Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 25 of 33

Thread: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

  1. #1
    Featured Member Brandi_Lynn's Avatar
    Joined
    Apr 2009
    Location
    Your grandma's underwear drawer
    Posts
    1,087
    Thanks
    1,088
    Thanked 874 Times in 419 Posts
    My Mood
    Twisted

    Default Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    This really bothers me -maybe I'm just being oversensitive, but still. Perhaps, it was a choice for her -but I can also see this backing up a homophobe's arguements as well. My question is -how do others in the LGBT community on this site feel about this? I'm feeling a little bewildered or confused at the moment...

    http://specials.msn.com/a-list/enter...gay-choice-psp
    "You're better than no one and no one is better than you."
    -- Bob Dylan

    “There's never going to be a great misunderstanding of me. I think I'm a little whacked.”


  2. #2
    Banned
    Joined
    Feb 2006
    Location
    Colorado!
    Posts
    6,053
    Thanks
    3,775
    Thanked 3,701 Times in 1,713 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    In a word, no.

  3. #3
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    Dec 2010
    Posts
    571
    Thanks
    107
    Thanked 445 Times in 203 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    The heart wants what the heart wants. So it goes with other parts of the body.

    You're wired straight, gay, bi, trans, or "play" (as one gf of mine said, she's not bi, but plays to entertain her man if he wants)

  4. #4
    Banned
    Joined
    Nov 2006
    Location
    in the middle of a cornfield
    Posts
    5,119
    Thanks
    2,693
    Thanked 2,988 Times in 1,098 Posts
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    I have to say, I don't think people are "wired" in ONE specific way. I like to think I'm tri-sexual I am married to a man, I enjoy women (although it's been 4 years since I've been with one :/ ) I enjoy watching man on man porn, tranny porn, etc.. but I'm not a gay man nor am I attracted to women with penises. It's all very complicated. I do agree though that it is what the heart wants and it's not exactly a choice per se.

  5. #5
    God/dess firemaiden04's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2008
    Location
    NY
    Posts
    2,652
    Thanks
    3,054
    Thanked 2,005 Times in 903 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    No, I don't think being gay is a choice, but I do believe a lot of gay people "choose" to live a heterosexual life, i.e. all the "in the closet" gay men with wives and children. So, I suppose that same gay man could also "choose" to live a homosexual lifestyle as well. But this is all just appearances. Do I think gay people "choose" to be attracted to the same sex? Hell no. They just choose how they react to it.

  6. #6
    Featured Member sierra.'s Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2010
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    904
    Thanks
    1,484
    Thanked 1,166 Times in 427 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    For me, it isn't a choice I consciously made. I don't think it is for many people, and I think that those who condemn homo/bi/whateversexuality and claim people can choose to be not gay are ignorant.

    However, if Cynthia Nixon or anyone feels a certain way about THEIR OWN sexuality, then I don't think that I get to decide whether or not that is valid. If she says it was a choice for her then OK, it was.
    And I agree with what she has said, that why does it matter? It shouldn't matter at all.

    Unfortunately there are people who will try and twist this statement to fit their own anti-LGBT agenda, so I can see why her statement might get a negative reaction in the community.

    Anyway, there's probably a lot more I could say on this but I really need to be doing homework!

    hot flirting tips 2k13: tell him, “I’m not like other girls,” then pull down the secret zipper at the back of your neck to reveal your true reptilian form


  7. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to sierra. For This Useful Post:


  8. #7
    God/dess Trem's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    2,958
    Thanks
    1,714
    Thanked 3,253 Times in 1,343 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    She's simply wrong. She's bisexual and prefers women, that was her choice. For most of us there is no choice, i didn't randomly pick women over men, that is just how i am.
    "Well done. Here are the test results: You are a horrible person. I'm serious, that's what it says: 'A horrible person.' We weren't even testing for that."

  9. #8
    God/dess roast's Avatar
    Joined
    Aug 2010
    Posts
    2,182
    Thanks
    14,733
    Thanked 11,294 Times in 1,925 Posts
    My Mood
    Hungover

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    her point was (and has been) a bit more nuanced but people kind of ran with the soundbyte unfortunately - I understood 100% where she was coming from because she's talked about this before but was a touch surprised she forgot that the media would slice up a small part of it and run wild. Or maybe since she isnt in the spotlight as intensely anymore and doesnt try to be an activist she was like 'well fuck it, Ill speak my own truth - I dont represent the larger community'? I cant fault her much for that tbh.

    In the past she's said her love for her partner is very real much like her previous relationships with men was very real - but she wouldnt necessarily put a label on it, she thinks imposing a label (for herself) is making a choice and she'd rather not make an identity choice and just love. And whoever she loves is just who she loves.

    She gave a shorthand version of what she's said before on The Talk and it didnt translate well? Unfortunately we're a very soundbyte culture. I think where she's coming from is a bit avant garde for where we are as a society when it comes to sexuality - like as a nation we're not there yet, but where she's coming from is largely understandable





    Quote Originally Posted by Procrasturbator View Post
    So how many stumps can you fit in your pussy?

  10. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to roast For This Useful Post:


  11. #9
    Banned
    Joined
    Jul 2005
    Posts
    11,037
    Thanks
    1,891
    Thanked 5,124 Times in 3,086 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    Generally no, I feel it's the way one is born. However I do think in SOME cases it is a choice, such as knowing you are one but choose to live like the other, or in the case of bisexuals who decide which one they want to be with at that point (and yes I have known people who went from one gender to another in relationships). Having said that I think we are all born with bisexual tendencies, just with some it's strong, and others it's very low. What I mean by that is some people are open to either sex, but some generally aren't though might be in certain cases, others have no interest. I'm generally not interested in women but know that there are so many variations on bi/straight/gay/other.

    Honestly, does anyone think though that most gay people would choose to live a lifestyle that many people attack? I doubt it unless they truly were gay. Gay people are often discriminated against in everything.

  12. #10
    Veteran Member _natasha's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2011
    Location
    uk
    Posts
    507
    Thanks
    489
    Thanked 598 Times in 226 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    You are how you are.. I kinda agree with Trem. I am straight and would never call myself bi, although I have 'played' with girls. However, I see THAT as my choice... rather than whether I am straight or not. I didn't choose to be straight, nor was I conditioned into being straight, I was born that way.

  13. #11
    Banned
    Joined
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    87
    Thanks
    51
    Thanked 14 Times in 11 Posts
    My Mood
    Chatty

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    It can be either. Choice, or not.

  14. #12
    Banned
    Joined
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,943
    Thanks
    1,952
    Thanked 1,729 Times in 728 Posts
    My Mood
    Relaxed

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    Being gay is not a choice, just like being born male or female, or who you are born TOO is not a choice. Sexual experimentation is a choice, sexuality itself is not. There is a whole spectrum of emotional and physical attraction out there, we have long passed the times when it was beneficial for a male and a female to be together as a supportive family unit. And unfortunately the argument about sexuality isn't aimed at sexuality itself, but AT the family unit in most cases. I used to believe that everyone was a little bisexual, but having been in love with and in lust with several people, including (to me) females who felt they were not in fact female, and males who felt they were not in fact male, and just about every shade of grey in between, I now know this is not the case. There are some people who are attracted to their own sex, there are others who in no uncertain terms are not, there are those who like a little bit of everything, those who a a-sexual, those who while physically male are leading the life of a female and attracted to other females and so on and so on ad nauseum. How people express their sexuality is a choice (some may choose never to come out and lead an openly "gay" life), but what that sexuality is, is not a choice. And nor is being bisexual. Although I hate to use that term for myself since it is so limiting, I have as you say "gone from relationship with one sex to another", simply because I was attracted to the person and not their gender.

  15. #13
    Veteran Member UV69's Avatar
    Joined
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Miami
    Posts
    686
    Thanks
    47
    Thanked 276 Times in 120 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    I choice to be gay completely everyday cuz I do feel women/girls are sexier & better for me in every way as sexist as that sounds. Yes I was always attracted to females as long as I remember, but I don't care if my DNA made me this way. I would "choice" to be a lesbian in every lifetime I get cuz I honestly do think females are the superior sex.

    So what my conscience & sub conscience agree. I could choice to be with a guy if I wanted. I tried being str8, but much like the statement above I found "gay to be the better" choice for me even with all the bullshit that goes with it. I think people should stress why gay people are gay alot less & respect it as a personal choice rather then some curse placed on some1 win the womb where they were born wrong cuz really I don't think there is anything wrong with the choices I have made to be with the women/girls I been attracted to. It was the right choice for me & I choice it the same way I choice not to be attracted to bimbos or girls that do to much drugs. I choice my partners completely and they are NOT randomly chosen for me like as if it's an arranged marriage I had no say in. So yes I did choice to like & chase & be with whatever girl that caught my interest based on what I as a person find attractive in partners.

    Maybe other gays (g,l,b,t zxy who's opinions I don't value any higher then any1 elses) feel they didn't get a choice, but that's them & not me. I personally pick & choice who i want to be sexually involved with completely. I also think gays & the whole alphabet have got to let go of that whole we all must agree as a community nonsense & allow others in your queer umbrella to have their own minds. Sorry I'm a dyke that strips for goodness sake some lesbians need to stay out of my business & stop telling me what I can, or can not do, say, feel with my body yes I'm a butch dyke, but no that doesn't mean I have to follow some glbt code book that says I have to wear sports bras, over sized shirts, & Ashirts hiding my breast cuz heaven 4bid a guy gets turned on by me. Well that whole pack of sheep all gays have 1 opinion on things nonsense just doesn't fly with me.

    I like that a woman came out and said she tried both sexes and she made a choice that she felt was better for her and that it was to be with women. That to me is soo much better then hearing another btch complain about how she was forced by her dna to eat pussy & that she would be with a man if she could. Like really that is a victims stance I can stand.
    "Happiness does not depend on material things, but on having others pay for them"
    "Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition"

    Add Me To Your MySpace Friend's List

  16. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to UV69 For This Useful Post:


  17. #14
    Moderator Aurora_Sunset's Avatar
    Joined
    Feb 2011
    Posts
    6,429
    Thanks
    19,845
    Thanked 18,506 Times in 4,919 Posts
    My Mood
    Breezy

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    I have an excellent book on homosexuality and religion that makes a great argument: it shouldn't matter. The author wants people to step away from the argument that being gay isn't a choice, because it shouldn't matter whether being gay is a choice or not - even if it is a choice, it should be considered a valid choice. She doesn't like the "it isn't a choice" argument, because it's basically saying that being gay is not ideal... the message behind it being that if gay people could choose, they would choose to be straight... it casts them as victims who simply can't help not being able to choose the "right" or "ideal" way to be. Overall, it shouldn't be an argument about whether or not gay people can choose to be gay or not - but an argument that being gay, even if it's a choice, should be considered just as good as a choice to be straight.

    Unfortunately, I don't think we as a society are ready to accept anything beyond tolerating people who are "victims" by not having a choice in their sexuality, so the "it isn't a choice" argument continues to be the most widely used and accepted...
    Don't try to win over the haters. You are not the Jerk Whisperer.

    Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.






  18. The Following 5 Users Say Thank You to Aurora_Sunset For This Useful Post:


  19. #15
    Banned
    Joined
    Apr 2011
    Posts
    1,943
    Thanks
    1,952
    Thanked 1,729 Times in 728 Posts
    My Mood
    Relaxed

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    I see the logic behind that Aurora, but I don't personally agree. As someone who is attracted to people rather than their gender, i know it isn't a choice. But, if it were, i wouldn't "choose" to be any other way. Even back in school when i was teased for it.. i may have kept quiet about fancying the girl sitting next to me, but overall i was ok with the feelings i had, and as i grew older i became more and more comfortable with it, realizing that people are just people and we don't have to define it and put it in a box.

  20. #16
    God/dess
    Joined
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    2,066
    Thanks
    440
    Thanked 1,844 Times in 779 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    i love aurora's answer which is my default response to this: "it doesn't matter"

  21. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to camille27 For This Useful Post:


  22. #17
    Moderator Miss_McKenna's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2007
    Posts
    1,892
    Thanks
    82
    Thanked 825 Times in 437 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    I don't think its a choice at all. you can choose if you ACT gay, but not if you ARE gay. I'm bi and I knew since I was a kid that I was interested in girls as well as boys, there was never a time when I decided to be into girls too!


  23. #18
    Featured Member lopaw's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Los Angeles
    Posts
    1,535
    Thanks
    222
    Thanked 967 Times in 481 Posts
    My Mood
    Pensive

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    I didn't choose to be gay. Like Kellydancer said - who in their right mind would conscientiously choose to be gay in a world filled with homophobic bigots and haters?
    When I was younger there were many times that I wished that I had been born straight so that my life would have been much easier. I don't feel that way anymore...in my late twenties I finally accepted my orientation, and decided that this was how I was meant to be .

  24. #19
    God/dess cherryblossomsinspring's Avatar
    Joined
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    3,244
    Thanks
    2,454
    Thanked 4,800 Times in 1,707 Posts
    My Mood
    Angelic

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    I feel for some it is and for some it's not. Some people choose to be straight why is this so difficult to see that some can also choose to be gay? I've spoken with many lesbian women and truth be told that many would have stayed with men if it weren't for issues that came up with them. Mainly a betrayal that was so painful that they swore to never deal with men again and ended up dating women. Plus others may have gotten into the gay lifestyle of a desire to get back at parents or even because they thought it was cool. How many girls are making out at clubs when it wasn't even something to do ? Britney and Madonna's epic kiss? and Ohh Katy Perry's "I kissed a girl"? There are also couples that do threesomes WMW and the woman is not even attracted to women yet she goes along with the performance for her man's sake. She may eventually like it and get accustomed to it. Did that make her gay? or was she conditioned? was she just in the closet all along? In some cultures boys are made to have sex with men until they become men themselves and then are made to marry women after they have gotten out of this childlike phase. This is their norm yet some boys in this culture have a hard time connecting with women and are still desiring men. Nature over nurture? Or when a child is raised in a same sex household do they feel wrong from being attracted to the opposite sex? Like ooh my parents would probably love me more if I brought home one of their own? Or should I rebel and bring home the opposite sex?

    I don't think it's fair for someone's choice to make you feel less than who you are. If that's the case then there is a bigger issue with your own identity that you have to look at. Sexuality or should I say an attraction to a specific sex isn't a war. Like ooh no straight 20 and gay 5 . This isn't a contest. Just recently a pal's best gay gf came out oft he closet or is it now out of the door? What is it called when a gay person realizes they are straight? Guess we don't really have a name for that. My friend felt betrayed like how could she do that to US. As if they lost a comrade in some epic battle front. I had to tell them to be grateful they found out who they really are and to not take their choices so personal since it's their choice.

    I even know men that say they are straight but have had sex with men a few times and just consider that sex. They don't consider themselves bi either. They don't date men they just sleep with them occasionally when a hole is available they get in it. I may label them closeted bi but they just see it as a choice for extra sex when they are not feeling like going through the normal emotional haggle with women. For a man to be with a man that wants just sex there isn't a whole amount of dialogue. Maybe some grunts but that's about it. The guy in question didn't even want to discuss it in detail with me because he told me it was messing up his at the moment buzz. He almost talked about it like it was an afternoon hobby he picks up every now and again like sailing or water rafting. My curiosity on the subject came to a halt when he guy grew cold and uncomfortable as if I was being intrusive when it was he who decided to divulge this information in the first place. He was hoping for some sex with me later but lets just say regardless of how hot it was I was turned off.

    So Cynthia Nixon made her choice why would I ever be upset about how that defines who I am? If it bothers you then you are really no different than the straight bigots you so despise. Now maybe it messed up someone's fantasy of wanting her someday. There are many hot actors that I thought were straight and later they come crashing out the closet. It only sucks because my dream crush is now filled with mental images of him being bent over or bending some guy over with thicker lips. Yes so my fantasy may have been ruined but so what. There are more hot guys to drool over as there are hot women to drool over. Find another person to drool over.

  25. #20
    Newbie
    Joined
    Jan 2012
    Posts
    10
    Thanks
    3
    Thanked 12 Times in 6 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    i think the question should be answered with "is being straight a choice?"
    i think gay/trans/lesbian people are born with this and it isnt a concious choice for them to simply turn gay or lesbian or feel they dont have the right body one day, sure there are some people who do this but its mainly people who want to explore or are tired of their male/female partners letting them down or being disappointing leading them to become curious
    i do however think its a concious choice whether to live a gay or straight lifestyle (e.g. closet wife and kids or civil partnership with a man)

  26. The Following User Says Thank You to xxAcidxx For This Useful Post:


  27. #21
    God/dess
    Joined
    Jan 2004
    Location
    Your imagination
    Posts
    2,875
    Thanks
    19
    Thanked 174 Times in 119 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    The feelings may not be a choice. I am not a neurochemist. What you do with the feelings is obviously a choice. And for most people it's a continuum, where they are skewed towards feeling sexual desire for one gender over another.

    Environment has marginal effects (that is, crowded environments appear to push things a little more towards same-sex desire with both animals and humans, but nothing where people can't exercise free will to go one way or another). But we are human, we have big awesome brains. We have a lot of choice about what we want to do or be with sexually, and that is not to be set aside. We aren't slaves to our preferences, but neither can we pretend we don't have preferences.

    I have known (a few) people with very strong same-sex desire who found their desire shifted towards opposite-sex. And I've known people with very strong same-sex desire who never saw that happen. And vice versa.

  28. #22
    God/dess
    Joined
    Sep 2006
    Posts
    7,964
    Thanks
    6,155
    Thanked 10,183 Times in 4,602 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    Studies have shown differences between the brains of people who are gay and straight. The brains of gay men are more similar to straight women than straight men, and the same thing for gay women.

    http://www.time.com/time/health/arti...815538,00.html

  29. #23
    Veteran Member
    Joined
    May 2008
    Posts
    743
    Thanks
    1
    Thanked 133 Times in 55 Posts

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    I do not think it is a choice.


  30. #24
    Banned
    Joined
    Dec 2008
    Location
    Vegas, Baby!
    Posts
    2,136
    Thanks
    2,464
    Thanked 1,174 Times in 619 Posts
    My Mood
    Fine

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    I find it odd that it comes down to "genetic" vs "choice" when there are many, many other factors. Considering those factors - no, I do not believe it is genetic, and science backs this - there is no "gay gene", it's not in the DNA.

    BUT - that doesn't mean it's a conscious decision or "choice", either. Many, many things factor into who we are in every aspect, including our sexuality. In that regard, the only remaining question would be - can it be "fixed"?

    IMO - and it won't be a popular one - yes. I believe that through many factors, someone either decides to be gay or becomes gay subconsciously; and with the correct "treatment" (not that there likely IS such a thing right now) on a case by case basis, it probably COULD be "treated".

    BUT - why should we, as a society, bother? If someone is happy living that way, and feels that it is who they are regardless of how it happened, what's the big deal? Methinks this should rank well toward the bottom of the societal priority list, right down there with people who like doggy style over missionary or women who prefer larger penises over smaller ones. There are more than enough people out there liking what they like, whatever it is, for everyone to find a partner. Why homosexuality outranks the others on modern societies' priority list baffles me.

    Well - okay - it doesn't BAFFLE me, I know where most of it comes from (biblical references, etc), but c'mon - as someone who identifies as fairly conservative and a very christian one at that - the bible mentioned homosexuality and left out the rest because Furries as we know them today didn't exist. Interesting that the bible never specifically mentions pedophilia as a sin, yet society has determined that molesting children is wrong, right? So we CAN make determinations that the bible doesn't cover. And the bible has a LOT more to say about adultery than about homosexuality, right? Yet society - including the radical right - manages to work around that one every day. SO clearly we can make determinations that go directly against scripture as well.

    Hypocrisy offends me FAR more than anyone's sexual orientation ever will...

  31. #25
    God/dess JayATee's Avatar
    Joined
    Jul 2008
    Location
    In your nightmares...
    Posts
    4,861
    Thanks
    1,334
    Thanked 2,291 Times in 1,133 Posts
    My Mood
    Devilish

    Default Re: Do you feel that gay is a choice???

    No...
    Sorry I missed church. I was too busy practicing witchcraft and becoming a lesbian.

    "If you're good at something, never do it for free." The Dark Knight

    "you conjunctively engender an intoxicating combination of wicked, wholesome & insanely intelligent" - a friend describing me


    Quote Originally Posted by lestat1 View Post
    ^^^ It's a penis, not a martini shaker.
    Blessed Be

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Similar Threads

  1. Gay Marriage opposer gets DUI... after leaving gay club
    By Athenathefabulous in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 14
    Last Post: 03-09-2010, 07:14 PM
  2. Name choice
    By curious_cat in forum Newbie Board
    Replies: 16
    Last Post: 06-06-2006, 04:27 AM
  3. Your choice...
    By hillari in forum The Lounge
    Replies: 3
    Last Post: 11-17-2004, 03:17 AM
  4. If you had the choice?....
    By krys in forum Club Chat
    Replies: 30
    Last Post: 03-02-2004, 02:22 PM
  5. Replies: 4
    Last Post: 03-01-2004, 12:00 PM

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •