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Thread: Dating a dancer(s)

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    Default Dating a dancer(s)

    Ok folks, here's my deal. Somehow, I have managed to date three strippers. The kicker is I've never once been to a strip club - ever. The first girl I met at the grocery store, the other was interning for one of my clients, and the third (my current girl friend) I met at a strategic communications conference I was hosting. She was sitting in the lobby of the hotel waiting for her lunch reservations when I struck up a convo with her.

    I know most men would love to date a dancer for whatever reason my be important to them at the time, but I could really care less. I have zero morality issues with the industry, but I simply refuse to pay for something that a) I can't have, and b) I can get for free. I'm not the best looking guy in the world, but I'm ok looking, dress well, and make very good money. Hence, if I want to be with a beautiful sexy woman, I just go get one.

    My first two relationships with dancers were pretty casual. One lasted three months, and the other almost 8 months. I never once asked them about their jobs or regulars, but both of them were very forthcoming with details. Details such as (wait for it... wait for it...) what "other" girls do that they would never do in a million years because they're good girls.

    No offense, but if part of your job description is to wax your vagina, you're not a traditional "good girl". Anyhoo, I'm pretty open minded, so I don't judge. But I also won't pretend that there's no *perceived* social moral difference between a girl who works to cure cancer and a girl who grinds on stranger's cocks 8 hours per day.

    Social perceptions and puritanical morality notwithstanding, I have found myself in a real relationship with a dancer. I love her, she loves me, and we get along famously. But one thing that is starting to really, really get on my nerves is when she talks about work. It's like she keeps trying to justify it to me even thought I've never questioned her. What bothers me the most is that sometimes I think she thinks I'm stupid; I mean, come on, there's a big difference between what a girl does in VIP and what a girl tells her boyfriend she does in VIP.

    Again, the kicker is, I don't freaking ask, because I refuse to put her in a situation where she'll lie to me. I'd rather not know, and I'd rather not think about it. Plus, she's one of those girls who acts like she hates her job when I know she doesn't. You should see the smirk on her face when she brags about milking some fat ass perv out of his cash - and the girl just loves being naked and being the center of attention.

    More power to her - I have no problem with it.

    So there's the background. I guess my question is two fold:

    1. How do I get this girls to STOP talking about work? I don't give a rat's ass how much she made, who her regulars are, etc. I care even less about how many men just love to see her in the outfit she bought last week. I don't care, and I don't want to know. By the way, I have looked this girl dead straight in her god given eyeball and told her at least twice "I do not want you to talk about work. Ever." And she just won't stop. I don't give a damn what anybody says, there's not ONE man on this planet worth a damn who gets off on the thought of his girl being handled and looked at by a bunch of strangers. A man worth a damn might tolerate it, hell, even support it, but he'll never get off on it.

    2. How do I convey to her that even though I've never been in a club, I know that a dancer can rarely get regulars and never keep them unless there is a little extra mileage (even if that mileage doesn't break the law or go too far overboard). Any man who will drop $300 plus a bottle of bubbly on my girl every freaking Tuesday of the world is getting a little more than the air dances she swears she's doing. Why does this girl think I'm a moron? I run the marketing division of a Fortune 500 company in international markets, I've been with far more than my fair share of women, I know she is very "adventurous and sexually open", and I know the minute - love or not - that a better looking man with more money and better game comes along, she'll be off in a flash; not because she's a dancer, but because she's a woman!

    I need feedback from dancers on how to deal with this girl, or I'm going to pass her off to be some other man's problem. I love the woman, but Jesus H. Christ she has to stop giving me daily reminders that she grinds cock for a living and thinks I'm a dumbass.

    *** This rant of a question was brought to you in part by the text message "I love you, baby! On stage next and it's cold as fuck in here. Wish me luck!"

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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    LMAO! If you really loved her you wouldn't be posting on a message board calling her a liar, accusing her of deciving you and asking other strippers for advice on how to "handle her" after insulting the entire profession and calling them all liars.

    Dude, what you are in love with is the pussy. You haven't figured out how to be in love with her yet.
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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    LMAO! If you really loved her you wouldn't be posting on a message board calling her a liar, accusing her of deciving you and asking other strippers for advice on how to "handle her" after insulting the entire profession and calling them all liars.

    Dude, what you are in love with is the pussy. You haven't figured out how to be in love with her yet.
    So if I really loved her, I'd smile and say "yes dear". That's silly. And she is a liar; gets paid pretty damn well for it too. I know she's just trying to protect my feelings, but I'd rather her do that by honoring my request to not talk about work - not blow smoke up my ass.

    Thanks for the commentary. Does anyone have any answers or insight?

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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    I know she is very "adventurous and sexually open", and I know the minute - love or not - that a better looking man with more money and better game comes along, she'll be off in a flash; not because she's a dancer, but because she's a woman!
    Ah, so it's not just dancers that are disloyal and deceitful, but rather all women. Got it and thanks.

    With your keen intellect and clear-eyed insights into human nature, I have no doubt that you will soon be promoted from this...

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    I run the marketing division of a Fortune 500 company in international markets...
    ...to even greater roles. Who knows, the next time you start another wonderfully insightful discussion piece on this board you might even be the CEO!

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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    You think she's a lying whore. Why are you with her then? You go on and on about how "you don't judge" but you clearly do. If you were dating anyone else with any other job, would you demand they not talk about their job? If you can't handle it, don't be with a dancer. If you think she's skanking it up in the VIP room, then why the hell are you with her? It's great that you're trying to be all "enlightened" and everything, but you are just obviously not the kind of guy who can truly handle dating a dancer. So stop dating dancers.

    You clearly have issues with strippers and women in general. You do judge, you think she's a liar and a whore... I'm sorry, but any guy who would think of me that way doesn't love me. You should leave her to be some other guy's problem - perhaps a guy who doesn't think she's a filthy, lying whore for a living and demands that she never speak of her job.

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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    I'll never be CEO, but CMO is coming to me in about 5 years if I play my cards right. I became successful with women the same way I became successful in business: being honest with myself about my limitations, asking tough questions, not asking questions I don't want to know the answers to, becoming a student of human behavior. I take risks, but they are calculated risks. My relationship is no different.

    All I want is for my girlfriend to stop talking about work, and stop trying to convince me that she's the reincarnation of Mother Teresa.

    Back to work. Feel free to bash my mindset (I could care less), but it would also be nice if someone could just answer the freaking question while they're at it. Deflection from the topic and reassigning the fundamentals thereof is a surefire sign that your opponent has either lost the argument, or doesn't have a clue what he's talking about.

    Enough with the strawman arguments. Answers please?

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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    My answer was to leave her. It's unfair to demand that anyone always keep their mouth shut about their job. And you clearly are not as non-judgmental and "ok" with it as you claim to be. So it does neither of you any good to be in this relationship.

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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    I guess my question is two fold:

    1. How do I get this girls to STOP talking about work?
    Tell her to stop until she does. If she still doesn't understand, speak louder until she does.

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    2. How do I convey to her that even though I've never been in a club, I know that a dancer can rarely get regulars and never keep them unless there is a little extra mileage (even if that mileage doesn't break the law or go too far overboard)?
    How do you know anything of the kind? This question is invalid on its face because the underlying premise of the question is based upon faulty assumptions.

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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    So if I really loved her, I'd smile and say "yes dear". request to not talk about work - not blow smoke up my ass.
    That's not what I said. If you really loved her you would empathise and yes, you would listen with an open mind rather than assuming that you know exactly what she's doing at work even though you claim to have never been in a strip club...

    If you love her and want to spend your life with her there are going to be plenty of topics coming up down the road that you won't want to talk about. Guess what, your gonna have to anyway. Stop kidding yourself.
    Last edited by yoda57us; 08-01-2011 at 02:10 PM.
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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    My first two relationships with dancers were pretty casual. One lasted three months, and the other almost 8 months. I never once asked them about their jobs or regulars, but both of them were very forthcoming with details. Details such as (wait for it... wait for it...) what "other" girls do that they would never do in a million years because they're good girls.
    I don't classify dancers as "good" or "bad" girls because of the mileage they allow. However, there are things that certain dancers don't do. Everyone has different limits yet you are operating under the assumption that all strippers operate on some standard level of whore-ish behavior. It is 100% possible that your girlfriends saw someone doing something they felt uncomfortable with. Like a good boyfriend you discussed with them the ramifications of working at a place where you are a low-mileage girl. Oh wait you didn't do that you told them that they were lying whores.

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    Anyhoo, I'm pretty open minded, so I don't judge.
    Yes you do. There is no shame in judging. We all do it. Just please stop pretending that you don't judge strippers when you clearly do.


    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    But one thing that is starting to really, really get on my nerves is when she talks about work. It's like she keeps trying to justify it to me even thought I've never questioned her.
    Your girlfriend is smart. She has picked up on the fact that you despise her job even though you are pretending to be judgement-free. Instead of dumping you she is apparently trying to "justify" her work to you.

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    I mean, come on, there's a big difference between what a girl does in VIP and what a girl tells her boyfriend she does in VIP.
    Here you assume, for no apparent reason, that your girlfriend is going above and beyond what you refered to as "grinding cock". Why do you assume this? Not all girls do extras in VIP. End of story, yet for some reason you can't accept that.

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    More power to her - I have no problem with it.
    You clearly have a problem with it.

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    How do I get this girls to STOP talking about work? I don't give a rat's ass how much she made, who her regulars are, etc. I care even less about how many men just love to see her in the outfit she bought last week. I don't care, and I don't want to know. By the way, I have looked this girl dead straight in her god given eyeball and told her at least twice "I do not want you to talk about work. Ever." And she just won't stop.
    If you have looked her in the eye and told her to never talk about work yet she talks about work anyway I suggest you end things with her. I think what you're asking of her is unfair though. For example I am seeing an excellent guy at the moment. After a night of work I remarked that one customer kept requesting that put large chunks of my hair into my mouth, I told my guy that I obliged but charged the customer extra. My man and I then had a discussion about fetishes in strip clubs and our own curiosity about this customer and his fetish. I like being able to talk about these things. Oops, my bad I guess.


    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    How do I convey to her that even though I've never been in a club, I know that a dancer can rarely get regulars and never keep them unless there is a little extra mileage (even if that mileage doesn't break the law or go too far overboard). Any man who will drop $300 plus a bottle of bubbly on my girl every freaking Tuesday of the world is getting a little more than the air dances she swears she's doing. Why does this girl think I'm a moron?
    You have already conveyed your disbelief to her. You can't really do more than that. Again, you are wrong though. One of my best regulars used to have me sit topless and simply talk, no dancing at all. You assume that I am lying though, because apparently you have no knowledge of strip clubs, which makes sense since you have never been to one.


    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    I know she is very "adventurous and sexually open", and I know the minute - love or not - that a better looking man with more money and better game comes along, she'll be off in a flash; not because she's a dancer, but because she's a woman!
    If you truely believe that then it is my opinion that you have problems with women, not just your girlfriend.

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    I need feedback from dancers on how to deal with this girl, or I'm going to pass her off to be some other man's problem. I love the woman, but Jesus H. Christ she has to stop giving me daily reminders that she grinds cock for a living and thinks I'm a dumbass
    Although I think you are asking questions that are unfair in a trusting, egalitarian relationship I have given you honest feedback. I think your best bet is to move on from the relationship. Although I think maybe you should examine your feelings about women in general.

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    This rant of a question was brought to you in part by the text message "I love you, baby! On stage next and it's cold as fuck in here. Wish me luck!"
    This makes me sort of sad. I send my current love interest a similar text and he responded with "I am praying to Dita von Teese and the stripper gods that you will make money". If you do choose to leave the relationship I hope that your girlfriend will realize that she has done nothing wrong other than believe you when you say you are not judging her job.

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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    You insult the dancers,... then ask them to help you out?... You've got mucho cojones.
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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    I used to date someone who did not allow me to talk about work. He hated my job. I couldn't stand not being able to talk about my day.

    Why do you think that she is a liar? My boyfriend omits some details of his job because he know i don't want to hear about how he is put at risk.

    You need to retrain your brain. It seems like every time she talks about work ("someone gave me a 50 today on the stage!!"), you just picture her grinding a dude to completion.

    I LOVE being able to tell my boyfriend how my night went. He might not love it, but he is there for me. We have all agreed on this board for sometime that we don't tell our SOs the bad things that may happen because our SOs might feel like they can't protect us:-/

    For example, I'm not going to tell my bf, "the club was dead and i had to dance for this super octopus hands guy. I had to hold his hands the whole time and he stunk super bad."

    But, I love to share the awesome stuff that happens, "Random dude gave me a 50 on stage." or "Some weirdo paid my for an hour in the VIP to talk about his kitten."

    My BF asks me about my day/night at work and is happy for me/with me when I am happy.

    Lastly, if you love this girl than you should be her number one advocate. You of all people KNOW how awesome she is. I have no idea why you would question "what" she does to satisfy her customers.
    Last edited by shasta; 08-02-2011 at 03:01 AM.

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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    Thanks for the feedback shastsa, that’s exactly what I was looking for. Jack0177057, I have cojones for days. I’m looking for honest feedback based on my perspective regardless of whether or not anyone likes it. If all I do is get flamed by dancers, then fine; perhaps I shouldn’t be dating dancers because my message falls on deaf ears . Either way, I’ll know exactly where I stand. There’s nothing wrong with manning up and putting it out there because even the women who hate you for it will love you for it. It may not translate well on an internet forum, but in real life, they’ll be telling you how much they hate your egotistical prickish attitude while walking to the bathroom to rinse your DNA off their chest. Try it. I can assure you it works.

    White collar bad boys get plenty of play too.

    I think I’m going to have a talk with my girlfriend and just tell her that while I don’t care what she does for a living, I do care about how hearing the details makes me feel: powerless to protect someone I adore from [all the stories she tells me about pervs that I don’t want to hear] and jealous thinking about [all the stories she tells me about super handsome and funny lawyers who “she’d totally go out with if she wasn’t dating me” so I should be happy that she’s safe with really “awesome and cool” regulars]. I’m going to end it tonight when she gets home. Another year and a half down the drain…

    Thanks to all of you for the insight.

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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    First of all you sound entirely too preachy to have me believe that a.) you don't care and b.) youre 100% fine with the morality of the situation.

    Second, if you're in a loving relationship with someone part of that is listening to them talk about their day and supporting it regardless. You don't get to ask your SO to not speak about a huge aspect of their life.

    Third, if you've never been to a club don't you dare make assumptions about what goes on. I've had lots of regs not one ever got "extra mileage".

    Fourth, every girl can talk about what she does versus what the other girls do. It's the nature of the business. You're so ridiculously clueless it's sad. I've NEVER done anything I couldn't come home and tell my SO about. For you to assume this makes you sound incredibly ignorant.

    Get your head out of your ass and Start exercising some of that "non-judgemental" attitude you keep talking about.
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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    Quote Originally Posted by strippersRstars View Post
    I guess my question is two fold:

    1. How do I get this girls to STOP talking about work?
    You stated earlier that she likes her job, like many people (i suspect) she likes to talk about her work and share her experience with her significant other.
    You won't be able to get her to stop ... dump her! Problem solved, question answered.

    2. How do I convey to her that even though I've never been in a club, I know that a dancer can rarely get regulars and never keep them unless there is a little extra mileage (even if that mileage doesn't break the law or go too far overboard). Any man who will drop $300 plus a bottle of bubbly on my girl every freaking Tuesday of the world is getting a little more than the air dances she swears she's doing.
    The question is moot ... irrelevant ... you don't need an answer to this question. She has been dumped. Move on to the next girl.

    Why does this girl think I'm a moron?
    Well, that's pretty obvious .. I mean ... come on dude ... you don't see it?

    I need feedback from dancers
    Oh sorry, I'm a customer. Ignore the above advice
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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    I'm going to play devils advocate here, because I think I get what you're trying to say, even if it's coming across badly. However, first I am going to make several points:

    a) As a former long term dancer, I did genuinely hate my job the last three years I did it. We're not going to go into the reasons I got trapped, because that is moot. It put me in a good mood to coax or even swindle dudes out of beaucoup cash because I felt like they deserved it and I was getting them back for what they did to me. It was more of "You may have asked me if I was a prostitute and/or been rude to me, but I got your cash motherfucker!!!" It was a sign to me that I "won". Is it stereotypically healthy? Probably not. But your GF may be much the same, and not necessarily "love being naked and the center of attention".

    B) which brings me to my second point, air dances. I worked primarily in air dance clubs (they do still exist) and even when I didn't, I abided by my own rules because I truly hate contact dances. I also had many high paying, long term regulars. Is this unusual? Maybe, but I don't know for certain- it's impossible to take accurate survey- but if she claims she is giving air dances, it is PLAUSIBLE.

    C) dancers need lots of support. It's a really difficult job, especially emotionally. I sincerely don't think she is intending to be hurtful when she forgets you don't want to hear about work.

    With all of that out of the way, I hear you. I am sure being with a dancer is difficult. My husband has been managing clubs since he was 20 (he's now 30) and hearing about my tough nights even hurt him sometimes. But unfortunately it comes with the territory- her bottling it up is a ticking time bomb.

    What you're going to have to do is compromise. Maybe tell her you only want to hear the positives, and not the perverts. There's got to be a middle ground.

    Whether this is helpful or not I'm not sure, but I hope you can take something from it.
    Last edited by mediocrity; 08-02-2011 at 06:35 PM.

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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    Wow the poor guy got beat up here.
    You do have a a good question just maybe a little to much detail.

    Married a retired dancer myself I used to get a kick outta hearing her stories, then hear her friends tell me how she used to go vip sit on her ass and drink all their booze n leave. (not all the time) Just some here and there stories, Hell even the guy came in his pants made me laugh.

    I can't tell you how to handle it if, you are open minded then it really should be no issue. I am not so open minded and am by far not into dating women who are current dancers because. My head would be clouded with the thoughts you are having and in all fairness it wouldn't be fair to her even if she was my soul mate.

    When I was wayyy younger 20 years ago I "dated" a lot of strippers cause I sold em what they needed to make it thru their crazy ass schedules.
    But to be dating or married to a girl who does it now would be an emotional killer.
    Not cause she is PROPERTY as some like to call it, It's hard to make love to someone who just had done what ever to barely make her payout or not even cover her pay out and lost money for the night. Especially when they may have an amazing career in other fields.

    You need to sit down with her go out to a nice dinner and say hey I really do love you. I don't mind what you do for work. I just don't like to see the image in my head. Because I think thats whats happening to you. You are seeing what she tells you and that part bothers you. Not what she does, it's what you imagine what she does.

    With that said BF husbands etc should be allowed in the club hell even video it. For your and her fun (im talking pole work) not lappy. But alcohol GF dancing and other men could be a seriously bad combo.

    Wish you luck bro. You have a daunting task ahead of you as you seen already. Dancers have their own thought process I have learned and dont F with it.

    I think you are serious in your question, but don't talk about the 25% of the girls who do xtras every club has em and every club needs em. Its just the business.

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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    ^^ Honestly, I'm surprised he didn't get beat up more. I've read people getting chewed out more for asking much more benign and non-pompous sounding questions. He may have had a good question in "I'm uncomfortable imagining my gf stripping and I don't like to hear about it" but it got squashed underneath his "non-judgmental" accusations of her being a lying whore.

    Oh well, hopefully, the issue has been resolved and we don't have to hear anymore about it.

  27. #19
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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    Your girlfriend is not very bright.

    Most hustlers that I work with NEVER talk to their significant others about work, who they danced for, regulars, how much they made. These girls can compartmentalize their personality so well. They act one way in real life and are completely different in the strip club. I am like that and it works wonders for me. When Im at work I dont think about my family life I just focus on the money and being a hustler. At home I am more relaxed and myself. If I have a bad day at work, I dont bring that shit home and talk about it to my hubby. If me and hubby ever get in a fight I dont even THINK about it at work, I dont let it bother me. Work and personal life for me are completely separate.

    I dont ever tell my hubby at work and I can tell that although he trusts me he doesnt want to hear about it or know anything about it. Which is great. I love the setup I have and I have seen this work in other couples as well.

    Perhaps your girlfriend has her work and personal life too enmeshed in each other.

    Just talk to her. Say "hey I totally respect you for what you do and have no problem with, but Id rather not talk about what happens at work with you. That's just something that I really dont want to do, cool?"

    ----------------------

    read your post again and noticed that you wrote that you already told her this TWICE and she didnt listen.
    hmmm
    .... not much advice for that
    tell her again maybe? idk

    if she doesnt quit her talking about work and it makes you uncomfortable then theres no reason to continue dating her?


    ---------------------------------

    honestly i dont think u guys should be together. she clearly doesnt understand how much this bothers you and if talking about work is so important to her then she should be with a guy that doesnt mind it.

    i also think that you overanalyze the things she says about work too much. yeah she might be an extras girl but she might also be one of the most innocent clean dancers there as well. fact is, you will never know! you just have to trust what she says. if she really is a clean dancer, then think about how much you not believing her and thinking she is blowing smoke up your ass is fucked up? either believe her words or dont be with her, but questioning and not believing everything she says is messed up.

    there are also very many dancers that have regulars that will drop a few hundred or a grand on a regular basis without expecting sexual favors or her breaking the rules in return for their $$.

    in my opinion, MOST of the big spending custys dont want that much in return. just good conversation and a few lapdances. its the cheapassses that want the most bang for their buck
    Last edited by Elusive21; 08-07-2011 at 09:25 AM.

  28. #20
    God/dess Athenathefabulous's Avatar
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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    uhhhh.....

    man im not even going to get into this. i think i will sum it up with this sentence "OP, you are a twat."

    everyone has pretty much covered the bases as to why.
    The best thing i have heard in a strip club to date:
    customer: we should get married right now! we should get a shotgun marriage!
    me: uhh... i think you are misunderstanding what a shotgun marriage means. A shotgun marriage means you knock me up and my daddy shows up at your door with a gun and forces you to marry me and raise the baby. You mean elope.
    customer: hmm... nah actually i will take the shotgun marriage. At least then we would be having sex.


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  30. #21
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    Default Re: Dating a dancer(s)

    That comment about wiping dna off of their chest,shows how much of a fucktard you are. You think your position at work translates to your position in real life,scum is scum. I'm just happy that you know you aren't desired enough to actually be kept,cause yore not a keeper and the stripper gods will be rejoicing once that hotter guy with more money....eh?,on second thought just that hotter guy comes along and steals your girl.
    I'M A HUSTLA HOMIE!!!

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