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Thread: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

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    Default I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Hi. I'm new here! Well, not exactly. I just created a new alias so I could remain more anonymous when I post my private issues up on SW.

    Anyway, I've been having some relationship problems and I don't know who to talk to about this. I'm really nervous about my options. It could be quite dangerous actually.

    I've been dating this guy for the past 5 months. I've actually known him for over 10 years. We knew each other from high school and had the same group of friends. This was my first boyfriend in years and I reacted rather quickly with him. He didn't have a job or a car but I knew he was a good dude. He had a home but it was all worn down and he liked my house a lot. Once we started dating, he just never left my house. We enjoyed each others company and then we decided that he was just gonna move in. Because he lived kinda far and didn't have a vehicle. We would have never seen each other much. So he moved in...

    He knows I webcam from home. At first I would cam while he waited in the other room but I don't have much to keep him entertained. We decided pretty quickly to start camming together and split everything 50/50. So right away, we lived together and worked together.

    It was great for a few months. I stopped camming solo and would only cam with him. But since September, he's been kinda a dick to me lately. We haven't been working that much because we fight almost every day and even though its not the smart thing to do, when he really gets me mad/sad, I cannot even get on cam at all. I'll get all angry and suddenly not care if I don't have money. For the past few months, I have been sad this whole time and not wanting to work, while he yells at me and when we have money, he wants to spend it on weed. We almost got kicked out of this apartment a few times because we're late on rent all the time now. I lived here for 2 years and was never late on rent till he came along and even though that's part my fault, it's an issue.

    But my main issue is that I don't feel the same way about him anymore. I want to break up with him but we owe my mom my last months rent plus owe on next months rent and he has a pretty bad temper. We have nothing in common, I'm bored, he manipulates me, emotionally abuses me, one time he choked me out, he has threatened to kill my dog during arguments and he hates my mother, only because he doesn't like authority figures. They got into an argument and raised their voices at each other.

    If I don't have next months rent then I am kicked out. Plus I owe my mom in a few days, which I don't have it. I can't afford to get kicked out and this is the best place I ever lived in. I'm proud of my home. But he does have a good heart at times too and I don't wanna just kick him out on the streets. I know he cares about me. I made him cry before he gets emotional about me. He says I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him and he wants to talk to someone about his anger and get on medication or something. But even if he wasn't so angry all the time, I just no longer feel a connection with him and I want out.

    But I'm afraid if I broke up with him then he would not help me with next months rent or help pay my mom back. I've tried working solo again since I decided to break up with him, but somehow I went from solo $40 an hour to solo $5 an hour. I'll get kicked out next month if he doesn't help me.

    Another thing I'm worried about is he might hurt my dog if I broke up with him. I could send my dog away for a few days but my boyfriend will be screwed too if we broke up. He would be jobless again without a place to live. I was thinking about waiting till we're all caught up on bills and then make sure we both have a few hundred in each of our pockets before I break up with him. But that could take a month or two. I really want my independence back now.

    I feel so lonely and have no one to talk to about this. That's why I'm ranting to stripperweb. Could anyone help me figure out what to do?

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    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    This guy is an abusive leech. He's choked you out and threatens to kill your pet, but he really has a good heart? Right... He sounds like a user. He doesn't have a job, car, or his own place and can't even help you come up with rent after you basically spoonfed him a job in camming? Get caught up on your bills. You owe this ass nothing and should not stick around until he has some money to his name - it'll probably never happen anyway cuz he'll spend all his money on weed and think he can just keep living off you. Take care of yourself, develop a plan for getting back on your feet without worrying about him, then leave his ass. Check out Optimist's stickied thread on Domestic Violence at the top of Life Support as well.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    He does NOT have a good heart or he would not be treating you that way.

    Move very very carefully. Act as if everything is okay until you can get yourself in a financial position to move or break up.

    You really need to get away from him quickly without letting him know where you are going it sounds like. He is dangerous so stop defending him. I don't think you will be able to stay where you are at all after you leave. Sure you like where you live, but is it worth your life or the life of your beloved pet? No! You need to plan an escape and plan it carefully before you act.


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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    When you met him, he had no job, and no car - and he still doesnt. You need to speak with him, make him write you a signed letter stating what he owes you and make a payment plan.. then kick him out when hes done. Or just kick him out and repay your mother and landlord ASAP. You need to speak with your landlord, get a loan, anything if you dont want to be kicked out and KICK HIM OUT, file a police report, have a friend with you, or even an officer to be safe.

    Stop going back and forth, whether you like him or not.. He clearly has no feelings for you. He is using you and living off you. What has he done that helped you? Nothing. He is bringing you down and not up. You dont need any of this stress or problems. Those are HIS problems, not yours. Kick him out, start working, file a report, and be safe.

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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Good heart my ass. Toss him. There's a million other actual human beings who would love to take his place. If you're scared of him, you can request a police officer to supervise. Don't waste your life on guys like this:

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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Thinking more on this...
    I would be afraid of retaliation if I stayed there. He has already threatened to kill your dog.

    He is a MONSTER. Who the hell does something like that? Not only threatening your dog, but emotional abuse (which takes much longer to heal from than actual physical abuse) plus choking you on top of that? Sorry, but there are no pluses here. All negatives.

    A restraining order is not going to stop someone who is as sick as that. You need to leave there without a trace and stay away unless he is dead or in jail for life. It sucks having to leave your home behind but better than you or your dog ending up dead. Just move carefully and maybe it may take you a few weeks or even months but do not let him know what you are planning!

    Also it concerns me that you allowed him to choke you and did not call police. Why? If it happens again (actually when it happens again) have him arrested and use that opportunity to get out if you can while he is being held.


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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    I agree with all the other girls who say this guy is an abusive monster and you need to kick him the fuck to the curb. As Dan Savage would say, dump the motherfucker already.

    Take the financial hit. He's not going to pay you back a single dime and you know it. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if he wasn't ever planning to pay it back. Promise your mom that you'll pay her back, tell her he's been abusing you and that's why you don't have the money. Make a payment plan to pay her back and get the fuck out. Move somewhere that he doesn't know. Don't take his calls and tell all your friends that they're not to give your information out to him. Perhaps even get a new number. You could get google voice, even.

    You could even, since you don't have money right now, go to a shelter for battered women. They're safe, some will let you bring a pet, and they're secret.

    I've had to do this before when I had a violent ex. It sucked, but I persevered in cutting off all contact even when I wanted to call him or go back to him. I knew I'd done the right thing when he murdered someone because he thought she was me.

    If you're having a hard time getting back on cam while you're sad you can always record content or take a straight job where he wouldn't think to look for you until you get back on your feet.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Renton View Post
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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Quote Originally Posted by IsobelWren View Post
    I knew I'd done the right thing when he murdered someone because he thought she was me.
    OMG!!! I'm so sorry, how horrible.

    OP, please listen to the advice you've been given and GET AWAY!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by lokikola View Post
    If success meant being savage my woes would disappear.

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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Any chance you're in the Pacific NW? If you are I might be able to help you out with a job, dancing or otherwise.

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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Wow...ok, honey the verdict is in: He's a jerk.

    If your still thinking about the time he cried and how tough life has been on him etc etc, let me point out these 2 things I learned working at a local battered women's shelter myself:

    #1 - Crying does not necessarily mean guilt, remorse, empathy, love, or concern. The only thing crying 100% means is deep emotional instability. Just like threats and violence mean the same emotional instability. There is not a good side and bad side to this guy, he's just a really screwed up guy expressing his abuse is various ways, some more deceitful and manipulative than others. Now, you may think there is a medical cure to these issues, but the honest truth is there just isin't a magic pill for crazy, and any sort of treatment for him would take months to see even the slightest progress...months of hell.

    #2: The situation he finds himself in without you is not your fault. He has arrived where he is now because of the mistakes he has made, yes, his life may have been tough or unfair, but he chose his reactions to them, and if he reacts to you and your mother to most situations in life, his current predicament is 100% HIS fault.

    Now, what you need is a solid P-L-A-N. I certainly don't know all the ins and outs of your life, but this general outline will hopefully be of aid.

    STEP 1: Call the police to remove him from your home. Don't feel embarrassed about it, or that they won't take you seriously; you pay taxes, your unsafe, so you call them.
    Kicking him out yourself might result in him not taking you seriously, or him having another outburst.

    **As far as something like a restraining order or shelter goes, in several places, unfortunately, its near impossible to obtain an order without proof of physical abuse and shelters may not have room**

    STEP 2: Reach out. Call your mother, and other local family members and friends. They need to know what's going on so if they know to be vigilant, and not allow him near you.
    Have a friend stay over at night, and explain the situation to your landlord. This is also pretty good grounds for breaking your lease, if you must.

    STEP 3: Go to your mother. I'm willing to bet that for promising that you'll remove this man from your life, she will help you a little bit more through this next month. Sign a piece of paper promising to make timely payments on your debt.
    If this fails, you may have to consider something like a payday loan or selling some of your belongings.

    STEP 4: Financial matters. If any of your monthly bills are student loan related, call your loan agent, they are usually the most lenient and very understanding on these types of matters.

    Maximize your income: can you poledance? would you be comfortable doing incall massages? housecleaning? Is there a male friend willing to do shows with you, for a lower cut ( 30%) in exchange for the "goodies"? Let's get creative! Never go past your comfort zone, but look at what you can do, and try to make sure you spend more time earning then worrying.

    Also: you say you love where you live, I'm sure others would too! Is renting out part of your apartment, for a month or two an option?

    I know right now the financial issues are at the forefront of your mind right now, but you can't let them blind you of the safety issues. After you get him out, give yourself a day of rest and reading the Hustle Hut. Trust me, its hardest to make $$$ when you seem like you need it the most. Know the truth: your beautiful, successful, and wouldn't be here if you weren't damn smart too. There is only one thing holding you back and that is him, once he is gone, you are limitless. You are a free woman, free to live and free to make however much cash you want to make, whenever you decide you want it! Just get his lame ass out the way of YOUR FABULOUS FUTURE!

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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    One more thing: Get a gun.

    Also: Its great that you have a car, one girl I worked with in the shelter had a similar situation and made a good bit of early-morning money by driving women to work (possibly some more quick cash if your area isin't much for public transit)

    I also woulden't rule out moving in with your mother or a friend (understanding of your camming, of course) and simply paying them rent for a bit.

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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Quote Originally Posted by DaniellaOHC View Post

    STEP 1: Call the police to remove him from your home. Don't feel embarrassed about it, or that they won't take you seriously; you pay taxes, your unsafe, so you call them.
    Kicking him out yourself might result in him not taking you seriously, or him having another outburst.

    **As far as something like a restraining order or shelter goes, in several places, unfortunately, its near impossible to obtain an order without proof of physical abuse and shelters may not have room**
    Be careful with this though. Depending on the law in your state, he might be considered your domestic partner because he's been living with you for a while, so the police can't just come in and remove him. If the cop can't remove him, you risk angering him even further.

    I think you are better off just moving out yourself. Ask some of your guy friends to come help you move or the cop to come escort you out. Forget about the few hundred dollars the guy owes you. It's not worth risking your life over it.

    Trust everything that's been said here. It will never get better and will only get worse from here on. This guy sounds like a total psycho loser.
    Last edited by StripClubRegular; 11-15-2011 at 09:42 AM.

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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Does he only cry/ get emotional when you threaten to leave him or kick him out? Thats not a good heart its manipulation.
    Scrape up what money you have now, if you have any money in the bank, any money saved for christmas (besides whatever can buy very cheap gifts like baking mixes in cute jars or something) and use that money to move, to change your locks when you kick him out, etc
    Email your mom (its always easier for me to write these types of things rather than say them) and tell her he situation and ask if she can pay a portion of your next months rent and within a certain amount of time you pay her back for both months
    Or go to a cash advance place (like check n go) and get however much you think you need to pay your bills
    dont enable this fool to be an abusive leech

    Ma and my Bf/ babys dad have been together since we were 17...he has never had a job for the 3 yrs we've been together...and that was perfectly fine when we were 17 with no child or bills
    then we got pregnant, got an apartment and he still didnt look for work and things turned abusive physically and verbally. it wasnt until this past August that I said i had enough and broke up with him and kicked him out...he then realized what he had in me and after 2 months of begging me I got back with him but I refuse to let him move back in without a job.
    MORAL OF THE STORY? Leave him NOW before you guys get more invested in each other
    There is always a plan a, b, and c so make those plans now and start executing them
    Tell me what do you see? Thug niggas? Drug dealers? Its a trip...every nigga in this whip got a mothafuckin college degree

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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Thanks Ladies! Yes, I don't feel like I owe him anything. All he does is take the happiness out of my life. I can never do anything I want to do. I don't really have any friends and the few I have are his friends too. But he's been trying to pick fights in front of them and he's so smart and well with his words, that he'll make it look like he's the good guy and I'm the winey bitch. And then all my friends will take his side and they'll all ask him why I'm being a bitch. But it's not what I'm doing, its what he's doing. As far as getting physical with me, he did choke me out one day and neither of us know why. He apologized and the weird part is that he's always in a relationship. I'm friends with many of his exes since Ive known him for 10 years. He has never layed a hand on anyone before except for me. According to all his exes, it surprises them that he would do that. When I tried telling my friends about what he did, not of them really cared. Probably because he is there friend too. I wouldn't say he's dangerous to me. Not as much as you would think based on what we see on Lifetime movies and stuff. If I broke up with him, I don't think he would attack me. He would probably just cry. But if I kicked him out and if we ever got into any fight then I would be afraid he might hurt my dog. I don't think he'll ever lay his hands on me again. He has told me that every girl he ever dated, cheated on him. He says I'm the best thing that's ever happened to me and honestly I think the only thing he likes about me is that he's attracted to me and I'm faithful. He says he usually gets cheated on within the first month or two of dating someone. But he pretty much warned me that if I ever do anything to fuck him over, he'll fuck me over harder. Like one of his exes, he stole $800 from her bank account after she cheated on him. Another ex, he broke into her car and stole stuff after she cheated on him. He says that if I broke up with him, that's fine.. But if I ever fuck him over, he's gonna take the thing I love the most and break it. I would think that's my dog. He's actually jealous of the affection I give my dog but honestly, I'm barely hanging out with my dog because my dog is afraid of him and never comes out from under the bed. My boyfriend also disses everything I like. Every single thing I'm passionate about, he will act like i'm wrong for liking it. He makes me not enjoy anything I do anymore. I've been trying to look for part time vanilla jobs somewhere and have had interviews but I'm honestly too afraid to leave my house because I'm afraid he might hurt my dog while I'm at work or something.

    I have no interest in stripping or doing any sort of massage or escort services. Even if I did, I couldn't even bare doing any of that while i still have a boyfriend. Even after I break up with him, I wouldn't do any of that. I'm thinking about getting out of the industry all together soon. He has only made me feel bad about myself when I cam with him and I think I'm done with all of this. I wanna slowly transition into a normal lifestyle but I'm just too damn jaded. The idea of working for $8 an hour is unappealing. lol.

    But I do not have a car or even a bank account. I only use Payoneer and Paypal but he has access to both accounts because his money goes on there too.

    Anyway, I'm done writing. He went to the store and will be back in a few minutes. I even created a new account on SW because he looks through my browsing history and goes through my e-mail and facebook about once a week or so. When I'm typing anything online, he demands to know who I'm talking to and stuff. I'm trying to get out of this but it needs to be a slow transition. Could take a couple weeks. I'm not one of those girls who gets stuck in a relationship like this because they feel they can't do any better. Some girls might be afraid to be alone but honestly, I'm excited about being alone again. I have a small 1 br apartment and I love it. But its big enough for one person. It's in a really good neighborhood. But I'm excited to have it all to myself again. I could listen to music I actually like and dance around in the living room again. I can't be myself around him. The only nice things he does for me is brings me breakfast in bed, cooks dinner for me every night, brings me flowers and acts like he cares about me. He says my problems are his problems. I just don't understand why he acts like dr. jekyl and mr hyde all the time.

    Sometimes I think he's doing everything on purpose. I think he knows I wanna break up with him. Mainly because I do not talk to him anymore. I can't think of anything to ever say to him and he's with me 24-7. He doesnt have anywhere to really go for long periods of time. I just fade him out and do things on my computer. I think it's obvious and I know its hurting him. He always wants to work and will suddenly pick up an argument with me right before we're about ready to work. Then suddenly, I'm all sad, i cry my makeup off and I no longer want to work. Then I'm just really sad for the next few hours. Then he'll say its my fault for never having money. But I think this is part of his trick and I think he's really just trying to make enough money so we can buy weed and not pay my bills. That way I won't just break up with him and he's maybe trying to trap me into this relationship? This is just something I sometimes think but I could be wrong. But then when we can't pay our bills, he gets mad at me because I'm not working hard enough. If I argue with him about buying weed, he'll yell back at me and say that its my fault and we need to work more. We pretty much only make $100 a week now. Its not good.

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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Tell your mom that he is scaring you and you need help. If you were my daughter I would die inside if you didn't come to me for help. You need a new place to live and some financial help while you get back into solo camming. Your mom will help you.
    Yes, I'm real.

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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    He is gaslighting the shit out of you. I'd reach out to your mother before this gets worse.

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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Stop defending him., "He says im great, he cries, he said he'll fuck me over if I do, but I wont but wait he said he'll hurt my dog.. my dog is already scared of him.. but hes a good guy but Im not happy"

    Break up, file a report - tell your mother and talk to your landlord. I would highly suggesting moving into another place (or ask the landlord to move into another unit if thats possiable). Hes not a great guy, he doesnt care, he is selfish and out for himself. He agures with your mother, tries to get your/his friends on his side, fights with you. Break up with him.
    Last edited by Kisca; 11-15-2011 at 02:35 PM.

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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nocturnal View Post
    He says that if I broke up with him, that's fine.. But if I ever fuck him over, he's gonna take the thing I love the most and break it. I would think that's my dog. He's actually jealous of the affection I give my dog but honestly, I'm barely hanging out with my dog because my dog is afraid of him and never comes out from under the bed.

    That does not happen without a reason. He must have already abused and hurt that dog when you weren't there to see it.

    Seriously, if you won't plan to leave now for yourself, at least do it to protect your dog.

    Please stop trying to understand his behavior and face the fact he is mentally ill and unstable, not a normal healthy man, no matter how many times he makes you food or gets flowers. A mentally healthy person would not do these things!

    I know some think you can kick him out and stay there, but I feel he will find a way to hurt your dog afterwards and then eventually you. That's why you need to prepare to leave and not let him have a chance to find out where you move. This man will never be safe to be around, ever.


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    Moderator IsobelWren's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    I'm right there with Nocturnal and Laurie. If the dog is acting that way he's already done something to it. My best friend and I used to live with her toxic ex. We kicked the then-girlfriend out and once she left my best friend's cat stopped being an evil, spazzy bitch. We quickly figured out that the ex had been abusing the cat. And you know what they say about sociopaths? That they abuse animals on their way to abusing people. This guy is abusing you. This is emotional and mental abuse. GET. OUT. You sound like you're well on your way to it, you just need to be careful and confident and do it the right way. Make sure you change any information that he shares with you or has in common with you (like paypal, your cam password, all of it) right before you break up with him.


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    Quote Originally Posted by Renton View Post
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    Me: I would cut off your dick and feed it to the pigs

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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Quote Originally Posted by Nocturnal View Post
    When I tried telling my friends about what he did, not of them really cared. Probably because he is there friend too. I wouldn't say he's dangerous to me.
    I will never understand this ostrich phenomenon where people bury their heads in the sand to disturbing but vital information about their friends. A couple years ago, a male roommate of mine threw my female roommate against a wall and tried to choke her out. Another of my roommates had to jump up and pull him off. There were 4 witnesses to this. Me, the girl, and the other guys who saw it cut this guy out of our life for daring to do this. Everyone else who was friends with both but not there at the time didn't care. They kept saying "Well, I wasn't there." What the fuck do you have to "be there" for in the case of a guy choking out a girl with 4 fucking witnesses? How can people like this dare to call themselves friends of the girl who's been attacked when they basically support the abusive behavior of the guy? It amazes me how grown adults can basically stick their fingers in their ears and go "la-la-la, I can't hear you" when it comes to believing that a friend of theirs is an abusive jackass - especially when the person telling them is also supposedly a friend.

    As long as you're dumping your bf, dump these losers too. They obviously don't care about you if they're willing to support him pulling physical abuse on you. Fuck, a forum full of women who don't even know you seem to care more than your so-called "friends."
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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  35. #21
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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Quote Originally Posted by StripClubRegular View Post
    Be careful with this though. Depending on the law in your state, he might be considered your domestic partner because he's been living with you for a while, so the police can't just come in and remove him. If the cop can't remove him, you risk angering him even further.

    I think you are better off just moving out yourself. Ask some of your guy friends to come help you move or the cop to come escort you out. Forget about the few hundred dollars the guy owes you. It's not worth risking your life over it.

    Trust everything that's been said here. It will never get better and will only get worse from here on. This guy sounds like a total psycho loser.
    ^^^ True, I'd forgotten about that

  36. #22
    Veteran Member mistresscyn's Avatar
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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Odd way out...

    If the landlord won't work with you, and you can't get the money to pay, ditch the place and him with it. Tell him you're getting evicted and you're going to move back in with your Mom--doesn't matter if this is true, just tell him this. Since he hates her, he won't come around. Change your phone number, and let everything forward to your Mom's address.

    Let your Mom know everything that's been going and file a restraining order. Before you do all this though, send your dog, valuables, and such away ahead of time and make certain when you tell him that you're breaking up with him that other people you know are present.

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  38. #23
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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    It sounds like your mom loves and trusts you if she's helped you out on rent before.If she hates this guy then I'm sure she'll help you get rid of him and once you do you'll be able to get back on your feet working and paying rent again and paying her back.

    Talk to the land lord, you don't need to go into great detail but just enough to let him know this guy is a threat. Next time he leaves the house dump all his stuff outside and change the locks. Change your number, block him from e-mail/facebook. Who cares if you lose a few friends, if they don't believe or support you they can't be very good friends. You can make new ones.

    This guy is dangerous, manipulative and psychotic. You are in danger, who cares if he's never attacked a gf before - he attacked YOU! You need to cut all ties with him as soon as possible.

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  40. #24
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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    Any updates, OP?

  41. #25
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    Default Re: I'm afraid my bf might screw me over.

    I noticed this thread when it was already dying down, but I keep finding myself checking every few days to see if there's an update. I'm worried about the dog especially, since it's probably being abused and can't defend itself, and I REALLY hope the OP has gotten herself out of harm's way too.

    This story really makes me cringe, and it would be such a relief to hear some good news on it. So many women I know have been with guys like this, and thought about getting out, then got sucked back in only to invest months or years more time and heartache. I'm really wishing for a happy ending for you, OP.

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