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Thread: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

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    Default Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Deleted
    Last edited by just4you; 06-03-2012 at 10:11 PM. Reason: Reposted the question.

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    This post is ridiculous.

    This entire site exists to help strippers cope. Just give her the website. Duh.

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Do you visit her at the club? Are you also a customer of hers?
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Quote Originally Posted by shasta View Post
    This post is ridiculous.

    This entire site exists to help strippers cope. Just give her the website. Duh.
    Why must most responses on an internet forum involve attacking the poster or their intelligence.

    This response could have been simply "that's what we're here for, tell her about stripperweb"

    Instead you felt making this concerned person feel rediculous or stupid for asking a question was helpful. Unless it lifts you up to put others down, why did you attack his post?

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    Do you visit her at the club? Are you also a customer of hers?
    No.


    This post is ridiculous.

    This entire site exists to help strippers cope. Just give her the website. Duh.
    Thanks. But seems you did not get what I was asking for.

    I am not sure how to handle this situation. I was wondering if you guys have some suggestions for me. How do your family and friends deal with your work? I am not saying about their accepting your job but getting concerned about your safety and well being.
    I apologize. I realize I should not have posted this question here. Mods, please feel free to delete the thread. I am deleting my OP to save others' time.

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    Moderator yoda57us's Avatar
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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Quote Originally Posted by just4you View Post
    I apologize. I realize I should not have posted this question here. Mods, please feel free to delete the thread. I am deleting my OP to save others' time.
    I'm sorry you feel this way. This section was actually the perfect place for your question. If you had left it up for a day or two I'm sure you would have gotten some helpful responses from some of the members here. Of course, you also would have gotten a few smart-ass replies as well. That's the way most forums work.

    Good luck with your friend. You can't change anything abut her job and only she can decide if she wants to push-on with it or not. As a friend, all you can really do is listen to her and support her.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Quote Originally Posted by shasta View Post
    This post is ridiculous.

    This entire site exists to help strippers cope. Just give her the website. Duh.

    Seriously, who pissed in your Cheerios? The guy asked a valid question. Not every male that shows up here is a troll...
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    what was the question?

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Quote Originally Posted by camille27 View Post
    what was the question?
    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    I'm sorry you feel this way. This section was actually the perfect place for your question. If you had left it up for a day or two I'm sure you would have gotten some helpful responses from some of the members here. Of course, you also would have gotten a few smart-ass replies as well. That's the way most forums work.
    Thank you very much Yoda. I posted the thread after having a discussion with her yesterday and just didn't want the thread to be confused as another in love with a stripper thread. May be I acted hastily. I will post the question again.

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Quote Originally Posted by just4you View Post
    Thank you very much Yoda. I posted the thread after having a discussion with her yesterday and just didn't want the thread to be confused as another in love with a stripper thread. May be I acted hastily. I will post the question again.
    To be honest, that's why I asked you if you were a customer.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Deleted.
    Last edited by just4you; 06-03-2012 at 10:11 PM.

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    buy her a copy of you can heal your life

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Quote Originally Posted by just4you View Post
    I feel very helpless sometimes. I posted the question to seek others advice and opinions as I am not sure how to handle this situation. I was wondering if you guys have some suggestions for me. How do your family and friends deal with your work? I am not saying about their accepting your job but getting concerned about your safety and well being.

    Why do YOU need help coping? If she needed your concern or if she wanted your help, then she would tell you so. You said in one part of your post that she is a strong person, but now you go on to doubt that she is capable of watching out for her own safety and well being.

    IMHO the best thing that you can do is be there to listen. Her stories and occasional crying spells are her coping mechanisms, so the best thing that you can do is to stop worrying about how you will cope and simply be there in whatever way that she needs.

    I do have to say, though, that I am picking up a bit of a romatic interest vibe from you here, which would certainly explain why you are so emotionally invested in this.

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    ^ I may be reading this the wrong way, Rick, but he appears to be asking for advice on how to help her, not himself.

    This feels genuine to me. I almost posted a response when the inquiry first went up, but clearly he will get more valuable advice on this from the dancers.

    I'm also concerned about the crying. It's not "occasional" -- he said "she's cried many times while talking about these (SC) experiences." In that context, it may be a signal of something deeper and more troubling.

    My guess is that this is a long-standing friend whose job is driving her insane and he's stuck without being able to give her comfort because he won't talk about her work with her unless she initiates the conversation. So it's probably not a romantic interest.

    I think he's done all the listening he can, and needs to move in a direction where he can be a more supportive friend.

    I have some ideas on this, but I think the dancers are going to have a lot more insight here than I will, so I'll hold off on specifics for now.

    Note to the OP: Please be patient with the community -- there may be a few thorns thrown in your direction before the little gems of wisdom arrive.

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Tell her to become a webcam model instead. :-)
    Quote Originally Posted by sugarmouse0707 View Post
    What I DO have issues with, is that this was a couple of years ago And Judas is still in the freezer.

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Quote Originally Posted by The Other Owner View Post

    My guess is that this is a long-standing friend whose job is driving her insane and he's stuck without being able to give her comfort because he won't talk about her work with her unless she initiates the conversation. So it's probably not a romantic interest.

    I think he's done all the listening he can, and needs to move in a direction where he can be a more supportive friend.

    I have some ideas on this, but I think the dancers are going to have a lot more insight here than I will, so I'll hold off on specifics for now.
    Thanks TOO. You pretty much described how I feel, of course, in a much better way than I could. I will wait for your and other dancers' opinions on this.

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Tell her about this website. I don't know if she has any friends at the club but if not that rules out being able to talk about things with the girls at work, which makes the place lonely and harder to cope with. There are tons of dancers who will know exactly how she feels here!

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    if it helps - for your own wellbeing and hers, ensure she has professional or paraprofessional outlets. IsobelWren's suggestions here are fantastic: http://www.stripperweb.com/forum/sho...46&postcount=2

    I find that most guys who are not in the industry who are friends or support systems to sex workers often take on a... nearly codependent burden of trying to be an outlet. Not a criticism at all, more speaking from experience as a sex worker who has had guy friends during a few rough patches - and also things Ive seen. Sometimes friends dont know if the person who is besides themselves needs help healing or if they just need to vent. try and figure that out when she is upset... a sometimes masculine communication pattern is to be overly solution-based. She may get her own relief from just talking to you? You just dont see the after effects.

    But it is hard to find professional support as a sex industry worker that we feel will be unbiased and useful --- so some of us may heavily use friends of ours because of a lack of professional resources. Which Ive done (still do sometimes) ... But part of the appeal of a therapist is youre paying them to not get emotionally attached and youre paying them to be impartial and youre paying them for their training in healing... above all youre paying them to have boundaries. A friend cannot do any of those things.

    if she is someone who does not respond well to talk therapy or is resistant to it (both understandable, talk therapy can be pretty culturally specific) - Yoga, acupuncture, and Tai Chai have some support for being effective for ptsd and addiction survivorship. Having complements to those kinds of therapies like Camille27's book suggestions, sex worker support forums, and also if she has any local sex worker groups where they meet (as sex workers only - no custies) sometimes are useful.

    Ensure though that she is committed to her own healing if that is what she is looking to do. Getting to that point is a process. If she isnt there, just try to be supportive as a friend, dont take on the role as her therapist or itll lead to a codependent friendship thatll eventually get strained.





    Quote Originally Posted by Procrasturbator View Post
    So how many stumps can you fit in your pussy?

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Quote Originally Posted by roast View Post
    I find that most guys who are not in the industry who are friends or support systems to sex workers often take on a... nearly codependent burden of trying to be an outlet. Not a criticism at all, more speaking from experience as a sex worker who has had guy friends during a few rough patches - and also things Ive seen. Sometimes friends dont know if the person who is besides themselves needs help healing or if they just need to vent. try and figure that out when she is upset... a sometimes masculine communication pattern is to be overly solution-based. She may get her own relief from just talking to you? You just don't see the after effects.
    Exactly. Men, by nature, are "fixers". If you really want to help your friend you need to be a good listener and also understand that you can't really fix the problem. I've been told on more than one occasion and by more than one dancer that I'm a good listener. It drives me nuts when they tell me the stories of this a-hole or that one but I figured out years ago that I can't fix it for them, the best thing I can do is be the guy that they can vent to. That may seem like your not helping but, trust me, you are.

    My ATF is one of my closest IRL friends. I get texts from her all the time when she's having a bad day. She vents to me, I commiserate with her, back and forth for a few texts, and then she goes back to work. Sometimes we might talk on the phone after her shift and she'll thank me for helping her get through the day without killing anyone!

    It's hard when someone you care about is hurting but being a good listener and supporter is the best way you can help her...aside from telling her about SW.
    Quote Originally Posted by Katrine View Post
    yoda, I want you so bad it aches in the swimsuit area.
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophia_Starina View Post
    Sophia_Starina is a sensible stripper...Naked all the way.....
    Quote Originally Posted by tempest666 View Post
    Double team! 2 latinas with big tits!!

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    While we are waiting on the dancers (sorry, just saw Roast's and Yoda's posts, which are very helpful), I'll share with you some thoughts that may help you as background.

    It was not clear to me whether you've actually been in a strip club before, or if you have some familiarity with how they work.

    A strip club is an enormous house of mirrors where all the normal club rules are inverted and everything that happens inside the club is upside down, and in reverse. It's very easy for customers to do stupid things in this mirror-like world, such as fall in love or develop crushes or follow dancers around like a puppy dog, or get confused or overwhelmed by what is expected and allowed or, far worse, become frustrated, aggressive, manipulative or hostile.

    This is her work environment. What makes it a challenge for you (or any non-dancer) to understand is that the obstacles to a satisfying work experience are everywhere. She may be "crying often" about work for a whole host of reasons, including other dancers harassing her, ignoring her or isolating her; management exploiting her (on tip-outs, on the schedule and late fees or even physically intimidating her by hitting on her); her feeling physically vulnerable before or after work, or problems with the customers, who can be disrespectful, demanding, handsy, obnoxious, manipulative, dishonest, needy, creepy, clueless and even stalkerish, or some combination of all the above.

    No matter how smart or intuitive you are, you'll never see enough of the real her to know what's bothering her without her actually telling you. It's important to acknowledge this to her -- to cop to your own ignorance about what she's going through, or even your ability to make a major difference yourself.

    The best you can do is point her in the right direction. This web site exists -- and has existed for a decade now -- as a support environment for dancers because there's no other open, honest, interactive, non-judgmental, or nearly as knowledgeable group out there of this size or on this scale to help dancers through their day-to-day lives. So obviously suggesting that she check out SW, which has already been suggested in this thread, is a good first move.

    The site is free. She can lurk and read parts of the site without registering. Many of the lurkers we have are skeptical dancers who need to find their own path to posting and participating more actively on the site. Or she can always remain in the background, read all the threads and posts of interest to her and gain comfort from all the stories, knowing that she is not alone.

    As this thread expands, I trust that you will get more specific guidance from the dancers themselves -- the ones who know and live and work in the same world as your friend.

    Good luck!

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Quote Originally Posted by yoda57us View Post
    It's hard when someone you care about is hurting but being a good listener and supporter is the best way you can help her...aside from telling her about SW.
    Yoda is right. this is really the only thing you can do unless you, as a self-described close RL friend, can help her transition into something more fulfilling (if that's even what she wants). Over the years, I have helped several girls find new lines of work (regular bars and restaurants, hair salons, etc...) or go back to school. I've even accompanied a couple to court to try to resolve other sources of stress (TRO, record expungment). I was no longer an active customer to some of them and never a customer to others. You can't push her but helping her once she makes her wishes clear might be a possibility.
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

    If you're in your twenties and aren't a liberal, you have no heart. If you're in you're forties and aren't a conservative, you have no brain - Winston Churchill

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Deleted.
    Last edited by just4you; 06-03-2012 at 10:12 PM.

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    Quote Originally Posted by just4you View Post
    By the way, what is TRO?
    Temporary Restraining Order. She got it against a customer who was stressing her out with gifts, followed by her rejection of his advances, followed by his
    threats.
    "never trust a big butt and a smile"-- Bell Biv DeVoe

    If you're in your twenties and aren't a liberal, you have no heart. If you're in you're forties and aren't a conservative, you have no brain - Winston Churchill

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    All you can do really is continue to be supportive of her decisions. Only she can decide whether or not she should continue stripping. Definitely do not try to force her to quit. I've been dancing for almost six years and I went through a three year period like this. It was really horrible. I tortured myself with guilt for being a stripper (I was raised in a strict, Christian household). I had a lot of pent up anger...at my self, at the customers, at everyone. I'd fight back tears or outbursts as I gave dances because I really felt like I was being violated/raped. I would go home crying after almost every shift. It got so bad that I ended up in the hospital after having a psychotic break.

    What changed my life was the psychiatrist I met a little over a year ago. He didn't just prescribe me meds, he actually became a mentor and friend. Over the past year with his help and the support of my roommate, I am now off almost all of my meds and am feeling much more stable and secure. Sure I still get upset at some of the things I have to put up with with customers...we all do...because some of them are just disgusting human beings, but I handle myself much better. I'm dating again and carry a much more optimistic attitude to work. Sometimes you just have to laugh to keep from crying I guess, lol.

    If you really think she is suffering mental harm from her work it would be a good idea for her to find a medical professional to help her cope with the stresses of the job. The trick is finding one that is actually supportive of her dancing (believe me, many of them won't be). I got lucky finding my doc. Wish you and your friend the best....

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    Default Re: Need advice regarding a close friend who is a stripper.

    My best advice, if she's not going to want to spend money on therapy, is that you just let her talk to you when she needs it. You have no idea how valuable that is. It's a common thing among women that we really don't need you to "fix" whatever we're venting about; it's the talking that helps the most.

    You might be the only person she trusts enough to have these little breakdowns/crying jags with. Dancing is such a strange world, and it's so hard to know who your real friends are. Just be there for her, ask about her day, and let her cry.

    I cried a lot when I first started dancing, too. It was just an adjustment period. I was so naive when I started, and feeling like I was losing my innocence and trust in strangers was painful. It's called the school of hard knocks. I'm ok now, and I'm happy and healthy. I think I cried maybe a month ago out of sympathy for a regular going through a hard time...and I was sort of happy to be doing so, since it meant this job hadn't made me entirely hard.

    You might suggest to her that she get some sort of hobby, or exercise. It sounds trite, but it helps so much to not let the club become your whole life, social or otherwise. She needs something else to think about, and the ability to see working at the club as just what it is: work. It's not who she is.

    Hope some part of this was helpful. I wish you both luck, and I think it's touching that you care enough about her to brave the slings and arrows of the internet forum.

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