I'm only getting married for citizenship reasons. I love my partner; he's my best friend and every year I'm with him I fall deeper in love with him, but I'd never want to get married formally if not for the fact that we can't live together in our chosen nation unless I marry him (and gain citizenship that way).
I've seen very few marriages that were actually happy, but more than anything I fear that we'll fall into that rut where we feel like we've 'got' the other, and thus stop trying to be our best selves for and with each other. He on the other hand actually wants to get married for the sake of doing so, so I am glad that I can do something that will make him happy, on my terms- which will involve a civil ceremony, no white dress, rings or cake. He also fully knows that I'll slit his throat if he ever treats me like a 'wife'I kid, but my concerns have been something we've discussed alot.
To be honest, we still live in a time where marriage and children are social norms, and those norms act as a form of, if not 'pressure', then expectation. I still get told I'll 'grow out of' wanting to be unmarried and childless, like I'm rebelling against something rather than making choices that best serve my needs, but whatever. The people I see getting married around me either are 'taking the next step' (assumption that every loving relationship should end in marriage), or are trying to repair a strained relationship by forging a legal bond that they hope will plaster over the problems between them (recipe for disaster IMO).
I do think my views on marriage are shaped by the fact that the happiest women I know aren't married, or were and got divorced, but I tend to question why I feel the way I do about things in every aspect of my life, and that includes life's 'rites of passage' as North American popular culture defines them. In not wanting to get married, I'm still going against a norm, which reveals to me that this norm still exists. It's assumed that we reach a certain age, fall in love, and then 'take the next step'. Fuck that. The love I feel for my partner, and the love I feel from him can't be expressed by a piece of paper. As such it has no inherent value to me.
I don't think anyone needs marriage, and most of the tangible and intangible things we seek (love, comfort, stability, and for some, money) may coincide with marriage at times, but can never be achieved by virtue of the institution itself. One really important piece of wisdom I've read in a few of the posts in this thread, though, involves marriage being a personal symbol of something that already exists between two people. That I actually completely understand, even if I don't share the sentiment.


I kid, but my concerns have been something we've discussed alot.
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