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Thread: growing up fatherless?

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    Veteran Member Marleysade's Avatar
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    Default growing up fatherless?

    Have any of you ladies been abandened by the most important man in your life? Do you still hurt from it? does it affect your relationships with men? lets discuss it and heal

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    Member Jules007's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    My dad was married when I was conceived (obviously not to my mother) and I never met him until I was 20. My mother was murdered when I was 16. I pretty much lived with my grandma since I was a baby but she at times worked 3 jobs so I can remember being 7,8, 9 and getting myself ready for school, coming home and making my own dinners, bathing, and putting myself to bed.

    I fight with my fiance a lot because he is so close to his family and I just don't get it. I don't talk to anybody but my 2 sisters (one I have custody of) and I talk to my grandma when I take my daughter there to stay on the weekends.

    Edit: To answer the ?. IDK if it effects me. I mean I don't sit around and cry over it, Shit happens. I'm kind of a bitch but only to people who deserve it.
    Last edited by Jules007; 12-17-2011 at 05:46 PM.

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    Featured Member BuffyFlame's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    I prey for everyone who has ever had daddy issues, my dad was a big redneck man , who was shy, but was always there, worked hard, and loved me very much, i was blessed and didnt relise it untill i was older.

    But i fear this thread will seek the wrong attention, Im sure so called "bible banger's" would
    love to use this to explain why we show our bodys for money.
    I caution you to post to much.
    Americanmade18 on most sites.


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    Veteran Member Marleysade's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    i understand and respect your opionion buffy..but ther are docters and lawyers that have issues with there fathers too..this is place where we can let loose and heal as camgirls..if we cant talk and be ourselves here.. were can we? who cares what they think.. jules i know where your coming from..i had a mother who worked her ass off and showed her love by providing so when i see a mother being very affectionate to her child, i find myself feeling sad like i missed out..were cool know and had a heart to heart talk..that doesnt make us weak people and we shouldnt feel ashamed to talk about it if it helps other women

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    Veteran Member Marleysade's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    its sad how some of us have to learn about affection on our own im writing this thread so that any girl who reads it is feeling alone or looking for a man to fill the void..to know that they are better than that and the dad missed out! not them..

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    Member Jules007's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    Quote Originally Posted by Marleysade View Post
    i understand and respect your opionion buffy..but ther are docters and lawyers that have issues with there fathers too..this is place where we can let loose and heal as camgirls..if we cant talk and be ourselves here.. were can we? who cares what they think.. jules i know where your coming from..i had a mother who worked her ass off and showed her love by providing so when i see a mother being very affectionate to her child, i find myself feeling sad like i missed out..were cool know and had a heart to heart talk..that doesnt make us weak people and we shouldnt feel ashamed to talk about it if it helps other women
    Yeah, One way I know it effects me is that I'm EXTREMELY close to my daughter. I literally tell her I love her 8667574658998 times a day and I'm also hugging her and telling her how smart and pretty/beautiful she is. I guess I never thought about that until this post.

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    Veteran Member Marleysade's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    Shes going to be strong and vibrant because of you hun!

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    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    If custies are reading the threads here, then this is not what you want them reading about.


    Do suggest if you have issues to seek a professional whom can help you, instead of another person with the same exact issues.

    Best of luck to everyone,
    Sam

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    Veteran Member Marleysade's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    i think that writing about it helps too..custyies that have the time to rome this site im sure has more issues than any of us..so once again who cares? if you ladies feel uncomfortavle writing it here theres a section about it in the verified thread..this site is for advice and support right? well who is better to help then other wwomen who have been threw it and encourage them to get help..

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    Featured Member BuffyFlame's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    Oh babe please dont think im being cruel, stripperwebs just not privet, And people WILL come here... Find this... And harassment you for it..
    If anyone on here finds out your cam name , they WILL harass you live.. Its happen to me for spilling to much, about stuff thats not even personal.

    The last thing you want from such a painful subject... is to be subject to harassment for it.
    Americanmade18 on most sites.

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    Veteran Member kikidejavu's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    Eek, I remember when we had threads like "I was so broke I..." and "Have you ever been raped?"
    I mean these are things you may not be able to talk about in real life!
    Alot of girls have no other outlets! Stripperweb is a refuge for many women!
    Customers or no customers bible bangers or no, sw is OUR little corner of the world where we can let loose.
    People are going to think what they want about us no matter what we say or do! We may as well be able to vent!
    "We are the coolest mothafuckas on the planet....The sky is fallin ain't no need to panic"... -Outkast

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    Member Jules007's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    I understand what you are saying Sam and it is a good thing to remember. Me personally, I'm not worried. I've told most of my regs about my moms murder one day when we were discussing the lack of justice system. People do not harass me about anything because I do not give them that option. If some guy says "haha u have daddy issues" that is fine by me and my reply will be somethin like "hahaha and now you have BAN issues bitch". I don't take shit from any of these men. They know that I'm not the one because they get it right back.

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    Veteran Member Marleysade's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    Why is this such a big deal? women come ere to talk about there problems here all the time..this is the first thread that you guys are saying "dont talk about that".."custys will find out"..iits clear that some of you dont get the point of this..so like i said if your uncomfortable writing about it here the verified group is here..i know just talking about my problems help me feel better about it..so sorry for the attempt to try to help out someone who may be felling the same way and not to make them feel weak about it..theres a woman that wrote a thread about her feeling worthless and isnt that a stereo-type of cam girls too? did we tell her not to talk about it because of some custys? or did we support her and remind her of the beautiful person she is? So why cant we do the same about this issue? if a guy or camgirl has the balls to harrass me about it..ill just laugh at him for being the lifeless loser he is for going on here anyway and than the BAN button will be pressed problem solved..So your entitled to your opinion and i am too..And as a girl who is willing to open up about this in hopes to better another life and for those to get me to shut up about it because of what losers will think really shocks me.

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  23. #14
    Featured Member Spinnerette's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    It's a "big deal" because it inadvertently reinforces one of the major sexist stereotypes people outside of the industry have about adult performers (or women who are open with their sexuality in general). It's really big troll bait. I won't tell you not to talk about it, but I understand why the people who have cautioned you against it are shifty.

    Going to echo that if anyone is in this industry looking for emotional fulfillment from abandonment issues (and yes, they do exist, but they are not the majority and that opinion is what we wish to combat) that they get counseling and make sure they're mentally ready for this type work as it can be very taxing on someone who already has issues with men.

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  25. #15
    God/dess Sam38g's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    I have guys insist that I must have Daddy issues when I don't.
    These guys are predators, they are out to exploit & hurt girls further.

    This is why I dont think this should be an open thing here. Professional help & legit support groups are best. You never know who here pretends to be a cam girl. There are plenty of men who love exploiting past pain in woman's lives & get off on it.

    There are books. There are many different avenues of help out there. I am sure most of the girls with issues are smart enough to seek them out all on their own without posting stuff on the web.

    Best of luck,
    Sam

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  27. #16
    Senior Member lydiastardust's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    I'm pretty torn on this. On one hand, I don't think telling someone that they shouldn't talk about their emotional problems in one of the places they find comfort is beneficial to getting over it. On the other, I agree that there are people reading this thread who should not be informed of these things. Then again, they probably shouldn't be informed of most of the things discussed here.

    It's funny, Sam, I do have daddy issues and in the years of stripping and now more recently camming I've never had anyone so much as ask me if I do. I wouldn't care; I don't let my issues run my life or even occupy my mind at this point. If a customer wants to talk to me about my past I may indulge them for 6 bucks a minute lol. And they may even get the *real* story!

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  29. #17
    Featured Member Incantatious's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    Okay, I had real reservations about this, but you know what? I love my life; I love my self; I love my array of hobbies and abilities; I love my job, I do it well, I bring enjoyment and pleasure to my clients, and my compassion and incredible knowledge of sexual fantasies & fetishes is not to be underestimated. I'm pretty incredible, and you know - I DO have daddy issues, and if those issues have paved the way to my life to become what I am now, I am nothing but incredibly proud to be who I am today.

    I know I cannot and should not attempt to find a father figure in any of the people who come to me OR seek one in any romantic relationship, (and so guess wha? I don't!) but I do enjoy being able to give pleasure to men all over the world. I know that that is the REAL issue so many trolls and anti-porn feminists / radicals have with this job, (heaven forbid we're giving such a thing as sexual pleasure & entertainment to people) and I don't care to entertain the notion that what I do is somehow wrong or degrading for that reason.

    They like to see it in simplistic, sweeping terms such as this:

    "daddy issues + sex worker = fuck up.

    fuck up + daddy issues = sex worker. So it MUST be wrong! Let's put a stop to these women who are degrading themselves! They need to be given help rather than be made to feel they have to do this (sex work) to themselves and SELL THEIR BODIES!"


    ...Which, as irony would have it, is itself incredibly degrading in the sense that it's assuming that people with this specific issue are void of personal responsibility and the ability to make their own decisions. It's actually completely possible to have lacked a parent in one's childhood, and turn out incredibly awesome.

    Most everybody has issues in their lives: including sex workers, including their clients, the people who serve us at restaurants, the people who work in banks, or shops, or as lawyers, doctors, etc... and including the people who spend a frighteningly large portion of their lives rallying against us who hold up big, bight banners proclaiming us damaged when they themselves have a shitload of issues.

    The difference is: Most of us are busy getting on with our lives, and visit a therapist if ever we feel we need the help of an expert, while these radicals - with issues of their own - are spending their time, effort, as well as their misdirected anger, bitterness, fear and resentment, concerned with issues of people who work in a billion-dollar-a-year industry.

    It's hypocritical, it's silly, and it is unfortunate that so many people will see to it that a fatherless kid needs to be CAREFUL about what she does, lest she encounters this radical brigade of self-righteous folks who think they know what's right for us. Nah - I'm proud of me, my job and my life. You have to be strong to live your life in circumstances in which one parent is either rarely present or altogether absent, but if my past was ANY other way, I may not have turned out to be the almighty woman I am today. :3




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    Veteran Member kikidejavu's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    My point is the guys are going to think what they want anyway. Like Sam said customers tell her about her nonexistent daddy issues!Guys will think whatever they want even if they have NO proof. Its called STEREOTYPES.
    They exist whether we reinforce them or not.
    We shouldnt censor ourselves because were trying to control what others think.

    Im black. Should I stop eating fried chicken and watermelon just because white people think I love them? Hell no! I do love them! lol
    I could be vegan and many whites would still think I love watermelon and fried chicken even tho they have no proof!
    "We are the coolest mothafuckas on the planet....The sky is fallin ain't no need to panic"... -Outkast

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    Veteran Member BlankStare's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    I'm not going to say much about my personal experience, but I will say this..

    I think most people are going to be fucked up in some way whether it be their mother's fault, their father's fault, or sister, uncle, cousin's fault. But at some point in your life- you will have to grow up and put the things that happened to you as a child behind you.

    I've been hurt by many people when I was still a child/pre-teen/teenager.. but when I got a little older, I moved out, had some real life experiences that didn't involve my family, and I realized that I couldn't let the things from my childhood hurt me as an adult, because there:

    1. is absolutely nothing I can do about things that have happened in the past.
    2. is no reason for me to hold resentment and make MYSELF feel bad about things that OTHER people should feel bad about.

    All that I can do is learn from the things that have happened to me. That's it. I can't fix them, I can't change them at all. I can only live and learn.
    "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro."
    Hunter S. Thompson



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    Veteran Member MommieLongLegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    I've had various people in my life not be there when I needed them (or thought I did), including "friends" but I honestly don't care because I'm better off without them. Many people are seasonal, some don't appear for any seasons (ex: dad who's not around) and few are meant to be around forever. Yes, I've had bad experiences (some I thought I wouldn't get through) , but they made me into the fierce chica I am!

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    Veteran Member housewench's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    Isn't this better suited for Life Support?

    To answer the question though, he didn't abandon me, but my mom kept him from me and told me a lot of lies it took a while to dispel. He and I didn't really have a relationship until I was almost 16 because I was so wary of him. He's one of the smartest, most logical, most supportive people I've ever met though. I wish we'd had a chance to grow closer earlier.

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  38. #22
    Veteran Member bluexxxtasy's Avatar
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    Search Re: growing up fatherless?

    It's nothing wrong w the topic... Do it perpetuate the stereotype yes however I feel this post is better discussed in life support where topics like this is discussed. Most topics in camming connection is to more so connect people w the camming industry via tips, rules of the biz, and things about running ur cam business. The life support area is for girls to vent, get advice, and find others in the same emotional situation and support that way. IMO
    still here.... just in another chapter..

  39. #23
    Senior Member tribalrose's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    My father was actually there when I was younger. He and my mother were married for years. But, all I remember was the drama in the house. He was an alcoholic, coke addict and cheated on my mother constantly. After the divorce and getting clean, he really didn't make an effort to be in me and my brother's life. It's like he wanted my mother but not us. smh.

    As a teen, I kept trying to have a relationship with him, but he wanted his own life without his kids. At times I have broke down because ''daddy didn't want me''. I do believe having a father's love around is important is a girls life. Although many women have grown strong without it. I can't say if not having him around influenced my choice in men, how I allowed myself to be treated in the past, etc. But, I would never use him as a reason for why I love the sex industry.

    I still love my father and I know he does love us. I forgive him because I realize the kind of man he is and his issues had nothing to do with us. That closure has made me stronger. I'm sure the OP didn't intend on linking one to the other. But of course, when most people think of sex workers they think of family issues, molested, etc. and it's a very annoying misconception. There are people who have gone through those things who are and are not in the sex industry. Same goes for people who haven't experienced it.

    I'm sure there are customers who do believe in these ugly stereotypes reading this thread. Maybe afterward, some will look at us as strong, sexy women smart enough to take their money lol. Instead of being looked at as just ''damaged goods''. Cause I know for a fact that a lot of those men couldn't handle the woman I am today.

  40. #24
    Featured Member Spinnerette's Avatar
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    The people opposed are stating nothing but fact. Yes, there are people with these issues in all service industries and those that choose to base their opinions on people off of stereotypes are just going to think whatever they want. I was explaining why there are no replies and even a few people going "shhhh". Talk about it, don't talk about it, but don't let your idealism blind you to why people are wary and not willing to open up about this particular issue.

  41. #25
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    Default Re: growing up fatherless?

    Those of you that grew up fatherless, I feel bad for you but it's not your fault. I also don't think in most cases it's why you ended up stripping. I have a father who was always in my life, and in fact my parents are still married. Yet I ended up stripping so I don't believe it's a definite. On the other hand I know a few women who grew up fatherless who never stripped.

    This topic makes me mad and sad because this is a problem in all facets of life and it's a growing problem. This is something women need to think about when they have kids, because if the man leaves then the child will have many issues. Personally I think men who abandon their kids are scum and need to be castrated. Unfortunately we as a society pays for this because fatherless children are more likely to be on assistance, in crime, and many other problems. Sadly many repeat this pattern.

    I've known people with a father who just wasn't involved or abused them and many of them have the same issue as being fatherless. Personally, while I believe the best idea is both parents involved with raising the kid, in my opinion being fatherless is much better than having an abusive dad.

    I see nothing wrong with discussing it because it is a growing concern in all demographics regardless of stripping or not. I think it's very important for those who grew up fatherless having a say and being able to speak about it without people being judgemental towards them. It's not their fault.

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