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Thread: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

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    Default I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    This is a two-part question and an introduction of myself, since I'm new here.

    I know that, as a general rule, dancers don't date patrons, but I have dated a few entertainers throughout the years, and all but one of them I met at the club; the exception being my high school girlfriend who began dancing while we were dating.

    A little background on my club experiences and me, since I'm new here. I like to go to clubs occasionally, however I am a very analytical person and a realist; I understand the difference between fantasy and reality, and getting into the fantasy and letting go of reality is hard for me. Also, knowing what I learned from dancer's I've dated doesn't help either - I recognize tactics and patterns...

    As a result of this, I have a fondness and respect for dancers. Even in the VIP, I am not rude, mean or pushy, I never push boundaries, I let the dancer set the comfort level - basically, I treat her as I would treat any woman, with equal amounts of respect and admiration.

    The majority of the time when I do go to clubs, I meet some great women, I have a great time and they make some money from a guy who doesn't treat them like a piece of meat - we all WIN!

    But three times, over the 20+ years I've gone to clubs, it felt like more. Two previous times that it happened, the girls let me know within the first few hours of meeting that they felt the same way. In both cases we ended up dating.

    My first question is for anyone who was ever interested in a customer and I'm not talking about for extracurricular activities, I'm talking about in a real way - how do you let a guy know that you're interested?

    Second question and my ulterior motive for asking this question. Is there any way that I, as a customer, can gracefully let a dancer know that I am open to something real without making her feel like I'm propositioning her for sex or devaluing her somehow?

    Thanks for any input! Please be gentle with this newbie.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Give her your email so she knows you're not looking to hookup that night after work, and just say, "hey, I think you're really cool. If you ever want to chat, hit me up."

    She'll either write you, or she won't-- though she might just write you to get you back into the club.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by FiendishGyrator View Post
    Give her your email so she knows you're not looking to hookup that night after work, and just say, "hey, I think you're really cool. If you ever want to chat, hit me up."

    She'll either write you, or she won't-- though she might just write you to get you back into the club.
    I feel kind of stupid for not even thinking of that... I do that all the time when there's a particular dancer I really like as an entertainer - I'll give her my email/text and tell her to keep in touch and let me know when she's at the club.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Don't they sell ebooks online for $40 on how to date strippers?




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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by Stripper Hacks View Post
    Don't they sell ebooks online for $40 on how to date strippers?
    Probably - it's right next to the "Get Free Money The Government Doesn't Want You To Know About" ebook.

    Anyway, that is certainly not what I'm after, I'm not targeting dancers exclusively as potential GF's, just not precluding them either.

    I occasionally enjoy clubs, but I accept it for what it is... however at least two times I felt something, it did turn into something real and recently had a third time incident that felt like the other two, which got me thinking...

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by BringOnTheMen View Post
    If she really wants to date you, she'll tell you "I want to date you." But even then, she might just be using your for cash.

    Any other "signs" or "feelings" are just your delusion and her hustle.
    You're probably right... but there were moments that were real.

    During her last stage dance that night, there was a young, 20-something, drunk a-hole at the stage and he threw a dollar on the stage and said, I need change because you're only worth about half that.

    She picked up that dollar, ripped into six pieces threw it in his face and said, "Get the f*ck off my stage." (Good for her)

    Later, I gave her a big hug and I told her that she was a good person and that she was a better person than that douche would ever be. She started to cry, then stopped herself and said she wasn't going to cry over that a-hole.

    Shortly after that she got called over by the club manager who wanted to hear her side of the story.

    In that one moment, though, it was real, she was a real person who needed someone to be there for her... it broke my heart, still does just thinking about it now.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    you are smooth.. It is hard to picture your counseling scene in the sc.

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    Veteran Member SteveSmith's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Another troll.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    It happened to me once in the whole nine years I danced. The guy in question bought 3 hours in VIP with me, and was a total gentleman the whole time. He was also very handsome and intelligent. I actually asked for his phone and put my number in it.

    Here's the kicker though: I initiated the contact, never broke plans, and while we dated we never discussed the club. There was never an exchange of money after the initial VIP either; though we did buy each other lunches, dinners, movie tickets etc. Key word being eachother, even though he was considerably wealthier than myself.

    Had he been missing any one of these elements (intelligent, handsome, fun, chivalrous, generous) I wouldn't have initiated anything. I guess moral of the story is, let them come to you. If a dancer wants to date you, she will find a way to make it happen.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by flyguy29 View Post
    you are smooth.. It is hard to picture your counseling scene in the sc.
    Well, honestly, it was not all that dramatic. I doubt anyone in the club noticed anything but a dancer and a patron hugging.

    My only point was that it was a moment of real emotion. That wasn't faking, that wasn't hustling... It's not about being smooth, it was about common human decency.

    Quote Originally Posted by mediocrity View Post
    It happened to me once in the whole nine years I danced... I initiated the contact...If a dancer wants to date you, she will find a way to make it happen.
    I paraphrased your post, but yes, that has indeed been my experience, too.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveSmith View Post
    Another troll.
    I have no idea why you would think that - you are free to believe what you want to believe... if you're so sure this a troll posting than just ignore it and leave it for people who are actually posting information that I find interesting and insightful.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by that.guy.in.la View Post

    My first question is for anyone who was ever interested in a customer and I'm not talking about for extracurricular activities, I'm talking about in a real way - how do you let a guy know that you're interested?

    Second question and my ulterior motive for asking this question. Is there any way that I, as a customer, can gracefully let a dancer know that I am open to something real without making her feel like I'm propositioning her for sex or devaluing her somehow?
    It's happened to me exactly once (when I was single and could do something about it - otherwise the count would be twice that I've been potentially interested in a customer). And he met me as a bartender ITC, not a dancer, though I did/do occassionally dance when offerred enough to come out from behind the bar. In his case, I gave him my number, since he was very much too shy to ask for it. I would suggest letting that be the case for you as well. We get a relentless amount of people "interested in us as people" OTC every single night. Usually all it means is that they don't want to pay us, or they want to save us or they want to just fuck us or.... you get the idea. I doubt there is any way you could possibly come off as anything else, even if you are genuine.
    Sorry I missed church. I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by JayATee View Post
    It's happened to me exactly once... I gave him my number...I would suggest letting that be the case for you as well. We get a relentless amount of people "interested in us as people" OTC every single night. Usually all it means is that they don't want to pay us, or they want to save us or they want to just fuck us or.... I doubt there is any way you could possibly come off as anything else, even if you are genuine.
    That's exactly what I figured and it's the exact reason I chose not to act on it or even suggest it whatsoever.

    It's funny, though, I never thought after all these years that I would develop a "club crush" I'm usually too logical and cynical!

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by that.guy.in.la View Post
    I have no idea why you would think that - you are free to believe what you want to believe... if you're so sure this a troll posting than just ignore it and leave it for people who are actually posting information that I find interesting and insightful.
    I didn't mean to come off mean spirited. Like any hostile work environment it is nice to see someone step up and offer words of comfort to someone that was abused. I was trying to decipher if you are consciously more empathetic to dancers going in as a Customer given your positive history with dancers, and are you really trying cultivate more than just the textbook customer/dancer relationship when you enter a club. It seems as though you are going in with a different expectation of a customer/dancer connection beyond erotic tease and entertainment. Nothing wrong with it establishing the connection and continuing to pursue it, but I can't say that those situations would come up often in the sc environment when most interactions are transactional.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Like others this happened once. I let him know I was interested and didn't do anything until after I left the club. If a dancer is interested she'll let you know.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    When she doesn't giggle, flip her hair and mention that she would love to see you but rent is due.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by flyguy29 View Post
    I didn't mean to come off mean spirited.
    No worries.

    Quote Originally Posted by flyguy29 View Post
    I was trying to decipher if you are consciously more empathetic to dancers going in as a Customer given your positive history with dancers, and are you really trying cultivate more than just the textbook customer/dancer relationship when you enter a club.
    I would say that I don't consciously go into a club with those expectations. However, I think the fact that my high school girlfriend became a dancer while we were dating effects the way I act with dancers to this day. Think about it, my first interactions ever with dancers was as a trusted and accepted member of the group by extension of being her understanding boyfriend.

    I partied and hung out with dancers more OTC than ITC. It was exciting as an 18 year old boy to be part of it. So I sometimes do wonder if subconsciously I am chasing that feeling again, even if I know better...

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Like others this happened once. I let him know I was interested and didn't do anything until after I left the club. If a dancer is interested she'll let you know.
    Thanks for your reply.

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    When she doesn't giggle, flip her hair and mention that she would love to see you but rent is due.
    @tempest666: you also forgot the classic "I would really like to hang out with you... you can take me shopping... I can take care of your needs."

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    When she doesn't giggle, flip her hair and mention that she would love to see you but rent is due.
    Like Tempest said, but since it is being asked by a customer, I would add that one other obvious way they could show they see you as more than an ATM would be to be pull the plug on the dancer/customer thing. Customers can do the same thing towards the dancer as well but either side (especially the customer) runs the risk of not liking the way the other party reacts when it happens.
    Last edited by bem401; 09-18-2011 at 10:54 AM.
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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by bem401 View Post
    Like Tempest said, but since it is being asked by a customer, I would add that one other obvious way they could show they see you as more than an ATM would be to be pull the plug on the dancer/customer thing. Customers can do the same thing towards the dancer as well but either side (especially the customer) runs the risk of not liking the way the other party reacts when it happens.
    Bem knows what he's talking about. He pulled the plug on his customer/dancer relationships and now goes to cookouts with a bevy of beautiful dancers. He's also been invited to stripper pajama parties where the dancers have semi-naked pillow fights and he's the referee.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Trust me. You will know.




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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by Stripper Hacks View Post
    Trust me. You will know.
    Exactly. The minute you start thinking "she must like me because..." you are playing head games with yourself that will only confuse you. If you are a nice guy and spend money many dancers will like you but will they "like" you? It's a pretty big leap from appreciating your patronage to being interested in something beyond a dancer/customer relationship. Free dances, or other ITC perks are a way that a dancer may show her appreciation for your spending habits and should not be considered as a hint of non-business interest in you.

    Dancers, in my experience, don't beat around the bush. If they are interested they will tell you. The first date I went on with a dancer that I have been seeing casually for a couple of years now was initiated during a conversation about Thai food. She was new to the Boston area and I recommended a great place I know of in town. She asked me when I was going to take her there. Nothing subtle or the least bit ambiguous there...

    By the way, in my experience dancers will most likely will not refuse to take your money even if they are contemplating dating you. On the other side of things, if you try stopping the money you will most likely be perceived as cheap and not dating material. All of my favs have stories about guys that they are friendly with in the club even though the guy doesn't buy dances. None of them have ever dated any of these guys.
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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveSmith View Post
    Bem knows what he's talking about. He pulled the plug on his customer/dancer relationships and now goes to cookouts with a bevy of beautiful dancers. He's also been invited to stripper pajama parties where the dancers have semi-naked pillow fights and he's the referee.
    Why don't you try addressing the topic at hand instead of showing what an immature simpleton you are? The fact you mention something as inane as "stripper pajama parties" and "semi-naked pillow fights" speaks volumes about you. Hopefully, this phase will pass once you enter high school.

    As far as RL interaction with entertainers is concerned, you needn't concern yourself with it. It hardly seems a path you'll ever find yourself navigating. For the record, the girls you refer to did not constitute a "bevy of beauties" and none of them ever even tried to engage me as a customer over the years. We just happened to be at the same social event as we are a handful of times a year. My guest was a non-dancer more to my liking than any of them.
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    Veteran Member SteveSmith's Avatar
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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by bem401 View Post
    Why don't you try addressing the topic at hand instead of showing what an immature simpleton you are? The fact you mention something as inane as "stripper pajama parties" and "semi-naked pillow fights" speaks volumes about you. Hopefully, this phase will pass once you enter high school.

    As far as RL interaction with entertainers is concerned, you needn't concern yourself with it. It hardly seems a path you'll ever find yourself navigating. For the record, the girls you refer to did not constitute a "bevy of beauties" and none of them ever even tried to engage me as a customer over the years. We just happened to be at the same social event as we are a handful of times a year. My guest was a non-dancer more to my liking than any of them.
    Bem, you're so desperate to have a stripper friend, why, I don't know, that you've become totally delusional. Sad, really.

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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    Quote Originally Posted by SteveSmith View Post
    Bem, you're so desperate to have a stripper friend, why, I don't know, that you've become totally delusional. Sad, really.
    The reason I happen to have friends in that business is because the fact they were or are in that business doesn't matter to me.

    How is it I am seeking "stripper friends" when I no longer patronize the clubs, even just to kill an hour or so?

    Explain the delusion..... troll away.

    Or better yet, grow up and address the topic at hand.
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    Default Re: I know it's rare, but how do you let a club goer know you might like him

    On the rare occasion that I do start liking someone in a real way (which has happened twice in five years of dancing), I put a stop to those feelings real fast. I don't want my life story to read how I met my potential husband in a strip club. In fact, the very fact that he's in a strip club is a deal breaker for me. If I ever do decide to "settle down" one of my first requirements is that he doesn't go to strip clubs. Maybe its a tad extreme and even hypocritical, but after the things I've seen and had to deal with, it makes sense to me. I refuse to date until I retire from the business. After that I want to forget all about it and get on with my life.

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