walking into the smoky bar with my black bag and pajamas on.
I miss waiting for my eyes to adjust to the dim club as I search the room for my first customer once I am done getting ready.
I miss the crowded dressing tables and the thick atmosphere of hairspray mingling with the cigarettes and baby powder.
I miss warming up by the house mom and chatting about my day off, asking her what food she brought tonight because I am so always hungry.
I miss my arms and legs burning after a rough first round on stage to loosen up for the night.
I miss asking to go on extra rounds because I loved the stage enough to dance for an empty room.
I miss the hunt and anticipation on the slow nights when all the girls lounge in the dark corners hiding from management leaving me free to hustle every table.
I miss being 6 feet tall in my badass tip jar shoes.
I miss the drunk bitches that start fights over flat irons, old lockers, and table territory because not even SNL can write shit that funny.
I miss still feeling the base in my bones when I get off a 12 hour shift and crawl into bed already dressed in pjs because I am smart enough to wear them to work.
I miss waking up the next day ready to do it all again.
If anyone else retired and feels the same cheers to you! I think I'm getting itchy feet again, I've been out of the business about 3 years and don't know what to do with myself. I feel like I need to talk to someone but I don't trust the outside world with these feelings. I'm too sick to dance but I'm even more sick of not being able to dance. I'm also concerned I may never get the chance to work in a club like that again. My current boyfriend is very protective and might not be open to me working like that once I get my health back. I love him so much but I love dancing, too. Not just at home, I need that stage experience for it to feel complete, the loud music, the crowds, the other girls running around as my friends and competition.
What do you do with this kind of quitter's remorse?



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