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Thread: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by All Good Things View Post
    She's laughing at their self-delusion.

    As we've discussed in another thread, men who are, well, lower on the looks scale consistently chase after much better-looking women. Women who are way, way out of their league. There are well-documented natural-selection reasons for this behavior, but it doesn't make it any less annoying for women like Kelly who have 1) stated outright to the men that she is not interested in them and, 2) the men continue to annoy her for attention, anyway.

    What drives this is self-delusion -- the belief men have that they are better looking than they actually are.

    Women have the reverse problem, and consistently underestimate how attractive they are. (Women are much harder on each other, of course, and this is likely one of many possible reasons for this).

    The only time this basic calculus is upended is when the equation changes due to things like money (a lot), celebrity (of the right kind) and chemistry (intangible).

    My point was that she has not found what she wants any more than those she ridicules. Looks also work differently by gender. It's all most men want but one of several things women want. As you noted, men can attract women with many things.

    I know many beautiful women who don't really care about looks, especially after one or two bad relationships with "hot" guys.

    Why are we so fixated on "leagues" anyway? LOVE is a feeling, not a resume contest.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Actually I am finding what I want. I just don't mention it here. But no an older man can't usually attract a younger women which is why I laugh. And nope women still want guys they are attracted to as well unless they are looking for a guy with money then yes an older man is preferable in many cases. I don't know any women who will want an ugly guy if they aren't ugly unless he's rich. Sure guys want a pretty girl but if they are fat, ugly and poor they have to take what they can. Since I am neither fat ugly or poor I am more of a choice as well.

    I'm not sure why you keep bringing me up but I am wondering if you are one of my exboyfriends who can't let go of me.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Seriously, never fails. LA men always irritate the hell out of me. Most of them are CHEAP, RUDE AS FUCK, & ARROGANT AND HELL!!

    I met a customer, I want to say he was in his mid to late 40's. He told me I looked good for my age(i'm 30), & that I was a tad old for his preferance but would make an acception for me bc I look younger. I looked at him like he had 3 eyes on his face. SERIOUSLY, A TAD OLD???!! WTF??!! LOL, is he out of his mind??

    And of course I still look fkn good, 30 is not old. Arrogant fuck. LOL. Delusional bastid, go back to LA.

    Eta- this was more of a PL rant, just reminded me of this thread.
    Last edited by Vyanka; 03-23-2012 at 08:28 PM.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka View Post
    I met a customer, I want to say he was in his mid to late 40's. He told me I looked good for my age(i'm 30), & that I was a tad old for his preferance but would make an acception for me bc I look younger. I looked at him like he had 3 eyes on his face. SERIOUSLY, A TAD OLD???!! WTF??!! LOL, is he out of his mind??
    Yet, he still draws breath? I don't understand.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka View Post
    Seriously, never fails. LA men always irritate the hell out of me. Most of them are CHEAP, RUDE AS FUCK, & ARROGANT AND HELL!!

    I met a customer, I want to say he was in his mid to late 40's. He told me I looked good for my age(i'm 30), & that I was a tad old for his preferance but would make an acception for me bc I look younger. I looked at him like he had 3 eyes on his face. SERIOUSLY, A TAD OLD???!! WTF??!! LOL, is he out of his mind??

    And of course I still look fkn good, 30 is not old. Arrogant fuck. LOL. Delusional bastid, go back to LA.

    Eta- this was more of a PL rant, just reminded me of this thread.
    30 is old, I mean aren't you collecting social security by now? Seriously though I hate that. It's funny this was bumped because I was talking about this on a dating site and this 68 year old man was telling me how all these 20somethings wanted to date him and that at my elderly age of 41 I am too old for him. I told the guy he was delusional and got several pms from other telling me he thinks he's all that because he's in shape. 68 is older than my dad why would I want to date a guy that old? Want to see delusional? go to most of the dating sites and the amount of 40something men asking for 18-25 is ridiculous. Sometimes I see up to age 35 or so but really if a guy is say 45 he should be dating older than 35.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Kelly. It's fkn ridiculous. Omg!! Are these ppl for real???

    Anyone who is a delusional age'ist like that, isn't looking to be in a serious relationship.
    Last edited by Vyanka; 03-23-2012 at 11:10 PM.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    <----------------- 40 Years old.

    Edited* (Damn you Vodka)

    It's all good, right?
    Last edited by ArmySGT.; 03-24-2012 at 10:28 AM.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Vyanka View Post
    Kelly. It's fkn ridiculous. Omg!! Are these ppl for real???

    Anyone who is a delusional age'ist like that, isn't looking to be in a serious relationship.
    I know I don't get it either. On this one site I was talking about there are all these attractive 40 and even older women (and some could be strippers and models that's how pretty they are)talk about how all these men bypass them because of age. Then the men post and say because their life experience is different (many don't have kids but most of the women do)they "deserve" younger women. Many use the excuse that they want kids so they need to date younger. Sorry, but if a man is mid 50's or older and if he bypasses women his age because of this he's a moron. Not to mention then he's too old to have kids too and if he desired kids that much he should have looked years ago.

    Online dating really blows because of this issue. I am meeting some men around my age but the amount of much older men who contact me is outrageous. I want a man say within 10 years either way, not a man old enough to be my dad. I've been reading many online stories and this is a problem on many dating sites, yet men are a majority of people on them. Hmm, maybe if they dated their own age they'd find someone.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    I have no attraction to men under 35. It's mostly a maturity thing...and a "who has their shit together?" thing. I'm very independent, and I have high expectations both for myself and those I date. I've been with my SO for 4.5 years, and he's 18 years older than I am. I can't imagine being with anyone else!

    I also think my attraction to older men comes from the fact that when I was younger, I was rejected by my peers on an epic scale. I developed a very intense dislike for people my age...

    That said, I do fear being a young widow. If I stay with my SO (you never know what could happen, but I consider him to be the love of my life), then by definition he will die way before I do. It's very scary to me. But it's not like I can fall out of love with him just because of something I know I'll have to face in the far future.

    He also already has two children with his ex-wife, and I think I want a child eventually (this is another obstacle I'll face with him in the future). But again, this didn't stop me from falling in love with him, and it'd be ridiculous to ignore your feelings for someone based on such things. Perfection doesn't exist, and imperfections come in many beautiful forms that you can't necessarily predict. If you think you're flawless just because you don't have external baggage (like children), then you are sadly mistaken.
    I must say, Charlie...I agree with you.

    But seriously...you can't live in fear. Would you ever decide to not get a dog simply because the dog will die someday and leave you behind? Would you ever decide to not go on vacation simply to avoid the disappointment of having to return to your normal life? No! The death of a loved one is on a larger scale, but it's the same concept.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    For myself, I am more opposed to dating someone younger than myself by ten years. There (for me atleast) needs to be somethings in common, and pop culture specifically the time you grew up is are important. Commonalities are ties than hold you together.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    ^It definitely helps that I don't identify with my age group at all. And he and I embrace our differences. He's the type B to my type A, and even though we shouldn't work well together (if you were to t-chart our personalitites), it's incredible how perfect we are for each other.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Totally would date an older women. I've never dated anyone 5+ years older than me (I'm 26) but would at least once. Something about women around their 40s in good shape is really hot.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by charlie61 View Post
    ^It definitely helps that I don't identify with my age group at all. And he and I embrace our differences. He's the type B to my type A, and even though we shouldn't work well together (if you were to t-chart our personalitites), it's incredible how perfect we are for each other.
    This makes a lot of sense to me. My girlfriend is 24 and our tastes in culture -- music, film, theatre and art -- overlap identically. She's a concert violinist, ballet dancer and honors English graduate and has a devotion to hip hop and R&B. She grew up in a decade when I'd already published (at a young age) my first books, but our iPod playlists are almost interchangeable.

    We still get some nasty glares now and again from middle-aged women on the East Coast (not the hot ones, the frumpy ones, it seems), but in Cali it's all smiles from everybody, all the time. The difference is almost comical -- every time somebody stares at her in an especially hostile way, I say to her, "time to go to California."

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by All Good Things View Post
    This makes a lot of sense to me. My girlfriend is 24 and our tastes in culture -- music, film, theatre and art -- overlap identically. She's a concert violinist, ballet dancer and honors English graduate and has a devotion to hip hop and R&B. She grew up in a decade where I'd already published (at a young age) my first books, but our iPod playlists are almost interchangeable.
    Sounds similar to my situation!

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    I don't think age is that big a deal if you have things in common.
    Last edited by Liara Fire; 04-24-2012 at 07:55 AM.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by All Good Things View Post
    This makes a lot of sense to me. My girlfriend is 24 and our tastes in culture -- music, film, theatre and art -- overlap identically. She's a concert violinist, ballet dancer and honors English graduate and has a devotion to hip hop and R&B. She grew up in a decade when I'd already published (at a young age) my first books, but our iPod playlists are almost interchangeable.

    We still get some nasty glares now and again from middle-aged women on the East Coast (not the hot ones, the frumpy ones, it seems), but in Cali it's all smiles from everybody, all the time. The difference is almost comical -- every time somebody stares at her in an especially hostile way, I say to her, "time to go to California."
    Though from what I've heard about you is that you can date much younger if you choose. Most older guys think they can but can not.

    I noticed you mentioned the frumpy ones and these women are always the ones with problems datingwise. I've had frumpy women even call me names.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    Though from what I've heard about you is that you can date much younger if you choose. Most older guys think they can but can not.

    I noticed you mentioned the frumpy ones and these women are always the ones with problems datingwise. I've had frumpy women even call me names.

    I see a clear mixed message here: men who want trophies are shallow, there's more to you than looks, and you're attractive, so you can afford to be picky among men who are not supposed to care about looks?

    An older man who suddenly comes into money will find his ability to date younger women improve a great deal.

    Why do you seem so preoccupied with who *others* are dating?

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by unbeleavable View Post
    The only point that comes to mind when people start throwing numbers & perspective is? How well do you take care? I've seen people in there 20's that can't run & I've seen people in there 50's that run marathons. Lifestyle & Genetics play a huge part in this discussion if age & limitation is...
    ThIS!! Everthing is relative! Ive been with younger men and older men, both have complimented me on an unbelievable level. 5 years my Junior to 18 years my senior neither mattered. It was all about how we interacted instead of age difference. I would rather live in 10-20 years of bliss than miss it all and I assume my partners feel the same.

    ETA - Wow my biological age was 14!!!! And I am 36!! Thats got to be a mistake!
    Last edited by princessjas; 04-06-2012 at 07:55 PM.
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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenchie View Post
    I see a clear mixed message here: men who want trophies are shallow, there's more to you than looks, and you're attractive, so you can afford to be picky among men who are not supposed to care about looks?

    An older man who suddenly comes into money will find his ability to date younger women improve a great deal.

    Why do you seem so preoccupied with who *others* are dating?
    I know you're trolling since you seem very obsessed with me but let me be clear here: as an attractive woman, I am the pick of the litter even though I am older. I have every right to choose what I want. However, if I was ugly I would not have as many choices. The men on the dating sites who want younger are not the pick of the litter. Quite a few are fat slobs and many have low paying jobs. Sure they can try to get hot women but hot women, let alone hot younger women will not be interested. Rich men no matter what they look like can get pretty much any woman they want. This is why Donald Trump and Hugh Hefner can date who they want. Not sure how this makes no sense to you except that it's obvious by your comments that you are a fat slob older MAN who thinks he can date younger but when you strike out you complain and blame older women for your faults.

    I don't care who men date but am tired of old men approaching me to date when they are old and repulsive. I am tired of men thinking they can date anyone they want when they can't. I have explained this many times so I have come to the conclusion that you are also on the dumb side, which is likely why women aren't interested in you.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kellydancer View Post
    I know you're trolling since you seem very obsessed with me but let me be clear here: as an attractive woman, I am the pick of the litter even though I am older. I have every right to choose what I want. However, if I was ugly I would not have as many choices. The men on the dating sites who want younger are not the pick of the litter. Quite a few are fat slobs and many have low paying jobs. Sure they can try to get hot women but hot women, let alone hot younger women will not be interested. Rich men no matter what they look like can get pretty much any woman they want. This is why Donald Trump and Hugh Hefner can date who they want. Not sure how this makes no sense to you except that it's obvious by your comments that you are a fat slob older MAN who thinks he can date younger but when you strike out you complain and blame older women for your faults.

    I don't care who men date but am tired of old men approaching me to date when they are old and repulsive. I am tired of men thinking they can date anyone they want when they can't. I have explained this many times so I have come to the conclusion that you are also on the dumb side, which is likely why women aren't interested in you.
    I don't have to be male to not appreciate what you are writing, since attitudes like yours affect the men who ask *me* out, or who shy away from doing so because they run into someone like you. Maybe you were a product of the Immaculate Conception, but I have a father, along with two brothers, a few uncles, cousins, etc.

    I may be on the dumb side, but that's better than the *rude* side. Perhaps I'm not as obsessed with you as you claim since I didn't see you explain this before.

    Since I am so dumb, maybe you can explain this logic to me as if I were a gradeschooler:

    1. You claim to want a man who sees beyond your looks, yet claim that it is these looks which makes you stand out among other women. According to your implied logic, your looks wouldn't matter much to the men you claim matter to you. How is it rude to point this out?

    2. How can a man know how you'll react until he approaches you? We tell men all the time to follow their heart, usually not so the next time one does, he gets it sliced to bits. After that he starts tinking women are bitches.

    3. If you judge men on their income or wealth, how does this not make you a golddigger?

    4. Can a man'w income or wealth change? Why is a low-income man inferior unless you want money from him? He never asked you for a cent before he met you.

    5. Can fat men lose weight?

    6. Can women make themselves younger?

    The rich guys I know don't usually line up to date 40+ ex-dancers who've done pornos, but there might be exceptions. If I were like you and attempted to extrapolate from your posts, I'd say your judgmental nature and insulting tone might go a long way towards explaining why "pick of the litter" men haven't yet seen just what a wonderful wife and mother you would be! It's possible you come off as a resume-hunting control freak.

    Just sayin'.....

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by Frenchie View Post
    I don't have to be male to not appreciate what you are writing, since attitudes like yours affect the men who ask *me* out, or who shy away from doing so because they run into someone like you. Maybe you were a product of the Immaculate Conception, but I have a father, along with two brothers, a few uncles, cousins, etc.

    I may be on the dumb side, but that's better than the *rude* side. Perhaps I'm not as obsessed with you as you claim since I didn't see you explain this before.

    Since I am so dumb, maybe you can explain this logic to me as if I were a gradeschooler:

    1. You claim to want a man who sees beyond your looks, yet claim that it is these looks which makes you stand out among other women. According to your implied logic, your looks wouldn't matter much to the men you claim matter to you. How is it rude to point this out?

    2. How can a man know how you'll react until he approaches you? We tell men all the time to follow their heart, usually not so the next time one does, he gets it sliced to bits. After that he starts tinking women are bitches.

    3. If you judge men on their income or wealth, how does this not make you a golddigger?

    4. Can a man'w income or wealth change? Why is a low-income man inferior unless you want money from him? He never asked you for a cent before he met you.

    5. Can fat men lose weight?

    6. Can women make themselves younger?

    The rich guys I know don't usually line up to date 40+ ex-dancers who've done pornos, but there might be exceptions. If I were like you and attempted to extrapolate from your posts, I'd say your judgmental nature and insulting tone might go a long way towards explaining why "pick of the litter" men haven't yet seen just what a wonderful wife and mother you would be! It's possible you come off as a resume-hunting control freak.

    Just sayin'.....
    I still say you're a man. I too have a brother and a father and they are quite respectful of women. My dad has been happily married to my mom (who is one year younger)and my brother is married to his wife who is 6 days younger. They both think older men stalking younger women is disgusting. If these men are so bitter because of being rejected, well, duh they need to stop asking out women they know they have little chance of dating. I couldn't care less who you date or who dates you, I don't want these old men asking me out. It has nothing to do with money, I am not interested in men old enough to be my father.

    You seem to know quite a bit about me, which tells me you are likely someone under another name. Why you brought up the fact I did one porno when I was 25 just seems like you are jealous. Many women here have done far more than one amateur but whatever.That just makes you pathetic but hey whatever turns you on. But yes men who try to date much younger women and they are nothing themselves are delusional. I will continue to treat them as the trash they are and the women who date them for money as the whores they are. For some odd reason you seem to think I judge men on money. Not at all, but the fact is only older men with either money or looks will get much younger. Keep being delusional that poor fat men will get younger women. I'll keep laughing at these losers. And by the way I couldn't care less about money just stating a fact.

    And btw I get hit on quite often by younger men so yes I have the pick of the litter. But I will continue to trash the fat and ugly men who try to ask me out knowing they were much older than me. And just so we are clear I am done answering your pathetic attempts at trolling. Instead you will go on ignore. It is so obvious you are a bitter man pretending to be a stripper and it's sad.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    No need to be nasty. Why cant we just accept that things are different for different people. Yes there are douchebags around, but yanno if you met those same men and they were your age, they would still be asses. I dont envy their young wives one iota. I pity them. They are going to live a life of misery, not me.

    I DO think it is unfair to group all age difference couples together. Ive had incredible connections with older men.....and a few younger ones. lol BUT I dont start out with a chip on my shoulder, which men seem to have a second sense for.

    I like you Kelly, but I really think if you got over your resentment your dating life would be an entirely different field. I am close to your age and get asked out by 18-25 year olds so much it is annoying, and these are mostly just the serious relationship men, not the all too obvious, just after a piece of ass ones. Maybe online dating is not the way to go and hanging around local spots like bookstores and coffee shops is (just suggesting it because that is where I get asked out the most).

    BTW - My last 2 hotties were both younger than me, and while things didnt work out, that was mostly MY fault not theirs. They are both great catches and amazing men.
    "I hear you calling and it's needles and pins. I wanna hurt you just to hear you screaming my name...You're poision. but I don't wanna break these chains.... I wanna love you but I'd better not touch."

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Let me see if I can reason this through. It all has to do with wanting a guarantee of procreation. I'll try and explain (and I might be treading in very flame-inducing waters here). Males, for the most part, remain fertile after puberty for pretty much all their lives. That means an 80 year old man can still impregnate a female. However females, OTOH, are entirely different. They are born with a set amount of eggs and do not produce any more no matter how old they get. The eggs start to die off around mid-thirties to forties, until (I think) menopause. There are exceptional cases of women in their fifties (and even 1 at age 60 if I recall) who are able to conceive, but that is the exception.
    So, following this logic, males have an instinctive urge to desire young females full of fresh eggs. I hate to put it this way (I really do) but it's the only thing I can think of that would even remotely justify such behavior. For the record, I don't have a problem with age difference. Age, by and large, is just a number. What matters is attitude and personal moral compass. If two people, whether opposite sex or same sex, hit it off like Romeo and Juliet, who are we to judge them if they happen to be 25 years apart in age?

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by princessjas View Post
    No need to be nasty. Why cant we just accept that things are different for different people. Yes there are douchebags around, but yanno if you met those same men and they were your age, they would still be asses. I dont envy their young wives one iota. I pity them. They are going to live a life of misery, not me.

    I DO think it is unfair to group all age difference couples together. Ive had incredible connections with older men.....and a few younger ones. lol BUT I dont start out with a chip on my shoulder, which men seem to have a second sense for.

    I like you Kelly, but I really think if you got over your resentment your dating life would be an entirely different field. I am close to your age and get asked out by 18-25 year olds so much it is annoying, and these are mostly just the serious relationship men, not the all too obvious, just after a piece of ass ones. Maybe online dating is not the way to go and hanging around local spots like bookstores and coffee shops is (just suggesting it because that is where I get asked out the most).

    BTW - My last 2 hotties were both younger than me, and while things didnt work out, that was mostly MY fault not theirs. They are both great catches and amazing men.
    My issue is with that person who is very condenscending. She is going around to other posters saying some pretty nasty things which is why I am nasty in response.

    I have no issue with older men dating younger women, my issue are the much older repulsive men going after me. Also, I think it says a lot when a man seeks out much younger women as compared to just happening to meet younger women. I have a lot better luck with men outside dating sites and have been asked out by younger men in person. My main problem with younger men is so many of them are still looking to fool around at their age, which I understand. I know though I should be happy when guys reject me for being too old because this means better guys are out there (and I am meeting many decent men from the sites). I've had my best relationships actually from outside sources like through friends, meeting at stores, etc and that's where I concentrate on meeting men.

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    Default Re: Does age difference matter to you in a relationship?

    Quote Originally Posted by socialreject View Post
    Let me see if I can reason this through. It all has to do with wanting a guarantee of procreation. I'll try and explain (and I might be treading in very flame-inducing waters here). Males, for the most part, remain fertile after puberty for pretty much all their lives. That means an 80 year old man can still impregnate a female. However females, OTOH, are entirely different. They are born with a set amount of eggs and do not produce any more no matter how old they get. The eggs start to die off around mid-thirties to forties, until (I think) menopause. There are exceptional cases of women in their fifties (and even 1 at age 60 if I recall) who are able to conceive, but that is the exception.
    So, following this logic, males have an instinctive urge to desire young females full of fresh eggs. I hate to put it this way (I really do) but it's the only thing I can think of that would even remotely justify such behavior. For the record, I don't have a problem with age difference. Age, by and large, is just a number. What matters is attitude and personal moral compass. If two people, whether opposite sex or same sex, hit it off like Romeo and Juliet, who are we to judge them if they happen to be 25 years apart in age?
    True by nature men can reproduce the rest of their age, but after 40 or so the sperm, just like the eggs becomes higher risk. I have read studies where a woman having a baby with an older man has a higher risk of autism just going by the age of the sperm alone. Also, sperm production does slow down once a guy ages and later can even be almost sterile. Yet many men think they can still have babies and wait until their 50's or older. Sure, men like younger women, but we all have preferences, doesn't mean we will get them. An older man who is attractive and successful has a better chance of this than a man who has nothing to offer, yet for some unexplained reason the men with nothing to offer thinks they too can get younger women like the other man and that just isn't true. Yet if you go to all these dating sites you will see these men requesting younger women. They aren't likely to get them and then they complain they are single years from now.

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