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Thread: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Okay, as some of you know my Mom is a terrible alcoholic. She blew a .314 on Halloween 2009 with my then 2-year-old brother in the car. She attempted suicide with a bottle of Valium when she was home alone with him for 9 hours, and he was alone while she was in a coma. She was rushed to the ICU, and then went through delirium tremens (psychotic state from alcohol withdrawal) and was put in the psych ward. Then she got out when I was about 4 months pregnant and was downstairs drinking, I was trying to grab the bottle from her and we heard a horrible scream. My brother (still 2 at the time) was upstairs and he had fallen and split his jaw open, the muscle was hanging out, and me and my son's Dad had to race to the hospital with no car seat because she was trying to prevent us from leaving.

    She lost custody of all her kids, CPS got involved. She met a heroin addict/alcoholic and started dating him. She's been to jail a few times, and rehab about 3 times, to no avail. When her 12 and 14 year old (my brother and sister) said they didn't want to live with her this past summer in light of what had happened she started drinking again. She is on probation with the county for her DUI and child endangerment conviction, and for probation violations. She is also on probation with the state medical board because she is a registered nurse and has been caught drinking at work. She does counseling, AA, and drug/alcohol testing for both probations. If she fails the HPRP (state medical board probation) again they'll take her license. If she fails the county probation she gets 6 months in jail. Her boyfriend was arrested a week ago for beating her (severely beating her several times, I've seen the bruises and welts) but he got out because he does work for a lawyer on his property and they bailed him out/are representing him. There is a no contact order but she was with him when we went to go get the Jeep Cherokee (explained below). She won't leave him, I'm afraid he's going to kill her. He was arrested for beating a police officer two years ago.

    This past Sunday at 6 AM I was coming back from work (Saturday night) and I stopped by her house because she has 3 dogs and she had run off to a city over an hour from her house without telling anyone/answering her phone. They had no food or water and there was dog shit and piss everywhere. I let them out and fed them, and took the little dog that I grew up with to my Grandma's. The other two dogs are huge and I couldn't take them to my condo because of my son.

    Then at about 7 AM me and my Grandma drove an hour and 20 minutes to her friend's house. We figured out she was there because I looked up the friend's last name on facebook and cross referenced it on www.whitepages.com to get the address. My Mom had TWO of my Grandma's cars and was driving drunk/with open alcohol in them. We took one of the cars, the Jeep Cherokee, because we had a spare key and brought it back to Nana's.

    My Mom still has the Ford Escape. I tried to go get it but she ran when she found out I was coming because her friend tipped her off. I went to her house, she wasn't there, then she pulled up as I was leaving and threw it in reverse before I could catch her. I called her trying to get the car and she was screaming at me and said she was going to take the car and hide/turn her phone off. My Grandma and I called the cops, but they came to her house and said they couldn't file a stolen vehicle report because my Grandma initially gave my Mom consent to drive the car. They said she would have to take my Mom to court to get the car even though the car is in my Grandma's name. That pisses me off because I'm supposed to take over the payments on the Ford Escape and keep it since it's a finance and there's only $7,000 owed on it. My Grandma said I could just have it if I paid off the $7,000 which is $350/month for 20 months. My Mom hasn't payed on the car in over 2 months. She loaned it to one of her crackhead friends, and lets her boyfriend drive it who has a suspended license and several assault charges. We told the cops all of that and they said they couldn't report it stolen. They said if we find the car we can have it towed, but she keeps moving and my Grandma doesn't want to drive all over the world trying to find it. Who knows how long it will take to get to court, but they said if my Mom doesn't show up they will issue a judgment to turn over the car and if she doesn't comply a warrant will be issued for her arrest.

    I'm so stressed out. My Mom refuses to go to rehab and she keeps getting extensions on her drug testing (meaning she doesn't have to do it) because she is in between jobs and can't afford the payments. I want to get her caught driving drunk or something so she is stopped before she kills someone. The cops said because my Mom has a valid license (they checked) that my Grandma won't be responsible if she crashes the car or injures someone--but I bet someone could sue my Grandma if that happened, duh. I don't know what to do, she'll get caught eventually but she is wrecking havoc right now and it needs to stop NOW.

    What should we do to get her caught?
    -Laurisa
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Anyone?

    I'm kind of desperate here..
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    God/dess krchab99's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    My only thought on this and I have actually been thinking about this today would be to talk to her probation officers and see if they can help I'd say have a heart to heart with her but she seems well beyond that stage. Good luck on trying to help her

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    Featured Member vivianbear's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    +1 on calling her PO. Can't that be some kind of violation?

    Can you call her/Nana's insurance company and halt the insurance on the car? She can't drive it, if its uninsured and they'll be sure to cancel the policy, if they know the driver is consciously reckless, right? Can her license be revoked, if you notify the DMV of her substance abuse while driving?

    If you could afford it, perhaps you could consider (privately) hiring repo-men or some kind of mercenary/bounty-hunter to literally steal it back, for you. I mean, if she's playing dirty, you may have to catch some fleas to get the job done. I bet just about any bail-bond place would have leads on people who could do it for you, for the right price.

    I can't believe its so easy for people to just run rampant with cars, like that. Sorry she is so out of control for you. Good luck, hun.
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Hi Laurisa,

    I'm so sorry to hear that you have to go through that. I just started on SW, so I know you don't know me (yet) but figured out I'd reply because I had a freind who went thru something similar. Drop a line to her probation officers, or have your grandma do it if you don't feel comfortable doing it or think your grandma might get further. The other thing you could do -- if you can find out a time when she is driving drunk is call 911 following her and say u see a drunk driver. Again sorry to hear, take care

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Well the insurance is in my Mom's name but the car is in my Nana's name (Grandma).

    The insurance policy is through State Farm, but the insurance agent is named Barb and we have known her many years. She knows my Mom got a DUI in 2009 but "overlooked it" because Barb actually got a DUI 15 years ago and sympathized with her. I could probably trick Barb into taking the insurance off because she knows me so well, but my Mom could get it reinstated quickly. AND, that could really hurt my Grandma is my Mom crashed the car--having no insurance.

    I don't know how to contact her PO, but I had thought about that. I can ask my Grandma if she knows who her PO is.

    We actually don't need a repo-man, we just need a tow truck driver. The cop said if we find the car to call the local police and have them knock on the door of where my Mom is and ask for the keys. If she refuses my Grandma can legally have the car towed and re-keyed (expensive), and suing my Mom for the costs will do nothing because she has no money and her house is in her and my Grandma's name so putting a lien on the property is self defeating.

    Also, the person she was "hiding with" is the owner of the tow truck company that services that city--small world huh? So good luck getting one of his guys to tow the truck off his property, which means we'd have to hire a tow truck guy from another company and pay for even more gas/fees. Also, the person she was hiding with is friends with all the cops in the city since he owns the only tow truck company in the town and helps them all the time--which means they may be less than cooperative.

    Also, she keeps leaving that person's house and traveling then returning. So we don't really know where she is/if she's going back there. We have no idea where she is right now. Tracking down the car is near impossible and the police will not help us find it.

    You see my predicament?



    I'll call her PO if I can find out a name and number. I may just stop by in person, matter of fact.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Featured Member vivianbear's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    ^^

    OMG, girl.. what a mess.
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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Other problem is that her PO rarely checks in with her and as I said before she doesn't have to do drug or alcohol testing because she is in between jobs so they excused her from it (which makes no sense, tons of addicts don't have jobs!).

    So even if I did go talk to her PO I don't know if she'd "catch her". It's pretty easy to show up once a month for a 15 minute meeting sober.

    I can't prove much, I just have "eyewitness testimony" and we did make contact with the police but they didn't have us fill out a report because they said we couldn't report the Escape stolen since my Grandma had initially given it to her to drive for work--even though we told them she was driving drunk, had a DUI, was on probation, was allowing others to drive it without consent who are not licensed/alcoholics. It didn't matter, it can't be "stolen" since my Grandma willfully gave it to her at one point--even though she has done all this bad stuff and my Grandma wants it back.

    So be careful who you give your fucking car to apparently because it's theirs to keep until you drag them into civil court which could take months.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Okay.

    I hacked into my old Sprint account from when we were on a family plan.

    GPS located her phone and her boyfriend's. He's 40 minutes from the house, probably with his lawyer boss. She's at home! My Grandma has my son right now.

    I'm going to sneak over there and steal the car back. My Grandma owns the house so I can enter the property without my Mom's permission. I can either slip in the side door (probably unlocked) or through the fire escape connected to the basement that I used to sneak out of as a teenager. I know the layout of the house like the back of my hand. Keys are most likely on the kitchen counter if I know my Mom like I think I do.

    I'll bring a second driver. They'll wait with my car running, head lights off. I'll get the keys, exit the house, and drive off with the Escape undetected.

    How's that sound?
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Featured Member vivianbear's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Sounds good. I think stealing the car back is really your only option. Your grandma owns the home? Can she evict her, legally? You guys have to be rid of her, legally. A hardcore addict can't be tied to your assets like that, ya know?

    Make sure whoever drives you parks out of sight from the house.
    "SS=stripper shit, in the same spectrum as CS=customer shit, which is within the spectrum of SaS=sales shit, which is all contained in the universe of BS=bullshit." -- Jay Zeno (mod)

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    Featured Member Winged Dinghy's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Good luck and Godspeed with your daring plan. I also hope you are taking care of yourself during this stressful time. You're under a tremendous amount of pressure right now. I hope you'll consider going to al anon meetings or talking with a therapist when things settle down.

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Well two things went wrong yesterday.

    First, I couldn't find another driver. All my friends are so sick of my Mom because we grew up together, they didn't want to deal with her.

    Second, I started throwing up and feeling really sick. I don't know if it was stress or what, I feel better now.

    So we don't have the car. My Grandma is so uncooperative, she wants me to get the car back and she doesn't want to do any of the dirty work because she hates confrontation. We agreed that on Friday when I don't have my son (because I'm not dragging him along to steal a car back) that we will go try to find the car early in the morning. If we are unsuccessful then we will go to the courts and she will file a petition to take my Mom to civil court and sue her to get the car back. Once we get a court date if my Mom does not show up they will issue a default judgment that states my Grandma gets the car back and if my Mom does not comply then a warrant will be issued for her arrest.

    That's the plan. I'm so stressed, my car's check engine light is on and it's literally about to break. I have to go to Canada with my best friend of 10 years for her birthday tomorrow night, but I'm stressed out because that's more money I have to spend that I really can't afford. I spent $1200 last weekend in bills, a new crib, clothes for my son, new MAC make up, and a hair cut. I feel like vomiting when I drive my car from the anxiety, so I need to get this car back from my Mom so that I have a reliable car. My Grandma is making it exceedingly difficult. She wants the car back but then she says "Oh, I'll have to drive your Mom around to her probation meetings". I was like "Nana, that makes no sense. LET HER GO TO JAIL, SHE'S STILL DRINKING". So my Grandma is only half cooperative.

    My son keeps waking up, he's woken up 2 times in an hour from his nap (so unusual) and I'm trying to do my Anthropology and Medical Terminology homework. I feel sick from the stress, I'm shaky. I'm mad. I just need to be alone. This is not a good week for me to have my son, I feel overwhelmed by myself.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Member r2468's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    You could let the finance company reposess the car. Then gran can do a deal with the finance company to get the car back.

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    God/dess whirlerz's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Whew, Damn hun. Well, I can't offer much advice, the only thing I can say is seriously look into the al anon meetings..people there could at least offer support, & I know they deal w/similiar stuff they may just be able to help, someway. I know you're got your plate so full you may not have a lot time but..
    Anyway I am so sorry you're going thru this, I wish you all the best, please pm me if you want to.


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    Featured Member FiendishGyrator's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    If you go through a period of not trying to get the car, and you just wanted to keep her off the road, I'd say slash the tires on the car. The tow truck friend might be able to get her used wheels, but if not, she's off the road for awhile in that vehicle at least. Otherwise, a brick through the front windshield makes it illegal to drive, insurance should still over it, but then you still would have to have the cops catch her and have that result in you getting the car back. Not sure how that would work.

    If you're able to use the second car, why not just keep doing that until your grandma actually complies with you?
    It's not worth making yourself sick over and missing work.
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    God/dess anouk.oui's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    i feel for you babe. im really sorry about all this that had happened. my mum had a similar upbringing when she was younger and i wish i could help her.

    its late at night, i cant focus and all sorts of confused i might try to re read and say something of use in the morning. i just wanted to say youre a strong person and i hope everything works out well for you.

    HUGS!!! x
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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    So I found her yesterday, hiding at a neighbors house. The GPS on her phone led me to her.

    No sign of her BF or the car. I GPS located him and he was driving around, I went after him, but I could never quite catch him.

    She refused to tell me where the car was. So like day 9 of trying to get this fucking car. Still nothing.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    So I found her yesterday, hiding at a neighbors house. The GPS on her phone led me to her.

    No sign of her BF or the car. I GPS located him and he was driving around, I went after him, but I could never quite catch him.

    She refused to tell me where the car was. So like day 9 of trying to get this fucking car. Still nothing.


    dont tell her how you are finding her......that is your advantage...that is probably how you will eventually get it back. Once you get it back, and once you get her out of your grandma's house.....NEVER give her anything else and NEVER let her back in.

    She is being enabled with a place to live and a ride...what reason does she have to ever change.

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    I know.

    She already knows how I find her. The GPS on her and her boyfriend's phone.

    They don't know how to take it off though. They've tried. It's because I made a separate account before I switched cell phone numbers so they can't access it online, don't know the login information.

    She turns her phone off for long periods of time so I can't GPS locate her. She is currently at home, her BF is 30 minutes away.

    I'm going to stake out the house tonight with my male friend who carries concealed with a permit in case her boyfriend shows up and makes trouble if we find the vehicle. Plan is to block the car in and have it towed to my Grandma's if we find it. I'll pay the tow truck fee.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    I tried hiring a PI, but they said they couldn't help me because we don't have a general location on the vehicle. It could be between her house and two hours north west, anywhere. My Grandma really needs to file those court papers, but that'll take at least a month. I'm so mad, she's playing games.

    I'm going to find this car. Even if I have to spend 2 days straight stalking her and her boyfriend, I will.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Featured Member sananeko's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    good luck with this sweety.

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    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    If you dont REALLY need this car, it might be best to just wash your hands of the whole thing. Tell your grandma to file court papers for the car, and to evict her from her house.(tell her you would be happy to help her do this). Then, no longer your problem....and no longer your grandma's problem(except for a couple of court appearances).

    Maybe your grandma will finally learn the lesson that she cant give anything to her daughter. She may or may not get help at this point if she has no other choice...but she will definitely not get help if she doesnt have to.

    If your grandma is living somewhere else, AND owns a house that your mom stays at rent free....it sounds like she can afford to take this hit.

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    God/dess rickdugan's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    You know, when this thread first started I thought it was about genuine concern about the mother's health and wellbeing. But after these subsequent posts, I believe that this thread should be titled, "My car is about to die so I'm going to take the car that my grandma gave my mother by any means necessary."

    Now I realize that your mother is no saint and it sounds like she was a pretty crappy mother, but this stuff is getting really cut throat. I'm not buying for a second that you are trying to "help" your mother - you just want the car. And you'll even go so far as to (1) hire a PI; (2) try to have your mother thrown into jail; (3) sneak to wherever the car is and steal it back; and/or (4) who knows what else, in order to do it.

    And it also sounds like you are strong arming your grandmother into choosing between you and her daughter. Small wonder that she is being "uncooperative", as you put it. You are putting her in a very difficult position.

    Wow. Idk, but have you thought about simply buying a car of your own? I doubt that you will be "helping" your mother much by stranding her in an area with limited transportation options, even if she is doing everything that you claim that she is.

    Anyway, just my

  26. #24
    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post
    If you dont REALLY need this car, it might be best to just wash your hands of the whole thing. Tell your grandma to file court papers for the car, and to evict her from her house.(tell her you would be happy to help her do this). Then, no longer your problem....and no longer your grandma's problem(except for a couple of court appearances).

    Maybe your grandma will finally learn the lesson that she cant give anything to her daughter. She may or may not get help at this point if she has no other choice...but she will definitely not get help if she doesnt have to.

    If your grandma is living somewhere else, AND owns a house that your mom stays at rent free....it sounds like she can afford to take this hit.
    My grandma does live elsewhere, but she is married, and she bought her condo cash. With that being said, even in this market it would retail for about $180,000, and they are concerned that if the house goes to the bank that the bank will try to put a lien on my grandma's condo.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


  27. #25
    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: My Mom is drinking heavily, again.

    Quote Originally Posted by rickdugan View Post
    You know, when this thread first started I thought it was about genuine concern about the mother's health and wellbeing. But after these subsequent posts, I believe that this thread should be titled, "My car is about to die so I'm going to take the car that my grandma gave my mother by any means necessary."

    Now I realize that your mother is no saint and it sounds like she was a pretty crappy mother, but this stuff is getting really cut throat. I'm not buying for a second that you are trying to "help" your mother - you just want the car. And you'll even go so far as to (1) hire a PI; (2) try to have your mother thrown into jail; (3) sneak to wherever the car is and steal it back; and/or (4) who knows what else, in order to do it.

    And it also sounds like you are strong arming your grandmother into choosing between you and her daughter. Small wonder that she is being "uncooperative", as you put it. You are putting her in a very difficult position.

    Wow. Idk, but have you thought about simply buying a car of your own? I doubt that you will be "helping" your mother much by stranding her in an area with limited transportation options, even if she is doing everything that you claim that she is.

    Anyway, just my
    No, we went together and stole one of the two cars back lol.

    She said "I want the Escape back, and I'm going to sell it"

    Lightbulbs went off in my head, opportunity arose. I jumped on it.

    Simple.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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