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Thread: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

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    Default Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    I wanted to get your opinion or what would you do in my situation.

    I been with my boyfriend for 2 years, before that we were friends for 7 years. He is truly an amazing guy, hes sweet to me, listen to me and pretty much all around great guy, if we broke up. I believe we would remind friends forever.

    But the problem is hes really poor, he has a dead an job that barely pays anything. He's still living with his mother (Which i could understand cause she is in her 60s and I wouldn't want her to live alone anyways.) and really he cannot afford his own place.

    I never been the type of girl that requires a guy to have money to date me and when i was younger...money never was an issue, cause as long as you have love its all good lol

    But I am at the age in my life where I would like to have securities and a nice outlook on my future life. Whenever we go out I mostly pay cause he honestly don't have any money and I can afford it. I really don't mind paying for now but forever? I don't think so.

    I love him alot, hes the best guy ever and we have such a good friendship and love connection. But at the same time I'm nervous about my future with him, I don't want to take care of him for the rest of my life. I want to be taken care of. I'm always taking care of people, so I really want a man that can finally take care of me.

    I guess I'm really just stuck, I love him yet I don't know can I see a future with him. He said he'll go back to school and get an education to get me the life I deserve but I guess time can only tell if he will follow through...and should I even wait for that...

    Have you ever been in this situation? what would you ladies do?

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Being poor is one of the most soul crushing experiences you can go through. I would avoid it like the plague. There is a happy medium between being a kept woman and dating a broke ass loser, that's where you want to be.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    I have. He is making a lot of money now, but it wasn't always that way, but all along he was always working to better himself and I knew he would not always be in that situation.

    A lot would depend on why he is poor. Why the dead end job? Isn't he trying to remedy this? No ambition? That to me would be a bigger problem than the fact that he is poor currently. I have a lot of drive and am always trying to advance myself and wouldn't be able to relate to someone with no goals.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Honestly, I probably wouldn't. I've been with guys who wanted me to pay for everything because "I can afford it," but you know what... we girls work hard to make the money we have. He could do the same. Yes, the economy sucks, and everyone has obstacles in their life, but you can always go to school, get an education, put out resumes, and do everything you can to further yourself.

    If he's not following through RIGHT NOW on what he said he would do, chances are low that he'll actually do it. I wouldn't wait around. You can always be friends with him, and keep looking for someone else who is more on your level. Financial issues can be such a huge strain in relationships... if it's bothering you this much now, it will probably continue to.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    I'd stay, but I've never wanted to be taken care of. I enjoy taking care of myself.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    If it's because of the economy I would, but if he's just an underachiever no way. He shouldn't have to get an education to take care of a woman though, she should be taking care of herself.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Exactly what Laurie said. WHY is he poor? WHY is he in that shitty job? If you love him and he says -as you've mentioned- that he'll go to school to better himself then stick around, support him as he works his way up. If he's just saying that to appease you and he isn't really trying and is just content to float along, leave. Make sure that he knows this is what you want. See how he feels about ambition. What are his goals and dreams? If he has none or if they're like, "well I just want to be comfortable and relax"...*buzzer sound* weakest link!

    One thing I learned through a relationship with a great guy where it ultimately didn't work out was that sometimes love isn't enough. He's a great guy, that doesn't mean that he's YOUR great guy. Love is important but there are other things just as important, like life goals and sexual compatibility.

    It sounds like you're coming at this from a good place in your mind and your heart. You're asking the right questions and I think you'll make the right decision.


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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Evil_Hippo View Post
    I wanted to get your opinion or what would you do in my situation.

    I been with my boyfriend for 2 years, before that we were friends for 7 years. He is truly an amazing guy, hes sweet to me, listen to me and pretty much all around great guy, if we broke up. I believe we would remind friends forever.

    But the problem is hes really poor, he has a dead an job that barely pays anything. He's still living with his mother (Which i could understand cause she is in her 60s and I wouldn't want her to live alone anyways.) and really he cannot afford his own place.

    I never been the type of girl that requires a guy to have money to date me and when i was younger...money never was an issue, cause as long as you have love its all good lol

    But I am at the age in my life where I would like to have securities and a nice outlook on my future life. Whenever we go out I mostly pay cause he honestly don't have any money and I can afford it. I really don't mind paying for now but forever? I don't think so.

    I love him alot, hes the best guy ever and we have such a good friendship and love connection. But at the same time I'm nervous about my future with him, I don't want to take care of him for the rest of my life. I want to be taken care of. I'm always taking care of people, so I really want a man that can finally take care of me.

    I guess I'm really just stuck, I love him yet I don't know can I see a future with him. He said he'll go back to school and get an education to get me the life I deserve but I guess time can only tell if he will follow through...and should I even wait for that...

    Have you ever been in this situation? what would you ladies do?

    People wait a long time to find this ^. Some never do.

    If you are the type of person who needs to be taken care of, then this is probably a deal breaker.

    I know a couple of stay-at-home dads, because the wife had a much better job/education. It seems to work for them....

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Winged Dinghy View Post
    I'd stay, but I've never wanted to be taken care of. I enjoy taking care of myself.
    She's not talking about taking care of herself, she's talking about taking care of someone else. Men or women, i don't care who you are but you better be able to support yourself financially.
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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    I had to let go of few friends simply because they were ALWAYS broke. Always had their hand out, never can do anything such as enjoy life with you, always mooching because "you can afford it"- its like taking care of a child that you did not give birth to. It sucks and its not attractive. They always bring me down and put me in a negative mood- also had to keep worrying if they will pay me back or not. My life was on edge because of it and I had to let them go.

    Since then, I have new friends. Who are financially independent like I am and we all get to enjoy life together and I'm way happier and stress free. Dont you want a companion that you can enjoy your fruits of labor with?

    Why is he poor? No ambition? Is he trying to better his self at all?? That is such a turn off. I love successful men simply because of their go getter attitude and its such a admirable trait. No, not so they can buy me stuff and hand money to me. I enjoy men who enjoy life and want the best for theirselves.

    And baby, if youre worried about the future, you are simply in trouble. There are men out there that are financially secure and have a love connestion with you. The future is important. Love does NOT conquer all. In fact, you'll probably be in a huge financial mess that it will take a huge toll on your relationship thus you will be miserable as fuck with this guy. As Wendy Williams said- three things that make or break relationships are- MONEY, SEX, AND LIFESTYLE. LOL- yes i went there and i love wendy, but shes right. I dont know how your sex life is but the money and lifestly part aint happening for you if this guy doesnt get his shit together.

    Do you want to live a poor lifestyle? Do you want to struggle the rest of your life? Because dancing will not last. Do you want to work as a cashier at age 76 or do you want a stress free lifetstyle at that age?

    I always said to myself, because I have a fear of aging, the only way its OK for me to be 80 is if I had money in the bank and laying on the beach....NOT Eating cat food because thats all I can afford.

    The future is important.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by IsobelWren View Post
    Exactly what Laurie said. WHY is he poor? WHY is he in that shitty job? If you love him and he says -as you've mentioned- that he'll go to school to better himself then stick around, support him as he works his way up. If he's just saying that to appease you and he isn't really trying and is just content to float along, leave.
    I also agree with this. Is he poor because he'd rather spend the day playing X-Box 360 with his friends? Is he poor because there is no time left for work after smoking pot all day with his buddies?

    Its one thing to be poor because of circumstances outside of your control, its another to be poor because you are lazy and useless. The lazy guy will expect to you clean, cook, care for the kids and work, while he does nothing - how is this a good deal, exactly?

    A person's work ethic says a lot about him. If he is a good and hard worker, but facing hard times, you might want to give him a chance. He should have ambitions and a goal to improve himself, though.

    Also, and this is VERY IMPORTANT: If you help him improve himself by helping him pay for college, pay his bills while in college, etc., make sure you have him sign a promissory note or contract that states all the expenses you paid for and states that these are loans and he will pay you back within three years. If you stay together, you can choose to extend and renew the debt, and if you get married, you may choose to forgive the debt altogether. However, if he leaves you right after graduation and moves in with some other girl who enjoys the benefits of your investment, you are going to want to collect the $10,000 or more you spent to get him where he is.
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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by jack0177057 View Post
    I also agree with this. Is he poor because he'd rather spend the day playing X-Box 360 with his friends? Is he poor because there is no time left for work after smoking pot all day with his buddies?

    Its one thing to be poor because of circumstances outside of your control, its another to be poor because you are lazy and useless. The lazy guy will expect to you clean, cook, care for the kids and work, while he does nothing - how is this a good deal, exactly?

    A person's work ethic says a lot about him. If he is a good and hard worker, but facing hard times, you might want to give him a chance. He should have ambitions and a goal to improve himself, though.

    Also, and this is VERY IMPORTANT: If you help him improve himself by helping him pay for college, pay his bills while in college, etc., make sure you have him sign a promissory note or contract that states all the expenses you paid for and states that these are loans and he will pay you back within three years. If you stay together, you can choose to extend and renew the debt, and if you get married, you may choose to forgive the debt altogether. However, if he leaves you right after graduation and moves in with some other girl who enjoys the benefits of your investment, you are going to want to collect the $10,000 or more you spent to get him where he is.
    I'll never understand why a woman would latch up with a guy who doesn't work, sits around doing nothing then expects his SO to work and cater to him. I had a friend who made all the money while her husband didn't work, then she came hom and cooked and clean. I asked her why and she said "because he's the man". Oh and she put her home in his name though she was paying it. She was that desperate to have a boyfriend then husband that she allowed this to happen.

    Maybe it's me but I don't think this guy is as lazy as it seems. Maybe due to the economy he is struggling and that was all he could fine. Plus we don't know what she means by him not making a lot. I see a lot of women considering men broke because he can't buy her things like jewelry and furs every day. The fact that she said she wants a man to support her makes me think this. I don't believe anyone should expect to support someone or be supported in most cases

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Maybe it's me but I don't think this guy is as lazy as it seems. Maybe due to the economy he is struggling and that was all he could fine. Plus we don't know what she means by him not making a lot. I see a lot of women considering men broke because he can't buy her things like jewelry and furs every day. The fact that she said she wants a man to support her makes me think this. I don't believe anyone should expect to support someone or be supported in most cases

    Yeah...he might not be lazy at all.....Maybe he works 40 hrs at minimum wage......that would have him taking home a little over a grand a month....not enough to live on his own...but if you moved in with him, it would be enough to split expenses.

    Again...we dont have the facts of his situation. Is he ambitious, lazy or somewhere inbetween.

    - Is he going to go back to school because he wants a better job....or is he just SAYING that he will go back to school so you will get off his back.

    - Is he working 40 hours or is he working part time and not really looking for a full time job because mom pays for his meals and he makes enough to buy weed and party.

    Even if he is stuck at a minimum wage job.....he could work hard and do a great job at it and get a promotion....


    So...OP..

    tell us a little more about your guy.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    I'd save myself the headache. one of the biggest causes of stress on a relationship is money. for an adult relationship to work you should both be financially independent. I hate to sound cruel but I would never date a guy who was living with his mom ever again if I can avoid it. there are TONS of jobs out there. yeah the economy sucks, but if you're a hard worker you can figure it out. I've always believed that if you want something bad enough you can get it, so clearly this guy has no motivation to get himself out of that situation. having a "dead end job" is not an excuse for being broke. tell him to find a new job.

    his mom is in her 60s so that means he has to be at least 30? why doesn't he have a degree? if you're living with your parents you could afford to go to community college or something so what is he doing??

    an adult should be able to figure out how to live on their own and be financially responsible. I don't know this guy, but in my opinion you should find someone with a little more drive in life.

    I've been with guys who still live with mommy and daddy and it's usually because they spend all their money on stupid shit and don't have a grip on the real world

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    ^
    yeah..another question...

    how old is he?

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by xGigi View Post
    I'd save myself the headache. one of the biggest causes of stress on a relationship is money. for an adult relationship to work you should both be financially independent. I hate to sound cruel but I would never date a guy who was living with his mom ever again if I can avoid it. there are TONS of jobs out there. yeah the economy sucks, but if you're a hard worker you can figure it out. I've always believed that if you want something bad enough you can get it, so clearly this guy has no motivation to get himself out of that situation. having a "dead end job" is not an excuse for being broke. tell him to find a new job.

    his mom is in her 60s so that means he has to be at least 30? why doesn't he have a degree? if you're living with your parents you could afford to go to community college or something so what is he doing??

    an adult should be able to figure out how to live on their own and be financially responsible. I don't know this guy, but in my opinion you should find someone with a little more drive in life.

    I've been with guys who still live with mommy and daddy and it's usually because they spend all their money on stupid shit and don't have a grip on the real world
    Unfortunately, there aren't TONS of jobs out there. Even McDonalds is getting 1,000 responses for each job. There are people unemployed for years in this country and if he doesn't have a degree this makes it worse.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Is he actually making some sort of plan for going back to school and getting a better job and life or is it just one of those things he says in passing when you bring up how unhappy you are with the current financial situation? Even if he's stuck right now and needs a little more time before he can go back to school, is there a plan and a rough time estimate? Is he putting it of until xyz happens? Or is it just kinda like "Oh, yeah, at some point, I'll go back to school.... no, not right now, I just don't feel like it." I didn't work for 2 months because I quit dancing and didn't want to start camming until I moved into my new place and had privacy. But at least I had a specific plan and specific time for when I would start working again. I think there's a difference between wanting to do something and having to overcome certain obstacles first, but if there's absolutely no action or plan behind the words, I wouldn't expect anything from him...

    After only a couple days of camming, my computer went haywire and was put into the shop. I was so stressed about money (even though I still have plenty to survive for the next couple months). Today, I sat in my underwear, in my studio apartment, eating the world's most disgusting baked beans because I "didn't want to waste them" (they were 1.29)... I'm like "oh god, I'm such a 22 year old cliche." But now that my computer's back, I'm working hard to change that... I'm not gonna do that every day without a plan to improve that pathetic situation lol People who truly want to accomplish something have at least a vague plan of how they'll get there. An end goal doesn't mean much without a way to get to it.

    Although, if this is just about you wanting a guy to take care of you, I would give up that dream. He should be able to take care of himself and you should be able to take care of yourself. But if this is about not wanting to date someone who can't even take care of himself or has no ambition, then I would look elsewhere.
    Last edited by Aurora_Sunset; 07-26-2011 at 03:24 PM.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Unfortunately, there aren't TONS of jobs out there. Even McDonalds is getting 1,000 responses for each job. There are people unemployed for years in this country and if he doesn't have a degree this makes it worse.
    I've never had a problem finding a job. sometimes you have to walk into a place that doesn't have a help wanted sign up and just talk to the manager. if you're friendly and determined you'll get something eventually. my boyfriend is the same way. it's never taken him longer than a week to find a good job. in my opinion anyone that doesn't have a job isn't looking hard enough. there's ALWAYS shit that people will pay you to do. an adult should have the ability to support themself even without degrees or skills. before I was stripping I had my regular job, I walked dogs, cleaned houses, mowed lawns, and occasionally stopped by a thrift store to see if I could find some $3 neil diamond records and sell them on ebay for $30 and do stuff like that. thrifting and antiquing is a great way to make money. you could also make your own art and sell it or make clothes or jewelry, etc. I have a couple friends in nyc who've done street performing a week before rent's due. there's money everywhere, you just have to go and get it.

    if this guy is broke he should pick up extra hours or look for a new job. I'm sick of people whining about the economy and how there's no jobs. there are places hiring everyday, go on craigslist if you don't believe me! you just have to be determined. and sure a lot of people will be competing for those positions but so what? does that mean you just shouldn't try because 1000 people want the same cashiering job at McDonalds? someone's gotta get that job. people get stuck in these "dead end jobs" because they have a negative attitude about improving their situation. anyone with a positive outlook will eventually succeed.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Wow, you must live in a great area with a fantastic economy because I know many who are unemployed without jobs. This is far worse if you are overeducated or older. I've never walked into a place and hired on the spot unless you are talking places that look for hot women like strip clubs. Otherwise, no. In fact places here have signs stating not to walk in to apply. Of course if one is young and hot and walks into to apply for stripping of course they'll get hired. The real world doesn't work like that.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    you're right. everybody should just sit on their ass at the unemployment office then because the real world is so hard and getting a job is impossible if you're not young and hot and it's ok for men in their 30s or 40s to live at home with mommy while their girlfriend pays for their dates.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Aren't you aware we are in the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression? There are millions unemployed and not all are even on unemployment. There are miilions who would take ANYTHING and they can't find jobs. Since there are jobs galore by you maybe all these millions of unemployed should move by you.

    Oh and don't kid yourself thinking ago doesn't play a part. Employers often state in ads they only hire recent grads.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    yeah, I get that the economy sucks and I didn't say that EVERYBODY could just waltz right out and get a job, but it's not impossible. and it's not about being "young and hot" either. it's about having a positive attitude and interviewing well. waiting tables can pay pretty well and you can waitress at any age. if you go on craigslist and look at the job postings there are at LEAST 50 restaurant jobs everyday in every part of the country. it's not that there are "jobs galore" in MY area, there are jobs EVERYWHERE, but having a defeatist attitude and saying "the economy sucks and millions of people are out of jobs so I'm never going to find a better job" isn't going to help ANYBODY.

    and sometimes you have to think outside the box

    as I posted earlier:

    "before I was stripping I had my regular job, I walked dogs, cleaned houses, mowed lawns, and occasionally stopped by a thrift store to see if I could find some $3 neil diamond records and sell them on ebay for $30 and do stuff like that. thrifting and antiquing is a great way to make money. you could also make your own art and sell it or make clothes or jewelry, etc. I have a couple friends in nyc who've done street performing a week before rent's due. there's money everywhere, you just have to go and get it."

    stripping is the first high paying job I've ever had. I worked for minimum wage, but was I ever broke? no. did I ever move back in with my parents? no. I did side jobs and worked my ass off.

    if you're resourceful you can stay afloat even if the economy is bad. the guy my landlord pays to mow the lawn says he makes roughly $50k a year.

    but ANYWAY this thread has flown way off the rails sooooo

    OP,

    if you want to date this guy, do it. if you want a rich guy, get a rich guy. if you want to marry a hobo, then marry a hobo. as long as whoever you're with makes you happy then good for you.

    I personally wouldn't date a guy in his 30s-40s who lives with his mom, but that's just my preference and there's no right answer here.

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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Aren't you aware we are in the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression? There are millions unemployed and not all are even on unemployment. There are miilions who would take ANYTHING and they can't find jobs. Since there are jobs galore by you maybe all these millions of unemployed should move by you.

    Oh and don't kid yourself thinking ago doesn't play a part. Employers often state in ads they only hire recent grads.
    Even in "the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression" 91 out of 100 people have jobs. Asking that someone be able to financially take care of themselves is literally the bare fucking minimum you can ask of your partner.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

  32. #24
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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by xGigi View Post
    yeah, I get that the economy sucks and I didn't say that EVERYBODY could just waltz right out and get a job, but it's not impossible. and it's not about being "young and hot" either. it's about having a positive attitude and interviewing well. waiting tables can pay pretty well and you can waitress at any age. if you go on craigslist and look at the job postings there are at LEAST 50 restaurant jobs everyday in every part of the country. it's not that there are "jobs galore" in MY area, there are jobs EVERYWHERE, but having a defeatist attitude and saying "the economy sucks and millions of people are out of jobs so I'm never going to find a better job" isn't going to help ANYBODY.

    and sometimes you have to think outside the box

    as I posted earlier:

    "before I was stripping I had my regular job, I walked dogs, cleaned houses, mowed lawns, and occasionally stopped by a thrift store to see if I could find some $3 neil diamond records and sell them on ebay for $30 and do stuff like that. thrifting and antiquing is a great way to make money. you could also make your own art and sell it or make clothes or jewelry, etc. I have a couple friends in nyc who've done street performing a week before rent's due. there's money everywhere, you just have to go and get it."

    stripping is the first high paying job I've ever had. I worked for minimum wage, but was I ever broke? no. did I ever move back in with my parents? no. I did side jobs and worked my ass off.

    if you're resourceful you can stay afloat even if the economy is bad. the guy my landlord pays to mow the lawn says he makes roughly $50k a year.

    but ANYWAY this thread has flown way off the rails sooooo

    OP,

    if you want to date this guy, do it. if you want a rich guy, get a rich guy. if you want to marry a hobo, then marry a hobo. as long as whoever you're with makes you happy then good for you.

    I personally wouldn't date a guy in his 30s-40s who lives with his mom, but that's just my preference and there's no right answer here.
    Well, around here there are simply no jobs ANYWHERE. Restaurants aren't even hiring and the few times they do they have 1,000's applications for one job. Sure, one can work for themselves, but if no one has money how can the afford to hire people for jobs? Some people aren't artistic enough to make money on that and others don't have business minds. Even then, there aren't many good jobs out there, especially if one doesn't have skills. If he has no skills he can't find a better job. Or what if he can but it's a job that got outsourced, like IT then what? And no, places aren't going to hire people who are skilled in one field for an unskilled job and why would they?

    I think you are judging him and others who are unemployed and it's not fair. Now if he just doesn't want to work that's another topic and we don't know.

  33. #25
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    Default Re: Would you stay with a broke poor guy?

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    Even in "the worst economic disaster since the Great Depression" 91 out of 100 people have jobs. Asking that someone be able to financially take care of themselves is literally the bare fucking minimum you can ask of your partner.
    Unemployment is 10% and in some areas it's more. And unemployment includes underemployment. Sure, one can support themselves, but what about the female posters who always state they want a man to support them? Isn't it hypocritical when people state men should be supporting themselves (they should)but not women? BOTH should support themselves but in this economy that's isn't always possible.

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