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Thread: Family totally turned their backs on me

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Family totally turned their backs on me

    Just a brief background...I come from a long line of mental illness; I often suffer from crippling anxiety and excessive worry, myself. My mother and I have had an off-and-on relationship for most of my life and I haven't been on speaking terms with my sister for years. I lived with both of them shortly after I had my daughter, and my sister has been arrested/placed in a mental health facility numerous times since then. I've been fully independent now for 3 years, and I just recently moved to FL, where they now live.

    Well, my mother abandoned my sister, who is only 17; she left her to fend for herself and despite our rough background, I let her come and stay with me. She's turning 18 in a couple of weeks and planned to put her somewhere more permanent afterward. My life has been a living hell since she came here.

    I have a special needs child who should not be around any uncontrollable conflict, and yet my sister screamed hysterically in front of her during several angry episodes. She's unstable and its nearly impossible to know what will set her off. Today, I asked her not to eat raw cookie dough, which I was preparing to bake, then went for a nap. She woke me up, called me every name under the sun and stomped off.

    My husband witnessed the scene, as he has several times before, but did very little to intervene. I told him I felt betrayed when he allows this young girl to say horrible things to me and doesn't come to my defense. We fought about it and I cried myself to sleep.

    A few hours later, sister has the nerve to wake me up and ask for $10, which I didn't have to give to her, nor would I, considering the disrespect i'd endured from her.

    She tells me...

    I should be more generous with my nasty stripper money.

    I degrade myself and therefore am a worthless whore.

    My husband hates me and that's why he won't stick up for me.

    I'm a terrible mother.

    She's going to continue to harrass me until I give her whatever she wants, when she wants it.

    The whole time, I'm being virtually unresponsive and trying not to feed her ego. Eventually, I stepped outside, called my mom and told her to come pick her up. I gave my mom $200 to get herself and my sister established in the short run. Meanwhile, my sister is planted on the couch, refusing to leave, and tells me she's taking over my house for good whether I like it or not. My mother is also telling me how worthless I am and that she wants nothing to do with me. I called the police to escort them out of the house, as they were refusing to leave; my sister threatened to harm me in horrible ways just to make sure she goes to jail and therefore isn't homeless. My husband thrusted her outside and deadbolted the door...she tried to force her way into the hhouse and I called 911 again to let them know she was attempting to break in...

    She broke down my door and shattered my window.

    The police didn't arrest her, but sent her to a mental facility.

    My mother skipped off with the money I gave her for a motel she won't move into and will probably use for pills.

    I'm stuck paying for the damage out of pocket.

    And..I had to call off work, which will cost me around $500 in lost funds.

    I've never felt so betrayed by my own flesh and blood, not to mention my husband, who made me feel powerless in my own home...I'm the only one working and think I at least deserve the respect of not being harrassed.

    I worked so hard to build a beautiful home for my family and she came in and destroyed it.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Farrah rocks your world, biatch!

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  3. #2
    Newbie UrbanStallion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    You tried an all failed it sounds bad but when you try an help family an they repay you with pain IT'S TIME TO TURN YOU BACK. You have a special needs child an allowing her to be in that environment constantly is showing your lack of respect for your own daughter an her condition SHE COMES 1ST BEFORE ANYONE. This is not like a lil petty argument here an there this is a very unstable relationship that from what I've read can be potentially dangerous for you an your household.

    I do not feel you should be mad at your partner for any reason this is a matter btw you an your family, you said it you pay the bills so it is your household not his! Example: Say he jumps in the middle an things turn physical an with your dysfunctional sister she decides to get back at you an call the cops on him? believe me when I tell you he will be going to jail for trying take up for you only to be released an your sister is still living with you, Now you have created a whole new tension in the house. The only time he can assist or aide in your defense is when you have really had enough & your ending all ties.


    LEAVE THEM ALL ALONE & FUCK WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT HOW YOU GET YOUR MONEY BECAUSE THOSE BE THE SAME ONES WITH THERE HANDS OUT!


    What you need to do is whip your sisters ass something serious for being so damn ungrateful an disrespectful. She wants to act grown kick her ass out! She cant be to mentally ill if they keep releasing her. So she either gets help or get the fuck out!

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    Newbie UrbanStallion's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    I mean are you scared of you sister, why cant u stand up for yourself?

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    You'll notice, if you read again, that I refused to respond to her shit talking. Why? Because an explosive episode is what I was trying to prevent. Now which is better...a calm, controlled removal by the police, or a fist fight in front of my 4 year old?

    Do not question the respect I have for my daughter. Again, this is why police were called instead of me "beating my sister's ass." You try to tell me I'm not putting my daughter first, and yet you suggest I assault a minor child and go to jail??

    If you must know, I sent her to a neighbor's house so she DIDN'T witness my sister's removal, which was bound to get ugly.

    There is no picking between my child and my family because the choice has already been made: the instigator was removed without me getting in trouble. I just wanted to vent, for Christ's sake.

    And I will repeat myself..I already kicked her out. I would suggest you read the post again and educate yourself before you open your mouth.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Farrah rocks your world, biatch!

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    And I would like to point out that I was extremely conflicted when making the decision to let her stay here and I accept full responsibility for the ill mistake of trusting her. I do not wish to be told this again, as I've already kicked my own ass over it. Try and recognize the good intentions I had by not letting my sister go into homelessness.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Farrah rocks your world, biatch!

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    Member Foghorn Leghorn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    That sounds like a really difficult situation to be in. Conflict with family is always the most problematic because they're family and you don't want to turn your back on them. But sometimes that's what you have to do when lines are crossed. Obviously mental illness complicates everything, but sometimes what's broken can't be fixed. You tried to help your sister and mother. You did everything you could. They are not your responsibility. Sometimes a clean break is necessary. Hope things turn out for the best!

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    Featured Member sananeko's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    Get rid of the mother and sister and be with your family. If they both can't respect you and your house there is no need for them to be there making it a chance your child will learn this.. Don't talk to them, get a order against them and let it be.

    They didn't turn their backs on you, they are saying all that to control you and you shouldn't let them do that. Its your life and you run it.

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    Quote Originally Posted by sananeko View Post
    Get rid of the mother and sister and be with your family. If they both can't respect you and your house there is no need for them to be there making it a chance your child will learn this.. Don't talk to them, get a order against them and let it be.

    They didn't turn their backs on you, they are saying all that to control you and you shouldn't let them do that. Its your life and you run it.
    I am most certainly getting a restraining order against both of them...although the damage has been done, the only thing I can do is try to show my daughter that conflict can be handled without anger and that what happened was unacceptable. Although I didn't want her to leave on bad terms, I'm glad it's over and I have my home back
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Farrah rocks your world, biatch!

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    Veteran Member Sinistress's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    I'm sorry for the comments that were made. It's shitty. Sometimes when you beat yourself up enough because you know you've made mistakes and you look to other people just to vent they make you feel even lower.

    BUT with that said I don't totally disagree. You did bring this on yourself.
    I say this because I have experience.So I know exactly what it feels like to fuck up or expose your family to such things. Even tho we know better in the first place. Like you can literally think things through and say...I'd never bring this person into my home.

    But then the day comes and your sanity goes out the window. Especially if you have a soft heart towards family. Thing about family I've learned is it doesn't matter weather you directly care for these people or not. Meaning you can downright hate them...as I have. BUT still have a huge "sense" of family. Meaning I love my children and husband to death. And so I always hope for the best for everyone else. So then when my own "bad family" in this case parents or brother needs something even tho I know it's wrong. I always feel obligated somehow to help. And it always bites me in the ass.

    Like I said you knew you shouldn't bring her in before you did it. You knew how she acted,you knew what the possible future would turn out to be. Therefore I get why people would say you didn't respect your daughter.

    I've done this very same thing with my little brother.Not once..but a few times.Mostly cuz I am all he really has.And it comes down to like well if all he has is me and I don't try...I'm shit?

    And it only gets worse. Now my brother has children and a girlfriend and such. But you know what I learned my lesson.

    I know you weren't looking for people to come down on you even more. I just wanted you to know I for one know how you feel. And I'm sure you've beat yourself up enough over it.

    From my experience there just comes a time to say fuck it. And live your life. Live it without inviting them in,and keep them at a distance.

    I still have a relationship with my brother. But I've learned to control it. Baby steps...just consider what's best for you. I've given em money,let em borrow my vehicle for weeks at a time, let em live with me. It always ends badly.

    What I do now is just pick and choose what suits me to keep my sanity.
    Like if they ask me for money now for "whatever" diapers usually.
    Ill physically go buy them the diapers. This makes me feel like I helped. And i also know it went for exactly what they said..and not pills.
    And if it's not what they really wanted the money for which is likely the case..they just stop asking. Cuz they know now I'll go get diapers not hand em cash.
    Same with my vehicle. Ask me to borrow it...fine I'll drive you. It sucks to do this as it disrupts my fucking day and I don't appreciate it. But you know what I can't trust them. And it would make me feel bad and guily to just say no. So this is my compramise.
    Also if they were to call and say can I borrow the car cuz kid has a dr appointment and I'm like sure I'll drive you! if they were telling a fib they back out of it..lol

    I've gotten the same disrespectful comments about my job as well. So much so that one night when my brother was younger and was staying with me alone before he had kids and such that he and I got into an arguement. He said something like "why don't you just go back upstairs to your computer and whore yourself out,cuz you don't get up off your ass to do anything else"
    And much like you...I didn't want to set him off.He is also explosive will break things and just in general cause havok. I on the other hand was about to blow my fucking top and kill him.
    I calmly walked up stairs. Called the sherriff. And had them come pick him up. He spent about 6 months in jail because of that. That's what you get tho when you have a warrant on you and you disrespect the person taking care of you. I just knew he was going to hate me forever. He fought the police and raised hell and ran his mouth towards me and the police as they were trying to get him outa here.
    But he didn't hate me forever. 2 days went by and he called me...asked me could I bring him some pizza. lol

    me and him have been through hell together. I've put him in a mental ward,stuck him in jail...accidently killed his dog even....
    but we have a great relationship now. As long as I control it as I said.

    I think it's horrible to say you didn't respect your daughter enough to not bring this into your home. Because I love my kids more than anything. And yet I've done this same thing. We are taught into our lives to fight for family,support family,take care of family.And so there's a sense of guilt if you don't try.

    Don't feel ashamed that you tried.Just suck up your loses and move on. You can't help who you love. You can't help the weakness you feel towards family.
    Atleast not until you learn like I have that it'll bite you in the ass everytime.

    The whole reason I started physically buying things they may need,or driving them where they need to go is because ...
    Frankly I'm a bitch to most people
    But for some reason everytime they called I could not say no.
    I'd agree knowing I shouldn't
    I'd agree knowing it would turn out bad
    I'd agree knowing it would piss my husband off. BUt I was weak and couldn't say no to them and then I'd be pissed at myself

    maybe this was just my chicken shit way of not having to tell them no.Cuz technically I did what they asked.

    And I don't mean to make it sound like I'm constantly giving them money. They almost never ask for anything anymore...and that's probably because I took control of what they got.

    Sorry I hijacked this and turned it into about myself. Wasn't my intentions. This post just angered me. And I totally feel you. I don't think you did anything wrong. I think you did what you needed to do at that time. And hopefully it just made you that much stronger.And next time you'll be more prepared. More in control. And won't let them get to you or take advantage of you. Life is a learning experience.

    It's easy for people to criticize. How could you let them treat you that way,why won't you stick up for yourself. I don't take anyones shit personally...yet I did from them.These aren't strangers or just friends. They are your family and often when they fly off the hammer it takes you off guard and your in shock....like wtf did you just say to me? And then there becomes the fear of making it worse by saying anything against them.Because the last thing you want is conflict in your own home.
    People you grew up with. people you have memories with.

    Anyway my life is great now. It's all about making smart choices I think. And not letting they are family part get to you. You can still treat them like family without letting them TO FAR into your own life.That was my solution anyway


    And again I really really really appologize for this being so damned long.

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    Sinistress, Thank you for your honesty...I'm actually really relieved to read this response.

    Truly, the person I'm most angry with is myself, because I saw this coming and still didn't stop it.

    In a way, I guess I felt a sense of obligation to her because when we were growing up, I instigated sooooo many fights that landed her in jail...she always had to have the last blow, but I always drew first blood.

    Looking at her recently, I saw a girl who had been assaulted physically and sexually. Someone who had so much potential but had been hindered by the same parents who hindered me. Being proud, even too proud of my own success, I thought if I just had her under my care, she could change. I put too much faith and trust in her. There's only so much you can do for one person before they just have to help themselves. I've seen her vulnerable, humble and helpless; I thought that's who she was deep down and I could help that girl nurture and grow. Now, it could be that she truly is a decent person, as I know how easy it is to be influenced by mental
    illness...but part of me also realizes she was homeless and desperate to survive, which could really make her coat on the pathetic act pretty thick.

    Of course I brought it on myself. Its my home, my life and my choice. But, I still feel that the decision was made in an earnest attempt to help someone and not to harm my child.

    I will admit that I have to grow the spine necessary to tell people 'no' when there is any potential of my daughter being harmed. That's definitely a lesson I've learned through this.

    And don't apologize for sharing your experience. Its good to know there are people I can relate to.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Farrah rocks your world, biatch!

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    Veteran Member Sinistress's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    Also I understand your done with them and plan on getting restraining orders and such...but I've been there also. Claiming I'm done never again..then years go by they have kids they appear more grown up and BAM bites you in the ass again lol.

    As I said I have this mostly under control now because I put myself out there to be in control of it. But I just wanted to share that dealing with experiences like this is a BITCH.

    So here I am....haven't had problems with my brother for..eh probably 2 years now.Yes if they ever need something I'll get it for them. If they need a ride I'll give it to them. This is rare. And they live in another town.So anytime I do have to do such things it's just more like a chance to visit with him.
    He seems to have his life mostly in control now. Renting own place with kids and gf,finally has a job blah blah.

    So being the good big sister I am. I asked him one day if he'd like to come to my 16 year old sons football game with me. The day I show up he has apparenlty forgotten as he greets me at the door with a full bottle of whiskey in hand.
    Well..it's full right? So I don't have time for this I just ask are you coming or not,he gets in we leave.Arrive at the game and I realize he's poured the whiskey into a mt dew bottle. Which now resembles nothing close to mt dew. But I'm still trying to downplay this like..well it was a full bottle so how drunk could he get during the game? I'll try to make it fast,drop him off back at home early
    It never occured to me that it wasn't his first bottle.
    So I realize very quickly he's drunk as fuck already.

    How do I know? Because he's making remarks to the people sitting around us. Accusing them of being in gangs. Trying to pick fights. Ranting about how THEY give kids drugs and murder babies.
    I'm fucking horrified at this point.Because he thinks it's funny and is admiting he just wants to piss someone off enough to punch him out. And I'm like...if you don't sit down and shut the fuck up I'm gonna be that person.
    high school football game....seriously.
    This is not the place for such things.
    He then starts calling people niggers. Ranting and raving how much he hates niggers. I don't even know why......
    He's not racist. He has black friends. Again I think he just really wanted to pick a fight.Sorry for saying that word by the way. I am not racist either.
    I am basically wishing I could curl up into a ball and die. It would be a lovely thought to just pretend I do not know this person,but he's sitting right next to me.
    And it would be even lovelier to think I could just tell him go get in the van so I can take you home? but no.
    He's not even sitting half the time. he's roaming around making comments to people At one point he pulled every dollar he owned...out of his pockets and tried to give it away.
    like 60 bucks he's randomly walking up to strangers and trying to give it away. Which no one would take
    So he throws it up into the air and it lands all over the stands.

    I did eventually get him to the van.
    My poor husband was nice enough to pick up all the thrown money n stuff. Alcohol is bad shit for some people ,especially him.

    My point here is that people could say I brought this onto myself.Because I knew how he could be.
    But it had been 2 years since I'd had any problems with him. It took me completly off guard to have to deal with this. I was just trying to do the right thing.
    Football game was in the town he lived in,I;ll be nice pick him up and bring him get him outa the house,and he can see my son play.

    This is just another great example of how family can bite you in the ass.
    Baby steps as I said. Another thing I had to learn on my own NOT to do.
    Believe me it is the last time I'll offer to take him out in public.

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    Veteran Member Sinistress's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    Somehow I think we will always feel like they can change. Obviously I did which is how I ended up in the football game scenerio.

    I think deep down we know they will not tho.
    I think we know they won't change we just wish they would. We have hope and that's what corrodes our common sense.

    Your kinda taught not to give up on people.That no one is shit. Anyone can be saved,if they have the willpower to try.And to treat people respectfully and nicely.
    But yea there comes a time when it occurs to you one day not everyones worth it.

    Least not until they choose for it to be their time to change. Unfortuantely for me,everytime I think that progress is being made I run into a situation like this and my heads left spinning like what the hell just happened...I thought we were beyond this.

    I to should probably just give up on my family and let it go.
    But will I? no
    I'll continue to keep him in my life and show him I support him.
    Which at this point is mostly emotionally cuz he's blown every other chance.

    I can't go anywhere with him. I can't give him money
    He cannot live with me.Obviously I can't even take him out now.

    But emotionally I'll always be there for him.I'll still OCCASIONALLY stop by and visit him and the kids. But I see that as controlled....if shit were to hit the fan I can easily leave.

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    Believe it or not, I've actually been pretty successful in cutting ties with my mother. The story of our issues is way too long to type, but I rarely talk to her if I don't have to. She can't be trusted with my daughter, and is always laying on the guilt trip because I won't let her babysit, but I've stayed firm and have been honest with her...I've told her she's proven to be unpredictable and I can't trust her. Yes, it hurts her feelings. Yes, she makes me feel like shit. But at the end of the day, I know I did the right thing. I won't loan her money, except for maybe for a pack of cigarettes now and then. And like you, I go and buy the stuff FOR her. If she says she needs a gallon of milk, I go buy a gallon of milk. She'll raise hell about it, but that's the way it has to be.

    Your brother actually sounds a lot like mom. She, too, suffers from alcoholism.

    On a brighter side, I did have emergency funds which will cover the costs of the house damage. Sucks I have to drain savings over it, but I'm just glad I have the $.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Farrah rocks your world, biatch!

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    Veteran Member Sinistress's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    I didn't bring up mothers. That's a whole other issue.
    But atleast you have a valid reason why to avoid yours.

    In my case I haven't spoken to my mother in like..4 years.
    Why?

    I don't even know. One day my brother just mentioned that she was pissed at me over something and I was like really? I couldn't think of anything I'd done. But I'm thinking thats fine I'm sure I'll hear about it eventually.

    I've been told stories that she called my house one day by other people. And someone who was staying with me at the time told her to never call here again. Which isn't likely but we can pretend and go with that.

    As a grandmother of my 4 children...why would it matter.I didn't tell her not to call,my kids didnt tell her not to call. my husband didnt tell her not to call.

    Anyway I've never heard from her since. And yea I'm sure I could patch it all up. But frankly it's not like it was all peachy before that. I've never really liked her.And ive always been the one to suck it up and make the efforts.

    This time I did not. Decided to wait for her.....5 years later...
    haha
    her grandkids dont care
    hell my youngest ones think they dont have grandparents.

    I decided she just acts more like a child than my mother...or even a grandmother it's not worth my time.

    Cuz what I do know is that even IF one of my kids told me not to call again it wouldn't matter.
    Maybe my kids won't always like me. Maybe we won't always want to talk to each other. But you bet your ass I'd stay in contact with my grandkids.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    Quote Originally Posted by UrbanStallion View Post
    You tried an all failed it sounds bad but when you try an help family an they repay you with pain IT'S TIME TO TURN YOU BACK. You have a special needs child an allowing her to be in that environment constantly is showing your lack of respect for your own daughter an her condition SHE COMES 1ST BEFORE ANYONE. This is not like a lil petty argument here an there this is a very unstable relationship that from what I've read can be potentially dangerous for you an your household.
    Quote Originally Posted by UrbanStallion View Post
    I mean are you scared of you sister, why cant u stand up for yourself?
    Idk, but I think that this was a little harsh. Farrah tried to help her troubled little sister, who from everything that was posted sounds like she has had a shitty life up to this point. Teenage girls do tend to be a bit irrational and do stupid things even in the best of circumstances, and this girl obviously came from a background that was far from good.

    There are no easy answers here. What is Farrah supposed to do, throw her little sister out on the street to starve? The kid isn't even old enough to work a job that could support her. Now it may come to that anyway if this kid does not get her head together, but I can understand this being a very last resort.

    Now someone else mentioned whooping the girls ass - now that might not be the worst idea.

    Anyway, just my

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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    I gotta stand up for your husband here, you invited your sister to stay with you and expect him to deal with it when she starts shit? I'm sorry but that was YOUR family that YOU invited over, it was on you to get rid of them. It would take a lot for me to get in between what is basically a family dispute because that never ever ends well. Besides from this: "My husband thrusted her outside and deadbolted the door" it sounds like when it started to get dangerous he did step in and got rid of her. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you can't expect your husband to solve your family disputes, that is simply not fair.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    You aren't running a halfway house with the psychological, social and job support she would need. It was well meaning but unrealistic. You can't re-parent her. Your posts give me the impression you as well as your family members could use some therapy to cope with your old traumas. You could learn how to help them but have healthy boundaries.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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  25. #18
    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    Idk, but I think that this was a little harsh. Farrah tried to help her troubled little sister, who from everything that was posted sounds like she has had a shitty life up to this point. Teenage girls do tend to be a bit irrational and do stupid things even in the best of circumstances, and this girl obviously came from a background that was far from good.

    There are no easy answers here. What is Farrah supposed to do, throw her little sister out on the street to starve? The kid isn't even old enough to work a job that could support her. Now it may come to that anyway if this kid does not get her head together, but I can understand this being a very last resort.

    Now someone else mentioned whooping the girls ass - now that might not be the worst idea.

    Anyway, just my
    Well I'm a teenage girl and when I was 17 I had an apt. And two jobs so I'm sorry that girl is not a damn child. Its definatly old enough to know right or wrong. Honestly that girls formed in her ways till SHE sees fit to change. Leaving her out alone would teach her she can't be a spoiled brat. IV been in Foster care long enough to see that. Honestly the poster encouraged her family. Just a word of advice for anyone who has family issues or spouse family issues. When you make your own family, the family you split from are suppose to no longer come before the one you made. I would have never taken anyone in who I had previously beaten up or had problems with in the past.

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Trem View Post
    I gotta stand up for your husband here, you invited your sister to stay with you and expect him to deal with it when she starts shit? I'm sorry but that was YOUR family that YOU invited over, it was on you to get rid of them. It would take a lot for me to get in between what is basically a family dispute because that never ever ends well. Besides from this: "My husband thrusted her outside and deadbolted the door" it sounds like when it started to get dangerous he did step in and got rid of her. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you can't expect your husband to solve your family disputes, that is simply not fair.
    What has to be understood is that my husband was a little too eager to take on the responsibility of her staying here, because he empathized with her, as he's from a troubled background too. In the beginning of the day, when things were troubled but not completely out of control, we talked about getting her out of our house. I told him some of the things she'd said to me when he wasn't in the room and at first, he simply discredited my problem and told me to "go get some sleep." When she continued to cross lines and I made the decision to kick her out, he became irate with me and acted as if I was being selfish for making her leave. It wasn't that he didn't jump between us; it was a sense of betrayal because he made it seem as if he would be furious with me for kicking her out of my home. This is a long story made short, but basically, he's siding with her.

    Of course he got her out after she started threatening me, and I couldn't be more thankful. He also realized I wasn't just tired and ultrasensitive, and apologized. Everything's fine now, but while the wound was still fresh, yeah, I was kinda pissed at him.
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    And I'm not trying to point a finger and call him an asshole...he's not. He's a very good man, and we've been happily married for 5 years. It's just that he felt the same need to help her that I did and I was surprised and hurt when he, as I felt at the time, chose her over me. (Main point: as I felt at the time, while tension was still high.)
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    Quote Originally Posted by Aslinn View Post
    Well I'm a teenage girl and when I was 17 I had an apt. And two jobs so I'm sorry that girl is not a damn child. Its definatly old enough to know right or wrong. Honestly that girls formed in her ways till SHE sees fit to change. Leaving her out alone would teach her she can't be a spoiled brat. IV been in Foster care long enough to see that. Honestly the poster encouraged her family. Just a word of advice for anyone who has family issues or spouse family issues. When you make your own family, the family you split from are suppose to no longer come before the one you made. I would have never taken anyone in who I had previously beaten up or had problems with in the past.
    Congratulations for sealing your own security at a young age, first off.

    That said, we're not all so lucky. It sounds like foster care offered you a lot of valuable resources to rebuild your life on, the most basic of which being food and shelter. I don't know if you've ever been forced to stay outside, and I hope you never have, but I wouldn't wish that on anyone, much less a beautiful young girl.

    How can you say that would teach her a lesson? She would be lucky if she even came out of it alive, much less completely unharmed. Its a tragedy when any teenager is forced to live on the streets.

    And before anyone suggests it, our homeless shelter is on a first come, first serve basis and often has people standing in line from open to close, waiting for a bed.

    No, I was not qualified to take care of her, but she is now in the hands of someone who can. I hate that she's in the hospital right now, but she, like you, will be given the resources she needs. Even if she's a stupid, spoiled bitch who completely destroyed her relationships with her loved ones, she does not deserve to be tossed out on her own.
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    Veteran Member Aslinn's Avatar
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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    Well I'm sorry, ether you have to put up with her,throw her out and show her some tough love. You can't make everyone happy and you can't help people who don't want your help. And you can't stress over it like you are. I honestly agree with the poster who said you should have kicked her ass. When you tried to ignore her things went to the same level. I would have kicked her ass, that's the real world and that'd what she needs to learn. In a week she's no longer even legally a child and all the stuff she does is going to start counting for real. Every decision you make is going to feel wrong to you but you have to pick the lesser of both evils and stop laying yourself down like a welcome mat to your family. It sucks and it makes you feel bad but when something is cancerous you cut it off to save what's good.

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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    Also about you leaving her to fend for herself, my whole post was to show you life for a young ADULT wasn't as hard or deep as you make it. You can't baby her and she's.... actually never mind I'm to lazy to finish this. Good luck dude cuz your setting your self up for heartache but if that's what you feel you need to do to help her go for it. But from a person who has been where your sister has, your making it worse good intentions don't always produce good results.

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    Default Re: Family totally turned their backs on me

    Unless there is some bizarre law in your jurisdiction which imposes a duty of care/support for your sister on you, throw her out now.

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    .....I already threw her out...she's no longer living here...I have a restraining order....that wasn't really the problem in the first place, so its getting really frustrating to see people suggest it, especially in the format of "choose your daughter over her." Cause I did. Sheesh
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