Ladies, please don't judge me for this. I'm putting my heart out there.
I've been in recovery about 5 months now - Today I'm not worried about using, and I've been working the program.
I started dancing at 18 and immediately fell in love with it. I originally did it to support my habit, but dancing is what i know and it's what i love to do. I lied to my mom about it, considering i still lived under her roof (and recently moved back in.). She eventually found out I did it a few days before my 19th birthday - stormed into the club pissed off and took my car (it's under her name). She became "okay" as a mother can be with me dancing, didn't want to hear shit about it - just knew i did it.
I quit in October of last year (The club i worked at was ridiculious - no money to be made there, charged $60 for house fee which was half - if that - of what you walked out with - so many negative things about this place) after working at most of the local clubs. Some of my friends knew i did it, but i didn't really want people to know. It was for me - not something i wanted to advertise.
Regardless, I cleaned up in July of this year - went to rehab for 3 months the day after my 20th birthday. Money has been so tight - my mom is still supporting me and i'm fucking broke. I dont want to work a mall job, be a waitress - whatever. I want to go back to dancing. The money I used to make (besides at that one club) was amazing, i didn't have to worry about anything (because the money paid for all my drugs...). I look back at all the money i spent on dope, and think about what I could have now. I'm(meaning my mom) about to not be able to afford my car insurance (because $52,000 went into rehab) , im gonna have to pay for school, insert money problems here blah blah blah. So I know i can make a lot of the money back that i need in a week or so. point is - I miss the pole, miss the attention, miss the money, miss dressing up, miss the heels and the clothes and the music and the make up - i fucking miss stripping.
I tried to talk about this to my mom (because, like i said, I live under her roof - even though i'm legally an adult i'm still a "child" bc she's supporting me) and she says she feels like she wasted the $52000 on rehab if i go back to dancing. I know I can stay away from drugs - i've said no before, i can do it again. i feel very strongly about my recovery. I'm aware of the repercussions I could get, i see the consequences - i'm playing this shit out and laying out my options. I just don't know how to talk to her, what to do, etc..etc..I already know what club i would work at (30 minutes away, good money to be made, wouldn't embarrass her [she's a big figure in the community and people would come in knowing who she was, recgonize me])
Advice?



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I'm just ready to get back into it so i can move out again and FINALLY truly be on my own - being able to afford things since dope won't be my only purchase anymore.


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