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  1. #1
    Newbie Ariel_x's Avatar
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    Default Being touched

    How do you become comfortable with it? What's your mantra?

    I put on my big girl pants and visited the club I'm thinking of working at by myself tonight. A really friendly girl gave me a lot of info and I bought a dance from her to thank her and learn a bit more.

    It seems where I'd like to work there's a lot of booty popping right in the dudes face as well as breasts being groped. I'm trying to separate myself from the idea of "stripper me" but what there's still that feeling in my stomach about letting a stranger have that kind of contact with me.

    How did you work past that sort of thing?

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    God/dess JayATee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being touched

    IMHO, you shouldn't have to MAKE yourself comfortable with anything.
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    Newbie Ariel_x's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being touched

    Quote Originally Posted by JayATee View Post
    IMHO, you shouldn't have to MAKE yourself comfortable with anything.
    I suppose that makes sense. I guess what it is is more that I feel very confident about the other aspects of the work, it's having my breasts groped that I'm not sure about :/ It's just the best option as far as clubs for me starting out though so I'd like to overcome my nervousness.

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    Default Re: Being touched

    All I can say about contact is that if you try to force yourself to tolerate something that you feel uncomfortable with, the outcome will not be pretty. This is your body, and your mind and these are your values and boundaries - no amount of advice or techniques you read on an online stripper website are going to change those things. If you're not comfortable with the level of intimacy that goes on at this club, you have two other options;

    1) Find a different club or
    2) Opt not to allow the level of contact other girls do, and most likely see your income suffer.

    Don't force yourself to do something that you feel in your gut isn't right. The sex industry isn't suited to anyone.



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    God/dess 4everresolutions's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being touched

    I feel like saying "I like everything else about stripping except for the contact during dances" is kinda like saying "I like everything else about escorting except for the sex with customers". If you can't tolerate what is - in many areas - one of the key factors of the job, then you probably shouldn't be working that job.

    Now if you could find a low-contact/no-contact club, OR find a way to do well and not offer contact, that's a different story

    BTW - Y'all know I'm not looking to be bitchy towards escorts or high contact dancers. I, myself, dance in a high contact, boobie-touching club, and do allow those things during dances.



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    God/dess DesuvsDeath's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being touched

    Letting someone touch you sexually in a way you're uncomfortable with is a good way to emotionally and sexually traumatize yourself, imo. Could cause damage/issues that take a very long time to fix.

    I'm not sure why exactly you're trying to get into an industry that invovles doing things you aren't comfortable with, but imo, it seems like a bad fit for you, especially given your location in a state that's generally known as a "dirty" place to work amongst people who are comfortable with strangers touching them.
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
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    God/dess 4everresolutions's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being touched

    Oh dear, you're in Florida? I believe I read another thread where you mentioned Molly Browns? My information is dated and there are women on SW who can give much better, up-to-date information than I can, but from what I can recall Molly's was a brothel, run by a terrible woman.

    If you're in the Daytona area, and you want to dance no contact/low contact, you might want to check out Orlando strip clubs. The laws there are fairly strict, so the contact isn't as high. On the flip side, there's not as much money.

    Here's a recent thread with some info on the area you may be in (by my assumption):
    http://forum.stripperweb.com/showthread.php?t=159026

    There's a handful of other Florida threads too, if you're so inclined to travel.

    Good luck.



  12. #8
    Newbie Ariel_x's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being touched

    I feel like my question is being taken a little out of context.

    I'm sure there are a lot of people who are 100% thrilled to work in this industry and all that it entails, but if you're trying to tell me that everyone starts out with zero qualms about SOMETHING, I can't say I believe you.

    I'm not saying I find touching traumatizing or that I'm against it, I'm just saying it's part of the business that you get used to. Generally I don't go about my day to day life being grabbed on by strangers so if I decide I'm okay with allowing that for a fee there is some sort of mental process and emotion that goes into that, I was just curious what everyone's was.

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    God/dess 4everresolutions's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being touched

    I'm saying that IF you're looking into dancing already having reservations about the level of contact - enough so to post for coping mechanisms on the internet before you even start stripping - then this job probably isn't for you.

    The thing is - you won't know the damage is done until it's already done.



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    Default Re: Being touched

    Quote Originally Posted by 4everresolutions View Post
    Oh dear, you're in Florida? I believe I read another thread where you mentioned Molly Browns? My information is dated and there are women on SW who can give much better, up-to-date information than I can, but from what I can recall Molly's was a brothel, run by a terrible woman.
    Yeah I'm sort of looking for more up to date information on the club, everything I find is pretty old and things change so quickly. That's why I decided to go in tonight and get a feel for things.

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    Default Re: Being touched

    Quote Originally Posted by 4everresolutions View Post
    I'm saying that IF you're looking into dancing already having reservations about the level of contact - enough so to post for coping mechanisms on the internet before you even start stripping - then this job probably isn't for you.

    The thing is - you won't know the damage is done until it's already done.
    Fair enough, it's not something I'm jumping into so I appreciate the advice.

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    Default Re: Being touched

    Quote Originally Posted by Ariel_x View Post
    Fair enough, it's not something I'm jumping into so I appreciate the advice.
    A sincere thank you for hearing me out and not getting defensive. I'm not trying to go doom and gloom on your ass or anything, just trying to help. Keep us updated on what you decide in the future. I hope your thread on Molly Browns get's some responses, I'm curious about how it's doing too.



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    Default Re: Being touched

    mmm, there is a difference between letting someone touch your breasts during a dance and someone touching your breasts when you don't want them to. part of this is learning to control your show, which is a skill most dancers need to be taught and will not learn because the industry is a bit of a mess right now.

    i will agree that dancing may not be a good fit, but i will also mention that most sex work is "weird" at first, even if there is no contact. god, the first time i let some fetish guy rub my feet, i wasn't sure why i felt so odd afterward. but all of these things are weird and might feel weird because you are developing this part of you that has to construct boundaries and rituals and all this other stuff that didn't exist.

    i would say that if one escorted and hated the sex-with-men part, she might still enjoy the majority of her time with them. as i understand it, sex with men doesn't take all that long. so it would depend, i would say, if there were feelings of dread, or if it was a glaring annoyance that you were willing to put up with for the other perks.

    (why am i writing an essay?)
    even if you worked in a lower contact club, dancing is still going to feel weird starting out. all newbies should mind that, even without contact, you are still wearing lycra and platform shoes in a dark bar talking to some dude you don't give a shit about while a dj shouts something about tits and there are strobe lights everywhere.

    it is okay if a weird situation made you feel weird!

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    Default Re: Being touched

    Here's a personal story about boobies touching.

    I work primarily in a low contact club. I traveled and ended at a high contact club with $10 dances. This club allowed everything touched except the Kitty. At first I kept to my primary club standards and made shit. Then I adjusted and allowed ass grabbing which progressed to tittie groping. I was very uncomfortable. And I only danced four shifts until I went home to my husband.

    Well of course He wanted sex. I went through with it with him and he detected nothing wrong. Inside I was screaming. I really had to work through the issues I was having and even now I have to sometimes consciously remind myself it's my HUSBAND. Not always but it does happen occasionally.

    Now I can work in higher contact without any problems than what I mentioned. But I wouldn't have this issue, however minor now, if I didn't "become comfortable with it" in the first place.

    Just something to think about.
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    God/dess JayATee's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being touched

    Quote Originally Posted by Ariel_x View Post
    I suppose that makes sense. I guess what it is is more that I feel very confident about the other aspects of the work, it's having my breasts groped that I'm not sure about :/ It's just the best option as far as clubs for me starting out though so I'd like to overcome my nervousness.
    If you're not comfortable having your breasts groped, don't allow it to go on. It's as simple as that. The ways in which I allow touching (it's minimal - thighs/back -but I work at a minimum contact place) never bothered me in the first place. Set your boundries and stick to them. Otherwise you can find yourself doing seriously fucked up things, just to get through a night at work and there is no reason for that. The only person that gets hurt by you allowing something to go on that you don't like is you. And trust me, it's very much not worth it.
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    Featured Member SuperJa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Being touched

    If you feel like you will have ANY problems with being touched, don't do this job. No job is worth doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable.

    Even working in a high contact area, you don't HAVE to allow touching, but understand that your money will not be as good. I work in a high contact club and we have a dancer who doesn't allow touching. Guys will get one or two dances from her, and then ask her to bring them another dancer, and get 10+ from them. All the time.

    Also, men don't always follow the rules. Even if you don't allow touching, you will be smacking hands away all the time.

    Lastly, remember that although we're called dancers/strippers, the job is really mostly selling and acting. Not only do you have to be comfortable with the guy groping you, he's gotta be convinced that you are having an awesome time.

    I guess a good way to start is what I did- if you're still working a vanilla job, every time a customer comes in, imagine dancing for them. Could you do it?

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    Default Re: Being touched

    If you are uncomfortable with being touched then you shouldn't allow it.

    I work in a high contact/boobie touching club and it does bother me when customers touch me. I think I am desensitized to it, but it also makes me desensitized to intimate contact in my personal life. I think I enjoy being caressed less, and I just want to be fucked. I'm positive that customers touching me is fucking with my head.

    I would not recommend you allowing customers to touch you. If you do, you better charge out the ass for it and demand tips. I don't give a fuck who says that's rude, it's rude for customers to expect to grope me for $20.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Default Re: Being touched

    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post

    i will agree that dancing may not be a good fit, but i will also mention that most sex work is "weird" at first, even if there is no contact. god, the first time i let some fetish guy rub my feet, i wasn't sure why i felt so odd afterward. but all of these things are weird and might feel weird because you are developing this part of you that has to construct boundaries and rituals and all this other stuff that didn't exist.



    it is okay if a weird situation made you feel weird!
    I agree. While I respect what everyone is saying, I have to add to Camille's point and say that stripping is a big transition from a vanilla life and is going to seem odd and uncomfortable at first. Just because you're wondering "can I?" doesn't necessarily mean you can't and shouldn't. I used to think I could never ever get up on a stage, dance around half naked in front of an entire club, or rub my boobs in strangers' faces and grind my thong-clad ass on their cock for $20. Well... now I have no problem with it. When I started doing it, it just became what I did, and I adjusted to the idea. You could not be cut out for stripping... or you could adjust. Honestly, you'll never truly know if you can handle it or how it will affect you until you actually start doing it. Having reservations in the beginning is normal.

    I will say, though, that I didn't have to go through a "mental process" to become ok with it. It was odd at first, but then it just kinda went from "omg, omg, I don't know if I can do this!" to "oh, this is just my job." I didn't have to force myself to become accustomed to it. If you try it and it clicks for you, great. But if you try it and you're still uncomfortable and think you have to have mind-tricks to get you through the night... then, like others have said, you shouldn't do it.

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    Default Re: Being touched

    I'm going to try to answer the OP's question as best as I can - which is "how did you get used to being touched at work?"

    Well - I went in with a lot of high standards and a lofty view of myself as a clean dancer. The regular contact a lap dance entails (grinding, stroking of arms, legs, stomach) didn't bother me at all. I clearly remember my first customer - I sold him three dances - and afterwards I was just like, "OMG I just made $90 in 10 minutes. That was SO EASY."

    Although I started out not allowing my boobs or butt to be touched, that eventually changed. That's the funny thing about boundaries - setting them is easy. Maintaining them is really hard. Eventually, I broke every boundary I had and then some. Not habitually - it was a very gradual thing, triggered by too much too drink, a slow night, a spendy customer at the right moment. I didn't feel good about this when it happened, but I did it because I felt like I wouldn't make money if I didn't allow certain things.

    At any rate, I think I should have known going in that my boundaries were not completely in my control. Strip club culture and the legal climate create an environment that is very conducive to sexual assault. Most dancers will at one point or another have to deal with customers who will disregard the boundaries they set with their bodies. So, a good question to ask yourself right now might be not how to work through the issues high contact clubs pose, but whether the risk is worth it.

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    Default Re: Being touched

    Why don't you just try working a shift or two...or four...and allow only the contaact your comfortable with, and see how it feels and if you do well ? You should never have to force yourself to get used to anthing. Only do what you feel comfortable...and if u don't do well then try another club with less contact

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    Default Re: Being touched

    I think a good alternative I've exercised is allowing customers to touch my legs/back/arms. Every once in a while they might touch my butt if they've been polite otherwise. Then they don't feel uncomfortable with their arms planted at their sides, and I don't have to feel grossed out.

    Let me make this clear, though: you don't HAVE to do anything outside of your comfort level to make a great living, and you don't HAVE to become comfortable with being touched. Touching is not a too.necessary component of dancing. Yes, you will occasionally lose money because of it, but then again, you'd make more cash turning tricks too. Don't. Do. It. The psychological damage is NOT worth it. I tried to grin and bear it, but now I have trouble accepting touch from my husband. I will not say its not something that happens; it does, and you do have to cope with it. But there's a difference between coping and permitting. If some douchebag tries to grope you on stage, that's no big deal. Just roll your eyes, or smack him, or make fun of him, whatever your club allows and would give you satisfaction. However, I strongly advise you against allowing touching in the VIP room.

    I will not give dances to men in stretch shorts. Why? Because they can whip their dick out and grab you before you know what's going on. Don't underestimate these men or give them too much wiggle room. There's only a tiny piece of fabric to protect your most private areas from their hands. By allowing them to touch you, you're practically daring them to take it a step forward.

    I know it sounds scary but fear is your best defense. That said, this can be a fun, happy and comfortable work environment, but YOU have to enforce that. Set your boundaries and stick to them. Don't let anyone tell you that you HAVE to do anything to be successful in dancing.

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  36. #22
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    Default Re: Being touched

    I thought it was weird too at first--not uncomfortable, just different. I don't think any of us were used to strangers touching us when we started, but after a few shifts it's no big. I'm also pretty good at detaching myself which helps a lot. Like other girls have said though, if it's a bad feeling in your stomach when someone touches you, don't let them. If it's just nerves/the newness of it, then it gets easier. Try to figure out your boundaries now, though. Don't let customers define them for you.

    Good luck!

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    Default Re: Being touched

    I never allowed any contact during my dances, and I kicked ass. If you set your boundaries and OWN them and work in a club that has a higher turnover for customers, AND you're hot, then you can make a lot of money in this business without crossing your own boundaries. And I'm saying that as a chick who worked during the thick of the recession.

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    Default Re: Being touched

    also, op, you don't have to dance for everyone. male mgmt seems to not understand the idea of turning down money but you do choose who you dance for. i think this is why we see higher contact in areas that are seasonal (florida, for example) because when money slows down, dancers are willing to shift their boundaries for less and it's very difficult to demand more once you have accepted less (this may prove to be an industry-wide problem since recent years have increased the more-for-less promotions).

    so you may find that dancing is very comfortable and just-a-job if you manage your money. if you avoid as best as possible any situations that could require you to act desperately, you may find that not NEEDING money prevents you from shifting your boundaries into an uncomfortable place.

    mgmt will tell you not to turn down dances, and so and so wants a dance from you, and you will be likely to take money that you didn't have to talk to some dumbass for. you don't have to dance for anyone. this is something i wish i was told when i was 18. would've saved me a lot of therapy. there is a reason we approach certain customers, sell to certain customers....anyway, i'm getting off topic but i think many of us feel strongly about setting boundaries because it isn't something females are taught in general, and so most women who walk into a strip club are not going to know how to set them, and a strip club is a shitty place to learn about bodily autonomy by trial and error.

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    Default Re: Being touched

    I work in a high contact club where touching is allowed on stage. I think what has always allowed me to be comfortable with high contact is that I just don't perceive my mammaries as an erogenous area--I actually think it is a bit funny and pathetic that guys are so obsessed with boobs in general.

    I agree with the general mentality of this thread. If you aren't comfortable with something, then don't allow it.

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