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Thread: What do you look for?

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    Default What do you look for?

    I was on a first date earlier this week & as those go, the conversation was about who, what & where. She was very smart & asked what was the 3 most important things I look for in a mate. It took me a while to answer & I changed my answer a few times but her answer was very good. Her answer was, she picks men like Warren Buffet chooses stocks....Integrity, Intelligence & Energy. I like all 3 but I was curious about energy? She said energy was the vibe someone gives out.

    What are the 3 for you?

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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    chemistry - physical attraction as well as conversational chemistry (y'know when you meet someone and instantly feel like you can talk to them for hours without running out of something to say.)

    kindness - someone who has a big heart for me and other people

    passion - I think it is incredibly sexy when a guy has his own interests...things that get him excited where you can see a light in his eyes when he talks about them.

    What are your 3 Unbeleavable?

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    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    I started out with Class on my list because I think how a woman presents herself, confidence, is important. I took it off though because I felt it wasn't top.

    Intelligence- I need to be able to connect mentally
    Strength- The world will beat your ass & I need someone strong to fight with
    Empathy- Being able to put yourself in others shoes, care

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    Veteran Member innes's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    attraction - just the general vibe. same kinda thing as "chemistry". it's just a feeling
    confidence - I can't date someone who has a low self esteem. I love to give compliments however if he's not confident already ... it's more like a chore
    intelligence - I'm smart, I need someone else who is smart too! not like crazy smart but I need to be able to have a good convo with him!

    (non judgemental would be a fourth thing!)
    InnesX

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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    This is a good question and changes often.

    1)Values. Do we agree with each other on important issues?
    2)Friendship. Do I actually like this person? Would I want to hang around with him?
    3)This one is hard because there are several important things but I go with kindness. If he sees a sick dog does he help or does he walk away? If I get sick will he be there or leave me?

    I know I could add more.

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    God/dess tempest666's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    Personality and a sense of humor- You gotta be able to make me laugh. I don't care how hot you are, if I can't stand to hold a conversation with you for more than 5 mins after we're done fucking you gots to go.

    Intelligence- I want someone who has a curiosity about the world and wants to learn new things, try new foods and is always up for an adventure. I want someone who can talk everything from Renaissance art to having a raging debate on whether Mr. Hat from South Park is real. (he is)

    Kindness- I want someone that loves animals and treats all of God/Krishna/Buddha/higherpower/whatever deity you choose to believe in with compassion and dignity. I'm not turning this into a PETA sermon cause I do eat my share of steaks but I do love animals and I tend to have a large menagerie, so if you're gonna be with me get used to it.
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    Featured Member lemiwinks31's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    do you count tits as one thing or 2?

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    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post
    do you count tits as one thing or 2?
    I hope she comes with those...if not we can add them

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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    Quote Originally Posted by lemiwinks31 View Post
    do you count tits as one thing or 2?
    Well it depends...if the tits look anything like the ones in your avatar I definitely think they count as 2...each

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    God/dess DesuvsDeath's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    The first three things I look at are:
    Their hobbies
    Their sense of humor
    and physical chemistry

    Obviously there are deeper things that I look for later.
    But from the get go - I'm a gamer with a weird sense of humor... so hobbies/sense of humor are soooo important. There are a million and one people I've got chemistry with, that I get along great with, that has a personality that matches well with mine, ect, ect... but it doesn't much matter if they wind up being completely turned off by my WoW hobby or going to get mad when I tag them as an obese person on facebook or something stupid. Ya know?
    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    i am losing my fucking mind and i really just want this chloroform dream because i think that would just get me right with jesus.

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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    Do they make me laugh?
    Do they keep me on my toes, especially intellectually? Are they going to make me consider things from a different perspective or in a way I wouldn't have without them?
    annnnnnd.....
    If they share my weirdness-- if they make me feel like I don't have to apologize for my quirkiness or dorkiness, but instead think it's really cool, and are dorky or quirky in their own way.
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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    Chemistry/compatibility: there has to be a connection and attraction on multiple levels. When you can't take your eyes off the person, hang off every word they say, and as cheesy as it sounds, feel like you are the only two people in the room.

    Excitement: it has to be someone who is exciting to be around. Someone I know I can be alone with and have a good time. I remember going on holiday with an ex and realising we weren't able to have fun alone together.

    Kindness: I wasn't sure what to label this as. It's a mix of kindness, honesty, humility, inner peace. You know when someone is a good person, when they will treat you right an expect nothing in return. When they won't get jealous or turn into an abusive drunk.

    That's how I would sum it up today. My man has all three and I feel very good when I'm around him.

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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    Quote Originally Posted by DesuvsDeath View Post
    The first three things I look at are:
    Their hobbies
    Their sense of humor
    and physical chemistry

    Obviously there are deeper things that I look for later.
    But from the get go - I'm a gamer with a weird sense of humor... so hobbies/sense of humor are soooo important. There are a million and one people I've got chemistry with, that I get along great with, that has a personality that matches well with mine, ect, ect... but it doesn't much matter if they wind up being completely turned off by my WoW hobby or going to get mad when I tag them as an obese person on facebook or something stupid. Ya know?
    Humor is a great one, being able to laugh even at yourself. The funny thing, when I meet woman for the first time my training always comes up with questions & assumptions because bodybuilding has a rep. I always reply, I'm not looking for a workout partner she may or may not be part of my training but she needs to understand it.

    Asking someone whats important to them is a great question. You can learn a lot about someone just by that one question. I also think the answer can be organic & grow when you find out through trial & error.

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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    In no particular order:

    Chemistry - I rarely click with people past banter.
    Intelligence - I like wit, dark humor, a guy who loves a good book.
    Hunger - It's not necessarily ambition, because I think that's too ego-centric at times. I just need someone who really wants to experience life and who can enjoy themselves no matter what.

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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    Intelligence: I like someone who can challenge me every day. Not in an argumentative sense, but someone I can learn something from every day. I hate dumbing myself down as well; it's nice having someone who enjoys having a large vocabulary and gets my chemistry jokes.

    Ambition: I need someone who loves/needs to travel, experience new things, have adventure. This also extends into professional life. I like success and honestly, money. I don't need/want to be RICH per se, but I enjoy increasing my personal income and getting promoted, excelling etc so I can afford to enjoy my life. I need someone who will put as much effort into their work as myself.

    Physical Chemistry: If I don't find the guy attractive and click with him, I'll never even investigate far enough to see if he possesses items 1&2. Honestly, I can't get turned on unless I find someone physically attractive.

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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    Intelligence. I'm smart, and I want someone smart too. And not just book smart, but also has an a high emotional IQ as well.

    Ambition/hunger/confidence. Call it what you want. I want someone who wants to better themselves and is confident enough to do it. I need someone who can withstand the emotional storms that most people go through and doesn't need to lean ENTIRELY on me for their self-esteem.

    Patient. I have a mood disorder and eating disorder. I have a lot of indiosyncracies. I need someone who can tolerate it, roll with, and care for me when I'm out of it.
    "You can close your eyes to reality but not to memories -Stainslaw J. Lec

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    Senior Member Lillionaire's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    1. chemistry
    2. compatible lifestyles/values
    3. similar sense of humor

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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    One observation of mine was one of my 3 was something I thought was missing from a previous relationship. If someone cheated on me I would value loyalty very high.

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    Featured Member Laurisa's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    Chemistry. No matter how cool they may be to hang around with, if I do not feel a spark then it will not pan out well.

    Intelligence. It is important to me that a man be able to hold down a conversation with me. I am attracted to men who are well spoken and well written.

    Independence. This means having a steady income, being educated or in school, preferably living on their own, a vehicle is a must. Having their own friends, hobbies, and talents that they take pride in also helps give us something to do together. I like trying new things.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    Compatible sense of humor: I have to add the word "compatible" because I've found in my day-to-day life that people very rarely understand when I'm joking. I'm not even entirely sure why. I don't know if it's the way I like to word jokes, or my tone of voice, or expression, or what... I find myself more often than not having to explain "I was just joking" to some confused look or aggressive counter-statement. I would not be able to last with someone who I couldn't joke around with because I was constantly having to explain myself.

    Good listener: I have been with far too many guys who couldn't/wouldn't listen. In multiple ways. I don't expect a verbatim recap of every conversation we've ever had, but I get really annoyed when someone who supposedly cares about me can't remember something about me that gets repeated often. I also need someone who will listen without getting defensive right off the bat when I have a concern. The last guy I was kinda seeing could not take any sort of criticism, could not utter the words "I'm sorry" or compromise, or do anything other than lay out his defense of shitty behavior ad nauseum. It got old.

    Generous: I am a very giving person to the people I care about, and while I don't often ask for much in return, I will get shitty if they can't be bothered to return the favor once in awhile. I don't like feeling used.


    Of course, all of this comes after that certain "something" - that instant connection or spark or whatever. I've known several guys who were all of these things, but I just wasn't into them. You can't trump that weird chemistry.

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    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    I agree the physical & chemistry are musts.

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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    1. Sense of Humor: I am very much a philanthropist/human rights activist/animal lover/feminist, but I'm never giving up my terribly politically incorrect/4-chan humor.

    2. Creativity: I find this also goes along with high intelligence so it's a win/win. I like hearing unique solutions to complex problems- and I also couldn't live with someone I couldn't create with. I'm a painter/artist/creative culinary experimenter and it'd be boring to not have a collaborator.

    3. Compatible sex drive: In a long term relationship this is vital. Good sex leads to better bonding, a stronger relationship and, for me, a stronger connection/chemistry with my mate.

    I also like all of those required things like: has to treat me well and respect me, must be employed/keep unemployment to a minimum, kind and all the things you guys mentioned. I know this post was sorta framed on "first date conversation" but I'm going more for what I want in a LTR.

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  36. #23
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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    ^^Creativity is a great one, I would have never thought about that. I love being around creative people & sometimes the stranger the better. I dated a artist once & seeing her translate a thought & feeling to canvas was pretty neat.

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    Moderator unbeleavable's Avatar
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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    What if you framed the question to people in general; would this list change? & what would be the most important?

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    Default Re: What do you look for?

    1. Decent sized cock / and or good in the sack (I have a high sex drive so this is pretty important, lol)

    2. Gamer / Geek (Can't be doing with a guy who'll whine when I'm PvPing or raiding for hours on end)

    3. Warped sense of humour

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