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Thread: Monogamy :/

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Monogamy :/

    I love my boyfriend very much and would never cheat on him. I moved to this city because of him, I'm so, so very happy because of him. I have never felt as strongly for someone as I feel for him.

    However, I still think about other guys. I wouldn't act on those feelings but I do have to be honest with myself about them. They're there and I sometimes wish that I could at least makeout with other dudes without him being really upset. I know I can't so I don't but mannnn, do I ever want to.

    I think it might also be a symptom of this job. I'm always all up on other guys, flirting, being really close to them... why are they really cute here? FML.

    I know that it would really hurt my boyfriend if I admitted these feelings to him. I needed to get them out somewhere. I feel really bad but it's just the truth. I love men and want to make out with the whole world. Why are there so many cute boys trying to seduce me with their motorcycles and French?
    [/center]

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    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    Featured Member silk55's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    First question is how old are you? How long have you been with your BF?
    "The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works" -GORDON GECCO

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    God/dess J.D.'s Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    I feel the same way with every guy I go out with!
    Quote Originally Posted by AznExtasy View Post
    LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    You can say that again.. not just on here but men in general. Guys are so damn lame, the only way they can halfway make up for it is by opening their wallets.

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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    There is nothing wrong with fantasies. Every guy has dozens of them every day, and most of them don't involve their girl. It would be weird if you didn't feel this way, there is no reason to feel guilty. Fantasies are not cheating, cheating is cheating.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    Quote Originally Posted by silk55 View Post
    First question is how old are you? How long have you been with your BF?
    my post isn't really a question, it's most just venting / airing feelings. I have thought through every angle of the situation and know that if we were to break up over this or discuss an open relationship I also wouldn't be happy. For a long time I was a single stripper doing what and who I wanted when I wanted and I found it nowhere near as fulfilling as having a supportive, loving boyfriend who makes a lot of money and is really hot and who I have great sex with.
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    I'll bet anything your bf is attracted to other girls too. No matter how great your relationship is, attraction to others is inevitable. That's fine as long as you don't act on it. It's normal. Whenever I feel like this and fantasize about being single so I could do some other guy without cheating on my bf, I allow myself the little fantasy, but then remind myself that, when it comes down to it - sex is over in a few minutes to a couple hours. And after that, most guys aren't worth anything. It instantly makes them not attractive again when I think about how sleazy and dumb they would actually be as boyfriends lol

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    It instantly makes them not attractive again when I think about how sleazy and dumb they would actually be as boyfriends lol
    hahah, this is really true.
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    I think its totally normal, Im with my current guy for 3-4 months now, but see in the future it wont go anywhere, its just fun for me. I do see other guys which happens rarely but I still want to exp life, men, the fun I missed in my 3 year relationship.

    Maybe it isnt a right time to be in a serious relationship? I cant image myself being serious anytime soon, not till Im 23+ then I'lll consider it... but while you're young have your fun, thats the way I look at it. If you truely know you want to be with him then just let the fantasies play over, but if you're starting to take them into action then consider a open relationship. I have known young couples who went from mono to open relationships, the idea of knowing they could do w/e opened them up, but either of them took it to action and decided to go back to mono, but knowing flirting and kiss here and there was OK and not cheating to either of them seemed to work out well.

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    Veteran Member innes's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Aurora_Sunset View Post
    I'll bet anything your bf is attracted to other girls too. No matter how great your relationship is, attraction to others is inevitable. That's fine as long as you don't act on it. It's normal. Whenever I feel like this and fantasize about being single so I could do some other guy without cheating on my bf, I allow myself the little fantasy, but then remind myself that, when it comes down to it - sex is over in a few minutes to a couple hours. And after that, most guys aren't worth anything. It instantly makes them not attractive again when I think about how sleazy and dumb they would actually be as boyfriends lol
    This is a great post. I too am attracted to other guys besides my bf. And I flirt with them. Why? It's fun. He probably flirts with other girls as well. But neither of us would kiss someone else!!! Flirting is fun, right? That's all it is though.

    And also true about when you think about them, they probably aren't "boyfriend material" anyway. Like my bf is ridiculously amazing and I don't think there could be another guy who has everything my bf has, you know? And we just "click". Yeah, the sex with another guy would probably be pretty awesome! But how do I know he wouldn't cheat? How do I know he's smart? How do I know he'll listen to me? You know, all that stuff that makes your bf awesome.
    InnesX

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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    Congratulations... you are human being. No seriously. Don't sweat it. Im attracted to about 3% of the male population... maybe less. But when I do get an attraction, its a very very strong one. My husband knows that and thats why he hates it if I tell him. Cause he knows I must think this guy is the shit if I said he's hot. So I just don't tell him anymore haha.

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    thanks for the support guys. I told him that we needed to have more sex. Lots and lots of sex.

    but seriously. I love men.
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    Guys watch porn all the time,look at magazines, and woman on the street you can too. Idk why its normal and excepted for men to have fantasies but if a woman does she's ready to throw stones at herself lol.

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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    Quote Originally Posted by Aslinn View Post
    Guys watch porn all the time,look at magazines, and woman on the street you can too. Idk why its normal and excepted for men to have fantasies but if a woman does she's ready to throw stones at herself lol.
    Hell, sometimes even a boobie shaped rock might trigger a fantasy.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    hahaha like in Role Models?
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    ^^ lmao! I got to watch that tonight just for that scene!

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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    It is totally normal to be attracted to other people. Do you and your bf do role playing during sex? Set up correctly, it can add that spice and feeling of "newness" or whatnot to your sex life. You can also become almost anyone for x amount of time

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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    i totally feel you.

    no matter how happy i am in a relationship, i'm still checking out dudes, flirting, even "sexting" (bah, i hate that term!). i've never cheated, but i guess i wouldn't call myself completely innocent either. when i flirt or "sext" (ugh), it's just a way for me to release my human instincts. i get off on the excitement. i have never considered actually sleeping with those people while with a boyfriend, though...not an option for me. that is some guilt that would destroy me.

    my most recent relationship ended because he kept going through my phone. UGH. he couldn't understand that i talk to these people for the rush and the excitement and the fun. oh well.

    however. i no longer believe that monogamy is right for me. spending my entire fucking life with the same person GIVES ME ANXIETY. can you imagine eating the one same food for the rest of your life? for every meal? every day? ugh.

    i duno. i think the most successful relationships are open. if your urges really start to get to you, maybe consider talking to your man and see if he has the same urges. =)

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    God/dess Jay12's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    The bottom line to see if it's just plain attraction versus actually wanting to be with more people while in a committed relationship is this:

    If you just fantasize with other men/women and is just that, a fantasy=is normal. We are meant to be attracted to plenty of people, and that's ok. Check out other men/women, nothing wrong with that.

    If you feel you actually want to pursuit them (yes, this includes sexting, dirty chats, cyber sex, etc.)=not ok. At any point when you're sharing things to other men/women (of ANY kind) that you don't share with your SO, that's when things start to go downhill.

    Also, the same with porn and excessive masturbation:

    If you still do/enjoy those solo activities, but still prefer sex with your partner=good. Doing these solo activities frequently will help you explore what things you like so you and your partner will enjoy things even more.

    When you rather do it solo than with your partner=not good.

    I mentioned women too 'cause I like women as much as I like men. If I see a pretty girl on the street, I'd point her out so my bf can check her too, and then we'll talk about all the things we think about her.


    I'm a sex addict in rehab; hope this helps!





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    Moderator IsobelWren's Avatar
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    Default Re: Monogamy :/

    You could always give non-monogamy a spin.

    I've got an open relationship with my man and it took a little adjusting to but it's been great since then. It's actually made our sex life together better! Plus it's made me less inclined to sleep with other people. Now that i know I have the option to do it whenever I'm less compressed and freaked about it.


    I

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    Him: we could meet... im 5ft 9 sexy italian with a 8 inch love stick...imagine playing with me... how would you do it
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