Can I be devils advocate for a moment? Its possible that she really didnt mean it in the way you took it...along with communicating through text and how things can come out the wrong way, it just may be her personality to not know the "correct" or "acceptable" thing to say.
I say that because, I tend to be that way. My best friend of 23 years still has to remind herself and think twice before she reacts to things that I say sometimes...*especially* in text or email when she cant hear my tone of voice...she knows that I love her and we are family, and she has to think of it in that way, that Im not a mean or spiteful person, so whatever Im trying to say to her isnt in a mean or spiteful way. Now, if I do say something that hurts her feelings, she just lets me know it and makes me aware of how Im coming off...that helps me reflect and word what Im trying to say in a different way, cause the last thing I want to do is hurt her. But I can tell you, it took *years!!!!* lol
But anyway, yeah...when theres a stressful or highly emotional situation going on, my personal way of handling it is to think positive, good vibes, all of that. Because the second I let go of that, I fall apart into a useless mess, and that never helps anything. And I dont want someone I care about to fall into a mess, so I try to remind them to think positive. So really, when someone Im close to is in a bad situation, I try to help them handle it the only way I know how to handle my own problems...in other words, Im telling them the same thing I tell myself to help me through things. That method of course isnt going to work for everyone, but I honestly and truly do mean well.
And to be honest too...when we first were friends, and she would want to talk about what happened, I would really be clueless...I had no idea what she was so upset about, I wasnt telling her anything I wouldnt want her to tell me. So well, now we have it worked out, she gives me the tough love I need "suck it up, drive on, youll be fine, everthing will be okay if you just keep your chin up!" and I try really hard to be sensitive and just listen.
Anyway, just wanted to offer that insight...I mean, if she is his friend, odds that she is taking his situaiton lightly and being cruel about it are not too big. It just may be how she was personally dealing with it, and in her minds eye, helping you by telling you what helps her. And telling her to apologize for that would probably leave her at a loss like it did me when my friend was mad at me for doing the same thing. Jeez, I hope that all made sense!!
About your question though (finally getting around to that lol) I would have told him too. And it seems he knows her personality, what she said didnt seem to phase him. But its better he knows how you feel, because then seeing how she is his friend, he may talk to her and approach her in a way that lets her know how what she said affected you, might make her aware to be more cautious about how she says things to you. That you are more sensitive than she is, and maybe not know her as well as your hubby does, you may approach her in a way that could put her on the defensive and make everything worse. Anyway....Ive babbled enough lol

Bookmarks