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Thread: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

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    Default GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    Hi all. My gf has been thinking about trying stripping and I wanted to get the advise of some of the experienced members here.

    First, she is 24yo, 5'4 120lbs 32dd-25-38 so has the body for it but I am also wondering if she is cut out for it personality wise, she has always been a "good girl,"with a bit of a wild side, but has never done hard drugs, parents would flip if they found out type of situation...

    Second, and I want to be supportive of her, but I am worried what affects it might have on the relationship? I think it would actually be a turn on for me, but I am wondering if this is me just being naive and if it would have detrimental consequences such as jealousy...

    Lastly, are there any clubs anyone would recommend for girls who have no experience, we live in NYC.

    Thank you for taking the time and any advise or recommendations is greatly appreciated. Also, I apologize if this should have been posted in the newbie section, I am unable to post there for some reason. Thanks again.

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    Veteran Member Amareth's Avatar
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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    The only way to really be sure if she's cut out for it is to try it. A lot of girls will work a few nights then realize it's not for them but it's impossible to say (especially without knowing her) whether or not she'll like it.

    It's great that your supportive of her. A lot of guys would have a jealousy issue but this isnt the only thing to look out for there's also:
    -she'll probably be making more money than you. Would this make you feel insecure?
    -she'll be working nights, if you work days you might hardly ever see each other
    -money can go to a person's head and some girls that do this end up getting stripper syndrome (acting how they think a typical stripper acts) which can be annoying though usually just a phase
    -even if you support her you might have to lie to your friends and family about what she does, are you ok with this?
    -at any job you have bad days where you come home and tell your partner what happened, in stripping this can mean getting groped, making literally no money, being harassed for sex, are you willing to be supportive and not just tell her to quit when you hear these stories?

    It's a good sign that you came here to ask for advice. Just remember it is ultimately her decision and at least let her try it out to see if she's comfortable doing it before bringing up the afore mentioned issues. Is she on this site? It might be good for her to check it out to get more info.

    Can't help you with NYC clubs sorry but get her check the Club Chat section.

    Good luck!

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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    Why are you posting here and not your girlfriend?


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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    ^ Yes! There are so many factors. How many days per week do you think she would do it ? Two days a week stripping is going to feel very different for your relationship than 4-5 for example.
    It's her decision. That's the big thing. You've got to be encouraging but not push her for OR against it. It really depends too! She might try it and love it or might attempt it and tire of it fast. It's a SALES job so if she seems like she would do well at any other type of high end sales, she will do well stripping probably.

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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    Thank you for the replies.

    Amareth, those are some really good points. It would probably be for only a couple days a week, def not a full time thing. Regarding the money issue, I make a pretty good salary, but living in NYC it would def help and would let us save for a house. Does the getting groped n getting harrased happen generally, or would you say it really depends on the club? We are planning on getting engaged, so I am really concerned about what affects it might have on the relationship. I would say I am generally confident and the thought turns me on, but I know inr eality it might be different.But your right, i should just see how it goes at first...

    Carmen, thanks for the reply. As I mentioned earlier it would only be a couple days a week. And yeah it is her decision, but she wouldn't do it if it bothered me so I guess I am just trying to reassure myself that there are plenty of relationships out there where it works...

    Laurilegs, that a good point and I will def refer her to the site. I just really wanted to know from a relationship perspective. Especially, if there is anyone else out there who started while in a serious relationship and would be curious to know how it affected theirs.

    Thanks again all for the replies.

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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    Having had a couple serious relationships with dancers and having dated several more let me give you some insight into how things work on the guys end. For what it's worth I've dated girls who have been dancing a few months, a couple girls who started dancing after we met, and I was in two relationships (not at the same time) with girls who have been dancing for nearly a decade.

    Your girlfriend will get groped. She will get propositioned. She will get licked. Guys will try to kiss her. She will be flirted with CONSTANTLY.

    If any of this bothers you, tell her now before she even starts.

    Here's the upside to all that though. She's (hopefully) not encouraging it or welcoming it, and at the end of her shift, she's coming home to you. Unwanted advances are typically diverted or completely stopped.

    There is literally zero reason to be jealous or concerned. She's in a club, with people looking out for her well being, and she's getting paid to sell fantasy, not sex.

    Advice: Don't ask her about work. If she wants to talk, listen: but don't get defensive or protective. If she has a major problem, she will deal with it. Don't go into her work to see her, ever. If you need to drop her off and pick her up, just drop her off and pick her up.

    If you love her and you are planning to marry her, just support her. The bigger a deal you make out of it and the more you think about it, the worse it will be. She'll be at work, working, and is a grown person who can take care of herself.

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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    The fact that you're posting here wondering if it will have detrimental effects on your relationship makes me think that somewhere, deep down, you already have a little bit of jealousy at the idea. Like StripClubPsych said, your gf will get groped at, licked, propositioned and verbally harassed often. The degree depends on your area and the club, but yes, it's the norm. This is the ugly side of working in a SC and it's not all that sexy when you think about your gf dealing with this night after night. That doesn't mean you should feel jealous, because your gf should be seeing this as a job and should not be welcoming toward the inappropriate behavior. But if she comes home some nights in a horrible mood because some guy whipped out his dick in VIP or grabbed her and tried to dry hump her or bit her on the ass, are you still going to think it's a turn on? I would suggest thinking realistically about the situation so that you say it's ok because you understand it's a job and that she sees it only as a job, not just because you think "hmm, that would be hot."

    Whatever you do, don't say it's cool and then a couple months later, take it back. I would really refer her to this site asap so she can learn as much as she can to make her own decision, and perhaps venture into it with more protective knowledge than most newbies get.

    Fwiw, my bf has never had a problem with me stripping and wouldn't have a problem if I went back to it, so yes, strippers do have successful relationships - there are many here on this board that can attest to that. He understands it is a job and the guys are just customers. But I still don't tell him all my horror stories, because I don't want him to worry about me. But, since you've found this site, you may already be reading up on more awful things about SCs than it would probably be better for your mental health not to know. I would really suggest referring her to the site so she can figure out what's what and just do yourself the favor of staying out of the ranting threads of the girls' sections.

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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    StripClubPsych and Aurora, thanks for the replies, really puts things in perspective. Really gives more to think about it and some more discussions to come with gf, but will be referring her to the site. Thanks again.

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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    No problem.

    Just remember, nothing about her is changing if she does go to dance. She's still the same person, she just took a new job. Granted anyone that pays cover and has eyes will be able to see her naked, but if you're okay with that and she's okay with that - there isn't a problem.

    It's the one field (adult) that people tend to over think. There won't be any picture proof that will come back to haunt her in this particular part of the industry, and it's something that she can try out and walk away from at any time.

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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    It really and truly depends on how strong you are in your relationship. I have been dancing about 4 months and married for almost 9 years. My husband is supportive.

    Some things to ask yourself...

    Do I love this woman enough to support her in all her endeavors?

    Will this cause a jealousy issue? Will I be able to seperate her job and our relationship? Can I take a step back and know that no matter what goes down at the club (I mean job related, I promise if she loves you and your relationship is strong, you have nothing to fear in the fidelity department.) that she is coming home to me at the end of the night.


    When she comes home after a rough night, will I be able to deal with the things she has experienced without flying off the handle? Am I prepared to hold her and let her bitch/cry it out and still support her when she goes back?

    This one is SO important, I CANNOT stress this enough. If/when you make the choice to be okay with this, and she starts working do NOT under any circumstances go back at that decision or give her any ambivalence. If you do, she is only going to be hurt, bewildered and angry. If she enjoys the job and then you demand she quit or she quits for you, she is going to resent you, and feel like you took the decision out of her hands. I've seen this happen a few times.

    Lastly, if you go to the club to visit her, you need to be prepared to see guys trying to grab, flirt, grope, annoy, and generally try to get into her pants. If you can't handle this then please don't go to her workplace. Remember, she is doing her job and playing a part, and it has no bearing on your relationship or who she truly is outside of the club. If you say hurtful things to her while you are there about the things you see, she is going to feel guilty, like you lied when you said you were ok with it. At the very least it's going to make it hard for her to work, fearful at what you might do, and just cause her unecessary angst and stress ,and at the most is going to make her feel like you don't support her, are angry with her, and see her differently and cause major problems in your relationship. I've seen this happen too.

    It all really boils down to the two of you, what kind of person she is, and what kind of person YOU are. How strong your relationship is. Take your time and make sure she does also. Getting into this job is not a decision to make lightly, but there is comfort in knowing she can walk away anytime she wants. Just make sure that when/if she does walk, it's HER decision, not one you pushed her to make.
    Last edited by SouthernButterfly; 08-10-2012 at 12:29 PM.
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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    Communication is Key.
    Lay the ground rules, together.
    Don't be too curious or needy.
    Let her come to you.
    But, I warn you, there is a problem with this sentence "But your right, i should just see how it goes at first..." and there in lies the problem that you already have with her doing it.
    Be careful.
    Good luck.

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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    "I am also wondering if she is cut out for it personality wise, she has always been a "good girl,"with a bit of a wild side..."

    She should have thick skin (emotionally) because customers can be verbally or physically disrespectful. It takes a strong personality to stay focused on making money in that kind of environment.

    Everything Aurora_Sunset said is 100% correct.

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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    Another thing, you don't have to be a "bad girl" to be cut out personality wise to dance. In fact, I recommend that "bad girls" stay as far away from stripping as possible, that's just asking for trouble.

    I am very much a "good girl", and have no problem selling a fantasy. It's acting, remember that.

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    Default Re: GF Wants to try. Advise please.

    Like everyone says, your girlfriend will have some seriously eye-opening experiences when she starts out. Guys will touch her, cry on her, try to manipulate her...and she'll probably want to come home and cry/vent to you about it. It's just part of the learning process. Don't let it freak you out, and try not to worry too much. Really, I feel safer and less harassed at the club than I have in any of my other jobs. At least there she'll have people looking out for her.

    Jealousy shouldn't be an issue at all. Any guy who walks into my club is automatically a customer to me, not dating material.

    Just try to support her. Don't change your mind three months from now and freak out on her, like my boyfriend did. She's going to need you there to prove that there's one person in her life that is honest, that cares, that doesn't judge her or want to use her. It takes a very thick skin to make it through this job some days. It's also very easy to let all the attention and money go to your head...Hopefully she'll be able to keep her balance, especially if you're there to listen and support. Best of luck to you both.

    And yeah, definitely send her to this site. It's helped me more than I could ever say.

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