Some of you know me around the internet, some of you only know me here (and some of you are like wtf who is this chick and why the hell do I care?).
Anyways, I'm a non-nude camgirl. I've been a camgirl for over a year now. When I started, I did random goofy things in my shows - I played hangman, emptied the dishwasher, baked my dog a birthday cake. All completely dressed, ie jeans and a hoodie. No dirty talk, no NOTHING. And I did that for months.
Then I started camming with a friend, and for a little while we continued being goofy, and then for a few months we did bra/panties shows and massages and stuff like that. She was adamantly straight, so we didn't make out or anything like that.
Then it was expected of me to keep up that sexuality in my solo shows. So I did. I started doing body painting and icing shows and YES, even a couple masturbation shows (I've done 3 in my entire "career", and yes I kept my panties on). I still do alright with income (hell, it's better than mcdonalds, and I can sit here with my wet hair in a towel and my sweatpants on) but lately it just seems like everyone is saying "oh, well, let me know when you go nude" and trying to pressure me into it. In the past I've been like "well, I'm not comfortable with it, I'm going to be a teacher and don't want my bits all over the internet for forty years, so NO." but now I'm like ... they're just boobs, who cares; it's just pussy, whatever. I love my body and think it's absolutely gorgeous, but I just can't decide what to do.
The last time I had a little meltdown like this, a few of you SWers snapped me out of it and convinced me not to do it. But honestly, I just can't deal with the constant demands. (Plus, I'm hella depressed - my post in the diary entry is just a handful of the shit that's going on). I know a few of you will probably suggest taking time off, but I CAN'T. I took almost all of August off and half of July. I can't do it. I've powered through burnout before and it's worked out fine. I just need a vote of confidence or something. Or for someone to say "look, we're all naked, be naked with us! It's not that big of a deal."



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I guess it's off to watch porn clips tonight. For research, of course.


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