Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: Anorexia...

  1. #1
    Member
    Joined
    Aug 2011
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    36
    Thanks
    23
    Thanked 5 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Anorexia...

    (wasn't sure where to put this, so I've posted in body business and life support)

    I've been dancing for 4-5 months now, and on the whole I'm really enjoying it. But I recently switched to an upscale club, and the competition is FIERCE. I'm not much of a hustler yet, so I've been mainly relying on my looks/friendly attitude to make money...but the stress of working 5 nights a week with such gorgeous girls is really taking it's toll...

    I had anorexia for most of my teens, and I've been bulimic ever since. In spite of that, I've maintained an ok weight for about a year and a half...but I'm seriously slipping.

    I don't know if it's the dancing, or other life stresses, but obviously i NEED to get a hold on myself or i simply won't have the body to make money any more. I'm terrified this is going to cost me my job - and this illness has already had me 'incapacitated' on mental health grounds since I left college. I really really want to be well enough to work. I just don't know if it's worth undoing all my progress. I'm happy and independant and in love with a wonderful man...but I wouldn't have any of these things if i get really sick again.

    Have any of you been through anything similar? I guess what I'm trying to ask is, can I continue to do this job and rebuild my self-confidence, or is this going to destroy me? I've lost nearly 2 dress sizes in 3 weeks and my boobs have shrunk to an A cup my earnings have dropped to the lowest they've ever been but the sick part of my brain is telling me I can keep living like this...

    Sorry to ramble on a bit, but I didn't know how best to get this all out. I'm feeling pretty low at the moment.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Vivianna's Avatar
    Joined
    May 2009
    Location
    NOLA
    Posts
    77
    Thanks
    70
    Thanked 36 Times in 16 Posts
    My Mood
    Cheeky

    Default Re: Anorexia...

    My heart is with you right now but you are the only one who has the answer. I have struggled with ana/mia/compulsive overeating since I was 12. For me I do not think I am strong enough to escape my personal hell while I am this industry. But I also don't think I am strong enough to give up the industry right now either. You said you have a lot of good things in your life, so giving up dancing for your sanity might be easier for you if that is what you ultimately decide. Do you think that going back to your old club with less competition will help? I would take a week off to take a step back from dancing so you have more clarity on this complex issue. Are you still in therapy? If not, I think that going back would be a really healthy decision for you at this time.

    Good luck. I feel like I have let my disorder defeat me for the time being but with a proper support system, some soul searching and willpower of steal I think you might be able to continue dancing without being destroyed. It sounds like you have so much going for you. That being said, I know how seductive ana can be and I would really hate to see you spiral out of control. It sounds like you are at a cross roads and this job just isn't worth your health.

  3. #3
    Banned
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Colorado!
    Posts
    6,053
    Thanks
    3,775
    Thanked 3,701 Times in 1,713 Posts

    Default Re: Anorexia...

    I have really bad body dysmorphic disorder. I hate shopping because I'm anxious about what size I will have to buy (I'm 5'9" and 130-135lb). My husband will take me out shopping because my clothes will be worn the fuck out to threads, and I will literally refuse to get out of the car, telling him "Nothing fits anyway, they won't have a size for me." I totally get it- the only reason I'm not anorexic or bulimic is frankly because I lack discipline, hate throwing up, and am paranoid about my teeth.

    What I found recently really helped me was PICTURES. My husband's best friend took me shopping for jeans a month or two ago. When I tried them on, he took pictures on his phone. And WOW. Seeing myself NOT through my own eyes in the mirror gives a huge difference in perspective. I didn't think it was me AT ALL. Take some snapshots of yourself and look at them like they aren't yourself. You'll be AMAZED.

    As far as the food itself, take the time to eat only healthy stuff. I eliminated high fructose corn syrup entirely, and processed foods like margarine. That way you have the feeling of "control" most people who have EDs need without sacrificing your health. Want to binge on junk? Eat a big ass bowl of strawberries. Buy fruit bars in lieu of ice cream. Having healthy "treats" around will help.

    Whatever you do, ensure you get enough salt, potassium and water. I can't tell you how critical that is. I almost accidentally killed myself in August because I didn't drink any water for two days. Even if you don't feel thirsty, DRINK WATER. I had to replace FOUR LITRES of fluid just from two days.

    I hope this helps. I'm in a way better place than I was a month ago. I don't think I'll ever be 100% happy with myself, but mostly ok is fine with me.

  4. #4
    Member
    Joined
    Dec 2010
    Location
    England
    Posts
    20
    Thanks
    44
    Thanked 12 Times in 7 Posts

    Default Re: Anorexia...

    can you take a week off and cut down the amount of day you're dancing? maybe you can look for a support group in your area and find a therapist.
    i've not suffered from an eating disorder but i've heard pampering your body (e.g., massages) can help but i can't remember why this is suppose to be helpful. try to avoid stuff that triggers you, which seems to be the club so maybe you can't handle working 5 days a week and perhaps you should take a break from that club until you can deal with that environment.
    Last edited by Una; 10-26-2011 at 06:00 AM.

  5. #5
    Member
    Joined
    Aug 2011
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    36
    Thanks
    23
    Thanked 5 Times in 4 Posts

    Default Re: Anorexia...

    mediocrity you're totally right about the pictures thing! i rcently saw a photo of me (that i didnt realise was me because of the angle) and my instinctive reaction was something along the lines of 'grr whos that skinny bitch' haha. but ias soon as i recognised myself i got really paranoid that i'm probably a bit too thin again. I CAN'T WIN :/

    i think i'm going to try therapy again. I had group and one on one CBT for a few years, but dropped out when i got to a healthy weight again, for the same reason that i didnt think being constantly surrounded by model types was good for me. i agree that maybe working less would help - i have NO social life otc at the moment, so i'm constantly subjected to all this long, lithe beautys and it's so easy to forget that it's not the norm...i'm 5'9" and probably naturally about 130, but i'm fast approaching 100, and thats just not where my body should be. I think spending more time with my friends and boyfriend should help my head, I just didn't realise how much i needed it until iwrote it down, if that makes sense..

    Thanks for the support, i'll keep you updated
    x

  6. #6
    Featured Member tampadancer's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2004
    Location
    tampa
    Posts
    1,582
    Thanks
    178
    Thanked 394 Times in 179 Posts

    Default Re: Anorexia...

    I struggled with anorexia for many years, and still have a pretty skewed view of myself. But I will tell you this: if you suffer from body dysmorphia and eating disorders, this industry will be VERY tough for you. When you're in a position where your looks are SUCH big component of your success, it's impossible not to be very aware of your body. And for someone who is already obsessed with his or her body, stripping can make it much worse... especially if you're working at an upscale club with very strict standards.

    I think you definitely need to get yourself back into therapy, and take a long hard look at yourself and dancing. It is not worth undoing all the work you did to get healthy. 5'9" and 100 pounds is scary thin. Take some time off from dancing and get your head back in order. If you decide to continue with this work, consider moving to a club that isn't as "upscale" - where all of the girls aren't perfect 10's, and where you will feel good about yourself.

  7. #7
    God/dess papillonluvr's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    japan
    Posts
    3,724
    Thanks
    315
    Thanked 1,186 Times in 703 Posts
    My Mood
    Goofy

    Default Re: Anorexia...

    My ex-best friend suffers from anorexia, and I have alternately had anorexia and bulimia. After being bulimic throughout my pregnancy, I decided to get help. Thank god my daughter was born without any lasting damage.

    I was in out-patient therapy for two years before they finally let me go. I was on and off different medications for my mood disorder and eating disorders. I am honestly surprised I'm still married! How anyone can last through that ordeal is amazing.

    What I've found out is I HATE group therapy, and I much prefer a one-on-one situation. I went through many doctors before I found one I like, and she was actually my nutritionist! So find someone you like who specializes in eating disorders.

    My ex friend still suffers. She goes through phases where she won't eat hardly anything for a month or so, then binges and gains a lot of the weight back. She also runs for two hours a day. It's crazy, and she realizes it, but won't get help (too expensive, she says). I say it's your life, is a couple hundred dollars not worth your life? The only keeping her eating is her own daughter.

    Maybe find a reason to be healthy and live?

    It sounds like if your so competetive that group might not work for you, and that's fine as long as you find someone or some therapy who can help you get better. It's very very difficult to get better on your own.

    And I did dance throughout. I have had an ED since middle school, and danced almost right out of high school. I got scary skinny, but never enough to put me in a hosptial (I think the bulimic episodes help keep weight on). But still, the damage done to my body probably won't ever be 100% better. Dancing is NOT worth the health damage you're doing to yourself. It sounds like dancing is a trigger for you; if you continue dancing, then get someone to help you stay healthy. But until you find someone, if possible, quit dancing. It's not worth it.
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

    Confuscius say: "Man who pull bra stap get bust in face"


  8. #8
    Newbie
    Joined
    Oct 2011
    Posts
    8
    Thanks
    2
    Thanked 3 Times in 2 Posts

    Default Re: Anorexia...

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I've struggled w/both anorexia and bulimia and ultimately wound up having substance abuse issues. I know (i'm you're height) that i turned to uppers b/c i felt so weak and out of it when my weight drops below 115. It's a rough industry for anyone w/an ED or body image issues.
    I really miss the income, and I'd like to think that I'd be able to dance again (i never was such a great dancer and depended so much on my exterior/social skills/hustle/etc) for the income but I'm not so sure I will.
    I'm in this limbo for wanting to move really badly and really needing to generate income and being afraid to undo the progress i made and ultimately had some pretty scary health issues. I definitely suggest seeking therapy and taking some time to regroup. A little distance and break to be able to better see the situation you know? My thinking was that much more skewed at work b/c of my emotional state.
    I wish i didn't have the problems i did, and sometimes felt like i used dancing to even fuel weightloss so there's also that to consider.

Similar Threads

  1. Anorexia...
    By tommythetank in forum Life Support
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 10-27-2011, 04:01 AM
  2. Anorexia, muscle wasting, trying to gain
    By punkpixie001 in forum Body Business
    Replies: 11
    Last Post: 05-22-2011, 09:35 PM
  3. Anorexia slideshow
    By LuckiCharm in forum Body Business
    Replies: 29
    Last Post: 05-20-2007, 09:25 AM
  4. Model Dies From Anorexia Complications
    By PaigeDWinter in forum Body Business
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 11-17-2006, 11:33 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •