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Thread: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

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    Veteran Member ShellyConnors's Avatar
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    Default Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    I'm recently single after dating a total douchebag for like 5 years. One of the things I hated most about my ex was his incredible insecurity and jealousy surrounding my befriending other men on any level. It has been 5 years since I've even had a male platonic buddy, and I really like male friends!

    My thing is that when I'm single, I'm not totally against the idea of FWB situations with men (or women), but I still do want that "friend" part in place before I'll even consider sleeping with someone. But what I'm running into is meeting guys who I think are cool, having a few conversations on the phone or via text, then they wind up suggesting the first time we hang out is watching a movie at my house while sharing Chinese food. :/ One guy even requested that he have permission to spend the night at my house on said movie night so we don't feel rushed.

    Obviously these guys who want to do this just want to fuck, and that's just not cool. I'm not going to hang out with them or let them come over and what not, just because the type of guy I'd want to date or even befriend would be a bit more tactful, but damn... is this common? Or am I still just attracting douchebags like my ex? I'm thinking something is wrong with me to where I'm just not attracting the right people into my life. Or is it really just that bad out there, with respect to meeting men, for friendship or otherwise? Maybe I read "she's vulnerable", because I kind of am. I'm so failing.

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    Featured Member vivianbear's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Quote Originally Posted by ShellyConnors View Post

    Obviously these guys who want to do this just want to fuck, and that's just not cool. I'm not going to hang out with them or let them come over and what not, just because the type of guy I'd want to date or even befriend would be a bit more tactful, but damn... is this common? Or am I still just attracting douchebags like my ex? I'm thinking something is wrong with me to where I'm just not attracting the right people into my life. Or is it really just that bad out there, with respect to meeting men, for friendship or otherwise? Maybe I read "she's vulnerable", because I kind of am. I'm so failing.
    The short answer is: "yes". LOL! Straight men don't want straight women as "friends". They want them as mates. Its just the way it is, 99% of the time. I've had one hetero-male friend, in my adult life, that I was able to be purely platonic with and we had known each other since middle school. Anyone else inevitably makes moves. If you find a guy who's nice enough to actually socialize with, casually (and isn't aggressive or full of innuendo), just keep everything in a neutral location until you're sure he's over the "friend-crush" stages. Otherwise, there's always gay dudes!
    Good luck.
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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    I've had a bunch of male friends and in most cases they either wanted me as a girlfriend or fuck buddy. When this didn't happen they broke the friendship up. While yes men and women can be friends, I've noticed that the male friends I had who didn't want me in that way were generally gay. Also interesting to note that I had platonic male friends but when they got married we lost contact.

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    If you're trying to find a guy friend who will be a FWB, then yes, this is going to happen over and over. Simple fact is that if a guy is attracted to you sexually and just wants to keep it casual, he'll want to make his move as soon as possible. If a guy becomes "just your friend" without trying anything sexually, you'll have a hard time transitioning to "friends with benefits" because he's probably not attracted to you that way. I get what you're saying - all my sexual partners were guy friends - not just random hookups that I had just met at the bar. But, I either slept with them soon after becoming friends or, if it took awhile, it was not for a lack of them trying, it was purely me stringing them along or holding out.

    Short answer: you'll be extremely hard-pressed to find a guy friend who would sleep with you casually but won't try to right away.

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    God/dess Trem's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Right, most guys have been taught that once you go into the "friend zone" chances of your panties dropping are near zero. Guys who want to date you or screw you are not going to want to be your friend first.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    Right, most guys have been taught that once you go into the "friend zone" chances of your panties dropping are near zero. Guys who want to date you or screw you are not going to want to be your friend first.
    How could girls tell if he wants to be friends or a fuck buddy?

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Quote Originally Posted by ShellyConnors View Post
    Obviously these guys who want to do this just want to fuck, and that's just not cool. I'm not going to hang out with them or let them come over and what not, just because the type of guy I'd want to date or even befriend would be a bit more tactful, but damn... is this common? Or am I still just attracting douchebags like my ex? I'm thinking something is wrong with me to where I'm just not attracting the right people into my life. Or is it really just that bad out there, with respect to meeting men, for friendship or otherwise? Maybe I read "she's vulnerable", because I kind of am. I'm so failing.
    I don't think you are failing but I also don't think your expectations are realistic. In my experience, the guys who don't want sex with a female friend have already dated her, had the sex, broken-up and had the friendship survive the break-up. The "friend zone" is not, for the most part, where guys want to be. They may accept it but they still want sex. How pushy they are about it will vary of course.
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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Quote Originally Posted by sweet_baby View Post
    How could girls tell if he wants to be friends or a fuck buddy?
    They don't want to be friends. Guys might have female friends but they never actually set out to get them, they just sort of happen.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    They don't want to be friends. Guys might have female friends but they never actually set out to get them, they just sort of happen.
    If they never intend to be friends. Why are they so nice to the girls? Lol.. I can never tell if a guy is being my friend or trying to fuck me.

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Quote Originally Posted by sweet_baby View Post
    If they never intend to be friends. Why are they so nice to the girls? Lol.. I can never tell if a guy is being my friend or trying to fuck me.
    I say this as a guy who has a lot of female friends and tends to get along quite well even with exes. Guys never look at a female and think "i'd love to be friends with her", never ever. It just doesn't work that way. I assume you are young and probably very hot, guys are trying to date you or sleep with you.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    They all want to fuck you, even the 2 nice ones here giving advise as to not get fucked by them...lol

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    I say this as a guy who has a lot of female friends and tends to get along quite well even with exes. Guys never look at a female and think "i'd love to be friends with her", never ever. It just doesn't work that way. I assume you are young and probably very hot, guys are trying to date you or sleep with you.
    What about the guys who doesn't have *exes* as their friends? Because all guys are different. Some likes to have plenty as their friends and some cut contact with them. I've heard that guys who hangs out with a bunch of girls are mostly GAY. And yes... you are absolutely right. I am young but don't know about very hot. Haha without me telling you.

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Yeah, i don't know how much clearer i can be
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Quote Originally Posted by camalishass View Post
    They all want to fuck you, even the 2 nice ones here giving advise as to not get fucked by them...lol
    Yep, probably me too

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    Right, most guys have been taught that once you go into the "friend zone" chances of your panties dropping are near zero. Guys who want to date you or screw you are not going to want to be your friend first.
    I think guys wanting to find a relationship are often looking for "friends first" but this of course is different than just wanting friends. They are just wanting to go slow, or in some cases screw around before an "official" relationships. The guys wanting friends first to me are often good because they usually want more but want to be sure it's the right girl.

    The friendzone is real. In the past if I knew I didn't want to date a guy he went in the friendzone. It was either because I found his looks repulsive or he had issues I could never handle in a relationship (one friend was schizophrenic, another had kids, various other issues). In two cases I "graduated" two guys from friends to boyfriends and in each case both broke my heart and the friendship was destroyed forever. I never saw either one again after it ended. I'll never go through this again.

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    Featured Member sananeko's Avatar
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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    gay guys if you want a male friend.. If your looking for a straight male to be a friend and maybe more... hard to do cause most men want it first..

    I like my males to be friends before even the chance of more.. it makes me feel like I'm more than something to fuck..

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    i havent had a good male friend since i began dancing actually.
    they either turned off me for being a 'hoe' or cracked onto me coz they thought i was a 'hoe'
    besides its the first time in my life im comfortable having several female friends.

    im not really sure what advice to give coz im so over men and their bs i happily leave them out of my personal life [other than my partner... and work]

    i guess male friends who befriend and then want sex straight away were after this from the beginning.

    they know youll have your guard down around them and be more genuine and easy going coz theyll be in the friend zone thus would be easier to get you into bed.

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    tell them youre a lesbian or have a catalogue of STDs or something or some big baby daddy drama and if they still stick around and try to help and not use your 'distress' to once again close the deal i say go for it

    im done with men as friends. lol.
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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    I do have a couple women who I have been friends with for years. Met each of them when we were with other people and stayed friends. Strictly platonic. But yeah, I wanna fuck them. Bad. I just have never pushed it because I don't have so many friends that I want to take the chance of losing any.

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Chris Rock explains the situation

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zywIR_ZFLts

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    I have a couple great male friends ( platonic ). I think they came about in part because the attraction spark just isn't on ( for one side or other ) . I'm also really up front with men that they either date me or are friends. I don't do FWB's , so I just let them know that I only do friends or relationships ( they can then pick what side to try to be on by their actions ect. ).

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Great responses, thanks. Especially from the men. I'm done with trying.

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    I think as a FWB as strictly fucking. So his personality wouldn't really matter unless he was like, a huge asshole or sociopath or some shit. So, if you're looking for a FWB, I don't think you should be surprised that they want to fuck. But you seem to want something more like, a boyfriend? Yeah, if you fuck someone and you're friends with them, thats kinda like a boyfriend. So, maybe you should try dating.

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Sorry, but someone just posted this on facebook, and I immediately thought of this thread:

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    Default Re: Male "Friends" who obviously want sex... immediately

    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    I think as a FWB as strictly fucking. So his personality wouldn't really matter unless he was like, a huge asshole or sociopath or some shit. So, if you're looking for a FWB, I don't think you should be surprised that they want to fuck. But you seem to want something more like, a boyfriend? Yeah, if you fuck someone and you're friends with them, thats kinda like a boyfriend. So, maybe you should try dating.
    No. I want a "friend" that I wouldn't mind having benefits with from time to time, if something happens. Like, someone I just chill with without the expectation for sex. But if we're drinking one day I wouldn't mind something happening. I feel like what you're describing has a primary expectation of sex. Like, the only reason the person is in your life is FOR sex. That's not what I want. I also do not want a boyfriend. I want a male friend. But I understand I'll be wasting my time so I quit.

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