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Thread: Anorexia...

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    Default Anorexia...

    (wasn't sure where to put this, so I've posted in body business and life support)

    I've been dancing for 4-5 months now, and on the whole I'm really enjoying it. But I recently switched to an upscale club, and the competition is FIERCE. I'm not much of a hustler yet, so I've been mainly relying on my looks/friendly attitude to make money...but the stress of working 5 nights a week with such gorgeous girls is really taking it's toll...

    I had anorexia for most of my teens, and I've been bulimic ever since. In spite of that, I've maintained an ok weight for about a year and a half...but I'm seriously slipping.

    I don't know if it's the dancing, or other life stresses, but obviously i NEED to get a hold on myself or i simply won't have the body to make money any more. I'm terrified this is going to cost me my job - and this illness has already had me 'incapacitated' on mental health grounds since I left college. I really really want to be well enough to work. I just don't know if it's worth undoing all my progress. I'm happy and independant and in love with a wonderful man...but I wouldn't have any of these things if i get really sick again.

    Have any of you been through anything similar? I guess what I'm trying to ask is, can I continue to do this job and rebuild my self-confidence, or is this going to destroy me? I've lost nearly 2 dress sizes in 3 weeks and my boobs have shrunk to an A cup my earnings have dropped to the lowest they've ever been but the sick part of my brain is telling me I can keep living like this...

    Sorry to ramble on a bit, but I didn't know how best to get this all out. I'm feeling pretty low at the moment.

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    Veteran Member Brilynne's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anorexia...

    PM'd ya'.
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    God/dess anouk.oui's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anorexia...

    i think if the environment triggers you, you should get out. if youre not entirely confident in yourself and your looks, a place where gorgeous girls dance naked will be a bad influence.
    stay away from similar environments and media.

    alternatively, work at a dive among big girls so you can build up your self esteem.

    i dont really know what to tell you. its all up to you. its hard to be around skinny dancers and models so i suggest try a more nature environment for work or clubs with more girl next door looks.

    the highest earners are rarely the prettiest and skinniest girls. dont take yourself too seriously
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  5. #4
    Senior Member Vivianna's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anorexia...

    I um, copy posted this from what I wrote in the body business thread lol...
    My heart is with you right now but you are the only one who has the answer. I have struggled with ana/mia/compulsive overeating since I was 12. For me I do not think I am strong enough to escape my personal hell while I am this industry. But I also don't think I am strong enough to give up the industry right now either. You said you have a lot of good things in your life, so giving up dancing for your sanity might be easier for you if that is what you ultimately decide. Do you think that going back to your old club with less competition will help? I would take a week off to take a step back from dancing so you have more clarity on this complex issue. Are you still in therapy? If not, I think that going back would be a really healthy decision for you at this time.

    Good luck. I feel like I have let my disorder defeat me for the time being but with a proper support system, some soul searching and willpower of steal I think you might be able to continue dancing without being destroyed. It sounds like you have so much going for you. That being said, I know how seductive ana can be and I would really hate to see you spiral out of control. It sounds like you are at a cross roads and this job just isn't worth your health.

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    Default Re: Anorexia...

    I was bulimic through out High School & understand what you are going through, my advice is to seek professional help. If it's something you have battled your entire adult life & if you see yourself slipping then talking to someone may help. Most of all-don't push yourself, this is an unhealthy environment for you right now so you may want to look into either taking a break or getting a day job until you feel you are ready to return to work. Alternatively if you wish to stay in the industry you could try working at another, less up-scale club (then you may not feel so overwhelmed).

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    Default Re: Anorexia...

    I posted in body business.

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    Veteran Member UV69's Avatar
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    Default Re: Anorexia...

    If the competition is fierce you need to work on your self esteem or you won't survive going against the gorgeous girls around you --- it's not the weight. It's the fact you don't see yourself as one of them or as fierce competition among them. Now you got to ask why you got hired there if you are not every bit as gorgeous & give yourself some credit cuz if you are there 5 days a week making money well guess what you must have something already going for you.

    I say stop killing yourself & focusing on losing weight to look great. Skin n bones unnatural unhealthy thin does not = hott. It equals you having a warped view on your body that is only going to hurt you. Go find a coworker friend among the gorgeous girls in your club that has healthy eating habits & a hot body & ask her what works for her & do that instead.

    You need a positive example to base your goals on instead of lying to yourself & continuing to do something that makes you feel like shyt, hurts you, & doesn't ever make you feel good enough to really compete with the fierce & gorgeous girls around you.

    Feeling good about yourself starts with being good to yourself.

    When I start feeling I have competition I don't kick myself down no I step up my game & do what it takes to do things that will be better for me & improve on what I got going & how I feel about myself. Now I'm no upscale barbie, but I don't sweat competing against any of them cuz my kind of sex appeal cuz from a place within where I know I got it, earned it, & have it to flaunt it. I honestly believe I'm hella sexy & other people see it to cuz it shows in everything from the way I move to the way I run my A game. I don't give if another girl is prettier, skinner, ect..ect I'm making my money & I'm as fierce as competition comes.

    I'm sure all you need is to start believing in you & change your POV if you work with nothing but gorgeous girls guess what it's not for nothing that you were hired to work there too. You obviously are 1 even if you can't see it & you are already competing against all of them 5 days a week. Give yourself some credit & stop starving yourself to feed into your demons that are lying to you telling you that somehow you are less attractive then the other girls around you.
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    Default Re: Anorexia...

    Quote Originally Posted by Vivianna View Post
    I um, copy posted this from what I wrote in the body business thread lol...
    My heart is with you right now but you are the only one who has the answer. I have struggled with ana/mia/compulsive overeating since I was 12. For me I do not think I am strong enough to escape my personal hell while I am this industry. But I also don't think I am strong enough to give up the industry right now either. You said you have a lot of good things in your life, so giving up dancing for your sanity might be easier for you if that is what you ultimately decide. Do you think that going back to your old club with less competition will help? I would take a week off to take a step back from dancing so you have more clarity on this complex issue. Are you still in therapy? If not, I think that going back would be a really healthy decision for you at this time.

    Good luck. I feel like I have let my disorder defeat me for the time being but with a proper support system, some soul searching and willpower of steal I think you might be able to continue dancing without being destroyed. It sounds like you have so much going for you. That being said, I know how seductive ana can be and I would really hate to see you spiral out of control. It sounds like you are at a cross roads and this job just isn't worth your health.
    what? can you go back and read it again? i suggested these things for you to do. im fine. i intern for a label and skin and mones dont phase me. infact, since dancing i prefer women to have more of a 50s hourglass figure.
    AHH i told you. my life is fine.

    well that doesnt sound very logical. youre building a prison around yourself.
    i know what its like when youre the one person standing in the way of your own happiness. dont make this a 'i dont wanna stay but i dont wanna go' situation.
    sit down, decide whether you wanna get better and where you want your life to be, or whether you wanna be self indulgent and only look forward to going to work so you can feel fat in contrast to girls and use that as a motivation to spiral further down.

    i know what youre going through.
    ultimately you gonna have to make a decision what you want your life to be like.
    the job is not whats causing this, its only a trigger. you may remove yourself from the club environment but then you go out clubbing, open a magazine, go to a beach and see skinny girls everywhere and youre gonna freak.

    i think youre making this very difficult for yourself.
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    Default Re: Anorexia...

    Maybe you should take some time off for a while, especially if your earnings are dropping, anyway. You can use that time to do things that you enjoy, while also getting back on track with your health. If you're not feeling good, whether physically or mentally, stripping 5 nights a week is only going to make things worse.

    Being in the strip club makes me feel pretty down about myself, too, even though I make good money. It's a business based on looks, and you HAVE to have self-esteem and confidence to get through it. I know it's hard to change your mindset, but I'm guessing right now your self-worth is mostly based on your appearance. That's true for a lot of women, but it's really not healthy. What else is it that you're good at? What else do you like about yourself? You said that you're happy, independent, and in love with a wonderful man, so think of all the great things you have going for you. You have a ton of reasons to be confident.

    Not everyone can strip without developing some problems, but if you want to, I think you should take some time off, enjoy life, go back when you're healthy, and start fresh. If you feel the same issues coming on, maybe it's just not for you. There will always be situations and environments that are triggers for you, but certain ones, like strip clubs, are just so extreme that it might be best to avoid them.

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    Default Re: Anorexia...

    Quote Originally Posted by anouk.oui View Post
    what? can you go back and read it again? i suggested these things for you to do. im fine. i intern for a label and skin and mones dont phase me. infact, since dancing i prefer women to have more of a 50s hourglass figure.
    AHH i told you. my life is fine.

    well that doesnt sound very logical. youre building a prison around yourself.
    i know what its like when youre the one person standing in the way of your own happiness. dont make this a 'i dont wanna stay but i dont wanna go' situation.
    sit down, decide whether you wanna get better and where you want your life to be, or whether you wanna be self indulgent and only look forward to going to work so you can feel fat in contrast to girls and use that as a motivation to spiral further down.

    i know what youre going through.
    ultimately you gonna have to make a decision what you want your life to be like.
    the job is not whats causing this, its only a trigger. you may remove yourself from the club environment but then you go out clubbing, open a magazine, go to a beach and see skinny girls everywhere and youre gonna freak.

    i think youre making this very difficult for yourself.
    ^ anouk, there seems to be some confusion here. The post you replied to the second time wasn't me! Vivienne was telling me about her experiences, I only posted the first time

    Thanks for the feedback (pun not intended!) ladies. I think maybe I should get back into therapy - I quit when I was 19 because being in group was tough when I gained, as I'm quite competitive for the record I don't think skinny=sexy, and i know i need to be bigger than I am to look my best. My main worry at the moment is I'm not really mentally stable enough to hold down a 'real' job (i'm also bipolar and while i'm a good girl and take my meds, they can be very draining). But I love the independance, the financial security, and the flexibilty of dancing. Plus I'm good at it, dammit! So I'm thinking maybe if I can get back into treatment and stop this spiralling I could turn it around and make it GOOD for my self esteem..?

    Maybe a dive would be a better option, though. I worked in a low-mid club before and it was actually pretty good for my body image Feeling a bit more positive now I'm sober (I wrote the last post after a pretty bad night and probably had one glass of wine too many...

    Thanks again, I'll keep you updated
    x

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    Default Re: Anorexia...

    You should definitely head back in for treatment if at all possible... and go back to... wherever you were working before since it seems like this new, more competitive club has been a huge trigger for you.
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    Default Re: Anorexia...

    yeh i suppose. its kinda late here. i still stand my what i said though. its good youre seeking help.
    dive club & laying in the sun type holidays would sound pretty good. if youre focused im sure you can soon put it behind you. all of you who seem to be struggling
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