Hi ladies,
I don't know what to do. I am essentially a child of a single mother since I have no relationship with my father due to difficult circumstances. My mother remarried multiple times after divorcing my father when I was very young and moved me across the country each time she did so.
My problem, to try to put it simply, is that she has been the only constant in my life ... there have been very difficult times but SHE has always been someone present, if not emotionally accessible. (She herself had an extremely bad and twisted upbringing).
I really don't trust anyone with my struggles but I made the mistake of having too much wine earlier this year and telling my mom that I had an abortion last year and how horrible it was, how much it depressed me ... I also finally confessed to her that my own father (who she forced me to have visitation with against my will) and my 1st stepfather sexually abused me. These were things I have held in completely, confessed to no one, dealt with on my own for quite some time. I told her because she is my MOTHER and I TRUSTED her.
We had someone come visit us from out of the country last month who used to be my good friend. She eventually confessed to me that my mother had told her about my abortion, about being molested, and had also made up extraneous stories regarding my current boyfriend and my relationship. I know, without going into details, that she has also told her current "fiance" about all of this despite her protests.
When I found out my mother had betrayed my ultimate trust in her, I felt like something in my heart died. She and I have a tumultuous relationship, but I always knew she cared for me especially deeply out of her three children, although there have been hints of jealousy and weird behavior since I hit puberty. For her to be relaying my most painful, emotional, SECRET memories to those that I never intended it for (for her own personaly gain ... to get sympathy about how hard her life is) was completely devastating. I wonder if I have ever confided in her truly or if everything I have ever had the courage to tell her is public knowledge.
I just feel heartbroken. That was the day after Thanksgiving and since then, I have not spoken to her save for perfunctory texts about Xmas plans. I have not mentioned to her at all that I know she hasn't kept my confidence. She probably thinks all of this is due to something very shallow.
I had to see her a few days ago to give her $$ for my part of the cell phone bill and it broke my heart because when she saw me, her face lit up ... she looked so genuinely happy. In just a split second, her face changed when I didn't smile back ... that small gesture, making her sad in just an instant, really stuck in my mind. I feel so guilty and mean ... but I have no idea how to proceed. I am SO angry but mostly SO SO hurt at her ... I have no trust left in her because who knows what else she has blabbed to people that I trusted in her? Ugh please someone give me advice how to continue. I have no family, she moved me away from everyone I'm related to when I was young, so I feel like if I lose her I will be essentially an orphan.
Any advice ... would be greatly appreciated ... confronting her would only out my friend and she would go on defensive ...
Thanks ladies.




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have suggested otherwise. You shouldnt have to hear someone say dont talk to your mother to validate a decision you've already made. Do whatever you think is best.

It is extremely hard to come to grips with the fact that you can't be normal and close with the one person you really need and want in your life ... but I guess that's the reality of the situation. Thank you for understanding ... I hate that anyone else has a relationship like I do but it comforts me to know someone else has gone through it and understands.
keep us posted on how you go xx


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