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Thread: Is this "talking shit" about someone?

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    Member breezy24's Avatar
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    Default Is this "talking shit" about someone?

    Im fighting with a friend because one of us allegedly was talking shit out the other. I want to know if it was or wasnt, or if the other is wrong or not.

    Friend A-Susie is talking with an old guy friend-John- who Friend B-Jane is kinda interested in.

    John asks Susie if Jane would like to go out drinking. Susie says, yeah, Jane definitely likes to go out and drink, but "Ive gotta warn ya' watch out cause when she's drinking she gets a temper, hahaha".

    Susie thinks nothing of her comment. John files it away for later.

    A couple weeks later....

    Jane and John are hanging out. Jane mentions she likes drinking. John says he knows, susie "warned him" about Jane's drinking. Mentions he didn't really appreciate the warning, made him uncomfortable.

    Jane later confronts Susie. Says she really doens't appreciate the shit talking behind her back, and would Susie please keep her mouth shut. Susie says she wasn't talking shit, just made that comment in passing.

    Was it shit talking, backstabbing, talking behind someone's back? Or was it a "normal" comment made in regular conversation?


    I'd really appreciate the input. Thanks!

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    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this "talking shit" about someone?

    Can we move this thread to life support?
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this "talking shit" about someone?

    Depends how Susie said it, ie. jokingly or in all seriousness. Sounds like it was jokingly, so I wouldn't consider it talking shit. Maybe not the ideal response if Susie knows that Jane is interested in John since it doesn't paint her in the best light, but certainly not talking shit. The way it seems John relayed it to Susie makes it sound like Jane was talking shit though (even though it doesn't seem like that was the intention), especially since he said it made him uncomfortable. Sounds like one big miscommunication, honestly.

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    Veteran Member Obenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this "talking shit" about someone?

    Susie likes John

    AND/OR doesn't want him to date Jane

    AND/OR doesn't like Jane's drinking/appreciate her "temper" when she's drunk. Susie harbors anomosity toward Jane and used this as an opportunity to get a "dig" at Jane/paint her in a bad light under the guise of "plausible deniability". She knew damn well that Jane is interested in John and chose her words with specific intent to make John less interested in Jane.

    Yes, Susie made a comment to intentionally paint Jane in a bad light, whether she's willing to admit it or not. (Why else would she indicate Jane is a lush with a temper to a guy she likes?)

    Whether or not Jane is a tempermental drunk, Susie should have the balls to be upfront about her desire to no longer be friends instead of taking this "frenemy" approach. OR... Susie and Jane need to be honest with each other in order to repair their friendship (if desired)

    ***OR... John is a drama queen who enjoys starting problems between women and watching the fireworks.
    Last edited by Obenta; 08-10-2011 at 10:28 PM. Reason: Added info

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    Veteran Member innes's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this "talking shit" about someone?

    Susie probably shouldn't have said anything. But really ... it isn't a big deal. Maybe she said it as a joke? Who knows.
    Susie and Jane should get over it.
    InnesX

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this "talking shit" about someone?

    I really think this was said as a joke. If Jane really does get a temper when she drinks, I doubt Susie was "fishing" for something to paint her in a bad light because of anger/jealousy/whatever. I get a temper when I drink and I wouldn't think anyone was "talking shit" about me if they made a joke about it to someone who inquires about my drinking habits - hell, I even make jokes about it when someone asks me if I drink a lot.

    It's one of those comments that, in retrospect, Susie should realize wasn't the best joke to make to someone that Jane liked, but just wasn't thinking it would be taken that seriously at the time. I've made a comment like this in reference to how angry and bitchy a friend got one night when she was wasted, and she got mad at me for "spreading lies" about her... It was just a joke and if she could just sack up and handle it with humor, it would have made a funny bonding moment with our friends - I mean, everyone makes jokes out of the ridiculous things I do when drunk... but for some reason, when she acted the same way, my comments were "lies" and she would pretend like she had not been a total shit-show that night... seriously, get over yourself. Everyone gets wasted - everyone does stupid shit... and guess what, everyone makes jokes about it later. It's not malicious. If you can't laugh at yourself, you're doomed.

    Honestly, John sounds like a fucking pussy. I mean, really? You hear that someone develops a little bit of a temper when they drink and you get "uncomfortable" knowing that? Man up. Jeezus - how many people can get bratty and pissy when they're drunk? I know quite a few - it's a common reaction to having too much to drink. If he really liked her back, he'd find out the hard way eventually - what would he do then? Break up with her because he can't handle the way she acts after a couple drinks? If that's the case, better to know that he's "uncomfortable" with it now rather than later.

    Susie should apologize and say she didn't mean it that way, and in return, Jane should calm the fuck down and realize it was a joke. She said her piece about how it upset her - there's nothing Susie can do now but apologize for making a comment without thinking it all the way through. Then it should be over. If it's not, Jane needs to get over herself and stop looking for drama.

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    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this "talking shit" about someone?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    If it's not, Jane needs to get over herself and stop looking for drama.
    This, or there is something much deeper going on and this was just the snowflake that caused an avalanche.
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

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    Default Re: Is this "talking shit" about someone?

    Maybe John shouldn't have repeated to Jane what was said to him by Susie?

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    Featured Member Natalllia's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this "talking shit" about someone?

    Eh, it sounds like Susie just kind of said it without thinking (the "no filter" thing). From the story, it doesn't sound like it was meant to be malicious. Of course, I don't know these people at all, so I'm relating it to myself and my friends. I sometimes say the wrong thing to the wrong person, but it's just because I tend to say whatever comes in my head. If Susie's typically like that too, then I really doubt she was trying to "talk shit".
    On the other hand, if Susie is known for being manipulative, than there ya go.

    Side note - Jane, out drinking with John, gets pissed because someone said she has a temper when she's out drinking. Irony, anyone?
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    Default Re: Is this "talking shit" about someone?

    Everyone needs to drop John!!! He starting shit between two friends and now look.

    Ok so Susie has know John longer? perhaps but she maybe threw her friend under the bus just a tad. Was something in passing, a joke but John decided to be a little stinker and throw this in Jane's face. They both need to tell him to take a hike because he didn't need to do that. If you told him to beware then it was warning.

    Now did Jane get pissed while out drinking with John? perhaps but he sounds like a shit stirrer .

    Cut off John and Susie and Jane need to go out drinking!

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Is this "talking shit" about someone?

    Quote Originally Posted by Obenta View Post
    Susie likes John

    AND/OR doesn't want him to date Jane

    AND/OR doesn't like Jane's drinking/appreciate her "temper" when she's drunk. Susie harbors anomosity toward Jane and used this as an opportunity to get a "dig" at Jane/paint her in a bad light under the guise of "plausible deniability". She knew damn well that Jane is interested in John and chose her words with specific intent to make John less interested in Jane.

    Yes, Susie made a comment to intentionally paint Jane in a bad light, whether she's willing to admit it or not. (Why else would she indicate Jane is a lush with a temper to a guy she likes?)
    Yup. Sounds like Susie had an agenda. If she really cared about Jane's well-being then she would have painted her in a positive light, especially since she knew that Jane liked John. Instead, she made a snarky comment designed to make Jane look bad. With friends like that, who needs enemies?

    Quote Originally Posted by Obenta View Post
    ***OR... John is a drama queen who enjoys starting problems between women and watching the fireworks.
    These are not mutually exclusive. Susie could be a bad friend and John could be a drama queen. If John was smart he would have kept his mouth shut. In fact, both John and Susie seem to have a case of "diarrhea of the tongue."

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