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  1. #1
    Banned TurboHips's Avatar
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    Sad My boyfriend is abusive

    and I'm not strong enough to stand up to him to tell him to stop. He has bruised me before. He's verbally abusive. He: yells at me, puts me down sometimes, blames me for alot of things.

    Like today, I started my period, and i woke up to find that I accidentally bled the sheets. he got so pissed, called me irresponsible, blamed me, ect.


    I'm in tears, I don't know what to do. I'm so depressed because of this. But without him I have nothing

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    Veteran Member Anastasia Foxx's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    This may sound harsh, but WITH him you have nothing. WITHOUT him, the world and it's infinite possibilities are yours for the taking.

    You say he's already left bruises and makes you feel less than, the best thing you can do is start saving your money and LEAVE.
    **Women are Angels. And when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly...usually on a broomstick. We are flexible like that.**

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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    YES! Leave! I was married twice and abuse is no fun! You HAVE EVERYTHING! Do you have any friends that you can stay with. I know if you are dancing you can make the money needed to get back on your feet.

    But by all means leave. He is just your boyfriend and you are not married to him like I was.


    Quote Originally Posted by Anastasia Foxx View Post
    This may sound harsh, but WITH him you have nothing. WITHOUT him, the world and it's infinite possibilities are yours for the taking.

    You say he's already left bruises and makes you feel less than, the best thing you can do is start saving your money and LEAVE.

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    God/dess Kisca's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    You NEED to leave him. His abuse won't stop until he decides to help himself, you cannot help him, change him, nor ask him. He will either do it within his lifetime or he will stay the same or even worse.

    You know he is abusive so you need to leave! Is ther anyone you can stay with in the mean time? Do you have enough money to move and find a new place? You need to find enough stregnth to leave him and understand you will be better without him. It took almost a year to leave my ex-boyfriend who didnt allow me to work, had fits over me wearing eyeshadow even, was always negative and even had enough guts to leave bruises and bloody noses on me when we got into physical fights. After leaving him, it was hard in the start to adapt to such a change since I was so depend on him, but ones you figure you what you want to do for yourself, what would make you happy, you realize the reality and know logically its better to leave him. Dont think he will change, don't think this sorry will make him stop and it wont happen again. He knows what he is doing and it is working - you will need to leave him!

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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    And what exactly do you have with him? Bruises, low self-esteem, crying, the knowledge that your bf is abusive and doesn't respect you at all... stop me when I get to the good part...

    The loneliness of singlehood can suck sometimes, but how will you ever find someone who truly provides you with good company if you never leave behind the bastards who provide you with nothing? He has verbally and physically beaten you down to the point where you believe that you are worthless and no one else will love you if you leave him. That's not true. He's the piece of shit, and just by starting this thread, you know it. If you can't find the strength to leave him on your own, call a battered women's shelter and start talking to someone. This situation will only worsen over time, and you will have less and less - not more.

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    Veteran Member tessarubyxoxo's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    i agree with anastasia. i know it may seem like you have nothing without him if you love him but think about how depressed you are WITH him. think about what he's doing to your life & your well being right now, physically & emotionally. you can be happy & free of his abuse on your own. it may take some time to get through this but i promise you can. you need to leave. i don't know the details of your situation of course, like if you're financially dependent on him which might make you hesitant to leave. stay with a friend or family. if you're dancing or have another job, you can get back on your feet. get help & get away.

    & the bleeding on the sheets thing is such a stupid thing to get angry at you over. you can't control it, especially if you started during the night. i wish i could give you a hug, sweetie. <33

    follow me on twittah<3

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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    It will get worse. Get rid of him. There are other carp in the creek.

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    Senior Member Candy Girl's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    Real men embrace women, their periods and everything that comes with our body parts. It took me decades to figure out I had been dating half-gay schmucks who weren't real men.

    Trust me -- that is his issue. One day you'll find a man who's actually a fan of your sex and period and everything. And you'll wanna kick yourself for giving this fool any of your time.

    But he's flexing his bully muscles so hard cuz he's convinced you he's all you have. Maybe he is. For now.

    But hear this: "Since psychopaths are intuitively skilled at 'dosing,' or giving you just enough validation and attention to keep you on the hook, you may not immediately notice the devaluation. It’s as if the psychopath intuitively knows when to be charming again (in order not to lose you) and when to push your boundaries, further and lower. "

    That's what my abuser did to position me to need him too much, need and depend on his love. I had to realize his "love" wasn't shit to me. (that article is here http://psychopathyawareness.wordpres...e-and-discard/)

    Make a plan B. New apt, new guy, etc.

    One trick is to be so "irresponsible" he breaks up with you. Could be too risky with this guy cuz he's violent.

    The abuse mind game is so thorough + hard to fight because you value the love and so you swallow and deal with the abuse that comes with it.

    You gotta get outta this. Maybe not today, or soon. But as soon as you can. Imagine a life where no one attacks you. With a man who actually uplifts you. And you weed out fuckers who attack your self-worth the first time they pull that shit.

    This guy knows what he's doing and how to upset you.

    Maybe you have to "travel for a family emergency unexpectedly" so you leave in the middle of the day. Then 1 week later send your trusted friend or relative to get your stuff.

    You gotta get out. And stop him hurting you.

    I read this in an article that helped me get away from my ex-abuser who's trying to stalk me now:

    "Don't fall for it: it's the classic training program. The cruel words and violence are meant to bring your down and break your spirit. And the lovey-dovey act as the chaser & reward system. He screams at you, you tolerate it.

    If you accept the abuse, you thereby have given him or her all the power. S/he will continue to dominate you and may reward you for submitting to it. Usually, more mental and physical abuse is all you get."

    http://kissingup.wordpress.com/2011/...-abuse-cycles/

    His opinion of you isn't everything. This other article says: "In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It was never between you and him anyway."

    http://kissingup.wordpress.com/2011/...s-yet-to-come/

    Pls update on your situation.
    Smoke good, eat good. Drink and f*** good. Comin' to the club, stuntin' how you should. My s*** on fire I don't need no gasolina. I'm comin through the block with the new two seater. Cash rules everything around me -- C.R.E.A.M. -- get the money! Dollar dollar bill, y'all!!! FREEZE!!! You know who it is!!! It's me *****es!!! Showtime!!! -Swizz Beats

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    Veteran Member Kalypso's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    If you have friends and family than you have something. If you don't you still have YOURSELF! And it seems he's starting to chip away at that so please leave before you completely lose yourself. I guarantee it will happen.

    Don't waste your time telling him to stop. He won't. You've got to leave! You ARE strong enough. You WILL be fine, no BETTER without him.
    Bitch? Actually I'm an evil cunt. Slut? Try dirty little whore. Either way, you have to pay for it.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    Hopefully you wont need each and every person on this board to tell you...... You need to move.

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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    Quote Originally Posted by Anastasia Foxx View Post
    This may sound harsh, but WITH him you have nothing. WITHOUT him, the world and it's infinite possibilities are yours for the taking.

    You say he's already left bruises and makes you feel less than, the best thing you can do is start saving your money and LEAVE.
    Exactly.

    Without him you have EVERYTHING! A whole world of possibilities and freedom.

    He is standing in your way. You've already taken the first step by realizing he is abusive. That is a really big step to face that. Now prepare to keep walking!


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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    Get rid of his stupid ass. If necessary, wait til he leaves and pack your shit and go. This is no way to live your life. In fact, it isn't living at all.

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    Veteran Member sweetsam's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    You need to get out, if he hits you ONE TIME that's all it takes. All of these girls have given you good advice, and trust me you must leave, because it will only get worse. I was in an abusive relationship also and it only got worse! I was stupid and stayed for a long time, years, and I was naive, and I had people to tell me to get out, and I didn't listen. I did it when there was just a breaking point for me and I couldn't take it anymore. But don't wait till you reach your breaking point, just go now, there is never a good reason to hit a woman. Stand up for yourself, you are better than that. Have some self respect!!!!

    He is a piece of shit coward! Real men don't hit!! Period! Nor do they make you feel ashamed of yourself! Take whatever you have, your money, and run! Find somewhere to go! A church, a shelter, a friend, a co-worker. Open up to someone you trust, and I am sure they will help you!!




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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    He is sick. I understand he has beaten u down. Pick urself up as soon as u can and realize ur worth asap. Know in ur heart this isnt right and lie everyone has said pls find another place to go.

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    Senior Member $$$YvonnE$$$'s Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    Sorry to hear about your situation. I have been in an abusive relationship for 3 yrs now and I myself wish I could find the strength to leave too .

    My advice would be to open a bank account he doesn't know about...and every night after you work put some $ in it on your way home. Just enough that he doesn't notice. This will make you feel more empowered and in the event that someday you do decide to leave....you can rent a hotel room/stay with a friend and easily move into a new apartment in no time.

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    It took a while but I put some info together that you should digest. LISTEN to these women and men who have seen this before. He is not an exception, he is not all-powerful, you are not too weak to grab your life back. http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=160761 For help from Anderson County to Zavala http://www.aardvarc.org/dv/states/txdv.shtml

    DO NOT tell him you want to leave.
    DO NOT tell any mutual friends or family you want to leave
    CONTACT helpful agencies in your area but DO NOT write down your plans and leave them anywhere in your home
    Better to keep info in a secure place off-site
    If you can't take your belongings DON'T WORRY you can return with police presence to retrieve them

    REMEMBER to clean your browsing history and log out of this site so there is no easy trail for him to find before you've left. Here's info on that. http://akgshelter.com/index.php?id=erase_history

    GOOD LUCK, GODSPEED, ASK ANYTHING ELSE YOU NEED!
    Last edited by Optimist; 09-11-2011 at 09:35 PM.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    Quote Originally Posted by JoJoX View Post
    i just dont get it. like i said, i dont mean to be rude but help me understand.
    If you type "abusive" into google it automatically pulls up "relationships, men, parents".... it's really not that hard to learn about abusive patterns of behaviour, statistics on abuse, ways that people are abused and even things that abusers manage to do without the other person knowing at the time. This isn't something that necessarily happens overnight. A "good" abuser can take years before they actually lay hands on their victim the first time, taking time to isolate her, make her emotionally, financially and physically dependent on them... the violence is a very small part of the actual abuse.


    OP, please read the links that others have posted - especially the ones that Optimist did about planning and clearing your history. You can do it. We're rooting for you!
    Last edited by Optimist; 09-12-2011 at 10:06 AM. Reason: reference to deleted post
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    Veteran Member kermit210's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    The longer you stay, the longer you put off leaving, the harder it will be.
    It can be easy to rationalize putting it off 'just for now, till I'm stronger, etc.
    Because it WILL suck for a little bit. There's probably going to be some painful emotions wrapped up in it that there's no way to avoid having to feel.
    You will have to feel them eventually anyway.

    It will only suck for a little while, and then you will feel way better than you did before.

    Don't say "without him I have nothing" because having nothing is better than having an abuser add fear to your life.

    Remember to change your passwords to EVERYTHING, no matter how trivial an account may seem. Be sure to change your "I forgot my password" security questions to something he can't guess.
    I propose a toast - to my self control.... I see you crawling, helpless, on the floor.......
    -Mark Sandman

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    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    Quote Originally Posted by luscious sadie View Post
    This isn't something that necessarily happens overnight. A "good" abuser can take years before they actually lay hands on their victim the first time, taking time to isolate her, make her emotionally, financially and physically dependent on them... the violence is a very small part of the actual abuse.
    I find this very interesting...Is there somewhere that I could find stories from women that were not physically abused until 1/2/3+ years into the relationship? I sometimes suspect my bf will get violent with me but he swears he never would. That I could never push him that far. But I can see when someone isn't in control of their temper though, thinks egotistically, and this excites me right now but worries me in the long run.
    "You wonder why the fuck I rap?
    It's deez SeXaY BiAtCHeZ on mah lap!"
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  25. #20
    God/dess princessjas's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    Quote Originally Posted by JoJoX View Post
    im sorry, i dont mean to sound harsh but i have very little sympathy for women in abusive relationships. (better than NO sympathy)

    I just never understood why someone would put theirselves out there like that..its not like youre tied up to a bedpost, its not like youre in a jail cell, its not like youre a child- get the fuck out.

    after a period of time, hes not even the bad guy anymore- it is YOU that is your own worst enemy.

    for example, i met a girl who was in an abusive relationship. ive helped her out, gave her a shoulder to cry on etc...and then the shit got old, same ol song and dance, she kept going back to him, it got really annoying to the point where i didnt give a shit anymore and broke up the friendship.

    i just dont get it. like i said, i dont mean to be rude but help me understand.
    It usually starts out small. Like a rude word here or there and it would be stupid to ruin a good thing over something so small. Once you are used to the small thing it escalates, sometimes so slowly you dont even notice it (in my case it took about 8 yrs) till it is a wtf situation and your self worth is in the trash annnnd you dont know how to function without him.

    Isolation and financial dependence are biggies! They make damn sure you have no support. Most people are like you anyway and wont even try to understand or help. My escape plan took months and was still super dangerous, many take years. he still pays for my car while I am in school full time. Indpendence is more like a process, not a quick cut.

    ETA - Dont forget the fear factor. Once it was obvious I was leaving my ex he made it clear he would kill me. I still expect to end up in a body bag one night. he will find me, be waiting and voila, one shot or more likely a brutal stabbing and no more Jas.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    Make a plan to get out. You probably think you have nothing because of the shit hes put in your head. Save some money and reach out to family and friends. The verbal and physical go hand in hand with breaking you down.

  28. #22
    Veteran Member Kat w's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=153607

    I posted that thread when I was struggling with leaving my abusive boyfriend. I got lots of feedback and comfort, which realy helped me stay strong in my decision to leave him. I'm still hurting from the break up and what he put me through emotionally and physically but I know that I made the right decision.

    I felt likke I would have nothing without my boyfriend, he had emotionally conditioned me to feel like I needed his validation. Slowly I am realizing that all of that was emotional abuse that he used in order to keep me around. You will have so much more without him than you do with him.

    Listen to that new Beyonce song "Best Thing I Never Had" on repeat, save some money, pack a bag and get out of there. I know you can do it, you deserve to be happy.

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    I find this very interesting...Is there somewhere that I could find stories from women that were not physically abused until 1/2/3+ years into the relationship? I sometimes suspect my bf will get violent with me but he swears he never would. That I could never push him that far. But I can see when someone isn't in control of their temper though, thinks egotistically, and this excites me right now but worries me in the long run.
    What you'll find is every abusive guy is waiting for a certain level of dependence/tension to develop. The trigger could be moving in together, could be pregnancy, could be marriage. Any of those could take a number of years to happen. Next thing you know they are working their real agenda because they "don't have to be nice anymore".
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Senior Member amorescudero's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    It NEVER gets better. My ex husband was abusive. It took him hitting me so hard that I peed blood and thought my ribs were broke to leave him. I called the cops and he got arrested. BEST thing I ever done.

    The cops put me in touch with a place called the womens center. Its a domestic violence help place. They helped me out a TON. I also started going to therapy. I recommend getting a good therapist and seeing if you can get in contact with a women center type place.

    the cycle of abusive is hard to break. It took me years of horrible violence before I left. ::hugs::

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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: My boyfriend is abusive

    Turbo hips, i did not mean to offend you when i posted my comment- ( now deleted).

    women in abusive relationships tend to jump into another abusive relationship. i just hope that you find strength within YOURSELF to prevent it from happening again.

    the guy is clearly a jackass and needs to die- you deserve better and when i stated you are your own worst enemy, what i meant was why do you think thats the best you can do? i also asked to help me understand why you felt this way, which is the core of this problem. I am not blaming you for this, i'm just saying you are better than this and should take control.

    the most important thing is to love yourself. simply running away wont do the trick. to get your life back, you need to LOVE YOURSELF.

    and when i told the story about my former friend who was in an abusive relationship, i was just shedding light you cant do much for someone who doesnt want help for theirselves.

    everyone here is telling you to run, and all this other textbook advice ..... i agree with them but i just think it is more important to find yourself and love yourself. by doing this, you will gain a strong foundation before changing your life. that is the real deal.

    When it comes to situations like this, i rather not sugar coat anything or talk to you like youre a child or just another statistic - so thats why my comment came off the way it did. i'm truly sorry if it rubbed you the wrong way.

    turbo hips i really hope the best for you and remember to love yourself unconditionally and you will find the strength to live here on out to the fullest and the best way.

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