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Thread: Single Moms

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    Default Single Moms

    I need you single mothers to inspire me, please. I have no fucking clue how the hell my mom raised me and my siblings alone! I feel like I can't even manage with my only daughter. I'm struggling so much right now. I can't go to school, or work when she is sick, which lately has been every week. I have bills to pay on the first, and no money coming in. My ex (technically husband, we are not yet divorced) doesn't give me a cent for his daughter....

    How do you do it???

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    My ex (technically husband, we are not yet divorced) doesn't give me a cent for his daughter....
    This is your first problem. You need a court order for support pronto. He has legal support obligations that he is obviously not meeting.
    Last edited by rickdugan; 08-25-2011 at 10:22 AM.

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Even worse, he is in the military and gets paid extra because he is continuing to claim myself and our daughter as his dependents. What does me do with this extra money? Not sure but I know he has a new Impreza and R6...

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    Even worse, he is in the military and gets paid extra because he is continuing to claim myself and our daughter as his dependents. What does me do with this extra money? Not sure but I know he has a new Impreza and R6...
    That is probably even better. If what I have heard is true, the military will generally comply with court ordered child support and take it directly out of his check.

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    What the hell are you waiting for?! Get your ass to the court house now, and file the child support papers. I am sorry...but when I see women complain about this shit yet they just sit there like a bump on a log...it drives me crazy. Hes not going to step up and pay you...and until you have a custody order that gives you the child the majority of the time...then he can claim the child on his taxes. I dont know about you though. You could call the irs and tell them he claimed you without your consent. But he can claim the kid until you have an order stating that you have the child the majority of the time.

    My ex husband claimed my daughter on his taxes...and I claimed her as well. However, I am the custodial parent, and I am the only one who can claim her bc I have her more nights a year. I got letters from the irs and stuff....and had to fax them my order, showing that I have her more nights out of the year. He now has to pay the credit back, and pay fines. My ex husband even tried to get the judge to put something in our order to where we have to split claiming her...and the judge said no she wont get involved, bc the IRS has certain requirements and rules about this stuff. Whoever has the kids more OVERNIGHTS out of the year claims the kid.

    Also, i strongly suggest you file for full custody immediately. Its almost a fact that which ever parent files for custody first...gets it. So dont take a chance...stop procrastinating and go do it.

    OH and I just saw that your from miami. I am from FL too, and i dealt with this stuff in south FL. They make it pretty easy. If you dont have the money to file, you can claim indigent, which means you say you dont have the money to pay. They will give you the papers, you csan fill them out yourself.

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    ^^^everything she said is %100 the best advice child support, they will take it right out of his check 500-700 a month do it asap!!! Show proof of daycare and take out a child abandoment warrant

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    even though I am a resident of Florida, I cannot file an legal paperwork until I have been residing here 6 months. It hasn't been six months yet. If I could have, we would be divorced already. Issues concerning my daughter have to be handled in North Dakota as well, because that is where she was born and is legally a resident of ND until she has also been here six months, but, on the first of September it'll be six months and I will be at the court house filing.

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    Even worse, he is in the military and gets paid extra because he is continuing to claim myself and our daughter as his dependents. What does me do with this extra money? Not sure but I know he has a new Impreza and R6...
    You don't even need to pay for the Legal. Just see the Staff Judge Advocate General (commonly referred to as JAG). The legal paperwork will be free, then take it to the Army finance office (make photocopies first).

    BAH and SEP RATS are for the spouse not the military member.

    That Basic Allowance for housing and Separate Rations are for you upkeep. With orders from JAG, Finance will divert this from his pay to you. Does not matter if he tries to set up allotments or any thing else this is Additional Pay.

    I cases like this it can go directly to the Spouse.

    You are eligible for TRI Care until divorced, your Daughter is eligible for TRI Care until she is legally an adult. As well as Delta Dental.

    For more information contact Army Community Service (ACS).

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    even though I am a resident of Florida, I cannot file an legal paperwork until I have been residing here 6 months. It hasn't been six months yet. If I could have, we would be divorced already. Issues concerning my daughter have to be handled in North Dakota as well, because that is where she was born and is legally a resident of ND until she has also been here six months, but, on the first of September it'll be six months and I will be at the court house filing.
    Doesn't matter when you have a Family Member ID Card. You can go onto any Military Base and use the Judge Advocate General office.

    Think twice before you give up those benefits.

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    I feel your pain. I put my ex on child support, and though I don't get much it's better than nothing. My ex tried to claim our daughter on his taxes and ended up owing the IRS back all the money he spent under filing a false return (yeah, he was stupid enough to try to play me).

    I, too, occasionally feel overwhelmed...My daughter is 4 1/2 now, going on 14 - I want to pull my hair out sometimes. But when I think of how far I've come (and am continuing to come) as a woman & mom, it makes it all worth it. My sanity has returned & this is the happiest I've been in my life (with the 'setbacks' and all).

    Keep your head up, mama! <3

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Don't pussyfoot on that child support. The divorce stuff can wait, get on that as soon as September rolls around. I was able to get my ex to pay child support without an order- which is what you should be doing. Just go straight to JAG, call Army One Source, call his freaking command. There is something in place for the wife and child to get a portion of BAH even before you get a court order for child support or spousal support.

    I had hella pride when I separated from my ex. I didn't want to ask for anything, and he knew it- me being the person I was. All it took was a night of watching him blow money fast at the club...the next week I picked up the phone and got a stern talking too from the base JAG officer of all people. They said, "The money being paid isn't for the soldier but for the family- why are you letting him do whatever he wants with it when it is the responsibility of both parents to do their part for a child?"

    Being a single mom isn't easy, especially when we expected to be part of a married family unit and not just out there raising a child on our own. It's tough, but you are going to have to take the good days along with the bad. Cry when you feel like crying, scream when you feel like screaming, and after that it helps to smile. If you work at changing your life, it won't be this way forever.

    I'm a single mom, but thankfully I have had help most of the time whether from friends or family. It still hasn't been easy, but I acknowledge that I've had an easier time than others. I fought with my ex to make sure my child had what she was entitled too, and I get my child support like clockwork. The day that changes I will be on the phone or in court pronto, and he knows it. I advise you to also go through the state and have them collect the CS for you, that way if he stops it can be garnished from his taxes, etc.
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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Guess who is filling out divorce paperwork??? Meeeeeeeeeeeee!

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Well don't get too excited on child support. Not to rain on anyone's parade. Child support is fine and dandy, if the father actually pays it, even with a court order it can be a fucking pain in the ass. The father could change jobs or work under the table or any other numerous things. In my case I had to wait a month till my ex was 1 month behind and when that happened I had to go back to court to enforce it, and then it can only come right out of the paycheck if he is working, my ex went through a few different jobs, and I had to play investigator to find out where he worked. I mean definitely work on it and see what happens, but you need to pay your bills now and that can't wait. What are you doing to bring in an income right now?

    And FYI I went through the hassle of trying to get child support from my ex for two years. I basically gave up. He still owes me money, but I don't have the time or patience to keep going to the court house or paying attorneys fees to make shit happen. I would rather just depend on myself.

    I mean I don't know what your doing for income, but web cam modeling helped me out a lot, and I went back to it last week, because I need the extra money.

    As far as food and maybe your electric bill you can go to a church and ask if you have one in your area. In the past they helped me, when you have kids you really have to do whatever it is to make it work.

    Sorry you are going through this. Hope things look up for you soon.




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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Quote Originally Posted by ArmySGT. View Post
    You don't even need to pay for the Legal. Just see the Staff Judge Advocate General (commonly referred to as JAG). The legal paperwork will be free, then take it to the Army finance office (make photocopies first).

    BAH and SEP RATS are for the spouse not the military member.

    That Basic Allowance for housing and Separate Rations are for you upkeep. With orders from JAG, Finance will divert this from his pay to you. Does not matter if he tries to set up allotments or any thing else this is Additional Pay.

    I cases like this it can go directly to the Spouse.

    You are eligible for TRI Care until divorced, your Daughter is eligible for TRI Care until she is legally an adult. As well as Delta Dental.

    For more information contact Army Community Service (ACS).
    Not really. Delta is extra. About ten dollars a month. These days it is called "United Concordia".

    JAG will not do anything with you unless your divorce/separation is amicable. Go to your husbands 1SGT if you want your child support.

    I have a great relationship with my husband (separated), but I don't want to piss him off and make me fight for custody. Right now, and we have agreed upon this, I have primary. I don't want to step on his toes (we all know how people get when you mess with their money) until I have the divorce documents, etc saying I get my little man ALWAYS. We also both just moved a bunch and doing things from a few states over isn't as easy as some people like to think. PM me if you need any help with anything.

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    Featured Member strippername's Avatar
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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Are you getting BAH from your GI bill? Or are you using your husbands GI bill?

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Being a single mom sucks beyond belief! ((((hugs))))

    I find it most helpful to just do fun little things with my boys, like movie night or swimming or going to the playground. All are excellent at relieving stress. Fun activities remind you of how precious your babies are and seem to calm them at the same time. Win win!

    As for finances, I understand wanting support yet not wanting a super pissed off ex. I am dealing with that atm. Sending prayers your way.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Sweet Sam, thanks or all your advice but my ex is in the Air Force, if he fails to pay me once then the support will be taken from his pay automatically from there on out. He has been in for 6 years and re-enlisted, he is planning on retiring from the AF so the child support will be there. Even if it is not, STRIPPERNAME, I am getting BAH from my own GI Bill, which in Miami is 1800 a month, and I dance. I've been here six months without help and I'm taking care of my little girl and myself as well as my bills.
    I am filing for divorce here, and now that we (daughter and I) have been here six months she is a FL resident so any divorce/child support issues will have to be resolved through FL's courts, ND no longer has jurisdiction over anything concerning my daughter. He just sent me papers again for me to sign, then he plans to file. But its too late, as of the 1st it'll be six months and he'll be getting served with my petition. hes gonna be pisssssssssssseeeeddd!

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Strippername, I initially tried to go through my ex's 1st Sergeant. I talked to him, the squadron chief, and the squadron commander. All of them blew me off, if I was still active duty and had my own shirt I could probably get something done, but since I am just a spouse and I moved away from the base, they literally just ignored me and didn't help me with anything.

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    OK well that's good. Your going to have better luck than a lot of us moms who have to deal with getting child support. Too bad my kids father wasn't in the service lol.


    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    Sweet Sam, thanks or all your advice but my ex is in the Air Force, if he fails to pay me once then the support will be taken from his pay automatically from there on out. He has been in for 6 years and re-enlisted, he is planning on retiring from the AF so the child support will be there. Even if it is not, STRIPPERNAME, I am getting BAH from my own GI Bill, which in Miami is 1800 a month, and I dance. I've been here six months without help and I'm taking care of my little girl and myself as well as my bills.
    I am filing for divorce here, and now that we (daughter and I) have been here six months she is a FL resident so any divorce/child support issues will have to be resolved through FL's courts, ND no longer has jurisdiction over anything concerning my daughter. He just sent me papers again for me to sign, then he plans to file. But its too late, as of the 1st it'll be six months and he'll be getting served with my petition. hes gonna be pisssssssssssseeeeddd!




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    Default Re: Single Moms

    ^I was just about to add that. Any custodial parent who has their ex still in the military and doesn't try to get support is making excuses in my opinion. Even if the command blows you off, someone WILL listen, and will steer you in the right direction. I know women who have written their state Senators about the chain of command ignoring them. You better believe the shit hit the fan after the right person opened that letter.

    No one should depend on child support, that is entirely correct. At the same time, some men will use threats like custody or violence just to keep their child's mother in line. I've dealt with it and so have my friends. I didn't back down and I got what I wanted. I know it's not like that in every situation, but at times I feel some just throw in the towel before even calling the bluff.

    Unfortunately, some of them still have to play nice with their ex because when he gets mad, all of a sudden the money stops. Better them than me- I'm not shorting my child or myself the help we deserve. I do 95% of the child care and rearing. The LEAST the other parent can do is help financially if they aren't helping in another capacity.
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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    Sweet Sam, thanks or all your advice but my ex is in the Air Force, if he fails to pay me once then the support will be taken from his pay automatically from there on out. He has been in for 6 years and re-enlisted, he is planning on retiring from the AF so the child support will be there. Even if it is not, STRIPPERNAME, I am getting BAH from my own GI Bill, which in Miami is 1800 a month, and I dance. I've been here six months without help and I'm taking care of my little girl and myself as well as my bills.
    I am filing for divorce here, and now that we (daughter and I) have been here six months she is a FL resident so any divorce/child support issues will have to be resolved through FL's courts, ND no longer has jurisdiction over anything concerning my daughter. He just sent me papers again for me to sign, then he plans to file. But its too late, as of the 1st it'll be six months and he'll be getting served with my petition. hes gonna be pisssssssssssseeeeddd!
    That's a nice amount. Did you go with Montgomery or the Post 9/11 Bill?
    Women of color:
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    Bang those fucking drums.
    Do it for the present and future generations.
    Have fun and stick it to the man at the same time.
    (bad-dominicana)

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    My daughters father is military, and the child support payments have been garnished from his check from the very first payment when she was a month old. We were not ever even married, but they dont mess around when it comes to gov agencies dealing with gov duty. We simply do not have the same issues with collecting child support payments as civilians do.

    When I did marry a soldier and do the divorce, we handled it totally through JAG, I let him file the paperwork, because I was in CA at the time, and we'd have to wait 6 months after filing before they would actually start the divorce proceedings. He was stationed in Missouri at the time, and there the filing would start immediately. JAG services came at no cost...as a dependent, you can file through JAG here, and have nothing to do with his unit or chain of command.

    I say...first step JAG. Since my husband was not the father of my daughter, the child support and my divorce were two completely separate situations. Still...I had to go to the county child support agency...the military does not handle child support cases (at least not when I filed) But, get the divorce proceedings started first, and Im sure of it your counsel will refer the case to Miami-Dade CSE and it will become part of your divorce.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    it must be hard for single moms.

    Im currently going through a custody battle for my kid.

    Our damn judge is a women so my choices are slim for me getting

    him. I just need to keep hoping she can see how much of a better parent I am

    then her. goodluck to you loki

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    Oh, as far as how to do it being a single mom...even though I was technically married...he was gone on deployment 2-3weeks out of the month, either because of training or funeral duty. Then I lived with a businessman who also traveled 2-3 weeks out of the month. I wasnt alone, but I was...know what I mean?

    I often wish that I actually had someone with me to help me raise my daughter...there have been a lot of frustrating days and nights where it was blatantly obvious I had no clue what I was doing..and even though I know a lot of parents go through that feeling, there were tough moments when I wish I had someone really there with me to feel as clueless and at times as helpless as I did..any kind of moral support would have been great.

    But...14 years now, and I swear...shes a great kid, she loves and trusts me, I bust my butt to do my best for her and I love her. Everything else has been touch and go...Most important of all, is doing my best, to give her what I possibly can, and I have so much love for her, that a lot of the really crappy moments of my life Ive had to endure was totally and completely worth it. I could tell you some stories..whew!! But lets just say, I have hit some low points in my life where I felt like I should just give up...and the only reason I didnt was because I knew my little girl depended on me.

    One day, youre going to be able to look at her, and yourself, and see how far youve come...and you'll be so proud of each other. I promise you...that is reason enough to not lose faith in yourself as a mother, and to keep doing the very best you can.
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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    Default Re: Single Moms

    Why would you say your chances are slim just because your judge is a woman? Most judges prefer the kids to go with the mom, unless you are on drugs or abusive. Think positive.


    Quote Originally Posted by BigHarryDick View Post
    it must be hard for single moms.

    Im currently going through a custody battle for my kid.

    Our damn judge is a women so my choices are slim for me getting

    him. I just need to keep hoping she can see how much of a better parent I am

    then her. goodluck to you loki




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