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Thread: Where Did All My Friends Go?

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    Default Where Did All My Friends Go?

    I've been realizing more and more that I don't really have that many friends anymore. When I think about people that I would just call up out of the blue to hang out with, only two people come to mind: my bf and my best girlfriend. Sure, I have other friends, but I keep drifting further and further from them. Honestly, it's not just from a lack of trying, but I don't want to try. I feel like I don't connect with them anymore and it feels forced to try to hang out and talk. I wish I could say it was because I depend on my bf too much but that's not even true - I know that if he wasn't around, I would just sit at home alone anyway and be even more of a social recluse...

    I think lately I've just mentally upped the standards I set for people I want to hang out with. I've been trying to cut myself off from toxic people that I know make me unhappy or people I think are shallow and I can't really hold a real conversation with. I'm not trying to be a snob, but I don't think there's anything terribly wrong with being a little picky about friends. I mean, how often is it said on here to get rid of negative and toxic people? I just feel like I'm not finding the good, supportive, fun people to take the place of the people I'm getting rid of...

    I don't really have the money to go join some new group or hobby right now. I remember reading a thread that had a website with a bunch of like-minded groups on there - which I visited once, but then I forgot the website and I can't find the thread. Does anyone know what it was or have any other advice for getting out there and finding more friends? I've always been of the mindset that it's better to have a few close friends than a million mediocre acquaintances, but it's really depressing when my bf's at work and my friend is out of town and I realize that I have no one else I want to call...

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    Banned SweetNaughty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    Find a hobby you can share with others....

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    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    was it www.meetup.com, or craigslist?

    You know, the same thing has happened to me. I now only have two good friends, and two or three more of acquaintances.

    But I mean, I still socialize. I have people at work I talk to at work regularly that I work with, and I chat with my personal trainer-we're friendly. I try to meet people, but it's hard.
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    Well, I like to read, but I'm not particularly enamored by the thought of a book club. I pole dance, but the only other girl in my small town who did that... I hated. She was incredibly pretentious and pretty much hated me for daring to have the same sexy hobby as her. I tried to join the parkour group once but I was the only girl and nobody seemed interested in teaching the weak, girly newbie lol So I didn't go back. I knit, and I've thought about how fun a knitting circle would be... but I don't know if anyone my age would be into it. I thought about starting a Stitch n' Bitch group in my town... I wonder how well it would go over... I should look into that again.

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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    Yes! It was meetup.com. Thank you!

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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    I'm such a bitch about this. I am currently feeling butthurt about losing friends. People who just don't talk to me anymore, and I don't even know why. I did try, I think, but they just see me as a season in their life and move along. It just sucks when you think you've got a lifer but they didn't value you as the same.... fuck it. I never change my 'mood' on here because I am always lonely, always have been...

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    Banned SweetNaughty's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    Actually, I met a LOT of great friends through horse racing.....But they are all male.

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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    Well u can pm me anytime. I think as a dancer u feel most "regular" people cant relate to who u r . Or at least I feel that way. ANd thats why we become isolated sometimes. Try to reach out like u did here on SW, bc chances r someone on here can relate. I know I can.

    I am like u in that I am choosey with who I hang out with. Most reg females cant relate or dont approve of me dancing so I usually do not reach out to any of them. There is one I somewhat reach out to but not regularly. Idk how old u r but this became more of the case the older I got and the more negative experiences I had with people. Its best to keep most people away from me simply bc there are too many people who wouldnt approve of what I do for a living.

    Ive lost touch with alot of friends but I am of the opinion that if they really cared they would check in with me. ANd I only have a few who do.

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    Veteran Member innes's Avatar
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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    I know what you mean. I switch friend so often. Like people will be an awesome friend for a couple months and then I won't talk to them again. My boyfriend is really my best friend and my sister is my other best friend. My boyfriend lives an hour away from me and we only see each other on weekends and my sister lives a couple hour away and we rarely visit each other (once a month maybe) and she'll be moving to another country in September for university .

    I can't tell anyone (except my bf) about camming. So it's awkward when I'm with people and we're talking about work and stuff. I have to lie and everything and it's awkward.

    Some of my older friends don't want to hang out anymore because of different interests. Most of my friends are still in college/university but I have just graduated. And I am interested in music (listening to music) and my bf is a musician so we go out dancing, like go to clubs and concerts and music festivals often. My friends usually don't want to go. I've stopped inviting them. I have a few friends who I meet up with at parties and stuff but that's about it.

    Hobbies, work, and school seem to be the best way to make friends. Find a new hobby. There are sometimes free events going on. I know there's a place nearby me that has free yoga classes. That could be cool, something like that.
    InnesX

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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    Quote Originally Posted by innes View Post

    I can't tell anyone (except my bf) about camming. So it's awkward when I'm with people and we're talking about work and stuff. I have to lie and everything and it's awkward.
    Right? I mean, I tell people very vaguely, but I've come to discover that very few people know wtf camming is. Even my guy friend who was obsessed with strippers and wanted to hear all about my dancing, I told him I cam now and he's like "What is camming?" I had one female friend I told about it and she seemed really really interested and started asking me all these questions about how it works. But other than that, I've found it's harder to tell people about camming than it was with dancing... cuz people at least know what stripping is - but none of them really understand camming and I can tell they feel awkward.


    Quote Originally Posted by shift_6x View Post
    Well u can pm me anytime. I think as a dancer u feel most "regular" people cant relate to who u r . Or at least I feel that way. ANd thats why we become isolated sometimes. Try to reach out like u did here on SW, bc chances r someone on here can relate. I know I can.

    I am like u in that I am choosey with who I hang out with. Most reg females cant relate or dont approve of me dancing so I usually do not reach out to any of them.
    Thanks, girl. I know - it feels so hard to relate to other people working "normal" jobs. It's like I spend all day making clips and pictures for camming and looking up ways to promote myself and then when people ask me what I've been up to... I know they don't want to hear about that stuff. It's like, I want to make money and devote my time to it, but I kinda want to have other things going on so I can relate to people on some other level than talking about work...

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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    its called getting older

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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post



    Thanks, girl. I know - it feels so hard to relate to other people working "normal" jobs. It's like I spend all day making clips and pictures for camming and looking up ways to promote myself and then when people ask me what I've been up to... I know they don't want to hear about that stuff. It's like, I want to make money and devote my time to it, but I kinda want to have other things going on so I can relate to people on some other level than talking about work...


    Then ull have to venture out and try the yoga class,school, outside hobbies maybe? Anything to put urself in a non-bar atmosphere to meet people. But these days its hard to trust people and its hard for everyone even non-dancers to make friends. ANd yea sometimes as someone else mentioned as u get older it can become harder to find people who r like u. Most people my age have been married or r married and have kids-- I cant relate to any of that.

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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    Thanks, girl. I know - it feels so hard to relate to other people working "normal" jobs. It's like I spend all day making clips and pictures for camming and looking up ways to promote myself and then when people ask me what I've been up to... I know they don't want to hear about that stuff. It's like, I want to make money and devote my time to it, but I kinda want to have other things going on so I can relate to people on some other level than talking about work...
    I love what you mentioned about people asking what you were up to all day.

    Like yesterday, I was editing my video and a couple picture sets, updating my blog, doing some research, etc. Then I went out last night with some of my "kind of" friends and they were all like oh what did you do today. Caught me off guard! What was I supposed to say to that? I was like ... uhhh ... I packed (because I'm moving in a week and a half). Yeah it was awkward Not a big deal but still.

    I can't really tell people I do like graphic design either because I don't have a graphic design degree. Or videography degree. I just do work for my own videos. And I don't want them to ask what pics/videos are about. It is so frustrating!
    InnesX

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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    I have this issue too. My partner is pretty much the only person I hang out with socially. I'm friendly with everyone at work, but what I've realized over time is that I have a hard time relating to people. I've gone to social things in the past few months where I just ended up wondering why I was there, drinking mightily and attempting futilely to find common ground with people. It just seems like more work, to be honest! I'd rather be at home by myself, where I can be myself, than out putting on my persona in an attempt to socialize. As for old friends, I've been drifting away from them. I just understand them less and less. I don't want to talk to them because it feels, again, like work.

    Really, I find that I just don't like most people to begin with. Most start off on their best foot, and then they quickly or gradually show you something that makes you regret talking to them. I am a cranky motherfucker but that's how it is.

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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    I'm such a bitch about this. I am currently feeling butthurt about losing friends. People who just don't talk to me anymore, and I don't even know why. I did try, I think, but they just see me as a season in their life and move along. It just sucks when you think you've got a lifer but they didn't value you as the same.... fuck it. I never change my 'mood' on here because I am always lonely, always have been...
    me too girl

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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    I know a lot of people but I tend to go out more when I am single. The last two years that I have spent with my boyfriend, I just went out with him and his friends. I did start hanging out with one of my girlfriends whom I have known since elementary school and her husband and we used to hang out very often....that is until last year when I went out of town to visit my Dad, and he went over to their house for the holidays to hang out...apparently she told him that she could hook him up with someone else? and it made him uncomfortable to the point where he basically said I don't think you should hang out with her she isn't a good friend. She said some other things too. I was really upset because she was a friend that I always had a good time with. We would drink and go out and have a blast so that kind of sucked.

    I have other friends I could hang out with but I really just don't have the time, or the money right now for that, but once I get my finances back in gear, and my "bf" moves out I can go back to living the single life and having some fun.

    Pretty much all of my girl friends are married. I have very few single friends right now lol.




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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default And this is one of the reaons why...

    Thanks for all the replies, guys. I don't really have the money right now to join a club but I've been looking into "continuing education" fun classes that are cheaper, or even free. Hopefully, they will help me branch out, meet new people, and have something new to talk about.

    But the past couple weeks, I realize that being a dancer can make me feel ostracized, even when people don't know about it. I started a new job serving at a nice resort near my town. Most of the other servers are my age or a little older. I really wanted to make friends with them. But I've only been there 3 weeks, and I have literally not gone a week there without the subject of strippers coming up and being made a joke of. I mean, shit, did I just not notice how often we're made fun of before? It's like it's their favorite joke. A conversation about a former coworker just a couple days ago went like this:

    "Well, I mean, she probably used to... never mind, never mind, I'm not gonna say it."
    "Haha! You think she used to be a stripper?"
    "Yeah! I mean, come on, just look at her!"

    I know it's not like they know, but that doesn't make it hurt less. If you make a shitty comment about hating Jews in front of a Jewish person, just because you didn't know they were Jewish, it doesn't make your comment any less bigoted and hateful. It's hard to connect with people who you know think that "people like you" are trash.

    I just want to make a few new close friends that I can talk to about all aspects of my life. Being silent about being a dancer has only made it worse, because I have to suffer these thoughtless comments and derogatory jokes without saying anything.

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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    I've got one best friend who is engaged, and another has a girlfriend who moved in with him. Couples and singles just don't mix for some reason, so I've sort of lost my "going out" friends. They're friends I've known half of my life. I don't have advice, just commiserating.
    Last edited by Optimist; 09-02-2011 at 04:58 PM.
    Quote Originally Posted by _Avery_ View Post
    omg, why is it so huge?!! lol lol

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    Default Re: Where Did All My Friends Go?

    Quote Originally Posted by lestat1 View Post
    I've got one best friend who is engaged, and another has a girlfriend who moved in with him. Couples and singles just don't mix for some reason, so I've sort of lost my "going out" friends. They're friends I've known half of my life. I don't have advice, just commiserating.
    Leastat1, I have found that if either is insecure they can't have single friends around. You'd be threat, hitting on your female friend secretly or encouraging bad behavior in your male friend, at least in their mind. I totally agree that it's hard. I've tried going out with couples that want to make out while I'm there. I've been seen as a distraction to a friend's man or used to start a fight between them.

    I would love to meet a friendly couple because it is fun to hang out with them when things are going well.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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