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    Featured Member Windy's Avatar
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    Duh Boyfriend hates my job

    Hi! first and farmost, id apperciate any opinons/feedback/advice!

    so me and my boyfriend have been together for about 3 1/2 years - and he knew i was dancer wen i met him since ive been doing it a year before i met him. now,heworks the same industry sort of - hes a bartender at a dive but popular bar.

    we are tottaly in love,and depsite our jobs, we are really into jut EACHOTHER! we both know we are eachothers soulmates and nothing would tear us apart...

    but, of course,being a man , he hates my job! he likes that i am indepdent and can afford what i want from it, but he hates that i show my body off to customers. i understand - even tho i think of it as "only my body - who cares!" (and i jus get topless)

    now i dont want to convince him that he cant hate my job cuz he has every right too. but its not i like his job - around a bunch of slutty bar chicks at his bar flirting with him. but its not a trust issue - we know we both wouldnt do anything...

    so while we both hate eachothers jobs, our deal was to work them for the next 2 years, and SAVE to start some kind of business together later, and not work our jobs anymore. then get married..have kids...

    but what can i do now to make this more comfortable for us?? THANK U SO MUCH!
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    Featured Member sananeko's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    Honey this is the simplest way to solve this problem. You walk up to him.. and you tell him "Hey. This is me, I choose to do this cause I want to, not cause I have to. If you don't like it then you don't like me." And walk away. Either he shuts up and love all of you or that love goes away to the next one.

    This also works for you. If you love him then you will be ok with the job he has.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    1. Spell check is your friend
    2. Each and other are two separate words. There is no word “eachother”.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    ^ that's helpful how?? Come on now.. tsk tsk..

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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    You both need to figure out if a job is worth risking your relationship for. I agree with sanenko... lay your cards out and go from there.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    Once more: if you don't want a man to bitch about your job, don't date men who bitch about your job.

    Not every man has a problem with being in a relationship with a sex worker. Seeing as you've been a stripper the entire time you two have been together, that makes his complaints even more ridiculous. Just tell him to STFU and that its a non-issue. Like, its not even worth debating because you're not going to quit and he obviously isn't going to leave you for it. So, unless he's just looking for a fight, he can quit his whining about what you do for a living. Complaining to you for the next two years isn't going to make you quit any faster and its probably not going to make your relationship any stronger, should you decide to actually start a business together.

    If you both have the agreement to quit in two years, that's cool but nothing is set in stone.
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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    stop complicating your life unnecessarily. the only reason i can think of why someone might put up with this for YEARS, particularly when you are not in a lifelong commitment o that person, is because you're attracted to drama and chaos.



    "my boyfriend hates my _________, but he totally loves me, he just hates my _________. but we're soulmates! but he hates my _________! how can i make this relationship work??!!!?"

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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    Quote Originally Posted by Windy View Post

    but what can i do now to make this more comfortable for us??
    If you've already discussed it and have a plan for quitting in the future, I don't really know what you're looking for. He knew what you did when he met you, you've told him you'll quit in a couple years after saving up money... I mean, what else is there to discuss? Bitching about dating a stripper after you chose to date a stripper is retarded, so he really has nothing to stand on there. You've come to a compromise about when and under what circumstances you'll quit... if the guy doesn't like stripping, he doesn't like stripping, and beyond telling him "hey, guess what, I was a stripper when you met me and you made this choice" and having a deadline to quit, which should make him happy, there's nothing you can do to make him suddenly be like "stripping is awesome!" He hates your job, you hate his, but you both trust each other and have a plan for getting out of them in the relatively near future. I really don't understand why there should be any more discussion or drama about it unless, like vivian said, he's just looking to start fights.

    Maybe you could sit down together and start the financial planning for whatever business you want to open and how much it will cost, how much you'll each put away from your jobs each month, yada yada. It's way too vague to be like "we'll save money during the next 2 years and then open a business together." How much money will you save? What business? How much will cost? How long will it truly take to save up that money? Where will it be? Will you take out loans in addition to the money you save? All of that. Sitting down together and doing something constructive to actually plan when you will both be out of these jobs should relax both of you as you can actually see the ending.

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    Featured Member Windy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    Quote Originally Posted by slowpoke View Post
    1. Spell check is your friend
    2. Each and other are two separate words. There is no word “eachother”.
    Sucks that my post upset this grammer/english teacher - i thought this forum was for strippers, not spell checkers haha!
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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    Quote Originally Posted by kaiarose View Post
    ^ that's helpful how?? Come on now.. tsk tsk..
    hey thanks for defending me

    thanks to all the other gals advice! v ery good advice u gave me! i owe ya
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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    Hey it happens. Having my fiance work at my club was really horribly stressful and we never got a break from eachother...

    Sorry to be blunt but cut back the relationship to casual so both of you care less but still be able to do your jobs.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    Maybe Harry Potter knows a spell to make boyfriends change their minds about stripping but in the real world your options are 1)telling him to shut the fuck up and get over it or 2) leaving.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    Okay, I'm getting a little sick of everyone coming into threads like this and telling girls to leave their man just because their man dislikes them stripping.

    I have some scenarios:

    1.) Girl is a stripper, has been for two years. She uses her money to live independently, has a car, pays her bills on time, has a savings. Boyfriend and her have been on and off. He is not accepting of her work. They fight all the time, he degrades her about her work during fights, she has to lie about how much she makes so he doesn't think she is having sex (she's not), he generally despises her work and makes her emotionally upset over their fights. He uses her work against her. Makes her feel like complete shit. Overall, not tolerant, but "allows her" to strip because he doesn't work.

    2.) Girl has been stripping for a few years. She makes money, live independently, saves, has a car. Her and boyfriend have their differences, he doesn't like her work because he is worried it is damaging her. He doesn't want her to be objectified because he loves her, and he wants her to get out of the industry with a good plan. He doesn't harass her about it, but he hates her work because he is worried about the consequences emotionally. He does not taunt or degrade her about her work, and does trust her and respect her as a human being. He loves her.

    See. There is a difference. I have friends in both scenarios. Scenario #1 is the bad one. Scenario #2 is a man who loves a woman and doesn't want her to feel like less of a human being because of the sex industry. She may not be a sex slave or pimped out, but at the same time she may not have many other viable options for work.

    There is nothing wrong with a man disliking the way the sex industry works. How it chews women up and spits them out. The psychological damage, the drinking, the things that CAN AND DO happen.

    I think that if the scenario is #2 then it would be best to work TOGETHER as a couple to make an exit strategy. If he is responsible and working then you two should be able to live together in a two income household sooner than if you had to do it alone.

    That would be the best plan.
    If you are willing to do for one year what other's won't, you can spend a lifetime doing what other's cant.


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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    All the difference between sex work and a "normal" job is perception. I've known plenty an alcoholic, drug-upped, objectified, verbally abused, debased, individual who work in "more acceptable" lines of service. It's the same thing with fewer clothes and even fewer allies. I mean, really.

    Not really sure what the OP is looking for. You're not going to quit or leave him so basically the only option is to tell him to suck it up and stop being so possessive. And vice versa. Flirting is what you both get paid for and the "mine" mentality has no place in that.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Okay, I'm getting a little sick of everyone coming into threads like this and telling girls to leave their man just because their man dislikes them stripping.
    With all due respect, I'm getting a little sick of seeing threads every other day with a woman crying about a situation created by a man in her life that only she has full control over and not being assertive enough to put her foot down on day one to rectify the situation to her benefit.

    Here are my scenarios:

    1) Woman has been dancing for a couple of years, meets a man and starts a relationship. He decides he doesn't like it and bitches and moans at her for an extended period of time, berating her, yadadaadadad... She takes it and panders to him, trying to negotiate. Leaves sex work for a job she likes less/ gets paid less. Man still berates her, taunts her, yaddayaddayayayaaa.. So she leaves him, entirely to go lead her own life as she sees fit. She makes a stand to never pander to another man in exchange for him validating their relationship.

    2) Woman has been dancing for a few years, meets a man and starts a relationship. At the beginning of said relationship, she sits him down and clearly states her passion as an adult performer, making it very clear that she has no intention to change her field at that current time. Should she transition out of her field, it will be on her own terms. The man is genuinely in love and expresses his concerns for her well-being but also confides his trust in her judgement. He agrees to support her in her path or should it arrive, at the time of her transition to another field. He agrees that partnerships are not a competition for who gets paid the most but a show of support when times change and resources fluctuate. They live happily ever after and although they may disagree (as all long-term couples tend to do), its rarely, if ever, about what either of them does for a living.

    I have lived both scenarios. Guess which one I prefer? We only have one life to live and we must choose our own happiness. I refuse to believe that any man has any control over my choices, personally or professionally and I demand respect in my partnerships. That is my standard. I can only hope that other women adopt this same standard.
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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    Quote Originally Posted by vivianbear View Post
    With all due respect, I'm getting a little sick of seeing threads every other day with a woman crying about a situation created by a man in her life that only she has full control over and not being assertive enough to put her foot down on day one to rectify the situation to her benefit.

    Here are my scenarios:

    1) Woman has been dancing for a couple of years, meets a man and starts a relationship. He decides he doesn't like it and bitches and moans at her for an extended period of time, berating her, yadadaadadad... She takes it and panders to him, trying to negotiate. Leaves sex work for a job she likes less/ gets paid less. Man still berates her, taunts her, yaddayaddayayayaaa.. So she leaves him, entirely to go lead her own life as she sees fit. She makes a stand to never pander to another man in exchange for him validating their relationship.

    2) Woman has been dancing for a few years, meets a man and starts a relationship. At the beginning of said relationship, she sits him down and clearly states her passion as an adult performer, making it very clear that she has no intention to change her field at that current time. Should she transition out of her field, it will be on her own terms. The man is genuinely in love and expresses his concerns for her well-being but also confides his trust in her judgement. He agrees to support her in her path or should it arrive, at the time of her transition to another field. He agrees that partnerships are not a competition for who gets paid the most but a show of support when times change and resources fluctuate. They live happily ever after and although they may disagree (as all long-term couples tend to do), its rarely, if ever, about what either of them does for a living.

    I have lived both scenarios. Guess which one I prefer? We only have one life to live and we must choose our own happiness. I refuse to believe that any man has any control over my choices, personally or professionally and I demand respect in my partnerships. That is my standard. I can only hope that other women adopt this same standard.
    I too have lived both scenarios and #1 really messed with my head. I met a guy while dancing and because he hated dancing I told him I would quit to please him and got a lower paying job (actually two: a waitress at two restaurants). He continued to verbally abuse me and called me names like whore because I was a dancer. I finally got up the urge after a few months, left him, and went back to dancing and decided then I would NEVER let a man tell me what to do.

    The guys I dated in the second scenario generally hated the industry, wanted me out, but understood I wasn't leaving for awhile. They were much more understanding and better guys.

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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    Reading these types of posts make me think ... wow ... my boyfriend is the best! I'm a camgirl though, I do pics, videos, etc. He doesn't care ... in fact, it is more of a turn on for him. He supports me. Oh yeah, and I started doing this stuff AFTER we had already been dating. Like half a year into when we started dating "by the way hun, I just started doing porn" ahah.

    He's a very good looking guy ... and he was going to do some bartending for a while (plans changed) but I was supportive of that ... even though it'd be in a gay bar (and he's somewhat bisexual ... prefers girls but still likes guys). I was just like, heck yeah go for it, make some good money

    Anyway, that's just my confusion ... I don't really understand why people get upset, jealous, controlling, all that.

    But to make it easier, start planning your business, planning your future. Maybe trying doing another job on the side so that you're stripping less? Talk less about stripping, like don't tell stories about it and stuff. Just some ideas?
    InnesX

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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    If you have an exit plan with him (which is that 2 years) why is he still bitching about it?

    Talk and sit with him, talk through-out your plans and goals. What happens if those 2 years dont work as you expected? What if he still wants to do that job after 2 years? You both seem not to enjoy each others job, there are many options, 1. talk about it why doesnt he like it, why dont you like it, are there trust issues behind this. 2. both quit and get more trusting jobs.. There are many more options but if there is little trust in both of you, there will be little trust in either job field.

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    Featured Member Windy's Avatar
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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    aw thanks girls very interesting answers!!!!! yeah we talked about it, and we decided thats its best to keep doing our jobs, not get too involved, and save for our business. thanks again gals.
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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    My suggestion would be to get a BF who does not mind a stripper GF. Also make sure your new BF is not a bartender as you seem to have some issue with it. How about going for an engineer or something?

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    Default Re: Boyfriend hates my job

    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    stop complicating your life unnecessarily. the only reason i can think of why someone might put up with this for YEARS, particularly when you are not in a lifelong commitment o that person, is because you're attracted to drama and chaos.



    "my boyfriend hates my _________, but he totally loves me, he just hates my _________. but we're soulmates! but he hates my _________! how can i make this relationship work??!!!?"
    This is empowering advice.

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