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Thread: sick and tired of being forced to live as a victim

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    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default sick and tired of being forced to live as a victim

    My current husband sexualy molested my daughter and my step daughter I found out in early July when cops came to my door because my brave and awesome step daughter told some one. Science that day in july me and my kids have been forced by the state to live our daily in a constant state of being a victim its making us all miserable. Every day we have to meet with a different theropist or a social worker or advocate which is making it imossiable to move on . I agree the girls should be in theropy but all the rest of it is crap that's wasting our time. My kids want to do regular after school activities but they can't cause of all the apts we have. I want to move on with my life also getting into school finding a career path doing fun things with my kids but there is no time. My kids told me they don't want to do all the apts anymore there not happy with it.

    The last straw for me was last week when I went to a group theropy for moms of victims at least that's what I was told it was but it was a bunch of women who live there lives miserable and sad and can't function because of the crime the live as sad victims. Well that life is not good enough for me and my kids. I refuse to live my life boo hooing and feeling sorry for myself while doing arts and crafts in therapist office. HELL NO!!!!!!

    Its him that should have to live a sad and pathic life not us he caused us enough hell and pain he will not run the rest of our lives. We should not be forced to think about him and his shit every day of our lives. Fuck the system and fuck him.

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    Default Re: sick and tired of being forced to live as a victim

    I posted this cause I need advice or encouragement please

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: sick and tired of being forced to live as a victim

    That seems to me a very healthy way to feel.

    Maybe talk it out with the therapists and see if they can cut down or limit the visits?

    If you let them know it is actually interfering with the kids activities maybe they can work something more reasonable out. That's not fair that they are having to give up things they like to do for the appointments.


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    Default Re: sick and tired of being forced to live as a victim

    Agree w/ LaurieLegs. I can't imagine a good therapist would make kids participate in something that is making them miserable and interferes with their normal school and life activities.

    Maybe suggest to the various social workers that you want to do the therapy but is there a way to decrease the amount of appointments?

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    Default Re: sick and tired of being forced to live as a victim

    It's great that you and your kids feel this way. Try telling that to the therapists. Isn't the point of therapy to get you to a state where you don't feel like a victim and can go on with your life? You guys are already there, so forcing you to keep up such a ridiculous schedule is just hindering you. They should understand this. If they don't, time to get some new therapists.

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    Default Re: sick and tired of being forced to live as a victim

    i think this therapy stuff is really taking away from your childrens childhood. they are missing out on being a child by being forced to make this the main event of their lives.

    it sucks what happend to them...but reminding them constantly of the tragedy instead of letting them grow up might damage their adulthood. less is def more in this case.

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    Default Re: sick and tired of being forced to live as a victim

    I think therapists have a good grasp on what's needed to recover so it may take longer than you think and they think. Maybe the schedule is intense and could be dialed back but I wouldn't suggest quitting therapy entirely. You have all been victimized and accepting that it's happened doesn't mean living your life as a victim. It means you and they are facing reality rather than running from it and going into denial. You take the time now to work through it and they won't be acting it out destructively in their adult lives.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: sick and tired of being forced to live as a victim

    My husband's two younger sisters were molested and abused by their grandparents, so they're going through a very similar thing now. I think that when the therapy and what-not is ordered through the state, it tends to be more strict and not as effective...I know my sisters-in-law have told me they don't like the therapist they have, and they don't trust her. Is it possible for you to tell whoever is handling your case that you want to get therapy on your own? It IS a good idea for all of you to have to talk to someone about this stuff, but state workers and the therapists the state "recommends" are often very overworked and underpaid and not at their prime to help you the way you need. I think people just expect victims of this kind to BE victims, forever, because it's easier. I like to think of it as you're a SURVIVOR, not a VICTIM. And I don't know how your girls are, but it may be best to keep them away from the Victims Group Therapy, because it sounds like there are probably people in there who use what happened to them as an excuse for everything, and that's not a good thing for your girls to be around. My 14-year-old sister-in-law has started acting out, then if she gets caught or gets in trouble, turning on the waterworks, being like, "I was abused!" I was raped by my ex, so that shit doesn't really work on me, but a lot of people do it. For a lot of people, being a victim becomes a major part of their identity, and I think you should definitely have as little to do with those people as possible.

    Seriously, talk to your case worker or whoever is handling this and tell them you want to get therapy on your own. See what they say.
    Last edited by firemaiden04; 11-08-2011 at 08:49 AM. Reason: typo

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    Default Re: sick and tired of being forced to live as a victim

    Thank you so much for your kind responses this is a very hard time for me and my family and I just get so frustrated to mow I have a case planning meeting hopefully we get something accomplished. We are surviers and I refuse to let my kids live there lives as victims.

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    Default Re: sick and tired of being forced to live as a victim

    Quote Originally Posted by krchab99 View Post
    My current husband sexualy molested my daughter and my step daughter I found out in early July when cops came to my door because my brave and awesome step daughter told some one. Science that day in july me and my kids have been forced by the state to live our daily in a constant state of being a victim its making us all miserable. Every day we have to meet with a different theropist or a social worker or advocate which is making it imossiable to move on . I agree the girls should be in theropy but all the rest of it is crap that's wasting our time. My kids want to do regular after school activities but they can't cause of all the apts we have. I want to move on with my life also getting into school finding a career path doing fun things with my kids but there is no time. My kids told me they don't want to do all the apts anymore there not happy with it.

    The last straw for me was last week when I went to a group theropy for moms of victims at least that's what I was told it was but it was a bunch of women who live there lives miserable and sad and can't function because of the crime the live as sad victims. Well that life is not good enough for me and my kids. I refuse to live my life boo hooing and feeling sorry for myself while doing arts and crafts in therapist office. HELL NO!!!!!!

    Its him that should have to live a sad and pathic life not us he caused us enough hell and pain he will not run the rest of our lives. We should not be forced to think about him and his shit every day of our lives. Fuck the system and fuck him.
    Are you being forced to participate is all this? What would happen if you refuse to continue.

    There is some bureaucrat whose job is to get you to go to this stuff and is evaluated by how much you attend. The “therapists” are billing some governmental entity a lot of money for seeing you. None of these people are going to let you get away, if they can help it, until the money runs out.
    Last edited by slowpoke; 10-11-2011 at 05:03 PM.

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    Default Re: sick and tired of being forced to live as a victim

    I'm sorry hun. I have never been in a situation like that so I really can't relate, and I don't know how good my "advice" would be.

    I agree that you should talk to the therapists. Cut down the appointments, even in half. It is important that your kids can do regular activities like sports, theatre, music, whatever. That is what will help them move on! Not talking about the incident(s) over and over again!
    InnesX

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