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Thread: Not able to stay in one place

  1. #1
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Not able to stay in one place

    This applies to all aspects of my life and I kinda find it disappointing and lonely. I feel the appeal of developing regular hangouts, where you know everyone and feel "at home." But after a certain period of time, I don't want to be there anymore... the joy of feeling at home is replaced when I realize that there are just as many people there who I don't want to see on a regular basis. Or I hate being around people who may see me a certain way and feeling like I can never act another way around them.

    This happens with all my favorite restaurants/bars/hangouts. This is part of what went wrong with my first club. No matter how many regulars there were who I liked, I grew to despise constantly seeing the ones I hated. And I was sick of seeing the same girls who viewed me as "so sweet and innocent." I worry if I start at a new club, it will just end up being the same. I also want to get out of my town cuz I feel like I've "been there, done that" and want to move on to something new. But even if I did, I fear I would never stay in one place too long no matter where I went. I can see myself living in a bunch of different places for short periods of time and then moving on to something new.

    It's like I feel more uncomfortable being "familiar" with something than I do when it's new and mysterious. It really fucks with me cuz I feel like everyone else is the opposite. Kinda like how I have absolutely no problem being sexy and flirty with strangers at a club, but honestly feel like a dork if I do it for my bf... The traditional advice for all these things of "you just need to get more comfortable with him/the town/the class/the bar/the club/your coworkers" doesn't seem to apply to me cuz I'm always like Nooo, you don't understand! I was more comfortable before I became "comfortable."

    It's something I really want to get over or find out why I do it. I don't really like starting over and over and over at everything and running away, trying to find something new when the old feels riddled with too many inconveniences. But I can't help it. It's like I have a natural aversion to getting too tied down or attached to anything. Am I the only one who feels this way? Wtf!? Help!

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    Default Re: Not able to stay in one place

    This is why I moved over and over and over.

    No advice, but you aren't alone.

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    God/dess DesuvsDeath's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not able to stay in one place

    Quote Originally Posted by mediocrity View Post
    This is why I moved over and over and over.

    No advice, but you aren't alone.
    Same.


    About the time I start to become well known and develope a reputation, good or bad, is about when things start to feel uncomfortable for me and I have to move or find new places to go.

    No real advice except to say: avoid making habbits... don't go to the same places often enough that you're recognized... switch clubs from time to time.
    This can keep things unfamiliar enough to keep you from feeling suffocated from dealing with the same nonsense week in and week out.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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  5. #4
    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not able to stay in one place

    Well, if you find that you are constantly feeling the urge to move then you can set yourself up to do so if your budget allows.

    One thing you can do is to search for short term leases, lease modifications, and sublets. Another method is to search for temporary housing, rooms for rent, etc. Ideally, you would commit to living somewhere for 3-6 months and then you could decide if you wanted to stay.

    You would have to pay for a moving truck if you have a lot of property to move, which wouldn't be too pricey if you go with a U-Haul type company. If you're moving across the country then you might start complicating things. In a nomadic lifestyle it is probably advisable to live modestly and not to acquire many large possessions.

    If you want to stop the behavior then you could commit to a lease that is long term, like 12 months. The problem is that if you really want to get out of the lease you will, and you run the risk of paying a high penalty and paying your credit. The other problem is that you will likely feel trapped and isolated if you are unhappy with an extended living situation.

    You could seek out a therapist that specializes in behavior modification therapy, psychoanalysis, and family counseling. If you have attachment issues those may be rooted to childhood abandonment, or a mental disorder such as manic-depressive disorder which includes manic spells. (I am not suggesting you are mentally ill, I am just giving you examples). Behavior modification therapy can help you alter day-to-day behaviors that interrupt the normal flow of your life, people with control issues sometimes have OCD, for example. Psychoanalysis would allow a licensed psychologist to determine what the underlying cause of your behavior, lack of attachment, is. Then the psychologist could determine an appropriate course of action and you can move forward.

    I hope this helps!
    -Laurisa
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Default Re: Not able to stay in one place

    Wow, I was going to post something like this earlier today but thought it would be silly. I used to think it's because I get bored with where I'm at, but realized it's because I have a bad habit of letting nostalgia get to me. I move so I don't act on impulses to "close a chapter," which in the past this "closing the chapter" has done more harm to my mental and physical health than good. Currently I want to move and start everything all over again and on a positive foot. I also have no advise, but if you feel your reasons are good enough then I don't believe you should feel negative about your wanting to move about.

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    Default Re: Not able to stay in one place

    this is a symptom of bpd. not diagnosing you, as i am prone to gypsying around myself, but it might be reading up on.

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    Default Re: Not able to stay in one place

    It sounds like just as soon as people get too close for comfort u want out and away from them. It sounds like u like to be disconnected from everyone. That way they have nothing on u. Dig deep is there anything u can do? R there things u cant accept about urself that maybe u could change so ud be more comfortable around others? Me personally Im disconnected from alot of people. I can relate. But I know why I am. Its bc I cant trust people. Just as i walk out of the room people r stabbing me in the back at work. I feel like many of them dont deserve to know me. SO I watch how much I reveal to people bc many r just looking for info to use against me. Its the shitty nature of the business and to some degree thats in any job just worse in SCs.

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Not able to stay in one place

    Thank you, everyone! It's so good to know I'm not alone. Some sort of counseling might be worth looking into. I'll think about it.

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    Default Re: Not able to stay in one place

    I don't think anything is wrong with you. ^

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