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Thread: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

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    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
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    Default my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    OK I'm sure this has been covered before but every situation is different. I'm losing sleep tonight and wanting to get a moving truck tomorrow....NEED ADVICE! I am a "retired" los angeles stripper (27) living with a guy (28 ) who pretty much supports me and I take care of the home. We've been together 2 years and from the very start he said: You will never dance again. You will not nude model. You will not even be a bartender or a waittress while you are with me. I've been fine with this and actually appreciated that he could put his money where his mouth was (and wasnt 100 years old and disgusting to talk to). It's an ideal situation for both of us. Hes funny, cute, charming, loveable....We broke up a couple times and in those periods I went back to work and he had sex/hooked up with different girls, some strippers some bartenders. Me= none. He's a loveable slut and I'm kindof a prude. Ok so moving on.

    Right before NYE I got really sick AND found out I have a traffic warrant so I decided to sit out the big trip we had planned in Las Vegas. Several couples are going. I was so sad I couldn't go!!! This would have been the biggest co-ed group we ever took there ( they give us rooms, dinner, spa etc).My BF lived in LV for over 6 years, he likes to gamble and drink when he's there but at home he never drinks gambles or goes out AT ALL. He plays videogames.

    ANYWAY the very first night there, the girlfriends get too drunk, they fall asleep and some of the guys go to the rhino. My bf is the only one in the group with a gf who got dances. A married guy went but he didn't spend money on the girls. So he spends about 500 in dances and they put in on a 500 bottle. (btw he didn't buy me a xmas gift he handed me $200 )

    So NYE happens, the next day, then the next day, he comes home and mentions they went there ever so casually????????? His friends sitting there like "Oh man you're in trouble" and he goes "Oh I am not in trouble in the slightest, you don't even know" As if I have no voice to be upset whatsoever because I used to strip?? Than he asks me to get them iced tea. I say no. He has a weird slint-eyed face like an evil liar psychopath would have. I'm freaking out that he did that. I go away. friend leaves. We talk about it and yeah yeah OK I'm starting to get over it... then I look at his phone and LO AND BEHOLD Natalie/Darean (do u post here? that would be funny) has texted him "Hey cutie...." and much more about how she's sorry she had to leave but blah blah blah and "Are you ready to get down and dirty tonight?" typical flirty BS. SS. He also had invited her and prolly a friend to come to their table for NYE.

    Big fight ensues. Basically him trying to break up with me for being mad at all. On and on it goes without end until we get tired of being upset and we act like nothing has happend. Technically nothing DID happen. He got $500 worth of topless vegas-style dances at the rhino and either he said "here take my number" (very fucked up) or she said "what are u doing for nye? take my number" and there was a critical moment where he should have had a single friend do it if it was just to make a bigger party at the table with more hot chicks. I don't care it was 6, 7, 8am by then and they were wasted. I do not care. It was wrong. He says it was not, that she would never contact him again in a million years.

    Now one part of my mind is saying: IF you were married you wouldn't give a fuck. You'd want him to be happy and see boobies and it would make him love you more. Obviously you'd want to go to the strip club yourself and have fun but if he didn't want you there sometimes, You would be fine with it! (but I'm talking like twice a year and only a couple of dances) but the other part of my mind says: He's unfixable. He will always go behind your back to get what he wants and this is only the tip of the iceberg. He will just get more and more clever. He doesn't respect your feelings and violates your right to be upset.

    I know he only wants to be with me. I know I'm the one who gets all of him and thats why he didnt take me seriously, like, I could give a shit about that girl so stop hassling me, ya know? I feel like my low self esteem and jealousy is blowing this out of proportion.

    I just feel like the fact that I danced for so long has no bearing on this. He lied. He said flat out while his friend was still there that they didn't get any numbers, the girls didn't come over and it was strictly a business transaction? That I should be able to understand that....but then this girl is texting and he says he didnt rememebr that. Oh I don't remember doing that. But then you were talking the next day?! I didn't remember that either. How can you say to my face it wasn't going to leave the club??

    I guess I have been guilty of taking numbers and flirting with guys i'd never even ask to come back and spend money on me. It's a compulsive thing I think some people do at the end of a long string of dances. To make themselves both feel better. Like it meant something, that they care about who eachother IS, when it really didnt mean anything and they dont care who eachother was.

    Maybe I've been out of the game too long and i forgot this. Maybe I've been out just long enough to know when it's time to say fuck this shit and go back. idk. so confused.

    sorry if this is TL and you DR
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    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    wow, ha ha it is REALLY LONG I see now. But hey. at least you wont need to ask me for details right? I personally would probably not read and respond to a post like mine unless I had 15 minutes to spare lololol
    "You wonder why the fuck I rap?
    It's deez SeXaY BiAtCHeZ on mah lap!"
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    So you're not ALLOWED to dance, bartend or even waitress but he's allowed to go to stripclubs and get dances from the strippers?? And on top of it, when you broke up he fucked a stripper and a bartender?! Am I getting all this straight? Dude has issues. Control issues. If I were you, I'd totally go back. He wants lapdances, tell him to come get them from YOU. He shouldn't be holding you back when he obviously enjoys strippers so much
    But in the end, it is your choice. I just hope you look at the big picture. Good luck

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    God/dess shanna dior's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    ^+1. You can do better.

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    Veteran Member Swagz's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    To be honest, I have to +1 on the control issues, especially since he's being such a hypocrite. I would understand him going along with buddies and tipping stage maybe, like oh they dragged me there, but this is borderline cheating. I think you give him the benefit of the doubt where you probably shouldn't be and that he realizes he has it eeeeaaaassssyyyyy and thus that he gets to walk on you. Trying to make you fucking fetch him iced tea after a night like that

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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Come home. The pole awaits.
    "Fake tits are like Kevlar. They don't guarantee your chances of survival but they sure as hell improve it."
    Tempest


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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Quote Originally Posted by Swagz View Post
    To be honest, I have to +1 on the control issues, especially since he's being such a hypocrite. I would understand him going along with buddies and tipping stage maybe, like oh they dragged me there, but this is borderline cheating. I think you give him the benefit of the doubt where you probably shouldn't be and that he realizes he has it eeeeaaaassssyyyyy and thus that he gets to walk on you. Trying to make you fucking fetch him iced tea after a night like that
    Yeah, the iced tea comment pissed me off. It's like, "really?! oh Hell No!" Then you got the evil eye?? Why? Because he bragged to his friends all the way home how "he's got this." and a wave of his hand? Unhang your shoes, pull those g-strings out of your drawer and get on that stage.

    ETA: He left you alone on NYE...that right there is b.s.

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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Truth.. Get rid of him... Hes getting off being the wall that stops you from dancing, bartending, waitressing. If you want it from my view.. The second he did that to me I would be buying myself a pair of heels and the sexiest dress I can get and go dancing.

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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Quote Originally Posted by kaiarose View Post
    He left you alone on NYE...that right there is b.s.
    Just him choosing to do that would be a deal breaker for me. He didn't have to do it - he chose to.


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    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Yeah...I miss dancing...but only the good parts. lol. I would miss him too. but only the good parts. It's hard to face facts...I tend to think we are both such special breed fuck ups that we belong together forevz. I don't want to live like this forever tho. Too much pain. There is so much more I can't even begin to tell you. And all of it makes me look like a pathetic weasel I'm currently reading the "how did you break the cycle..." thread like a bible!

    and, just to clarify, it was not an evil eye after the tea comment, it was during my shocked discovery, like a sly sexy "you cant be mad at me" type of face. I'm looking at him wide eyed asking for info, saying, why? and just so shocked and bewildered...and he's doing this very fake and manipulative thing, it might have worked on an idiot...but he overestimated his charmingness. I think a real psychopath would have been able to feign some humbleness and respect, but he is not a real psychopath he's just an arrogant prick.

    He has this big weird shield up that doesn't allow him to think he has ever done anything wrong or that anyone has feelings. boooo. i'm sad I have gotten myself so enmeshed.

    and yeah I am thinking I want to work at the Rhino in Vegas anyway. I got hired there but that was 4 years ago.

    Anyway.....I will just try and stop being superficial. being a kept woman should never be the goal of a smart person like myself. it's fine for a dummy. who likes abuse. but I don't really like it so much anymore.
    "You wonder why the fuck I rap?
    It's deez SeXaY BiAtCHeZ on mah lap!"
    -peachplumpear

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    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Quote Originally Posted by laurielegs View Post
    Just him choosing to do that would be a deal breaker for me. He didn't have to do it - he chose to.
    No, he did have to go. He was driving some people, friends of ours flying in. Business partners meeting. All of this is on his comps. They cant go get the free stuff w/out him gambling. Oh yeah..he lied about that too. Saying he would only play with 3K, that he was taking that much because he owed someone.... but it turned into him flat out losing 10K.

    But yeah I'm not mad he left me. I like to be myself and smoke weed indoors when he's gone. I don't care for symbolic bs like resolutions and people "happy new year-ing" when this planet COULD have been much bigger or smaller and then how would we count time? a new year every 4 earth years? a new year every 3 earth months? I only like halloween and 4th of july. haha.

    Actually it was MY choice to stay home because I wasn't THAT sick just congested, and having a warrant doesn't mean you get arrested wherever you go...it just means I wouldn't do any of the driving.
    "You wonder why the fuck I rap?
    It's deez SeXaY BiAtCHeZ on mah lap!"
    -peachplumpear

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    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Quote Originally Posted by Swagz View Post
    I would understand him going along with buddies and tipping stage maybe, like oh they dragged me there, but this is borderline cheating. I think you give him the benefit of the doubt where you probably shouldn't be and that he realizes he has it eeeeaaaassssyyyyy and thus that he gets to walk on you.
    I gave thanks to you all, but this one part didnt even occur to me till you said it! I was a stripper for sooo long and I forgot that plenty of guys go in and behave themselves. That the one single guy, the bachelor, or the wild party guy will get dances, maybe a couple scumbags w/ girlfriends/wives will let the girls hard-sell them, you know let the girls hang on them and play with them, waste their time....but then there are guys who are truly hands off.

    And now I don't want to get into a debate on the morality of it bcuz I've had tons of fun teasing guys who "shouldnt" have been there. But I always figure their wives are fat or their girlfriends are very laissez fair or something. hmmm. But yeah he could have just gone and watched. He didnt have to have cootch in his face and tits on his dick. and get her number.

    which reminds me of another BS thing he said: I once forwarded him something from a UK study saying men who ogled breasts for 20 min a day were healthier than men told to avoid all breast ogling. I also have forwarded him emails full of boobs. usually clothed boobs. anyway....So thats what he was saying with the slit eyes "Didn't you tell me I needed to get my 20 minutes??" and his friend starts laughing like this is obviously news he shared with them in great jest. Since it's pretty good news to a guy to hear that. But yeah I'm like sputtering and flushed saying, no, thats not the same, ogling is not dances, and he just talks over me.
    "You wonder why the fuck I rap?
    It's deez SeXaY BiAtCHeZ on mah lap!"
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    God/dess laurielegs's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    Anyway.....I will just try and stop being superficial. being a kept woman should never be the goal of a smart person like myself. it's fine for a dummy. who likes abuse. but I don't really like it so much anymore.
    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    No, he did have to go. He was driving some people, friends of ours flying in. Business partners meeting. All of this is on his comps. They cant go get the free stuff w/out him gambling. Oh yeah..he lied about that too. Saying he would only play with 3K, that he was taking that much because he owed someone.... but it turned into him flat out losing 10K.

    But yeah I'm not mad he left me. I like to be myself and smoke weed indoors when he's gone. I don't care for symbolic bs like resolutions and people "happy new year-ing" when this planet COULD have been much bigger or smaller and then how would we count time? a new year every 4 earth years? a new year every 3 earth months? I only like halloween and 4th of july. haha.
    OK that makes sense. I'm goofy about holidays and get depressed if I can't be with my S.O.

    It does sound like you have reached a crossroads and need to figure out whether it's going to be worth staying.


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    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    i need to sleep but I hope I have the same guts in the morning :-/
    "You wonder why the fuck I rap?
    It's deez SeXaY BiAtCHeZ on mah lap!"
    -peachplumpear

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    Veteran Member peachplumpear's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Honestly this seems so minor compared to what some other women on this board have been thru with their SOs.

    I dont want to break up with him per se. Nor do I want to go back to dancing full time. But I feel like flying to vegas to get our 1000 back and if he doesn't want to be together after that then fuck him. But if he does...then it'd be justified in my mind.
    "You wonder why the fuck I rap?
    It's deez SeXaY BiAtCHeZ on mah lap!"
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Quote Originally Posted by peachplumpear View Post
    I gave thanks to you all, but this one part didnt even occur to me till you said it! I was a stripper for sooo long and I forgot that plenty of guys go in and behave themselves. That the one single guy, the bachelor, or the wild party guy will get dances, maybe a couple scumbags w/ girlfriends/wives will let the girls hard-sell them, you know let the girls hang on them and play with them, waste their time....but then there are guys who are truly hands off.


    which reminds me of another BS thing he said: I once forwarded him something from a UK study saying men who ogled breasts for 20 min a day were healthier than men told to avoid all breast ogling. I also have forwarded him emails full of boobs. usually clothed boobs. anyway....So thats what he was saying with the slit eyes "Didn't you tell me I needed to get my 20 minutes??" and his friend starts laughing like this is obviously news he shared with them in great jest. Since it's pretty good news to a guy to hear that. But yeah I'm like sputtering and flushed saying, no, thats not the same, ogling is not dances, and he just talks over me.

    I know this is a terribly superficial thing to consider, but it's annoying HOW MUCH he spent in dances. And like, with the cash-only bday present, maybe I'm more insecure but I would take that like a diss in the sense that you are receiving a comparably small cash value amount to someone who should not even be receiving his business (since you're "not allowed" to dance anyway).

    Even if his buddies bought him a dance. A dance! That would be relatively normal even if it was hypocritical. But this guy sounds like a stripper-fiend kind of guy who wants the stripper without the strip, getting numbers and dropping money like that. The was he brought up that study as an excuse to dismiss your feelings about his behavior--in front of his friend!!--really bugs me. You wouldn't disrespect him in front of your friends, from what it sounds like. I don't like this one-sidedness.

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    God/dess DesuvsDeath's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Imo - just him getting a stripper's number crosses the line.
    Also - guys who say you can't strip but still go to strip clubs are just bad news.

    It may seem minor in comparison to what other girls on the boards go through... but that doesn't mean it's not still a big deal.

    Anyway - it seems like this guy wants someone he can control. If you're willing to be controlled no big deal... if you aren't... it's time to move on.
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    I suspect he's cheated on you and thinks it's fine since he's supporting you. I think you need to go back to work and drop him. I will never understand the women who quit any type of jobs to be with a man. I briefly did it many years ago and got a "normal" jobs but resented him and went back to dancing.

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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    massive control issues.
    also what annoys me the most, when i get rich custys come in and buy hours and hours of dances they have enough money to just give double that to their wives if they want. i would be heaps pissed if i found out he was cheap on my present but spent double that on strippers what the fuck?

    dont let him keep you away from things you love / want to do coz time will pass and you might not have the same opportunities again.
    maybe i just say that coz ever since i broke up with my so its like i got my life back and im more social than ive ever been [was a hermit before]
    FUCK YEAH finally retired after 6 years dancing!!
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Dudes like this creep me out. Whenever I see couples and the dude is that controlling I'm just like, damn, I feel abusive just being around them.

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    Veteran Member Obenta's Avatar
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    His behavior was to "get back at you" for not going on the trip. Like, "You're not coming? Well, fuck you, bitch! Watch this shit..."

    Getting dances is crossing the line (for me personally).

    Getting a number is definitely, without question, crossing the line.

    Following up by texting/calling the number and trying to "get together" seals the deal.

    He has serious control issues and a massive ego. By texting/trying to get together with her, he was "trying out" breaking up with you and/or cheating on you and/or being "single".

    His "I'm not in trouble/I got this" attitude with his friends really means, "Who cares how she feels? She's not allowed to say shit anyway. I pay all of her bills" *dismissive hand wave*

    A man who truly respects his S.O. and his relationship doesn't behave any differently whether the S.O. is present or not.

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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    If I knew for a fact which club this was, I think I know the girl in question. I've only met one Darean (though I saw it spelled Darian) and she was pretty distinctive. If it's the girl I think it is- she has no interest in your dude. She's a huge hustler.

    Above all that, I agree with what everyone else said.

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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    go be ALONE for 24 hours and re read your post, imagine it was my post and give me advice. YOu will have your answer. Good luck.

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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    Look at it from an outside point of view, does he sound like a keeper?

    Dump his ass, really. it's bullshit, him going to a strip club and spending $500 on lap-dances on NYE and then taking her number when he has a woman at home and you are stuck at home and he only gave you $200 for x-mas

    he's a loser, no one should control you but yourself.

    get someone who respects you cause it damn sure aint him
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    Default Re: my boyfriend got lapdances and HER NUMBER

    he sounds like one of those guys who have a thing for strippers, but at the same time don't respect them. Also, if I were you a guy would have to offer me a lot of money to stay at home. 200$ as a x-mas present? way too little for his asshole behavior. Plus, I honestly think guys who spend that much on strippers are weird. Especially if they have a girlfriend. I'd leave him just for being so disrespectful.

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