I've always been against the stereo types ppl put forward to strippers.
I now however fear ive become one in that catagory in a small way.
I realised in the last 3 months, i know it sounds silly, but i was ignorant to it before, but i WAS in fact sexually abused as a child, my EX took all my money, but made it look like he was helping me (pimp maybe? he did like given me "talks" on how to make more money and telling me i should let guys do things to me, which i never let happen) I started drinking at work and being a total piss head. I'm emotionaly messed up, and do have insecurity issues.
I have not however done drugs or extras, altho if it wasnt for my new bf, drugs mighta happened at some point, coz i did turn to the bottle, who's to say i wouldnt turn to drugs? always said id never turn to drink and i did. I actually put myself off my fave drink (ameretta) by drinking an entire bottle stright after work one night in the space of an hour, (previous to drinking, 1 bottle of WKD got me drunk, thats how lil i drank) i was talking to the corner of my room, shouting abuse at my ex who i thought i could see sat there.
Ive stopped drinking at work, but still do after work on sats, somtimes fridays too.
I think im just having a personal melt down, ive tried to hide it now tho, ive got to the point where ive shoved it to the darkest corner of my mind, i dont wanna keep putting my bf through my moods and break downs. I dont wanna lose him, he's put up with enough from me so far.
I know it will come out again at some point, but i dunno, i want it to go away, but im ashamed to go into details, and i dont wanna be judged for somthing i know isnt my fault, but cant help feel responsable for. Its all in bits.
I cant help feel that ive let the stripper world down by turning out to be a stereo type when ive fought people on it so often!!! I also cant belive i never realised so many things before. My world just crashed when things started fallin into place about my past.
I have supporting people around me, but no one who really understands. i feel like i have to keep it quiet now not to annoy anyone, and ive told everyone im fine now and its all over, my heads fine etc, but in reality its not. I dont know what to do, i dont wanna irritate anyone.
Just venting.



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You don't have to swear off alcohol completely to try to fight a stereotype. Just keep it in moderation. Don't beat yourself up for your past. It happened, and you can move on from it rather than letting it define you.

Nobody should feel the way you are feeling hun.
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