This applies to all aspects of my life and I kinda find it disappointing and lonely. I feel the appeal of developing regular hangouts, where you know everyone and feel "at home." But after a certain period of time, I don't want to be there anymore... the joy of feeling at home is replaced when I realize that there are just as many people there who I don't want to see on a regular basis. Or I hate being around people who may see me a certain way and feeling like I can never act another way around them.
This happens with all my favorite restaurants/bars/hangouts. This is part of what went wrong with my first club. No matter how many regulars there were who I liked, I grew to despise constantly seeing the ones I hated. And I was sick of seeing the same girls who viewed me as "so sweet and innocent." I worry if I start at a new club, it will just end up being the same. I also want to get out of my town cuz I feel like I've "been there, done that" and want to move on to something new. But even if I did, I fear I would never stay in one place too long no matter where I went. I can see myself living in a bunch of different places for short periods of time and then moving on to something new.
It's like I feel more uncomfortable being "familiar" with something than I do when it's new and mysterious. It really fucks with me cuz I feel like everyone else is the opposite. Kinda like how I have absolutely no problem being sexy and flirty with strangers at a club, but honestly feel like a dork if I do it for my bf... The traditional advice for all these things of "you just need to get more comfortable with him/the town/the class/the bar/the club/your coworkers" doesn't seem to apply to me cuz I'm always like Nooo, you don't understand! I was more comfortable before I became "comfortable."
It's something I really want to get over or find out why I do it. I don't really like starting over and over and over at everything and running away, trying to find something new when the old feels riddled with too many inconveniences. But I can't help it. It's like I have a natural aversion to getting too tied down or attached to anything. Am I the only one who feels this way? Wtf!? Help!




Reply With Quote



Bookmarks