This is mainly just a self-pity rant, so feel free to disregard lol
So I was gonna start dancing and camming again after Thanksgiving. I bought a new wig (an expensive one at that), and finally figured out a way to put it on so it looked ok. I really wanted it for camming, and especially for dancing, since I'll be dancing in an area where people from my old job might come in and I don't want them recognizing me. I was feeling so pumped up and confident for the past week while I was home visiting my family and planning my grand re-entrance into adult work. I had my plans all set to go to the club tomorrow night and audition, but in the meantime, I figured I had already redone my profile on MFC and it wouldn't hurt to make a little extra cash tonight.
MFC is the only camsite I ever worked on, and I was only there for a few weeks. I would go on, make about $50 in the first hour from tips and a private, and then the money would stop for the next hour so I'd sign off after 2 hours with $50. I redid my MFC sign-up, and hadn't gotten on cam since then, so my camscore was still solidly at the beginning 1000, and I figured even if I had lost my "new model" tag in the months since I redid my account, I had been gone so long that I'd at least have a "she's back" tag up... I didn't expect to bank tonight or anything, but I figured at least my "tried and true" $50 for 2 hours of work was better than nothing, and would get me pumped up to dance tomorrow.... I was on for an hour and never had more than a couple premiums in my room. I was playing music, trying to get a striptease countdown going, babbling on and on, but nobody would even talk. I made absolutely nothing. Not a single tip.![]()
Not only that, but several people came into my room and immediately asked if I was wearing a wig or made some shitty little comment like "that wig is awesome!" - just to be dicks. I've gotten those comments before, back when I had a really cheap, shitty wig. But I honestly thought my new, expensive one looked way better. There's not quite enough hair in the forehead part to completely cover the lace, but it's just thick enough that if I style it a certain way, I didn't think you could see it unless you were right up on my forehead, staring at it. But now I'm super paranoid that you can obviously tell it's a wig, and now I'm nervous to attempt to audition at a club with it tomorrow. What if it really does look absolutely fake and hideous and they just think I look ridiculous?But I really really really do not want to be easily recognizable in the club, plus I already spent so freakin' much on that wig, I don't want to have to toss it aside.
Fuckin' MFC.... if I hadn't gone on, I'd still be in my happy dreamworld where I think I look awesome and can make mad cam money...dammit... I have approximately $800 to my name, which I know isn't destitute, but with bills to pay, student loan payments starting this month, plus Christmas coming in like 3 weeks, that money is going to disappear very quickly... so I need to be making money again now, which means I can't drag my feet on going to the club tomorrow... I've put it off long enough - I have to go in tomorrow so I can start asap. But now my shitty little cam experiment has totally deflated the ego that I've spent the last week and a half building up... fml
What do you guys do to get your self-confidence up after a really crappy night? Especially if the assholes in your room made you really self-conscious about one critical thing about your look...![]()



But I really really really do not want to be easily recognizable in the club, plus I already spent so freakin' much on that wig, I don't want to have to toss it aside.
dammit... I have approximately $800 to my name, which I know isn't destitute, but with bills to pay, student loan payments starting this month, plus Christmas coming in like 3 weeks, that money is going to disappear very quickly... so I need to be making money again now, which means I can't drag my feet on going to the club tomorrow... I've put it off long enough - I have to go in tomorrow so I can start asap. But now my shitty little cam experiment has totally deflated the ego that I've spent the last week and a half building up... fml
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Look at it like these guys are standing between you and all the great customers you can easily attract when you're feeling hella hot. Decide that they're not gonna win.



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