deserve you. Trust your instincts... it sounds like you KNOW it's not worth it to be around either of them.

    In such an emotionally charged situation I think it's good to put distance between you and them for a while.

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    Default Re: so: how to move on?

    Hate to say this but can u look for someone else to be close to? Bc those two rnt good for u. Everyone here has put it perfectly. Sometimes if u can find someone who can provide the attention etc that u need its easier to let the trash(those two) out.

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    Default Re: so: how to move on?

    U r tooooo damn nice....harden up......look out for #1 and not the ones turning the knife in ur back!

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    Default Re: so: how to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by shift_6x View Post
    U r tooooo damn nice....harden up......look out for #1 and not the ones turning the knife in ur back!
    Very well said!

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    Senior Member Lillionaire's Avatar
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    Default Re: so: how to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Davey17 View Post
    Lillion ............ I stick with yesterdays answer ( Sorry ) , you are being far too Soft . Its like someone who walk the street with a gun and says " BUT Im booking in to rehab ... plus I need help ..come to me in my hour of need " etc etc ..Complete bullshit .

    Theres possibly a " long bow " argument for the " Boyfriend " ..( although in my book , he was not a real boyfriend ..you need to talk to them ..all the time ) ..but you are wasting your time with him .

    All these negative inputs just bring you down , distort your life , ruin your business , you dont need either of them . Please Dont fall for the two card trick ...PISS THEM BOTH RIGHT OUTTA your life !

    Good Luck .

    -
    thanks. but by the way, what is a 'long bow' argument?

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    Default Re: so: how to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lillionaire View Post
    thanks. but by the way, what is a 'long bow' argument?
    Sorry Lill ...

    I mean ( Long Bow ) , that I could mount an argument for the B/friend ( Although I dont think it strong ) ...thats what I mean by " Long Bow " ..

    I think he brings in too many Negatives ....but you know him / and I dont .

    So therefore I back your thoughts .
    Enjoy ... and Progress , Its all in the name of personal enjoyment

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    Default Re: so: how to move on?

    Long Bow ...means " Im stretching the argument ....looking for a positive ...a little from left field " ..... Get it ? sorry its not an expression you guys use , originally english heritage I believe .
    Enjoy ... and Progress , Its all in the name of personal enjoyment

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    Featured Member FiendishGyrator's Avatar
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    Default Re: so: how to move on?

    ^ aka "playing devil's advocate" in US English, where you're arguing a side you don't necessarily agree with.

    Though "long bow" makes it sound like no matter how you cut it, that position's going to be weak. "Playing Devil's Advocate" isn't necessarily weak from the get-go, just a position the debater doesn't agree with.

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    Veteran Member Davey17's Avatar
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    WWW Re: so: how to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by FiendishGyrator View Post
    ^ aka "playing devil's advocate" in US English, where you're arguing a side you don't necessarily agree with.

    Though "long bow" makes it sound like no matter how you cut it, that position's going to be weak. "Playing Devil's Advocate" isn't necessarily weak from the get-go, just a position the debater doesn't agree with.

    Sort of Fiendish ...but not exactly ..Been thinking about this ..

    " Means ........... I could maybe mount a case for boyfriend "( Long Bow )

    Because if I were playing Devils Advocate ...I would argue his case ( without necessarily agreeing ) ...

    EG: ' You said to sleep with her " ..... lol

    Anyhow , we all know what we mean now ! Thanks Fiendish

    Dave
    Enjoy ... and Progress , Its all in the name of personal enjoyment

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    Default Re: so: how to move on?

    Quote Originally Posted by shift_6x View Post
    U r tooooo damn nice....harden up......look out for #1 and not the ones turning the knife in ur back!
    Absolutely. Drop both these assholes ASAP. A few good memories aren't worth the pain in the ass they're creating.

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    Default Re: so: how to move on?

    It sounds like you tried to make things better with the bf, but if you really want to break up with him, that feeling probably won't go away on its own. At this point, probably the only thing that would fix that relationship is some sort of counseling or being able to talk through things really thoroughly on your own. I don't know if you guys have that sort of communication or feel close and serious enough to try counseling. Sometimes, things just aren't worth saving anymore.

    Don't feel guilty about the friend. You had every right to shut her out - she was toxic. There's a difference between helping people who truly need it and letting emotional vampires with no desire to change suck the life out of you. She was clearly messed up to begin with. And she still sounds messed up by texting your bf like that. Why did he have to know she had checked herself into a mental institution? Completely irrelevant to her apology. Sounds like she just said it hoping it would get back to you and make you feel guilty, or possibly render some sort of sympathy out of him and make sure he didn't forget about her. I kinda hope she checked herself in because, on some level, she realizes she has issues, but the fact that she would go pulling this shit and broadcasting it makes me wonder if this is just another thing she's doing to get attention...

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