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Thread: I think I'm still in love with my ex

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    Default I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Its all getting weird with my ex.
    We've remained friends in the past 3 years since we were together, but now time has passed and we're both single at the same time.
    We live in a small town with 8 guys to every girl, and with the same friends in common its inevitable that we end up hanging out sometimes.
    But its like history is repeating itself. We've been dropping acid together, chilling at the lake together, reminiscing about when we were together.
    I think its safe to say my feelings for him never went away completely.
    But he broke my heart when we split.
    All I wanted for so long is for him to realise what a mistake it was to let me go, so I could be the one to turn him down.
    But I find him magnetic. It feels like we're such a natural pairing of people.
    I see whats happening. When he invites me to hang out several times in a week and texts me at 3am when I didn't think he even still has my number since he lost his phone...when he mentions a picture buried way back in my history of photos on facebook and says he 'saw it the other day' and comments on pictures from the time we were together....
    Its quite subtle but I see it.
    I don't know what I'm doing. I can't stop myself. I don't know if I want to stop myself.
    I don't want to get hurt again, but I can't stay away.
    I've grown up and changed since then. I'm still me, but better. Every reason he gave when he broke up with me is no longer valid. I feel like if we were together again it would be better than the last time.
    Part of me thinks I deserve better, that I deserve the perfect man with money and opportunity, not my ex who is constantly broke and often unemployed but who I fall so deeply and madly for.
    I don't want to be the stereotype of a stripper with a deadbeat boyfriend, but then this guy was my bf when I had no money or job and he paid for everything, treated me with respect and made every inch of me smile. I would have done anything for him.
    I'm so torn up inside. I hate myself for feeling the way I feel about him.

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    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Don't hate yourself because of your feelings...find out why you feel that way. If you really feel you love him than the only thing you can do is talk about what went wrong & how things are different now. You will be putting yourself in a place to be hurt again though. Really try to find out why you are having these feelings...trying to fix something? you want to break his heart? You really feel he is your best friend?

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Making predictions are hard, especially about the future.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    I don't know your ex or what you guys went through or why you broke up, but I can give you my recent experience. I also was dumped by my last ex 3 years ago, and we tried to "stay friends" throughout. I never really got over him. When we would hang out we were awesome, but then he would ignore me for several months before wanting to hang out again. He would use me when he was having problems with his new gf and feed me all this stuff about how I was the best gf he had had.

    Well, I finally got a new bf 3 months ago, and my ex is now suddenly all over me. He really regrets that I'm "gone now" and says how young and stupid he was for breaking up with me, that he really misses me and is jealous of my new bf and can't be happy for me even though he wants to. He calls and texts all the time now, wanting to be better friends, yada yada yada. But honestly, now that I'm finally dating someone else, I realize what a jerk he was. The feelings that I harbored for 3+ years are finally gone.

    This ex would do the same exact things - talk about how awesome we were together and call at 3am... anyone who calls that late is either emotionally needy or just wants sex (both of which describe my ex) and no matter how great it is to talk about "how it was," unless he's making a move to actually reunite, he probably doesn't really want to. But tell him you're seeing someone and he'll probably get insanely jealous cuz exes like that want what they can't have...

    Like I said, I don't know you guys so who knows if you could actually get back together and make it work. But all it took was a decent guy to come along to make me realize what an ass my ex really was... I was practically blind to it before because "I loved him so much." Usually with exes like that... it's just not worth it.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    If you feel you deserve better you probably do, though in this economy unemployed doesn't mean much. I think it's completely normal to still be in your with an ex within reason. I am still in love with me ex and several exes are still in love with me. However, if a relationship didn't work before it may not work again.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    If you feel you deserve better you probably do, though in this economy unemployed doesn't mean much. I think it's completely normal to still be in your with an ex within reason. I am still in love with me ex and several exes are still in love with me. However, if a relationship didn't work before it may not work again.
    True to a point. If a relationship didn't work what are the factors that made it not? Cheating? Drugs? Family, Friends involvement? OR just plain old oil and water? We all are in love with our ex's NO ONE CAN LIE THEIR WAY OUTTA THAT ONE 53 times.
    After a while tho you do fall in love with another but depending on the ending you either laugh say hi how are you and mumble you fucking asshole. Or you say hi how are and are concerned for their well being.

    What makes a relationship not work after MANY MANY years is one thing I will never understand in life.

    Just my 2 cents and past experiences.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Its hard esp when you're still young and are friends. Letting him go is best. Juggling feelings isnt a good thing, you are going back and forth whether to be or not to be with him, I think you know the true answer. You need to spend more time on yourself, focus on him less forward yourself and stop feeling sorry for what has happened, what could have happened.

    After my 3 year relationship ended, I was broken and went through many emotional problems, but it took a bit of help and time to get back onto my feet. We were friends at the start as well, but feelings were inbetween from me missing him, to him wanting me etc, it was a loop hole the kept on circling that wasnt going to get any better. Thats what your relatoinship seems with him.

    Now at this day my communication with my ex has stopped fully , I still do think of my ex, I do admit I miss him, but only when Im bored, depressed and have nothing else to do. Instead I think to myself, I know I deserve better, and I sure dont want to go through that again - there arte good people out there, take it a life experience. I got a reality check from my previous relationship and learned not to be focused on men so much and to look out for myself. Figure out your problem, start worrying about yourself. You are always number one - dont feel sorry for you, do something about it, start doing what makes you happy and not mope about him. Past is the past, look towards the future.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Quote Originally Posted by kitinboots View Post
    I've grown up and changed since then. I'm still me, but better. Every reason he gave when he broke up with me is no longer valid. I feel like if we were together again it would be better than the last time.
    This statement concerns me. First, it sounds like he broke up with you badly if he felt the need to inventory everything he thought was wrong with you.

    Second, you are letting him make this about your shortcomings and not his. Part of loving someone is taking the bad with the good and if he could not do that then, at the very least, he could have been more mature about it. You probably haven't changed as much as you think that you have, so if he wants to get back with you then he's going to need to suck it up accept you for who you are. I'm sure that he's far from perfect himself.

    Because of shared histories and intimacy, it is always hard to let go of people that we loved and very easy to jump back in with them. The problem, however, is that the issues that existed before don't go away, but are just temporarily forgotten over time, particularly when we are lonely. However, when we get back together with these people the old issues always resurface - always.

    It sounds like you are going to give this a second shot, so I will wish you the best with this and hope that it all goes well for you.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Find the motivation of the feelings...

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Thanks everyone. In the light of a new day its easier to think straight.

    When we were together, everything happened very quickly, we had an amazing summer and when the contract on my appt ended, he let me move in with him in his shared house until I had work and money to get my own place again. In that time I was pretty lazy, I wasn't actively searching for a job and he was paying for everything. I didn't exactly pull my weight around the house either, from making the bed to helping keep the place clean and tidy.
    When I finally got a job and my own place again, and was able to stand on my own two feet, that was when he broke it off. I asked why and he explained his frustrations and I could see what he meant.
    The bigger problem I think, was a lack of communication. Neither of us spoke about what was bothering us until the end, and perhaps if we had done, then things would have been much different. We were both at fault, although I found less fault in him than he did in me.

    Since then I have grown up quite a bit, and learned to communicate in a relationship and behave like an adult. I feel like I learned a lot from my experience with him, and relationships since have been much more successful.

    I'm still not sure how I feel about the current situation, but time is on my side. I'm perfectly happy being single, so I'm in no rush to change that, especially unless I see that he has also matured in the time apart. Hopefully I will come to understand the way I feel and act accordingly.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Quote Originally Posted by kitinboots View Post
    so I'm in no rush to change that, especially unless I see that he has also matured in the time apart.
    This exactly. I'm glad you brought this up yourself. I blamed myself a lot for my last breakup. I said it was because I was a horrible communicator and I pulled away unnecessarily and, at the time, had no other friends in the area. I totally understand why my ex broke up with me. I always thought "if I get my shit together, it could work again." But now I do have my shit together... but when I look at my ex, he doesn't. Usually stuff like that may be in part because of you, but if he didn't say anything either, he's immature and not fit for a serious relationship. No matter how much you've changed, that's not to say that he's done the same.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Quote Originally Posted by kitinboots View Post
    Thanks everyone. In the light of a new day its easier to think straight.

    When we were together, everything happened very quickly, we had an amazing summer and when the contract on my appt ended, he let me move in with him in his shared house until I had work and money to get my own place again. In that time I was pretty lazy, I wasn't actively searching for a job and he was paying for everything. I didn't exactly pull my weight around the house either, from making the bed to helping keep the place clean and tidy.
    When I finally got a job and my own place again, and was able to stand on my own two feet, that was when he broke it off. I asked why and he explained his frustrations and I could see what he meant.
    The bigger problem I think, was a lack of communication. Neither of us spoke about what was bothering us until the end, and perhaps if we had done, then things would have been much different. We were both at fault, although I found less fault in him than he did in me.

    Since then I have grown up quite a bit, and learned to communicate in a relationship and behave like an adult. I feel like I learned a lot from my experience with him, and relationships since have been much more successful.

    I'm still not sure how I feel about the current situation, but time is on my side. I'm perfectly happy being single, so I'm in no rush to change that, especially unless I see that he has also matured in the time apart. Hopefully I will come to understand the way I feel and act accordingly.
    perfect post..good job!

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Quote Originally Posted by Kelly_Lover View Post
    True to a point. If a relationship didn't work what are the factors that made it not? Cheating? Drugs? Family, Friends involvement? OR just plain old oil and water? We all are in love with our ex's NO ONE CAN LIE THEIR WAY OUTTA THAT ONE 53 times.
    After a while tho you do fall in love with another but depending on the ending you either laugh say hi how are you and mumble you fucking asshole. Or you say hi how are and are concerned for their well being.

    What makes a relationship not work after MANY MANY years is one thing I will never understand in life.

    Just my 2 cents and past experiences.
    For me I have given two former relationships a chance. In the first case it was someone I never should have gotten back with. In the second it was circumstancial. He came along right after I got stung by a con artist. Because of that I had trust issues. Years later we tried again but we found we were better as friends because of religious reasons. He's a Facebook friend and is now married and a father. Then there is my ex who was a long time friend and he came back before sort of but not completely. This guy I keep hoping comes back but is looking less and less likely and I've been moving on (to no success as of now).

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    I hear you Kelly.. Btw my name has nothing to do with you .
    I have a question maybe some of you ladies can answer.

    Why is that the things a woman falls in love with a man for are the things she claims to be the end all?

    You're so manly I love it when you talk to people and are able to take control of a situation.

    You are so strong I love it when you hold me tight.

    You set goals and achieve them.

    You do what i ask of you and pamper me.

    Turns into

    You are too controlling

    When i was trying to hit you you held me back and are so mean.

    You always get what you want.

    You only give me things to show off in front of others.


    It's like WHO THE HELL ARE YOU, to me.

    Any ladies have a clue?

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Probably because she gets bored of whatever it is she rus away from. Hard to say but things do change.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Probably because she gets bored of whatever it is she rus away from. Hard to say but things do change.
    OMG OMG OMG!!! Yes i've heard that one WAY TO MANY TIMES, maybe even said it before.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    People often realize what they wanted they really didn't and vice versa. I know the type of man I dated in my 20's is the exact opposite of the men I date now.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    He is an idiot....move on....you will just regret it.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    Wheres that damn drunk posting filter?
    Last edited by kitinboots; 08-13-2011 at 05:46 AM.

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    Default Re: I think I'm still in love with my ex

    It took a decent guy (pooky) to make me realize what a jerk my ex fiance was. My ex fiance was gorgeous, had a 10 inch cock, money, and unfortunately he has a raging alcohol problem. He treated me like shit for 4+ years that we were together.

    However, if you broke up on good terms with no cheating or abuse, who knows what can happen? But TAKE IT SLOW!!!!
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest

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