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Thread: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenchie View Post
    Is it still a woman's perogative to change her mind? If so, all these "dealbreakers" are not necessarily so.

    Reminds me of my brother, saying he'd never date a smoker until he did.

    You never know what you might want or be willing to settle for eventually. It's wise to keep an open mind.
    Well, not interested in older men so not sure what you mean. Someone older than my dad is out unless he's rich.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Well, not interested in older men so not sure what you mean. Someone older than my dad is out unless he's rich.
    Or unless a, b, c, d, or whatever other factor comes into play. That's my point.

    I didn't get the impression you cared about money much. That's surprising.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    No, not interested in a much older man. Why would I be? Older men don't appeal to me, I prefer men around my age.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    No, not interested in a much older man. Why would I be? Older men don't appeal to me, I prefer men around my age.
    Why? For all the reasons other than age that you list, but I get what you're saying. You'd just said "unless he's rich."

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    I was being facetious but no I am not interested in an older man. He should date women his age and leave me alone. Sure I have dealbreakers but those have nothing to do with this thread.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Not everyone is attracted to grandpa. Not to mention dating someone who is much further along in the aging process than you can affect your quality of life imo. For example when I dated a much older man there were some perks but for the most part my sex life and social life suffered as a result. His idea of fun on a Friday night was watching Fox News on his couch. It got to a point where he'd fantasize about sitting on his couch at home when we'd be out for sushi. Sex would only happen if all conditions were perfect for him. Required lots of work on my end to help get him up. I'd get all cute and dolled up, go over to his house and I'd end up... watching CNN... Ugh. There's also that whole thing about your much older man dying much sooner than you, leaving you alone.
    Last edited by LaurenAus; 03-03-2012 at 07:32 AM.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    I was being facetious but no I am not interested in an older man. He should date women his age and leave me alone. Sure I have dealbreakers but those have nothing to do with this thread.
    They are indirectly related since age is part of a much larger puzzle.

    Where I disagree with you is how you go beyond just not wanting certain types of men, to nott wanting them to date certain types of *other* women. It may be annoying to be hit on by men you have no interest in, but they have no way of knowing this until they try, and I don't think it's any woman's place to tell a man what he should want any more than it's their place to tell us what we should want.

    How many dancers swore they'd never strip until they needed money? We can say we would do this or want that, but as they say, God laughs at our plans. I find it's best to keep an open mind.

    I do know that my own love life improved tons when I stopped viewing men as resumes, or types, and just related to them as MEN. The thing I loved most about dancing was how it trained me to see whatever good was in any man, regardless of his superficials, including age. Being too judgmental is never sexy to anyone, especially in a romantic context, especially if one is using their personal preference for others as a character-assassination vehicle.

    In other words, why should it bother you at all if a man your age wants a woman half your age? Maybe he'd rather be alone if he can't get what he wants. I sure feel that way for myself. Your implied argument seems to be that the men you prefer are somehow even morally superior to the ones you don't, and that comes off as a power-trip, based on what? Your looks? Yet you say men shouldn't objectify us.

    Did you ever think maybe the high-quality men you want also have standards that you don't meet? You might be okay with stripping, but how would you feel if a good-catch type of man (handsome rich etc.) said something like "I prefer women who aren't strippers, and think they should stick to the lowlifes who have to settle for them rather than boterhing me?"

    If single men are that way for a reason, so are single women. If men are losers for not getting what they want, so are we. Is that your world view? It's not mine.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Men who want much younger women are often controlling and superficial. Personally if a man wants a much younger women I dare him to try that unless he's really good looking or has money. The men I have seen who want much younger are ugly fat slobs with little money. I wouldn't date them now and certainly wouldn't when I was younger. Maybe I'll start posting photos of these men so everyone can see what I am talking about. If people go to the various dating sites they will see some of the losers.


    I've never heard of a woman thinking it was fine for men to date much younger. In fact most women I know think it's gross to date much younger. I am talking men who actively seek much younger, not that it happened by chance. Big difference. Also, I'm no longer stripping for the most part and I have been rejected for that and understand. You seem to take this personally which leads me to think you are either a man or a woman who likes older men. Fine, but it's still repulsive for older men to actively seek out younger women.

    I don't care if an older man tries to date an younger woman but I will continue to laugh at those who don't understand why they can't succeed.
    Last edited by Kellydancer; 03-03-2012 at 12:34 PM.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Plus, most of my family member aren't obese (my mom is tiny)and I have noticed fatter people look older.
    Yes, exactly.

    The three things that "age" you most, in terms of appearance, are:

    1. Condition of skin
    2. Grey hair
    3. Excess weight

    So if you are thin, brunette and have great skin, you will always look younger than your chronological age.

    Although genetics has helped you nicely so far, we all -- past the age of 35 or so -- are more affected by our personal lifestyle choices than by genetic factors. It's always a combination of the two, but genetics goes from being dominant under age 35 to being secondary after that age.

    The reason is that genes encode for expression within a predicted lifetime, and human lifetimes peaked out at right around 30 years through almost all our genetic history. The rule of thumb is 2x age of sexual maturity, the reasoning being that primates need to live long enough to reproduce and then to see that their offspring do the same.

    You can see this in a significant percentage of the population where people literally fall apart at age 40 or so due to really harmful lifestyle choices (drugs, smoking, drinking excessively, overweight, never exercise). Genes carry them right up to age 40 and then just dump them there.

    The issue of whether life is worth living without those choices is another question.

    Anyway, most of those "old men" who have been annoying you look old because of lifestyle choices they made. There is some justice, I suppose, in the fact that genetics will not carry you through self-destructive behavior forever.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by All Good Things View Post
    Yes, exactly.

    The three things that "age" you most, in terms of appearance, are:

    1. Condition of skin
    2. Grey hair
    3. Excess weight

    So if you are thin, brunette and have great skin, you will always look younger than your chronological age.

    Although genetics has helped you nicely so far, we all -- past the age of 35 or so -- are more affected by our personal lifestyle choices than by genetic factors. It's always a combination of the two, but genetics goes from being dominant under age 35 to being secondary after that age.

    The reason is that genes encode for expression within a predicted lifetime, and human lifetimes peaked out at right around 30 years through almost all our genetic history. The rule of thumb is 2x age of sexual maturity, the reasoning being that primates need to live long enough to reproduce and then to see that their offspring do the same.

    You can see this in a significant percentage of the population where people literally fall apart at age 40 or so due to really harmful lifestyle choices (drugs, smoking, drinking excessively, overweight, never exercise). Genes carry them right up to age 40 and then just dump them there.

    The issue of whether life is worth living without those choices is another question.

    Anyway, most of those "old men" who have been annoying you look old because of lifestyle choices they made. There is some justice, I suppose, in the fact that genetics will not carry you through self-destructive behavior forever.
    Very true. I am not especially thin (not fat)but as I age I am more concerned about my body than ever before. I love to workout and keep in shape because genetics are only so much. Also, sun has a lot of do with it. I have never been that sun obsessed being darker but my blonde haired friends all look older than me. I don't drink or smoke (smokig has been proven to age skin)and drink lots of water. I plan on being a young 40something person.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    If I dated much younger I would be child molester so I like men under 10 years older than me. My husband is about 5 years older than me I enjoy that because he's matured enough to support me and understands what to do financially but still has room to grow with me romanticly and family wise.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Aslinn View Post
    If I dated much younger I would be child molester so I like men under 10 years older than me. My husband is about 5 years older than me I enjoy that because he's matured enough to support me and understands what to do financially but still has room to grow with me romanticly and family wise.
    I hate to say this but I have been searching for a husband and have been seeking a few years older. The reason is because then they are able to support me so I know what you are saying with this.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    I have to agree that age gaps between partners can impact a relationship over time. Generally a young woman dating a significantly older man 15-25 years is doing so because he treats her differently than her peers. He's maybe more giving or takes her to better places etc. I know because I did it when I was 19. Not on purpose but they hit on me constantly. The funny thing was I expected the sex to be better and it wasn't. I realized that I was just around to make them feel better about themselves , it had nothing to do with a real deep connection. Once I figured this out I took sex off the table completely. Those same older guys came around and I told them I don't have sex anymore. They disappeared. Some even took up insulting me because I didn't have sex and tried this weird game of convincing. When that didn't work they got pissed off and either ignored me or wanted me to leave their beautiful home.

    My long term relationships were with people within 4 -5 years from my age and those have been the fullest relationships thus far. The larger the age gap the more you'll be treated like a trophy or a toy IMHO. I went back to dating and the same thing was attempted. The older men had much more to offer financially but because of their age they weren't trying to part with it. It was more like " if you're with me, look what you may get". I wasn't dumb enough to fall for this so I dated them with my legs closed seeing exactly what that meant. Again nothing changed they still wanted a sex toy but boy did they pack on the promises of "tomorrow". I remember a few older guys I dated got really pissed off with me , because even though their talks about trips to the Galapagos Islands sounded interesting , it wasn't interesting enough for me to drop my drawers. Some were ever more pushy trying to just get me to their houses so I could look at their prized collections. Yawn...... Also as people age they get comfortable with understand what they are after when they connect with the opposite sex. When they don't get what they want , they typically have a harder time hiding their disappointment and frustration. Older men in particular forget how to do this with grace. You tell an older man you're not coming over and he looks like he's about to chop your head off where you stand.

    Not all are the same but from my experience it's a battle to avoid the bedroom. If you're not out to sleep with them they come across even worse than men your own age. Younger guys want to get laid too but I've noticed they just let it happen naturally without promising much of anything. Older guys use expensive dinners, trips, shopping and the expensive car to lure a woman into bed. For me wealth is sexy but not when it's used in this manner.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    continued...

    If I'm getting to know someone , I tend to try and leave sex off the table for a while. If sex is bad and the guy is just not that interesting then it's done. If he's a great communicator, kind , giving and sex is bad then I'm willing to work with him. Also older men do listen, the do this quite well, however I notice it's to figure out more so how he needs to treat you in order to get laid. Younger guys do the same but it doesn't seem so contrived and creepy. Plus younger men tend to have things in common with you that allows for activities to far extend from the bedroom. Older men also may try to create a false sense of connection. Like bringing up stupid things that they supposedly have in common with you. Wow we use the same tissue! How cool is that. Really? That's it? They also are generally not willing to learn new things from the younger generation because they feel they are the ones that have so much knowledge to impart. You soon realize you are dating your father and not an equal. If you attempt to become more of his equal by taking up his interests you'll notice how at first it will make him happy but then if you learn too much , you'll be considered a threat. An older man's ego is much more delicate than that of a younger man's so you end up tip toeing around them , so as to avoid attack. Learning is a one way street and they are less open to change or to viewing things differently. The term " set in his ways" is what you'll be dealing with so as much as older men enjoy youth and seeing the light bulb go off for a younger person, they tend to forget to screw in a new light bulb for themselves.

    After a few moments of this and maybe second guessing yourself, you'll decide that I'd rather die growing old with someone , not watching them grow old without me. The only exception is if he's stinking rich. But you'll probably end up spitting out your tongue from biting down on it too hard over the course of your relationship. The price of comfort is never what it appears to be.

    So 5-10 years older is probably the safest number. As I get older that number will shaved down.

    When I was about 19 I slept with a few 40 year olds and sadly the sex was worse than sleeping with a 20 year old. I was hoping to enjoy an older man's sexual experience and learn new things about my body but this wasn't the case. I learned nothing new.

    Now women at the age of 40+ are at their sexual peek which is why they make better partners for men in their 20s'. Young men are typically not looking to settle down and older women typically have already done the nesting phase. So these two are better matched for just sex. The younger man can keep up and the older woman can teach. The younger man is also more likely to be more open to learning from the older woman without his ego being bruised.

    What I noticed with the older men is that they picked younger women for age , their sexual promiscuity at that age and the fact that women generally didn't have that many partners yet. No alot of partners means that she's not that experienced yet and if he's bad in bed , who is she going to compare this too? I thought that all men just sucked and that's why sex is sought after by them to such a large degree. It's funny how your mind comes to a conclusion when you have no other information to go off on. It wasn't until later as I dated men within 5 years from my age did I start to see the benefits of the emotional longer term connections coupled with sex going from good to amazing.

    I understand of course there will always be exceptions to this rule and If I decide to date normally I will seek what I want but will also keep the door cracked openly ever so sightly. This way wicked something "cums" .... lol

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Don't be so hard on Kellydancer. She looks young and takes care of herself. She has her standards. There is no reason why she should settle for anyone less than what she wants.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Cherryblossom, great post. I have noticed from all my dating years so much of what you've seen as well. I look at it now from a different aspect than I did then. In my 20's when I dated these older guys I thought it made sense when they would tell me how older women are out of shape, etc. Now at my age I look at them as scum because they only wanted a Barbie.

    Stripclubregular, I have a very funny feeling that poster telling me to date older men and that there is nothing against dating a young woman with an older men is a man "herself". He/she/it made a very misogynist comment in another thread that I can't imagine a woman making. I don't even get why someone would tell me to date an older man, but then again I've gotten so many comments when I state I do not date dads.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Cherryblossom, great post. I have noticed from all my dating years so much of what you've seen as well. I look at it now from a different aspect than I did then. In my 20's when I dated these older guys I thought it made sense when they would tell me how older women are out of shape, etc. Now at my age I look at them as scum because they only wanted a Barbie.

    Stripclubregular, I have a very funny feeling that poster telling me to date older men and that there is nothing against dating a young woman with an older men is a man "herself". He/she/it made a very misogynist comment in another thread that I can't imagine a woman making. I don't even get why someone would tell me to date an older man, but then again I've gotten so many comments when I state I do not date dads.
    Yeah I was surprised about those comments myself. You want what you want, No different than the many unattractive men that desire attractive women. Also the dad thing I also have felt the same when dating. I just really wasn't interested in dating someone that had children already. I don't have any and I felt well maybe I'll meet someone that "may" want some at a point in their life but not right now. I did get hit on by guys with children even dated one, but their children were not well behaved and daddy was more concerned with sticking his dick in another hole. So on that note I said nope not for me. I remember one guy's kid came over to my place. I could tell this kid was going to grow to be 6'5. The baby was up to my waste walking around at 2. Shit creeped me out lol.

    The guy seemed to be dumb , he was moving the baby around all fast and crazy and the first thing I thought was " I know huggies are not that great at catching wetness at those speeds". Sure enough I look and their's a wet spot on my couch. Plus my place isn't child proofed and the kid was knocking shit over. I was like see yeah you're not raising your kid and it's not my place to do it for you. Don't come over to my place when you're trying to "hook up" but you feel your kid is going to watch himself. Ugg it was ugly and I just acted busy.

    Then I went on a date with a guy that had two daughters. There were like in Jr High which made me feel uncomfortable because they were old enough to think for themselves. One was sick and the other was fine but since dad was such a lonely loser he dragged his daughters out on our date. Yes what a fucking loser. I told him we should reschedule when the girl is feeling better and he made his daughter get on the phone to tell me she was fine. Really?

    So instead of it being a two person movie date we ended up on a family outing. Yes two girls and us. This was the weirdest first date ever. So he gets the tickets for a movie that's not going to start for 1.5 hours. So I had to listen to this weird looking guy talk about his ex's and show me their pictures . Then he went on to talk about sexual shit with his daughters ear shot away. I had to tell him nicely to stfu because they could hear him but he was more concerned with being heard. I was hoping that someone would shoot me in the head because I just couldn't listen to him any longer. One of the daughters had an attitude which I felt she was right in feeling put off by a new woman just showing up to hang out with her family. Most awkward as feeling ever. So when the movie was coming up in another 30 minutes I told him we should reschedule instead for another night. NO way was I sitting through a 3 hour movie with this guy.

    So this fucker starts blaming his daughter like " see what you did , now she wants to leave". I almost lost it. BTW the other daughter was a gem and they were both adorable. It gets worse because the upset daughter walks ahead and he then says " I hope you get hit by a car". That was it. I had to open my mouth and I put that fucker in his place. I went over to the girl and told her look , we can do this another time. Your sister isn't feeling well and you are tired of hanging out with the "old folks" yeah I know right? Me old but to a kid in jr high yes I'm ancient. She apologized and I told her , why are you apologizing? I'm exhausted and we're all tired and your sister should be in bed resting.

    Why did that guy call me the next night and tell me the "sweet daughter" got worse? Fever shot up when they go home. Really dumb ass ? You didn't see that happening?

    He tried getting me to go out to some club with him but I wanted to drive myself just in case I needed to ditch the weirdo. He got all mad and tried to pull some PUA bullshit rejection line attack shit. It failed and I pretty much put a mirror up to him and tore off ever piece of fatty flesh he had hanging on his bones. He apologized and I cut . his. ass. off.

    Note: On our date he did mention something about watching some PUA show. I noticed he had his nails colored and he had some 50's hair style. He was telling me that when he goes out on dates he doesn't hit on the girl and by the end of the date the girl is jumping his bones. Yeah ok. That will not happen.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    The other guy I considered dating ( had a child) just didn't mesh with me. I was on my way out to a club and he was sitting at home reading bedtime stories. How can he keep up with me. He was leaving me messages in the morning when I just barely got home with one eye opened , ears ringing and legs sore for dancing all night. We just had nothing in common. Plus he lived with his mother which made me hate him even more because ooh right so you got someone knocked up and now your mother has to raise your kids too , meanwhile you're looking to stick your dick in another hole? Fuck you. He also was the dumb ass guy that had pictures up of his neck and face which you guessed if folks, the guy was fucking fat.

    Ohh and I forgot this winner I met at a bar that would open early. It was a great place to go after working a graveyard shift at the office. I went with a co worker that was trying to "hook me up" with his friend. The guy was nice enough to buy me a drink but he looked at me and said " I can tell you don't have any kids". Huh? What does that mean? "Well it looks like you spend money on yourself". Really? Am I supposed to run to the nearest orphanage and just start throwing bills through the mail slot? So I asked him how many kids he had. Guy was like 6. Hmm. I thought maybe he was married and wanted a big ass family. WRONG! He knocked up 4 different women. 1 had 3 kids by him and the other 3 had one each Wow really? It's about 7:30am why aren't you walking one of them to school? Aww the mom takes care of all that. Right.

    I looked at my drink and immediately couldn't enjoy it. I was thinking how this drink could be some school supplies for the kids this loser apparently wasn't taking care of , or maybe some shoes or bus fare. I was immediately turned off because to me a man shouldn't have any money for anyone else other than his children. I was thinking didn't his dick get him in trouble 6 times over and he has the audacity to look at me like I'm wearing too many clothes?? Again Fuck that! I acted busy and said I had some appt and got the fuck out of their fast. Didn't even finish my drink because I couldn't stand to be near him. He was like so umm yeah can I call you. I'm thinking what the fuck for? So I can help with your back child support payments? Umm no thanks . I almost felt like running around the corner and buying an economy sized box of condoms and throwing them in his face. Gross.

    I don't feel right taking from a man with kids because it makes me feel like I'm taking the food right out of their mouths.

    Now if the guy was married and divorced this is different. Some things just don't work out but I haven't dated a divorced man yet. Most of these guys knocked someone up and decided to take their kids in many ways to just avoid child support. Shit happens but maybe some guys need to double bag and pull out too.

    So that's pretty much my beginnings on daddy day care dating thoughts. It just hasn't really worked out for me. These guys were older than me but they seemed selfish and greedy. Plus I can't stand desire I have to raise someone's else's kids either. I hate when a parent is being a douche and I want to badly to step in. I mean that one guy I had to pull him aside and go the fuck off on him telling him how dare he talk to his daughter's like that. Way to damage your kids early on. That's too much drama and again those aren't my kids so even if the parent is wrong I have no right to really open my mouth and say anything.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Did I forget to mention that the guys with kids didn't want to date women with kids? Way to be choosy huh? So your problems are mine and mine are my own. Got it!

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    I agree with you on all your points. As a childless woman I get so many men with kids who want to date me and when I tell them to stick with moms they say "they have too much drama". well of course they do, but so do they! I had one guy tell me I was "selfish" because I didn't want to date a dad because I expected him to spend on me. Of course I do, part of dating is having men spoil me, doesn't make me a golddigger (I spend on them too). Plus I want my own baby and in every case I know of dads not one wants another kid because they are spending on the kids and the ex. I've had them bring the kids on dates and one guy had to change the date to Chuck E Cheese and another wanted to take me on a date to McDonalds with a budget movie because he couldn't afford anything else. Then there are the stories of men I know who married women who made more and the new wife had to help support his kids and the exwife. Never married dads are the absolute worst, they expect sex right away and don't care if they get someone pregnant because so many leave anyway or force the woman onto welfare. Dads with multiple baby mamas are scum and bottom feeders and I despise them big time. When one of them asks me out I tell them I think they are immoral. In every case I know they ended up with more babies I paid for with tax dollars.

    This topic is the one I will never bend on and why people try to convince me I'll never know. Do you get that too Cherryblossom? On all my profiles I clearly state I don't date dads yet they try.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    This thread is priceless.
    The country has been looted.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Men who want much younger women are often controlling and superficial. Personally if a man wants a much younger women I dare him to try that unless he's really good looking or has money. The men I have seen who want much younger are ugly fat slobs with little money. I wouldn't date them now and certainly wouldn't when I was younger. Maybe I'll start posting photos of these men so everyone can see what I am talking about. If people go to the various dating sites they will see some of the losers.


    I've never heard of a woman thinking it was fine for men to date much younger. In fact most women I know think it's gross to date much younger. I am talking men who actively seek much younger, not that it happened by chance. Big difference. Also, I'm no longer stripping for the most part and I have been rejected for that and understand. You seem to take this personally which leads me to think you are either a man or a woman who likes older men. Fine, but it's still repulsive for older men to actively seek out younger women.

    I don't care if an older man tries to date an younger woman but I will continue to laugh at those who don't understand why they can't succeed.
    Why so hostile? Could they not laugh at you for not succeeding?

    No one is better or worse as a human being because someone wants to have sex with them or not.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenchie View Post
    Why so hostile? Could they not laugh at you for not succeeding?
    She's laughing at their self-delusion.

    As we've discussed in another thread, men who are, well, lower on the looks scale consistently chase after much better-looking women. Women who are way, way out of their league. There are well-documented natural-selection reasons for this behavior, but it doesn't make it any less annoying for women like Kelly who have 1) stated outright to the men that she is not interested in them and, 2) the men continue to annoy her for attention, anyway.

    What drives this is self-delusion -- the belief men have that they are better looking than they actually are.

    Women have the reverse problem, and consistently underestimate how attractive they are. (Women are much harder on each other, of course, and this is likely one of many possible reasons for this).

    The only time this basic calculus is upended is when the equation changes due to things like money (a lot), celebrity (of the right kind) and chemistry (intangible).

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    I have no attraction to men under 35. It's mostly a maturity thing...and a "who has their shit together?" thing. I'm very independent, and I have high expectations both for myself and those I date. I've been with my SO for 4.5 years, and he's 18 years older than I am. I can't imagine being with anyone else!

    I also think my attraction to older men comes from the fact that when I was younger, I was rejected by my peers on an epic scale. I developed a very intense dislike for people my age...

    That said, I do fear being a young widow. If I stay with my SO (you never know what could happen, but I consider him to be the love of my life), then by definition he will die way before I do. It's very scary to me. But it's not like I can fall out of love with him just because of something I know I'll have to face in the far future.

    He also already has two children with his ex-wife, and I think I want a child eventually (this is another obstacle I'll face with him in the future). But again, this didn't stop me from falling in love with him, and it'd be ridiculous to ignore your feelings for someone based on such things. Perfection doesn't exist, and imperfections come in many beautiful forms that you can't necessarily predict. If you think you're flawless just because you don't have external baggage (like children), then you are sadly mistaken.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by All Good Things View Post
    She's laughing at their self-delusion.

    As we've discussed in another thread, men who are, well, lower on the looks scale consistently chase after much better-looking women. Women who are way, way out of their league. There are well-documented natural-selection reasons for this behavior, but it doesn't make it any less annoying for women like Kelly who have 1) stated outright to the men that she is not interested in them and, 2) the men continue to annoy her for attention, anyway.

    What drives this is self-delusion -- the belief men have that they are better looking than they actually are.

    Women have the reverse problem, and consistently underestimate how attractive they are. (Women are much harder on each other, of course, and this is likely one of many possible reasons for this).

    The only time this basic calculus is upended is when the equation changes due to things like money (a lot), celebrity (of the right kind) and chemistry (intangible).
    Agreed. I know for myself personally I sometimes am insecure about my looks and I know deep down there are nothing wrong with them. In fact I know I am attractive but I can be hard on myself. Like you said most of the guys I see who want much younger are way out of my league, meaning they are extremely gross and unattractive. Their league is say in the 4's or 5 if I am generous (or 1-3's)but they try for the 10's and reject anyone else. Then they get mad when the women they want laugh at them. Now I have mentioned this before but I have no trouble attracting men, including much younger in person so it stuns me when these guys my age reject me online dating sites. Oddly the decent looking men around my age on these sites rarely reject me, it's the ugly fat slobs, often with a bunch of kids that I wouldn't date anyway. Every so often a decent guy my age rejects me for my age but rarely in person. That's not to say every guy is attracted to me, no woman has the power for every man to want her, but they reject me for other reasons, usually not looks based at all like they still love their ex. I am casually dating a few guys now (nothing serious just starting to meet them)and most are in the 35-45 range. A guy who is 55 or older would have little in common with me

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