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Thread: Dazed and confused...

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    Dizzy Dazed and confused...

    I have a question that has been asked in a variety of ways before. (I am sure) I feel my situation is slightly different. I have been out of the game due to a bad relationship. that I have now extricated myself from. I decided to go to a strip club last week and try and regain some of my lost confidence.

    I had a dance with one very drunk stripper that was ok, and tried to solicite me for extras in the VIP room. I was not there for that and was somewhat turned off by the lack of tact. After that I was largely ignored by the rest of the dancers. Until this one striking Argentenian beauty ask me if I wanted a dance. I accepted and she began her dance. We connected in a very wonderful but disconcerting way (No not sex, get your minds out of the gutter) but the dance wound up lasting 45 minutes before either of us realised. I was floored by both the connection and the price but I chalked it up to a VERY good time. (she did too)

    She claimed to have never gotten so lost with a customer like that before and asks me to come see her again. I tell her I am travelling on business the next week (mostly true but also trying to recover some finances.) She seemed genuinely disappointed! I thought nothing of it but as I was getting ready to leave she stops me and gives me her number and asks me to text her later. I agree although I again am caught off guard and leery of her motives. (Momma didn't raise no fool)

    When I return to my apartment I smell strongly of the club but even more so of her. So I text and tell her. She responds back much later (the girls have to work an after party once the club closes) responding in kind. we text back and forth for a bit and say good night.

    Now I am a normal man and after the nights activities I couldn't stop thinking about her and in the early afternoon (a courtesy as she would probably be sleeping till then) I texted her that fact she asks me to please come see her. I ask where and after a long while she responds at the club as she has to work. My BS meter starts blaring at maximum volume, but I decide to take the red pill. As I am on a short schedule, I figure the financial impact will be minimal. I go and she immediatly wants to give me a dance. I accept (of course, last night was awesome!) This time the dance is even more intense and she breaks some of the rules (physical contact was more extreme and guided by her. I am not a creepo that touches uninvited.) I stop the dance at 4 songs and say I gotta go. I pay and then she plants one on me. Solid kiss, viceral, exciting and in public. Not hidden at all. She asks me to please call her when I get back.

    We text off an on over the weekend. She claims to have never felt a connection like that to a customer before. (I noted the use of the term "customer") I decide to test her sincerity by asking her out to dinner. I expect she will either be unavailable or have some other excuse. She doesn't. She says she'd love to. Let her know when I get back and we will make arrangements.

    Should I just take the red pill and see how deep the rabbit hole is, or head for the hills and count my losses?

    I don't want to loose out if she is really into me as I never expected to meet anything of substance from this one outing. I also, however, do not want to just be a paycheck.

    Like I said earlier I am early in recovery from a bad relationship and don't know if I am just so wounded that "SUCKER" is stamped on my forehead and I am just an easy mark for the savvy stripper or if there is the possibility of having an instant connection with someone like that.

    I feel struck by lightning

    Please help,

    And be kind.

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    One of my favorite movies.

    Oh, and if you never go you'll never know. I don't know either.

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    She's just trying to reel you in, she's got a live one.

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Dude, anything's possible.

    She could be trying to establish an in-the-club relationship with you as a regular, as it seems that you've already spent a great deal of money on her, and will potentially keep doing so.

    She could be ready for a pay-for-play relationship outside of the club, and the dinner could be where she plans to tell you about her services.

    She could see you as a big 'ol sugar daddy.

    She could genuinely like you.

    You never know.

    I would make plans for dinner but keep your guard up. If you're not into pay-for-play outside of the club, and that's what she suggests, then politely decline. Tell her you're only interested in something real. If she bails on you, no loss to you. If she tries to get you to buy her expensive things, use your common sense before you max out your credit card. Ultimately this is really just an issue of keeping your head on straight. This isn't True Blood, you're not Sookie, and you can't read her mind. LOL. So just play it cool and use your head.

    P.S., I had a stripper give me her number once and text me about meeting OTC too. I was 90 percent sure it was a hustle so I didn't go. I didn't know if I'd have the willpower to say no if she showed up and then tried to hustle me into something I wasn't comfortable with, or something that would leave me flat broke. So again, this is something that I would only do if you're sure that you'll be able to use your big head instead of your little head when making decisions with this girl OTC. Remember, the best hustlers make it SEEM real.

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    Dizzy Re: Dazed and confused...

    I am going to tread lightly. I am by default a romantic guy, I feel that the the devil is in the details and I have a very romantic encounter planned chock full of her favorite things.

    • A bouquet of flowers from Argentina country in her favorite colors
    • A wonderful dinner with a Filet in a demi glace and poached steelhead trout in a white wine sauce custom made at a friends resteraunt
    • Horse drawn carriage ride through historic Philly
    Is that too much?

    I havent dated in 13 years but I like to do these sorts of things. Am I going too far?

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Come back here and post after the dinner actually happens.

    Good luck, I think you are being played but I've been wrong before...not often though...
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Only one way to find out...though I would suggest not getting too invested either way.

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    Dizzy Re: Dazed and confused...

    What do you mean too invested?

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    ^ She's trying to tell you not to fall in love...
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaaraak View Post
    I am going to tread lightly. I am by default a romantic guy, I feel that the the devil is in the details and I have a very romantic encounter planned chock full of her favorite things.

    • A bouquet of flowers from Argentina country in her favorite colors
    • A wonderful dinner with a Filet in a demi glace and poached steelhead trout in a white wine sauce custom made at a friends resteraunt
    • Horse drawn carriage ride through historic Philly
    Is that too much?

    I havent dated in 13 years but I like to do these sorts of things. Am I going too far?
    Seems a little over the top to me BUT I have never been a big romantic, and never actually dated much at all. So that's just a personal thing. She might love it, but regardless I think if that's what you want to do and you will enjoy doing it then go for it.

    It's totally possible (maybe even probable) that she is only interested in you as a customer (which isn't to say she doesn't like you or enjoy your company) but like lokikola said if you never go you'll never know...

    If it was me I would just go into it with low expectations. Maybe it's cynical of me, but I would rather be surprised than disappointed. Enjoy your date but don't let your feelings get too carried away. Even if she is looking for more, you've only just met her and probably don't know very much about her. My opinion is whenever starting a new relationship it's good to be a little reserved and cautious. Don't let infatuation cloud your judgement... although I suppose that's easier said than done.

    Good luck!

    hot flirting tips 2k13: tell him, “I’m not like other girls,” then pull down the secret zipper at the back of your neck to reveal your true reptilian form


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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Come back here and post after the dinner actually happens.

    Good luck, I think you are being played but I've been wrong before...not often though...
    I totally agree with Yoda. Or she's looking for a potential sugar daddy. This is a business not match.com.
    "The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works" -GORDON GECCO

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by silk55 View Post
    I totally agree with Yoda. Or she's looking for a potential sugar daddy. This is a business not match.com.
    The sugar daddy thing crossed my mind as well, but hopefully after the intense first date that the OP has planned, she'll realize that this guy is serious and won't continue to hustle him if all she wants is his money. Though maybe I'm being way too naive here.

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaaraak View Post
    the dance wound up lasting 45 minutes before either of us realised.

    I very very very -very- highly doubt that. That's one of the oldest and shadiest tricks in the book.

    As to if she really likes you or not... who knows? I agree that it "could happen". I also agree that it's not likely. To me she sounds just like the kind of girl I can't stand working with. Why? because I'm not into that kind of mind-fuck hustle and I -hate- the fact that it RUINS good customers for everyone else in the future.

    That being said... there are plenty of girls who have found their S.Os at work. I say go ahead on your date, but be cautious. On one hand, you don't want to be a defensive jerk around her "suspecting" her, but on the other you don't want to get 'taken'. If she wants to go out, take her out like you would any other date. A nice dinner, a movie, a club, whatever. "Shopping" is not a date. Neither is "come see me at work". IMO you are either dating her -or- you're a customer. The best way to find out, is to stop spending money on her outside of what's "normal" for dating. If she's in it "for the money" she will lose your number relatively fast. I promise.

    One more thing: I am a brutally honest person (people have said 'ice queen' often) and I've gotta tell ya... the fact that you would plan a first date that involves a horse drawn carriage, sends huge signs that you're the kind of 'mark' those types of hustlers go for. And, just to play devil's advocate, let's say she's NOT hustling you. Even then, that sounds like "too much" to me. I would honestly be put off by that much effort. Maybe not if it was my birthday... or dozens of other dates down the road. But to me that first date would scream "I'm trying too hard because I'm very lonely and I desperately need a connection in my life". Which to me also reads "You could have been any girl who paid enough attention to me". Which, does not make me feel special and therefor is not attractive.

    But like I said, I'm pretty brutal.

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by KeithDoxen View Post
    The sugar daddy thing crossed my mind as well, but hopefully after the intense first date that the OP has planned, she'll realize that this guy is serious and won't continue to hustle him if all she wants is his money. Though maybe I'm being way too naive here.
    No way. If she is "that" kind of hustler, that date screams $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    and I'm adding more (I'm long winded tonight):

    I say stick with one thing and save the others for another time. Maybe do the flowers and take her out to dinner instead of cook this time. Skip the carriage. You can still be romantic without overdoing it. Plus, some people are weird about food... so if you're really hell bent on cooking.. I'd ask her if she would rather go out to eat or have you cook for her. If it were me, I'd pick dinner out... because I wouldnt want to deal with the awkwardness of not liking the food on a fist date, not to mention being at someones house right off the bat.

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaaraak View Post
    I am going to tread lightly. I am by default a romantic guy, I feel that the the devil is in the details and I have a very romantic encounter planned chock full of her favorite things.

    • A bouquet of flowers from Argentina country in her favorite colors
    • A wonderful dinner with a Filet in a demi glace and poached steelhead trout in a white wine sauce custom made at a friends resteraunt
    • Horse drawn carriage ride through historic Philly
    Is that too much?

    I havent dated in 13 years but I like to do these sorts of things. Am I going too far?
    OOC, how much have you spent in the club on her?

    and yes, if you have to ask..you're going too far.

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaaraak View Post
    I am going to tread lightly. I am by default a romantic guy, I feel that the the devil is in the details and I have a very romantic encounter planned chock full of her favorite things.

    • A bouquet of flowers from Argentina country in her favorite colors
    • A wonderful dinner with a Filet in a demi glace and poached steelhead trout in a white wine sauce custom made at a friends resteraunt
    • Horse drawn carriage ride through historic Philly
    Is that too much?

    I havent dated in 13 years but I like to do these sorts of things. Am I going too far?
    Avoid all this, its just the first date. Take her somewhere casual. If you buy these flowers and make the reservations, you'll be out of some money when she inevitably cancels and asks you to meet her in the club. That's going to make you even angrier and fuel your dissapointment.

    If she really liked you she wouldn't have asked you to meet her at the club the next night. She would have either taken the night off or asked to meet you when she wasn't working.

    Dude, she's not into you.

    But in the case that she does, save the romantic shit for a later date. Take her somewhere casual and reasonable for dinner.

    Do you know that filet mig and trout are her favorite foods? Did she tell you this?

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny View Post
    One more thing: I am a brutally honest person (people have said 'ice queen' often) and I've gotta tell ya... the fact that you would plan a first date that involves a horse drawn carriage, sends huge signs that you're the kind of 'mark' those types of hustlers go for. And, just to play devil's advocate, let's say she's NOT hustling you. Even then, that sounds like "too much" to me. I would honestly be put off by that much effort. Maybe not if it was my birthday... or dozens of other dates down the road. But to me that first date would scream "I'm trying too hard because I'm very lonely and I desperately need a connection in my life". Which to me also reads "You could have been any girl who paid enough attention to me". Which, does not make me feel special and therefor is not attractive.

    But like I said, I'm pretty brutal.

    I appreciate your candor and have to agree that perhaps that is too much thought for a first date.

    I will scale it back a bit. I will nix the carriage. The flowers I would do for anyone, it is just more thoughtful to show that you remember the little details of casual conversation, and pehaps I will limit the dinner menu a bit, go with something slightly less gourmet and more common.

    I have dataed strippers in the past and IMHO once you make it past the hardened, sometimes jaded exteriors, they are people looking to be loved and cared for just like everyone else. I know that for most it is difficult to see someone you have danced for as anything more than a lecherous, walking wallet, no matter how respectful they are. I just hope that my genuine personality can crack that shell and bring her around.

    What can I say I am the eternal optimist!

    Thanks Penny

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    Dizzy Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by ChrisDay View Post
    OOC, how much have you spent in the club on her?
    Probably ~$600 including club fees (they charge a crazy markup for "Club Cash") but not including drinks.

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaaraak View Post
    The flowers I would do for anyone, it is just more thoughtful to show that you remember the little details of casual conversation, and pehaps I will limit the dinner menu a bit, go with something slightly less gourmet and more common.
    Why not just let her order whatever she wants?
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kaaraak View Post
    Probably ~$600 including club fees (they charge a crazy markup for "Club Cash") but not including drinks.
    If you really want to impress her don't pay her in "club cash". In most clubs they mark that up twice-once to you and once to the dancer when she turns it in for real money. Hit the ATM before you go in to see her.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Dizzy Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by Pretty_Penny View Post
    No way. If she is "that" kind of hustler, that date screams $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

    and I'm adding more (I'm long winded tonight):

    I say stick with one thing and save the others for another time. Maybe do the flowers and take her out to dinner instead of cook this time. Skip the carriage. You can still be romantic without overdoing it. Plus, some people are weird about food... so if you're really hell bent on cooking.. I'd ask her if she would rather go out to eat or have you cook for her. If it were me, I'd pick dinner out... because I wouldnt want to deal with the awkwardness of not liking the food on a fist date, not to mention being at someones house right off the bat.
    Oh no! I'm not taking her to my home on the first date! That would be WAAAYY too forward and IMHO be horribly disrespectful! I was refering to a friends resteraunt.

    I am trying to date her not just have sex with her! I want to create a divestiture from the club life and what her personal life could be. I want to be her silver lining. I want her to look forward to the escapes she gets when she spends time with me. I want to be as big a part of her life as she would let me, for as long as she wants.

    I assure you I am not stupid, and I know there is a great likelyhood that she will head for the hills when she discovers that I am not "Sugar Daddy" material, and that I might actually be serious about getting to know her. The real her, not just her alter ego.

    I am just hopeful that she will conversly demonstrate that you are more than just your label, that you can choose to DO your job and not let your job DEFINE you.

    Maybe I am fooling myself but I hold out hope that at their core, people are generally sincere, and if that is true she can have herself a real catch!

    If not I would have learned something: That she was unable to get out of her own way long enough tp discover that there are still good guys out there that will give you your hearts desire... if you let them.

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by KS_Stevia View Post
    Do you know that filet mig and trout are her favorite foods? Did she tell you this?
    Yes, she told me those are her favorites.

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    Dizzy Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Why not just let her order whatever she wants?
    Well that is where I am heading, we will still go to the nice restaurant, I just wont have any special dishes prepared. Also, the menu was a choice, The filet was one entree the trout an alternative. (I always have a contingency plan )

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    If you really want to impress her don't pay her in "club cash". In most clubs they mark that up twice-once to you and once to the dancer when she turns it in for real money. Hit the ATM before you go in to see her.
    I know that. Thats what I mean by "including club fees" I paid both the 20% markup the club charges customers and an additional 20% to offset the dancers club fee. So in total I paid an extra 40% so it would not adversly affect her. She got ~$400, Club got ~$200.

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    Default Re: Dazed and confused...

    Kaaraak: How many times have you seen her at the club? I have dated a few dancers that I've known for least a year or more. It seems a little odd that her stripper guard would be down only after a few visits.
    "The point is, ladies and gentlemen, that greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works" -GORDON GECCO

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