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Thread: 21 Year Old - Next Move?

  1. #1
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    Default 21 Year Old - Next Move?

    Hey ya'll.

    I'm in the need for a little advice/outside perspective. I consider myself a good person, strong woman with a good head on her shoulders who has just hit a few bumps in the road.

    About a year ago, I had to move back in with my parents because I blindly dropped out of college. I was partying ALOT.

    Living with them was hands down the most miserable experience of my life and being there was extremely unhealthy for me mentally. I decided I would return to college in a different city and take out student loans to pay for tuition, rent, etc just to please my parents and get out of their house as soon as possible.

    Now I am at a crossroads. I want to drop out and this time, not so blindly. I have no idea what I am doing in school STILL and I have no motivation or drive when it comes to being here. I am swimming in small debts that could easy be paid with a job, but I now live in a small, dead college town where it has been impossible to get even a part-time job. I cannot even afford a car. I am miserable and some days, literally starving here.

    Then there's my boyfriend. We have been dating long distance for a long time. He's a bit older with a stable job and is purchasing a new place. He is encouraging me finish this semester and move in with him in Florida. He also lives in a major city where there are plenty of opportunities for retail work (which I love, strangely enough). He is also very supportive of my choice to strip for extra cash.

    So here's where I'm torn. Do I tough it out, acquire more debt with no job, figure it out at this college and stay in my parents good graces? Or do I move in with my boyfriend. I feel like if I drop out and just up and move, I will have burned a bridge with my parents, which will be hard even though we don't have best relationship already. I have not felt like I am myself around them since I was a child. But I am very serious about my boyfriend and think this could be a chance to finally start my OWN life, not what my parents expect of me and get on my feet financially. I couldn't even be dependent on my parents if I wanted to, they're broke.

    Any help?
    Last edited by blackpool_love; 10-18-2011 at 08:55 AM.

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: 21 Year Old - Next Move?

    There's nothing saying that you can't drop out again and make another return to school a few years down the line once you've actually figured out what it is you want to to study. Third time's a charm, right? It sounds like you didn't really want to go back this time around and did it just to appease your parents, but you're a big girl now and there's no time like the present to start doing things for YOU rather than for them. And as much as you think this will burn a bridge between you and them, parents often just want their kids to go to college because it seems like the best option for them (get a degree = get a job, though we know that isn't necessarily always the case), and they can be surprisingly accepting of your decisions. As long as you're an adult about it and explain why you're dropping out (pay off debt, figure out what it is you want to do career-wise without racking up more, get a job, etc.) it many not be so bad.

    FWIW, living in a college town can be super tough because there are so many students and so few job opportunities because of that. Perhaps moving to a bigger city would do you some good - you'd have more work opportunities and have someone familiar by your side. You could always apply for a transfer of credits and go to a school there if you're so inclined.

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    Veteran Member innes's Avatar
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    Default Re: 21 Year Old - Next Move?

    Don't stay in some college program that you know isn't going to be of any use to you.

    If I were you this is what I'd do
    - move in with the boyfriend
    - find a job there
    - take a couple courses at a local college

    Just general interest courses ... try and find something that you really enjoy by doing once or two courses at a time instead of jumping into something you're not into. You could even try online courses.
    Of course find a job to pay for all your necessities.
    InnesX

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    Default Re: 21 Year Old - Next Move?

    i wish young people would stop playing house with boyfriends. it's a bad idea, it's a shitty way to spend your youth...

    you have more options than the two you have listed. we always have more options than a and b. roommates, focusing on work, finding a school with an environment conducive to learning, studying a trade, living alone.....all of these are options. it is never only should i do miserable thing a or bad thing b?

    i know it's hard to see your options when you are feeling stuck. i really recommend you read you can heal your life. i wish i would've read it when i was in college!

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: 21 Year Old - Next Move?

    From my experience playing house with boyfriends doesn't work too well.

    Especially at our age. I've lived with two men, and it always turned into me supporting them. If you live with someone it's difficult to find your own identity when you are young. If I was you, I would look into what areas you can strip in around your area now. I strip in a college town, and I lived there for a year. I recently moved an hour away because I did not like living there. I still drive out there and I dance, because there is money in the town if you can hustle quick enough.

    I would encourage you to stay in school. Even if you only do one class each semester, don't quit altogether, it's so hard to go back. I "quit" for two years, I don't even know where the time went. I could have my associates degree and be working on my bachelors if I hadn't stopped.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Featured Member K Sweet's Avatar
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    Default Re: 21 Year Old - Next Move?

    If you're ready for the commitment of being closer with your partner, I would say move to Florida, find a roommate and a job, and maybe go to school part time. This way you can save money, still work on school, and if in a few months or a year things are still good with your guy, move in with him. If things don't work out, you'll at least know one person (roommate) and maybe some college friends too. You don't want to jump into moving in with your boyfriend out of necessity. You want to do it because the two of you are ready to live together.

    Also, taking a break from school so you can decide what you actually want to pursue isn't the worst idea. Explore your options, and then when you go to school you'll be motivated because you'll have stronger goals.
    Goodbye Seattle Lusty Lady, where every Miss is a Hit, and every Hit is Missed. 1985-2010.

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    Default Re: 21 Year Old - Next Move?

    Quote Originally Posted by innes View Post
    Don't stay in some college program that you know isn't going to be of any use to you.

    If I were you this is what I'd do
    - move in with the boyfriend
    - find a job there
    - take a couple courses at a local college

    Just general interest courses ... try and find something that you really enjoy by doing once or two courses at a time instead of jumping into something you're not into. You could even try online courses.
    Of course find a job to pay for all your necessities.
    This ^^^


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