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Thread: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

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    Veteran Member monicabi's Avatar
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    Default why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    i've had that problem with every guy i was in a relationship. i alweys snoop around internet trying find out the names of his ex girlfriends, court records, etc. and it alweys makes me feel so mad and my heart start pumping fast whenever i find some info on his past relationships.
    i am curious about his past but i can't even ask him about because i will feel all upset and turn into a mean bitch. whats is my problem?? does anyone have same problem?

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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    Yes I am like that too. Though I have had many relationships myself and lived with two guys, I am jealous when I date someone and he has experienced something I haven't. I dated a few guys who had been engaged with a wedding date and though they never married the women the fact they have been engaged made me insanely jealous, though I could have become engaged myself (been asked a few times and once I was unofficially engaged but no ring). I often speak about not wanting to marry a previously married man and while part of it is religion, another part is I know I would be jealous of the exwife.

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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    If you keep up with this, you'll never be happy. He's with you now, he obviously left the girl previously for unresolvable issues. That being said, honest and open relationships are where it's at. BOTH PARTIES should be completely up front and always honest with each other. I'm actually friends with a few of my husband's ex girlfriends and ex FBs. They're cool girls, and it was a long time ago so whatever.

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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    The only reason I can think of as to why you're jealous of your boyfriend's past relationships is because you're insecure, that's all it really boils down to.

    You will need to work on that and figure out exactly WHY these past relationships you make you feel insecure and really think about it. Otherwise it will drive your current boyfriend away eventually.

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    Veteran Member monicabi's Avatar
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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    i agree, i am telling myself - you have past too, why i can have past and my boyfriend supposed not to have any life before me?

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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    Because you're human.

    But it is insecurity, and you do need to overcome it in order to be happy--and keep the guy.

    Don't beat yourself up for it--the additional negativity won't help you overcome it lol.

    Focus on things that make you feel powerful instead. Like maybe if your guy has told you about things you do that make you special in his mind, etc. That kind of thing. Go to the gym a lot, that will work wonders!
    You must have chaos within you to give birth to a dancing star.
    Friedrich Nietzsche

    Free your mind, and your ass will follow.
    George Clinton

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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    I used to be like that, when I started dating my boyfriend. I was ridiculously jealous of this girl that he broke up with like six months prior to us meeting and dating. They dated for like two years. The thing is, I had literally just gotten out of a relationship (as in, I was dating someone else when I met this guy) and I'd been dating the first guy for three years. (Wow that sounds confusing).
    For a few months, I was ridiculously jealous, but I didn't let him know. He ended up being in contact with her, to help her out, a few months into my relationship with him, which didn't help my jealousy.
    But after a few months, I stopped being so jealous, now I am the complete opposite. Instead of being ridiculously jealous, I trust him 100%, I don't know exactly what changed things, but we got closer. And now our relationship is strong enough that I don't need to be jealous of anything.

    I think, in the first few months or whatever, it's okay to be curious and a bit worried. But you should still try not to learn too much about the ex(es) ... I mean that can be stalkerish (I'm guilty of it too, for sure) ... but once you're in a solid, stable relationship, you've gotta give that up completely.
    InnesX

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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    I feel this way moreso with my husband than with anyone else I've ever been with. In fact, in most relationships I've been very indifferent to my bf's exes and even been friends with them in some cases. However, this time is different... I feel really jealous when I think about the fact that he's had sex with other girls, said "I love you" to other girls, etc. It just makes my blood boil! And then I'll sit around wondering dumb things like "were his exes hotter than me??"

    I know why, though. Because years ago I broke up with him, tore his heart apart and ended up dating another guy for a year and a half, before finally coming to my senses and getting back together with him (I'm lucky he took me back). So I guess I just feel guilty about that, and knowing that I did that to him means that he COULD do that to me one day too. It's just insecurity, plain and simple.

    I'm getting over it though, it's very childish and it accomplishes nothing.

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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    Doing a background check is smart, it could save you some heartache. Snooping around incessantly is an addiction and very unhealthy.

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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    Quote Originally Posted by monicabi View Post
    i've had that problem with every guy i was in a relationship. i alweys snoop around internet trying find out the names of his ex girlfriends, court records, etc. and it alweys makes me feel so mad and my heart start pumping fast whenever i find some info on his past relationships.
    i am curious about his past but i can't even ask him about because i will feel all upset and turn into a mean bitch. whats is my problem?? does anyone have same problem?
    I totally do that, but only because I'm curious and I like knowing as much as possible about everything. I don't really care about past relationships when I find out info, but I always like finding out info. I think if you knew & felt like you were the coolest person ever, you wouldn't be worried about any women. Especially past women.

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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    Curiosity is okay, we all get curious, but I wouldn't go too far.
    The important thing is that he's with YOU now. If you start comparing yourself to other people you will forget to be yourself, and not being yourself can wreck your relationship.

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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    I used to be like this and then I got married to him seriously though I think as a woman itshard to imagine our men's penis inside of another woman.

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    Quote Originally Posted by monicabi View Post
    i agree, i am telling myself - you have past too, why i can have past and my boyfriend supposed not to have any life before me?
    Exactly. Would you really want to be dating a virgin who has never even held hands with another woman? Everybody has a past, and if you would feel offended and hurt if he started freaking out about yours, then you need to calm down about his. The only girl from my bf's past that I've ever "checked out" was his ex-FWB who I know is insanely jealous of me and who he still sees and spends time with occasionally. We've discussed this woman, and how he shouldn't be hanging out alone with her - only in groups of mutual friends - and how he shouldn't be encouraging her to keep texting him all the time or asking big favors of him. It's been discussed, it's been agreed upon, and it's over with now. I still hate her, but I don't need to keep checking up on shit. As far as his other exes go, I know he works with one and I know her name, but I honestly couldn't pick her out of a line-up. I didn't care enough to pay attention the several times she was pointed out to me. Why worry about past relationships? They're in the past, and unless these people are still in his life in any capacity, why even worry about them at all? If he's still friends with exes, then ask to meet them so you know them without having to snoop. Other past stuff is just that - the past. Most people don't want baggage coming into their relationship anyway - why are you trying to create baggage for him that enters your relationship? If he's not friends with them and he never talks about them, assume they're in their rightful place (the past), keep telling yourself you have a past too, and then move on. How offended would you be if you found out that your bf was looking up all your old flames because he was jealous just thinking that you've had another penis inside you at some point? I know I'd be pretty pissed. I have a past, so does my bf, the past that keeps being part of our present has been discussed and boundaries have been set, and now we're simply together here in the present. I don't talk about my old shit and I don't ask about his. Why bother? All it does is create unnecessary dramaz.

    If you feel insecure, there's not much I can do to help you stop feeling that way. Just resist any urge to look them up. Close the computer and tell yourself it doesn't matter. Imagine yourself walking into the room and finding your bf creeping on your ex's fb page and then raging to you about it - it wouldn't make you feel good, would it? Just resist the urge, grab your bf for some one-on-one time, and forget about it.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    Ironically I have met several male virgins and most of them judged me for having a past.

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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    ^^ LOL, I've noticed that less experienced guys either have tons of hangups or they're just stoked to be with a sexy vixen. My bf now was ashamed to admit his rather fruitful past to me but I laughed... He saved the best for last anyway

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    Default Re: why i am jeloz of boyfriends past relationships

    Maybe Im weird... I think ignorance is bliss. What I don't know won't hurt me. My husband was engaged before marrying me and Ive pretty much never asked him anything about it except why they broke up. I don't really care. Nor do I snoop. People who snoop will almost always keep snooping till they find something they didn't want to. Whats the point of living like that? Id rather enjoy the moments I have with someone then worry about what they did in the past or do when Im not around. If someone is being shady you usually know so you don't really need proof do you? In that case either move on or suck it up... snooping just brings you down to their shady level.

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