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Thread: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

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    Featured Member smeca's Avatar
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    Default Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    all gone
    Last edited by smeca; 05-01-2012 at 11:29 AM.

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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    I know this will sound like a dumb guy thing but........ Sex, especially good sex, helps a relationship........ But you have to want it too.
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    Featured Member FiendishGyrator's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    Eh, I'm in this situation with my boyfriend, and I'm in your boyfriend's position.

    The healthiest thing would be to have separate places.

    That's what I'm looking forward to in a few months
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    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    Not sure of the ages here...but he sounds like he either is not ready for a serious live in relationship, or is not ready for a serious live in relationship with you.....

    In any case, his outlook sounds a little immature, which is fine if he is 20-21....If he is missing living with friends and he is approaching his 30s.....not really as fine

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    Featured Member smeca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    shhh.
    Last edited by smeca; 05-01-2012 at 11:31 AM.

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    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    Quote Originally Posted by smeca View Post
    yeah we're both 22, still in uni so i'm not too worried, just don't want it to get worse and ruin everything later on!

    then yeah.....living apart sounds like a great idea......

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    Featured Member smeca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    Not really an option right now though, we've got the lease til next summer. Just need to reduce the tension and make things fun. I'll start with more sex i think.

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    I'd say switch back to living apart if that's what he wants.

    As I've said before, there's always problems that arise when two young people move in together. I've lived with a man 11 years my senior for one year and it still didn't work out. I think part of it is that I am immature, although I am completely self sufficient, which in turns make me selfish and controlling in regard to MY house and MY belongings.

    I moved in with a man once, and that lasted 6 months. I left August 2010 and have been on my own in MY house ever since. I suppose if I actually dated someone who could afford to split the bills with me then I wouldn't care, but since I make way more than $12/hour like most of the people I've dated (although they worked full time) they simply can't afford to live with me.

    My rent is $945 and that doesn't even begin to cover the rest of my bills, food, gas, emergencies, etc.

    I spent abut $2,000 this month on bills and playing catch up with some things. I doubt any of my recent boyfriends would have been able to come up with $500, let alone $1000.

    I don't really care if my SO makes a ton of money right now. The man I am dating now is 22, and he works full time and is also in the Army Reserves so he goes to drill 1-2 times per month on the weekends. He works a hell of a lot more than me, but I'm also a full time students (17 credits in 1 semester) and a Mommy. I have respect for his work ethic though!

    I'm not looking for someone to take care of me. In 3 or 4 years it'll be more important to me that my SO makes a bunch of money to split bills. For now, at our age, I think just getting along and having healthy boundaries is key. It's all about learning who you are.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Featured Member smeca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    blehh
    Last edited by smeca; 05-01-2012 at 11:31 AM.

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    Featured Member vivianbear's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    You should have separate rooms and separate spaces, if you decide to stay together. I wouldn't even say living together is a bad idea (I actually think your bf may be over-reacting/dramatizing a bit) but I have a similar personality and the one compromise that has always worked in a LTR has been separate bedrooms. I need a room that is MINE with all of my stuff and my preferred environment. With my own bed that I can come home and pass out in, when I get drunk or stay out late or a place that my partner can't muscle in, after we've had a disagreement and I don't want to share space. Get separate bedrooms. Trust me, it works.

    What I wouldn't recommend is going through all the effort to move out and readjust to living apart again and then moving back in, once he gets bored or lonely and wants you back around him every day. If he wants to be living separate, stick to it. Don't go back and a forth, at his whim.
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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    Quote Originally Posted by smeca View Post
    Well i thought things were getting better but he's just told me he's bored of the relationship to put it bluntly, he feels trapped, he's changed while he was living abroad, thinks we want different things. I think we got in a rut/routine- i know i've been stressed trying to sort the house/looks for jobs/fit dancing around time with him so the dynamics have changed, and i know we need to make effort to avoid this kind of rut. He's talking about being apart over christmas/new year, think it over, decide what we're doing aftewards. Feels like he's breaking up now. We were best friends. WHy is this happening?
    i'm very sorry. but you guys are very young, and it just happens (boredom, a rut, whatever)... you are still looking for yourself at that age, and that's really why a lot of relationships don't work out until you're in your late 20s and over. this seems very painful and i hope it gets better for you. he will eventually understand that relationships are pure work, and that to be in a relationship is pretty much to be in a rut. unless you work at it. but it will, always and inevitably, include period(s) of boredom. it's just how life works. it's far more important to have someone that's gonna stick with you through these periods and tough it out. relationships are ugly, but when you can't stand to look at the other person, these are the times when you really figure out who you are. and it's kind of beautiful that way.
    Quote Originally Posted by vivianbear View Post
    You should have separate rooms and separate spaces, if you decide to stay together. I wouldn't even say living together is a bad idea (I actually think your bf may be over-reacting/dramatizing a bit) but I have a similar personality and the one compromise that has always worked in a LTR has been separate bedrooms. I need a room that is MINE with all of my stuff and my preferred environment. With my own bed that I can come home and pass out in, when I get drunk or stay out late or a place that my partner can't muscle in, after we've had a disagreement and I don't want to share space. Get separate bedrooms. Trust me, it works.

    What I wouldn't recommend is going through all the effort to move out and readjust to living apart again and then moving back in, once he gets bored or lonely and wants you back around him every day. If he wants to be living separate, stick to it. Don't go back and a forth, at his whim.
    omg this sounds amazing.

    also, yes, don't go back and forth at his whim. i understand once. but after the second breakup, time to block his calls.

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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    Time to move on

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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    move on. Break up for Christmas and New Years?? FAIL! He's done. Do your best to figure out a workable living situation and cut him off completely. I mean like he never existed. He misses living with his friends? Or his friends want a roommate and could do with his rent money? Drop that girl so you can be cool with us? Sounds immature. Let him go "have fun" without you.

    One thing: When you leave, do not and I mean never answer his calls, text, drop him from all connections, fb, twitter, fubar whatever else. If someone feels trapped then you need to show them how free they really are. Don't be around at all.

    Staying around at this point would ensure him to cheat or do something else to get his point across.

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    Featured Member smeca's Avatar
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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    .....
    Last edited by smeca; 05-01-2012 at 11:32 AM.

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    Default Re: Bf having a bit of a freak-out

    i agree with cherryblossomsinspring .

    he sounds like hes just complaining because he wants out. but doesnt want to hurt ur feelings.

    u are young, im sure very beautioful and jhave the world at ur finger tips. dont let some dude make u unhappy n unsure!

    lifes too short for that!

    i know its scary being alone/single - but please dont use a guy to fill tjhe void!

    u had ur fun with him - and he seems jus not ready for a serious relatioonship - not ready with YOU in particular.

    i say, when the doubts start comming in - and they are often - thats good enough reason to move on. nuff said!

    but only you - know you - so follow ur heart ! do wat makes u happy!
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