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Thread: Sleeping with my ex??? REALLY NEED ADVICE!

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    Dizzy Sleeping with my ex??? REALLY NEED ADVICE!

    My ex approached me about 3 weeks ago asking me if I would like to go out with him sometime and catch up. I was completely direct with him and asked him what his intentions were. He stated right now he just wants to sleep with me. I saw him for the first time in 8 months last thursday. We've spent everyday together since. But I haven't slept with him..farthest weve gotten is kissing and heavy petting.

    He had asked me where i would be spending new years eve, i told him my plans and that it would be nice for him to go as well. Next thing i know, he shows up there and we spent the whole nite together and went home together as well. He introduced me to some new friends of his, and kept calling me the nicknames he used to when we were together. It felt like we were pretty much back to normal.

    When i got back to his house, he asked if i was seeing anyone i told him im not...but he did tell me he just started talking to someone, but they are not exclusive and its a fairly new "thing". He also added that she had asked him to spend NYE with her, but he declined. When i asked him why his response was "I thought you would have wanted to spend it with me" (doesnt equate to "just wanting to sleep with me")

    I absolutely know he wants to sleep with me...and he stated that those were his ONLY intentions. Now I am beyond confused, because we have spent all this time together, and not slept with each other.

    I have to mention our history, bc I think it does play a huge part in everything. He broke up with me around april because he found out i was cheating on him. It was a REALLY BAD breakup, and i really did hurt him. Ive apologized so many times and told him ive changed and would never do it again. He finally said he forgave me about 4 weeks ago. I asked him if he would give me antoher chance and he replied "i dont know, but i cant right now"

    Now my questions are....out of allllllll the women to sleep with, why would he come back to me (especially if hes starting to see someone)?
    And why has he not slept with me yet, if that was his only intention?
    What could his intentions really be???

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    Veteran Member Artema's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sleeping with my ex??? REALLY NEED ADVICE!

    I honestly don't know because every case is different. How long were you two together?

    That said, don't let him string you along. Since you mentioned you were the one to apologize for things, sounds to me like he is the one calling all the shots. This is bad. Especially in an "ex-relationship". From my experience the back and forth just made things worse after my ex and I broke up. Lesson learned: If he doesn't [equally] make an apology TO YOU about how thing went down, along with a statement about being together... you can bet he just wants to fool around.

    Your ex just may be very good at stringing someone along. Either he is guilty for what HE DID (how he may have hurt you/let you down) or he merely wants you...until he's finds someone better. Either way he's a coward.

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    Default Re: Sleeping with my ex??? REALLY NEED ADVICE!

    We were together for almost 2 years. He had apologized many months ago about his mistakes. He hasn't mentioned anything about getting back together, and when asked if its a possibility...he replies he cant "right now"

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    Veteran Member Artema's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sleeping with my ex??? REALLY NEED ADVICE!

    Have you asked him WHY????

    "right now" might as well be "never" IMO. Unless he has some incurable terminal illness, something "down there", brain damage... etc., the like.
    Last edited by Artema; 01-02-2012 at 09:26 PM. Reason: needed to elaborate

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    Default Re: Sleeping with my ex??? REALLY NEED ADVICE!

    Yes i have asked. He says he does not trust me (i cant entirely blame him). He analyzes everything i do and say, to see if im being honest now (which i have been, and he's realized) Its very evident that hes looking for a change in me...which again, i dont think equates to just fooling around

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    Default Re: Sleeping with my ex??? REALLY NEED ADVICE!

    I think he's not over what you did to him. I feel he's trying to wean himself off you. You cheated on him so he's hurt. He feels if he sleeps with you a few times while he's with someone else that he'll get over it and move on. I think he just wants to come back and beat you over the head with some other woman. Maybe someone he feels is better than you in some way. So yeah just sex? Nope he's hurt, he's looking for revenge. He's probably not even seeing anyone else but just wants to tell you that. So yeah he's going to be calling the shots for a while. If you want to help him heal then you'll be his emotional punching bag until he's done hurting you. If not then I say cut him off and hope he heals on his own. I'm pretty sure if that "new girl" even exists that she knows nothing about him wanting to f*** you. I mean what new girl would really be ok with being a replacement?

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    Veteran Member Artema's Avatar
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    Default Re: Sleeping with my ex??? REALLY NEED ADVICE!

    If you know the answer (that he's not just wanting to sleep w you), why are you asking? It sounds like you have doubts.

    The situation sounds very close to mine 2 years ago. He made ME feel guilty by analyzing everything I did/say. It made me feel horrible and I admit, made me feel like I had to make up for it. If there is no trust, then what's the point? It was too much of a mindfuck and lowered my esteem....it wasn't worth it. You said he apologized but didn't mention about getting back together.

    IMO there's no point in hanging out with him. Are you hoping to change his mind? Only he can do that. And you're making it too easy for him to do whatever the hell he wants by being there for him. I'd leave him alone if he can't make a decision. If he comes back and wants to be together once again, GREAT (if that's what you want). If not, move on. No point in waiting forever and being his sideline girl.

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    Default Re: Sleeping with my ex??? REALLY NEED ADVICE!

    Quote Originally Posted by Savannah Lee View Post
    I have to mention our history, bc I think it does play a huge part in everything. He broke up with me around april because he found out i was cheating on him.
    Oops I obviously missed this part.....

    Quote Originally Posted by cherryblossomsinspring View Post
    I think he's not over what you did to him. I feel he's trying to wean himself off you. You cheated on him so he's hurt. He feels if he sleeps with you a few times while he's with someone else that he'll get over it and move on. I think he just wants to come back and beat you over the head with some other woman. Maybe someone he feels is better than you in some way.
    ^ I agree then with cherry. There may be a range of emotions still festering...which explains the "not right now" / stringing you along some.

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    Default Re: Sleeping with my ex??? REALLY NEED ADVICE!

    I agree with cherry, and will also just add never underestimate the non-sexual lengths guys will go to just to eventually get to sex. I've had several guys act really into me for weeks/months at a time, and then as soon as I slept with them, they dropped off the face of the earth. Going a few weeks hanging out without actually having sex doesn't necessarily mean he wants more than sex - he's just biding his time because he knows he'll get there eventually.
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






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    Default Re: Sleeping with my ex??? REALLY NEED ADVICE!

    I suppose I was just thinking it could eventually lead to staring over, nc imo I feel that they're might still be feelings. But I think cherry might very well be right. Most likely just feelings of hurt, not love or anything like it

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