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Thread: lost friends since i started dancing

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default lost friends since i started dancing

    If there is one virtual world in which all negativity seems to gather, it's facebook. Usually I just ignore angry fb rants, but something caught my eye the other day.

    One of my BEST friends, who has suffered from obesity for most of her life, posted the following:

    "I see those commercials about dancers (I'm assuming the flirty girl fitness commercials) and I personally think it's unattractive. I mean, I would want a REAL woman; not one who is fake and looking for attention. These women are just nasty. Even if I had the body for it, I wouldn't do it."

    Yes, I was offended, but very much prepared to just brush it off. But I did mention to her over the phone that I didn't appreciate her comment.

    She says, "I'm sorry, but you were much more beautiful before. If you have to take your clothes off for sleazy men to feel good about yourself, you have a problem."

    .................REALLY?! She continues to rant and claim I'm a step away from being strung out and hooking.

    I have friends and family who aren't fond of me dancing, but none of them have actually insulted me until now.

    This is a girl who I've known since my childhood. She should know me better than to lump me into
    the "stripper stereotype." Which, btw, is bullshit in itself, but that's another point entirely.

    I could be wrong, because I do have a big ego, but it sounds like she's just a fat envious bitch who wishes she had the body to dance.

    Still sucks though.
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Farrah rocks your world, biatch!

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    Are you a relatively new dancer? Prepare yourself for this, because I'm willing to bet she won't be the last of your friends or acquaintances to do a complete 180 because of your dancing. No matter how well they know you, some people just cannot (read: will not) look past the stripper stereotype, even if you've been friends since childhood. Sorry you have to go through it.

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    Nope, I've been dancing for a couple of years and I've been completely honest about it from the beginning. This, however, was the first completely rude reaction I've gotten from anyone. She was never thrilled about it, and I have no idea why she waited until now to say all of this. She's pregnant right now and homeless/jobless, so I'm thinking that has a lot to do with it.....I just started making really awesome money at my new club and she probably HAS to tell herself that she wouldn't do it even if she could. Does that make sense?
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Farrah rocks your world, biatch!

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    I think your assessment is probably right on. When people's lives aren't going exactly the way they wish, they have to find someone who they think has it better and do anything they can to convince themselves that they're better and they wouldn't want to be that kind of person anyway.

    Plus, everyone has their opinions about certain things. My so-called best friend apparently has a thing against plastic surgery, which I wasn't aware of until I brought it up a couple weeks ago. I said I wanted to get my nose done, and she went into a spiel about how only fake, unconfident women get plastic surgery, and if I got any, she would just consider me fake from then on. Your friend clearly has issues with strippers and how she thinks they're all skanks who do it because they need validation from men. People like this... you really can't win. They have their ideas about what's what with people who do certain things and there's little you can say to change their minds. They basically just stick their noses in the air and go "nope, nope, nope, you're wrong, you're this, this, and that, and I don't like it no matter what you say." I find this is especially true with women and anything having to do with your body. People who "don't care about such petty matters like looks" always look down on those who put on a little makeup in the morning... they think they're "better" because they're not associated with tying any of their worth to looks... they just tie it all to being sanctimonious.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    I've gone through the same thing. I was in the adult film industry for awhile. I never danced but I have had sex on screen for the world to see. I got into porn when I was 20 and I'm 27 now. I have left the porn industry when I was 24. But I live in a small town and everybody knows what I did. Because of porn, I lost all my friends and have only had 2 people to talk to in the past 7 years. Not only that, but I haven't had a boyfriend (or any guy who would ever want to be my boyfriend until I was 27). I finally got my first boyfriend since I was about 17. It took me 10 years to find a guy who would actually WANT to date me. I've been rejected by every guy I had an interest in. They would all say "I'll never go out to dinner with you or ever be your boyfriend. But I'll fuck you." I got that response for the past 7 years since I got into porn. I'm out of the industry now and haven't returned. It's no longer what I want to do. But I still can't make a friend.

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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    dont tell. Deny, deny, deny. even if they suspect, just becuase you denied, means that there is that silver of idea in their heads that you arent' a stripper.

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    why would you want to be friends with someone like that?

    I actually wonder if people think that they have to remain friends with people forever simply because they are "friends". This person isn't treating you the way a friend should so why wouldn't you just say "hey, fuck off".
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    Veteran Member Farrah_Golden's Avatar
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    I'm actually coming to realize that most of my "friends" are people who I just keep in touch with because I've known them for a very long time. I don't especially like her, and I don't spend a lot of time with her. So rest assured, we're no longer friends.

    Missenvy, I have no problem with telling people I'm a stripper. In fact, I think it's a great test of who would be loyal to me in the end. I just can't have any kind of a relationship with someone if I knew they'd drop me if they found out who I really am. So, although I don't flaunt what I do, I am very honest with people and this is the price I pay. Although I totally understand why girls choose to hide it.

    I consider myself lucky to have a really great support system. Most people aren't thrilled about it, but very few have been complete assholes. And a few, like. My Dad, my husband and my best friend, said "do it while you're young; I totally respect and support you."
    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

    Farrah rocks your world, biatch!

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  13. #9
    Moderator Optimist's Avatar
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    Haters gonna hate, girl. It's sad but true.
    “What a caterpillar calls the end of the world we call a butterfly.” - ECKHART TOLLE

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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    Honesty is overrated, people judge strippers. Sometimes its jealousy, sometimes its pre-conceived notions.

    Hold that job close to the hip and only tell the people that need to know. I took this advice and have maintained long-term friendships and business contacts that have helped my post-dancing career.

    Do the same, who really needs to know?

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    Senior Member Slutdust's Avatar
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    Ugh. I understand your pain. It sucks ass, especially to have a friend you've had since childhood turn into a total biatch over (what I'm going to assume here) is jealousy. But really, cut those people out of your life. Please don't let them bring you down and make you feel guilty or shitty about yourself. She's really just showing her true colors, and she's doing you a favor and proving she is someone you no longer want in your life. Maybe some day she'll get over it and come to you and apologize...but until then...BYE.

    I was in a *similar* situation back when I very first started dancing. My BFF from high school found Jesus. I dabbled in porn and started stripping. I remember she came to my house one day, sat on my bed, and broke down crying because she "couldn't be friends" with me anymore because of my "life's decisions". I knew we weren't going to see eye to eye on this, so I just apologized for her feeling that way and she left. She hit me up a couple months later like nothing every happened, and now we are still good friends. Thankfully my friend didn't go the petty, passive-aggressive facebook post direction, but IMO, that's even more of a reason to just write her off. FUCK negativity, jealousy, people making you feel guilty, etc. Not worth it. xo

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    Featured Member luscious sadie's Avatar
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by Slutdust View Post
    FUCK negativity, jealousy, people making you feel guilty, etc. Not worth it. xo
    I've been finding your posts all over and think that I love you.
    [/center]

    Quote Originally Posted by Laurisa View Post
    Money can't buy happiness, but poverty can't buy shit.

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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    You'll lose a lot of friends, and for the better. I use to struggle and tried so hard to live a double life, or downplay what i do. I don't care anymore. A lot of my "friends" are the reason why I was found out by others anyway. And they look down on me when they live lives that are more degrading in my eyes. The other night some friends and I went to a club and they wanted to sit at a table that required bottle service. So all these lil bottle rats are hiking up their skirts trying to flirt with guys in hopes that they'll sit down and let them sip off their cheap champagne. And i'm standing there looking like an idiot with my money in my hand like lets get our own bottle. These girls laugh at me like im an idiot, but then look down on me because of the line of work that i do? OKAY, at least my line of work is just that, work. Most women live the lifestyle of being gold diggers and to me they're less-experienced prostitutes except they get compensated in dinners, champagnes, jewelry, gifts..

    I been in this industry for a while and have met and made a lot of friends and let me tell you we are some of the most boring people ever lol. A wild night or partying for me and my stripper friends would be like getting a room somewhere and partying amongst ourselves. We don't like clubs because the attention is annoying and we really dont wanna get all dolled up in heels if we aint working. We actually dress more conservatively than others when not in the club, and we don't fuck every guy we see because we have that mind-set of you better put down a good chunk of change before you can even smell it.

    bottom line, friends who leave you or look at your differently period, for whatever reason, are not your friends.
    Wait til they start coming back around to ask you to borrow money...you'll see

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    Senior Member Slutdust's Avatar
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by luscious sadie View Post
    I've been finding your posts all over and think that I love you.
    Aw.

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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    ^^^^ this is very true !! my hs friend judged me for dancing always had trash to talk...and she is addicted to oxy cottons? n i have my own place my own car and dont use drugs aside from mary jane lol but she is job less addicted to drugs and has asked me to borrow money...i cut her off..

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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    I've always said that jealousy is feminism's dirty little secret. For every woman who has a deeply-felt ideological opposition to sex work there are countless others who just get an angry nasty feeling when they think of their men looking at women who look or act like us. It galls them to think that we would make that part of ourselves available; they feel like we're taking something from them. They can't say that, though, so they say things like 'it's degrading to women', or 'you can't possibly respect yourself', because those feel like bigger, nobler issues - much harder to argue with than 'don't look at her! Don't you DARE think she's pretty! That attention is MINE!' It's really a shame that women are still so ugly to each other - and the funny part is that it's the women who feel like that who actually place inordinate value on male validation; you can tell by how badly they react when they think they might be in danger of losing it.

    We're still second-class citizens in regard to dominant (male) culture; until that changes some of us will always be in search of an 'other' - women to ostracize and scapegoat.
    Left the biz after more than 15 years; still miss it today. Deeply passionate about the rights of the women in it and the way it acts as a barometer of sexual health and gender-relations in our society. Committed to helping women in the industry find a sense of cultural context and feminist relevance; your health and happiness help the business - and the culture around it - evolve.


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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    This won't be my most eloquent heartfelt helpful post but after reading what your friend did all I can say is...
    Fuck. That. Bitch.
    My tolerance for close-minded people just no longer exists. Screw her. She's no friend of yours.

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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    I have lost some of my best friends due to dancing. It is painful but those friends never really cared for me like I did for them. If its not a two way street then I dont want to be involved with them anways.

  28. #19
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    Those people who stopped being your friend because you became an exotic dancer were never friends to begin with. A friend will always stand by you even in a stormy weather.

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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    I don't dance. I have been a cam model for the last 4 years, but I have been lucky enough that all the friends I have told, only one had a negative thing to say. Everyone else was very supportive. The friend who had something negative to say, I have known her since we were kids. I was very surprised when she told me all this crap, because I always thought of her to be one to be open about many different things in life. But she has changed a lot. I don't hang out with her anymore, so I could give two shits what anyone says, and if I was dancer I still would not give two shits. Friends need to be there to be supportive. They may not have to agree with it, but if they are a real friend, they will not make you feel like shit for it. A friend is supposed to stay by you through thick and thin, and if they don't they aren't a real friend to begin with.




  31. #21
    The Jackal
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    Very well said, SweetSam. There are plenty of people who will beat you for nothing. You do not need your friends doing the same.

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    Featured Member JoJoX's Avatar
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    ha ha you serious? i hate it when other women do this to other women. in case you havent noticed, the same girls who look down on us are unattractive. you just said yourself she use to be obese so she suffers from looks. shed give anything to look like you are being able to do what you do.

    tell her to go fuck off

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    God/dess BlkSharpie's Avatar
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    My best friend went there with me once...just once and though Im a pretty chill person, it was enough for me to fly off the handle immediately.

    I dont dance, but I do cam and she knew I did domination as well. Id told her that I was thinking about getting implants, and she said (lord, it still makes my blood boil lol) "oh god, just dont end up looking ghetto. All the other stuff you do is bad enough." Say what?

    At first she tried to say she supports me cause Im her best friend, but she doesnt exactly think much of me for it. Then she started backpeddling and contradicted herself, saying she thinks Im just way too intelligent and could have so much more going for me.

    I think if it came from anyone else, I would have just said fuck off and left it at that. But we've known each other since we were 12...and she knows me better than to say anything like that to me, so it did hurt like crazy. And I told her....Im a single stay at home, work at home mom...I pay the bills, not on welfare, not depending on baby daddy or anyone else to take care of me, and I dont have to work 3 jobs and have kiddo grow up never having me around. I told her to think real long and hard about who shes talking to and judging here, and to call me back when she wises up.

    She did end up calling me back a couple hours later, in tears, and apologizing. And her comments really had less to do with me, and more to do with her own dissatisfaction in life. Shes still in debt with school loans...I have no debt at all...and I make just as much and at times more than she does, and I have traveled more than she has, plus Ive been married and have a child which she has neither. To top it off...I get to sleep in late, have more freedom with my time, and there is something about a girl who makes money just by looking hot. Her issue with what I did had nothing to do with me at all.....

    Thats what I think is going on with this girl. Thankfully, my best friend really freaked out and it hit her hard that what she said hurt me as much as it did, and our friendship was worth understanding where all of that was coming from...but for some people there is none of that. They will hate on anyone who is doing something they wish the could do, but can not or will not or what have you. That is their problem, definitely not yours....
    Don't blink. Don't even blink. Blink and you're dead. Don't turn your back. Don't look away. And don't blink!

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  35. #24
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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    She is judgemental AND jealous! A real friend wouldn't judge you, no matter what and would support you all the way. A true friend wants the best for you, and for you to be happy. If stripping makes you happy, they'd support it. I am so glad that my nonstripper friends never judged me and support what I do. They admire my "balls". Lol.

    I couldn't be friends with judgemental/close minded ppl. Makes me feel uncomfortable and would have nothing in common.

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    Default Re: lost friends since i started dancing

    Quote Originally Posted by FeministStripper View Post
    I've always said that jealousy is feminism's dirty little secret. For every woman who has a deeply-felt ideological opposition to sex work there are countless others who just get an angry nasty feeling when they think of their men looking at women who look or act like us. It galls them to think that we would make that part of ourselves available; they feel like we're taking something from them. They can't say that, though, so they say things like 'it's degrading to women', or 'you can't possibly respect yourself', because those feel like bigger, nobler issues - much harder to argue with than 'don't look at her! Don't you DARE think she's pretty! That attention is MINE!' It's really a shame that women are still so ugly to each other - and the funny part is that it's the women who feel like that who actually place inordinate value on male validation; you can tell by how badly they react when they think they might be in danger of losing it.

    We're still second-class citizens in regard to dominant (male) culture; until that changes some of us will always be in search of an 'other' - women to ostracize and scapegoat.
    My support (and secret participation) of the sex industry prevents me from being a 'real' feminist.
    I tend to not tell people, but my little girls godmother is an escort, and very open about that, so I tend to refer people to her if they want to argue about 'exploitation'
    Theres no sense crying over every mistake,
    you just keep on trying till you run out of cake

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