I already feel it. I can't have sex/be sexual with men anymore, it's too weird. Every morning I cry for no obvious reason, like at this point I just go ok here come the tears, and ten minutes later there they go. I discovered the other half of my self esteem - I know I'm pretty now, but I feel like a piece of shit person or just dirty half the time, mostly at home when I'm alone. I HATE being alone now, whereas I used to love my alone time. I can't be comforted, I'd rather just be left alone to wallow in my own bs because that for some reason feels better than someone giving me affection (discovered this morning...). I forget my real name when I introduce myself to people after a shift, which is funny more than anything. I'm already having to try to BE my real self and leave my dancer self at work, and some situations I'd almost prefer to be her, not me. It gets so confusing....I let my last customer touch my breasts during a dance last night for an extra 20 dollars. Shoulda either charged wayyy more or just not done it. I cried all the way home because of that shit. I feel more comfortable at work than outside of work now. I'd always rather be at the club, regardless of the shitty things that happen between the fun I get to have there and the money I'm making.
Do you just learn to deal with it? I see these old dancers who really have their lives together otc and are just beautiful strong women, and I wish I could be that now. How do you learn to cope? I'm thinking I'll do yoga a lot, but that's all I got so far.



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, then was over it, and then HAAAATED it. I would get psychosomatic symptoms on my way to work, but I think the stress of my job was just compounded by me being lost in life, making mistakes and screwing around for a year or so and feeling shitty about that already. I quit stripping, got two other jobs, and felt way better but then financial stress took hold and I missed the $$, the glamour, the flexibility of the lifestyle... Now I'm back to stripping and kept the more fulfilling of the two part-timers, and I can keep my "Good Positive Happy" job and my "Fun Sexy Outlet Money Game" job.

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